New Jersey: Alimony? Based on what?

[MiseryInNJ]

What is the name of your state?
New Jersey

My situation is as follows:

We're getting divorced. She's taking custody of the child and moving to her parents' place in Puerto Rico.

We've sort of hashed out visitation and all, and I obviously will pay child support.

My question: What's she entitled to in terms of alimony? What's reasonable? She's basically going to be living in a similar situation as she is here (same size house, etc, but with her parents there helping with the baby). She decided to leave her job for child rearing while we were married, and I went along with it. She says she won't be working until the baby is 3 years old. He just turned 1.

But, she's obviously not paying rent, not worrying about daycare, etc.

Does any of that even factor into this? What's reasonable for her to ask for, if anything?

I've done some searching through the threads on this board, and what few bits of info I've gleaned are from other states.

Thanks in advance for any guidance.

 

[nextwife]

So she's out of the workforce only one year? How long was the marriage? If this is a short term marriage, you should not have to pay any alimony. It is her choice to stay home until the child is three, but that doesn't mean you have to fund it. You are only responsible for your SHARE of the cost of supporting your child, not supporting HER. What were your resective incomes whe she was working?

Why are you not objecting to her removing the child so far away? Are you having her share the transportation costs for long distance visitation?

 

[Ohiogal]

If you are allowing her to move to PR you should require that she PAY ALL of the visitation expenses for the child including the cost of transporting the child to your home so you can visit. She is after all going to be getting child support but you should not also have to pay for the travel expenses since she is the one moving. And alimony is NOT something she would be entitled to for a short term marriage. If she chooses to stay home then she CHOOSES to stay home. But she could work. I know women who have returned to work 2 weeks after giving birth let alone a year later. If she WANTS to stay home then why should you be forced to pay for that choice?

 

[Bali Hai]

What is the name of your state?
New Jersey

My situation is as follows:

We're getting divorced. She's taking custody of the child and moving to her parents' place in Puerto Rico.

We've sort of hashed out visitation and all, and I obviously will pay child support.

My question: What's she entitled to in terms of alimony? What's reasonable? She's basically going to be living in a similar situation as she is here (same size house, etc, but with her parents there helping with the baby). She decided to leave her job for child rearing while we were married, and I went along with it. She says she won't be working until the baby is 3 years old. He just turned 1.

But, she's obviously not paying rent, not worrying about daycare, etc.

Does any of that even factor into this? What's reasonable for her to ask for, if anything?

I've done some searching through the threads on this board, and what few bits of info I've gleaned are from other states.

Thanks in advance for any guidance.

Do not ever do that again!! If the wife says she wants to stay home to rear the child, insist that she return to work and if she doesn't, DIVORCE her!

 

[MiseryInNJ]

We've been married, at least on paper, for 4-1/2 years (December 2002). Things have been falling apart more or less since Fall 2006, and we began a sort of informal "trial separation" February 2007. Before coming back in May (was supposed to be sooner!) she started the appointments with the mediation company.

Since she works in a school . . she gave birth and stopped working June 2006. However, she was still employed "on paper", but was on maternity leave.

She then decided to leave the job, but had to finish out something like the last 4 or 5 weeks. So her last actual day of work was in late December 2006.

An attorney I consulted with did say that, at worst, my alimony obligation would be for maybe about 3 years.

We got married, as mentioned, in December 2002. She worked nearly the entire time. I worked *most* of the time, but was unemployed we got married.

Her income was in the $42k-$45k per year range. However, she was on unemployment from June 2003 to December 2003.

My income was:
$0 from Dec 2002 to approx August 2003
$8/hr from August to November 2003, part time
$9-10/hr from November 2003 to Sept 2004.
$48k/yr from Sept 2004 to April 2005.
Unemployment from April 2005 to Sept 2005.
$45/hr from Sept 2005 to Jan 2006.
$80k/yr from Jan 2006 to June 2006
Unemployment from June 2006 to August 2006.
$85k/yr from August 2006 to present.

I feel like a financial yo-yo. Suffice it to say the IT field has been, ah, "interesting".

I also don't know if New Jersey has any peculiarities about this. According to the mediator/laywer, New Jersey doesn't have a concept of "legal separation" on the books... that was sort of stunning to me.

Anyway, so you think that denying/arguing against paying any sort of alimony is reasonable? Legal?

Let me know if there's any other potentially important details I might've missed.

As a by the way, I'm accepting the idea of her taking the baby to live with her in PR, as a concept in theory, because, while I'd love to be able to see him anytime I want, I more or less do agree with the idea of NOT having him in daycare with no family members present until he's old enough to talk, or mention anything very problematic. That's the same reason I was willing to accept her leaving the workplace temporarily as well.

I'm trying basically to figure on what's best and safest for him to override my desire to have him here. Yeah, it's a tough thing to piece-out/figure-out.

I'm also miffed at her suggestion that she stay in NJ in the house with the baby whilst I go get an apartment - and of course, I pay for EVERYTHING. I figure that since I've effectively contributed about 75% of the down payment on the house (which is about 75% of the current equity as well), expecting me to move out's kind of absurd . . particularly as 90% of the furniture was from my parents (not as a wedding gift, but given to me long before I got married).

Eh, but I'm digressing a lot now . . I just am trying to figure out how reasonable/unreasonable it is to minimize alimony, or avoid it completely. I have no problems covering the bulk of child support while she isn't working - I'd also ask whether she's responsible for at least some of the child's support costs, and expected to pay it out of the money she gets from her share of the distribution of assets, but I would guess child support would be another thread.

 

[MiseryInNJ]

Ah, I should also add that one of the issues is that our son doesn't really sleep regularly. He'll do maybe 2 to 3 hours at a shot. That's one of the reasons she says now that she can't work, in addition to the job market in her field being notably worse in PR than in NJ.

Right now it looks like we're seeing around $1200/mo for child support (I'm paying 100%) and $290/mo alimony for 2 years, although thus far it's also that she pays her plane ticket, and I pay the baby's ticket.

On the other hand, she came up with a budget that more or less shows that her renting a 2-bedroom apartment, getting a job, and paying for childcare is unaffordable for her.

 

[Ohiogal]

Ah, I should also add that one of the issues is that our son doesn't really sleep regularly. He'll do maybe 2 to 3 hours at a shot. That's one of the reasons she says now that she can't work, in addition to the job market in her field being notably worse in PR than in NJ.

Right now it looks like we're seeing around $1200/mo for child support (I'm paying 100%) and $290/mo alimony for 2 years, although thus far it's also that she pays her plane ticket, and I pay the baby's ticket.

On the other hand, she came up with a budget that more or less shows that her renting a 2-bedroom apartment, getting a job, and paying for childcare is unaffordable for her.

Your numbers seem reasonable for child support and alimony based on your current salary. Are you considering what happens if she gets married or cohabitates with a boyfriend in that time period?

 

[tuffbrk]

A few things - PR recently instituted an across the board 7% tax. As a result, many smaller businesses are closing up shop and the job market is not promising, housing is cheaper, however food and basic necessities are far more expensive than here in the states. Medical facilities are overburdened - to make an emergency room visit you are actually assigned a number and they call you to tell you when you can come. Has she weighed those issues? Does she plan on obtaining a job? Will she be providing transportation back and forth for your visitation? Have you devised a parenting plan that includes phone calls so your son will know your voice?

Personally, with a 4 1/2 yr marriage, alimony is ridiculous especially when you consider how open minded you are being in agreeing to your child being out of the country not knowing how that will affect your relationship with your son. Is she receiving 1/2 the equity in the home on top of it?

If she remained in NY, most likely the judge would order her to get back in the job market. The figures you are quoting appear to be quite reasonable - I presume that you checked the CS calculator?

 

[Bali Hai]

A few things - PR recently instituted an across the board 7% tax. As a result, many smaller businesses are closing up shop and the job market is not promising, housing is cheaper, however food and basic necessities are far more expensive than here in the states. Medical facilities are overburdened - to make an emergency room visit you are actually assigned a number and they call you to tell you when you can come. Has she weighed those issues? Does she plan on obtaining a job? Will she be providing transportation back and forth for your visitation? Have you devised a parenting plan that includes phone calls so your son will know your voice?

Personally, with a 4 1/2 yr marriage, alimony is ridiculous especially when you consider how open minded you are being in agreeing to your child being out of the country not knowing how that will affect your relationship with your son. Is she receiving 1/2 the equity in the home on top of it?

If she remained in NY, most likely the judge would order her to get back in the job market. The figures you are quoting appear to be quite reasonable - I presume that you checked the CS calculator?

You've got to be kidding. Right??

 

[tuffbrk]

No - although I typed NY instead of NJ - 2 friends of mine in Middlesex County were told by the judge to find a job. One worked part-time for years - she was told to go to work full time and was awarded 2 yrs limited duration alimony. The other was at home with her child and she was told that her "free ride" was over to find a job. She was awarded 5 yrs alimony. A guy friend that was divorced 3 yrs ago is currently counting down the last 24 months of his alimony payments...his Ex never worked after their first child (they have 2) and she now manages a chain restaurant...

Bali - maybe you shoulda come across the bridge to Jersy!! Women aren't treated as fragile, lost dependents. It's why I'm so scared I'm going to get scr##wed since my STBX has medical issues and no chance of obtaining SSD.

Judges like the men here!!

 

[tuffbrk]

Oops! Forgot to mention - my girlfriends were in long term marriages - one for 18 yrs, the other 15 yrs. Although they did get alimony for a timeframe - it was limited and it was a small stipend....

 

[Bali Hai]

No - although I typed NY instead of NJ - 2 friends of mine in Middlesex County were told by the judge to find a job. One worked part-time for years - she was told to go to work full time and was awarded 2 yrs limited duration alimony. The other was at home with her child and she was told that her "free ride" was over to find a job. She was awarded 5 yrs alimony. A guy friend that was divorced 3 yrs ago is currently counting down the last 24 months of his alimony payments...his Ex never worked after their first child (they have 2) and she now manages a chain restaurant...

Bali - maybe you shoulda come across the bridge to Jersy!!

Well I like south Jersey from the AC expressway south. Are you anywhere near Whitehorse Pike? Lots of history in that area.

Women aren't treated as fragile, lost dependents. It's why I'm so scared I'm going to get scr##wed since my STBX has medical issues and no chance of obtaining SSD.

Judges like the men here!!

Are these female judges??

 

[tuffbrk]

No - 2 were men judges (Middlesex Cnty), the guy friend was Monmouth Cnty and he had a woman judge. I have a woman judge...do you think it makes a difference? I really think it's decided by the lawyers...no offense to OhioGal who RULES but...it sure seems to me that judges are not always as objective as they need to be and their relationships, opinions regarding expertise, etc with the attny's on the case make a huge difference...well, except for those folks getting divorced that BOTH are just trying to do the right thing and what's fair for any children...but thsoe people don't have judges deciding their financial obligations, they do it by being reasonable mature adults.. I didn't marry one of those tho !! LOL!! Oh well...