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divorcee2be

Guest
What is the name of your state? NJ

I can use some help. I live in NJ. I'm going through an extremely tortorous divorce after a 14 year marriage. There is a custody battle going on which was initiated by my soon-to-be ex. We have 2 kids. We have a court appointed custody evaluator. We both still reside in the marital home. I've been a stay-at-home mom for 11 years and their primary caretaker. I'm now being ordered back to work; will probably have to sell him the house; borrowing a car because my lease expired and I was ordered to finance my own vehicle; have been ruled against more times than I care to count by the judge; and am constantly being taken back to court because of motions filed by his attorney for ridiculous things. He won't try to settle or even talk about anything. EVERYTHING goes through our attorneys because him. He has a rich family who is financing and fueling his battle. I became involved with someone else 3 months after telling him I wanted the divorce. I recently found out from the custody evaluator that my husband hired a private investigator to follow me and my friend; took pictures of me and him; put a GPS tracking device on my truck that I used to lease; had our house watched when he took our kids to his parents shore home last summer and to Disney World; recorded every conversation and fight we ever had; snooped through my things in the house and my personal papers and took them; broke into my email and retrieved copies of all of my email stored on Yahoo's servers (originally I used a computer that we co-owned; I have since bought 2 laptops that are owned by me and my children EXCLUSIVELY; my account on the computer and my email account is password protected; he does NOT have permission to use them and has been told many times to get off); gained access to a credit card for which he is NOT a co-owner or authorized user to obtain my balance (I have since reported it stolen as advised by the credit card company); and he gained access to confidential email between me and my attorneys when he broke into my email. That is only the TIP of the iceberg! He is clearly out for personal revenge. I've heard over and over how he's already won with the judge and the custody evaluator. He constantly baits me and tries to provoke me to lay a hand on him so he can get a restaining order. He tries to get me to admit to things that aren't true by twisting my words and trying to get me to repeat them while recording them. He admitted to the custody evaluator that the tapes are edited. I'm sure you never hear him yelling or getting mad. As it turns out, the private investigator was my friend's brother-in-law unbeknownst at the time to my husband. My friend knew his brother in law is a private eye and actually caught him spying on me. He confronted his brother in law who claimed to be watching someone else but as it turned out, he was watching me. He hired a 2 man surveillance team to track and investigate me and my friend. He may have installed keylogging software on my 2 laptop computers too. I informed my divorce attorney about everything that he's done. The judge doesn't seem to care. I don't think it's been pursued enough by my attorney. She told me to hire a separate attorney to handle that part if a lawsuit is to be filed stating it's not part of the divorce. Can a marital tort be filed? I think he may have broken both federal and NJ wiretapping laws as well as invaded my privacy; breached attorney-client privilige and committed credit card fraud by obtaining information about my account. Can you please point me in the right direction? What kind of an attorney do I need? I live in a prison now being completely controlled by him. He's out to destroy me financially which he has already pretty much done as well as emotionally. He removed his name from our joint credit cards or those in which he was an authorized user in an attempt to assign all of the debt to me. He then refused to pay my credit card bills for 4 months last summer. He only started paying when he was ordered to by the judge. Also during this hell, my mother suffered horribly and died from breast cancer and my grandmother, who was my mother's mother died 9 months before her. My husband has been cruel, controlling and narcassistic. I can't live this way any longer. He refuses to leave. He said he'll take the house, the kids, the dog, our possessions, the remaining car and all I'l get is the debt. That is in ADDITION to everything he's done already. He MUST be held accountable for his actions. He threatened to drag out the custod eval and take our divorce to trial if I don't give him everything he wants. He won't stop and will always have me back in court when he doesn't get his way until both of my kids are adults. PLEASE tell me what kind of help I need and what can be done to stop him from mentally abusing me. It's deliberate. Please help.What is the name of your state?
 


Ohiogal

Queen Bee
Paragraphs are a BIG help

There is a custody battle going on which was initiated by my soon-to-be ex. We have 2 kids.
He is allowed to initiate it. What? You expect him to just LET you have the kids?

We have a court appointed custody evaluator.
That is smart.

We both still reside in the marital home.
Why?

I've been a stay-at-home mom for 11 years and their primary caretaker.
How old are the children? Why do you think you need to continue to stay at home? Why can't you get a job and work?

I'm now being ordered back to work;
Why do you need to be ordered back to work? Why don't you want to earn your own living and support yourself?

will probably have to sell him the house;
So he buys out your portion of the equity in the divorce settlement. If you can't afford the home then you can't afford it. He does not have an obligation to support you for the rest of your life.

borrowing a car because my lease expired and I was ordered to finance my own vehicle;
Which would be easier if you had a job where you had income of your own.

have been ruled against more times than I care to count by the judge;
Probably because the law states how the judge is to rule. YOu have also been lucky in that you are still allowed to remain in the home.

and am constantly being taken back to court because of motions filed by his attorney for ridiculous things.
Ridiculous things? Like what?

He won't try to settle or even talk about anything.
There is no law that he has to try to settle or talk to you about anything.
EVERYTHING goes through our attorneys because him.
That is why he has an attorney -- so he doesn't have to deal with you.
He has a rich family who is financing and fueling his battle.
Oh well.

I became involved with someone else 3 months after telling him I wanted the divorce.
So you are committing adultery.

I recently found out from the custody evaluator that my husband hired a private investigator to follow me and my friend;
Okay.

took pictures of me and him;
Okay.

put a GPS tracking device on my truck that I used to lease;
technically it probably wasn't your truck so therefore he had a right to do this. After all it was partially his truck as well.

had our house watched when he took our kids to his parents shore home last summer and to Disney World;
Okay.
recorded every conversation and fight we ever had;
Every conversation and fight? New Jersey is a one party state. he is allowed to tape them.

snooped through my things in the house and my personal papers and took them;
Its his house.

broke into my email and retrieved copies of all of my email stored on Yahoo's servers (originally I used a computer that we co-owned; I have since bought 2 laptops that are owned by me and my children EXCLUSIVELY; my account on the computer and my email account is password protected; he does NOT have permission to use them and has been told many times to get off);
Change your password. HOWEVER you have since bought 2 laptops with marital income and therefore they are MARITAL PROPERTY.
gained access to a credit card for which he is NOT a co-owner or authorized user to obtain my balance (I have since reported it stolen as advised by the credit card company);
Marital debt.

and he gained access to confidential email between me and my attorneys when he broke into my email. That is only the TIP of the iceberg! He is clearly out for personal revenge.
Okay so he is angry. You are cheating on him, committing adultery. And not working but running up debt.

I've heard over and over how he's already won with the judge and the custody evaluator. He constantly baits me and tries to provoke me to lay a hand on him so he can get a restaining order.
So move.

He tries to get me to admit to things that aren't true by twisting my words and trying to get me to repeat them while recording them.
So remember he is recording and act as though EVERY CONVERSATION IS BEING TAPED!

He admitted to the custody evaluator that the tapes are edited.

Okay. So she can testify to that and you can use that as a reason to get them discounted.

I'm sure you never hear him yelling or getting mad.
So. You should never yell or get mad either around him.

As it turns out, the private investigator was my friend's brother-in-law unbeknownst at the time to my husband.
And? Your friend -- you mean your lover? Your "someone else"? Your "fling"?
My friend knew his brother in law is a private eye and actually caught him spying on me. He confronted his brother in law who claimed to be watching someone else but as it turned out, he was watching me. He hired a 2 man surveillance team to track and investigate me and my friend.
That is legal.

He may have installed keylogging software on my 2 laptop computers too.
Marital property. Not yours until a court states they are. He is allowed to do that.

I informed my divorce attorney about everything that he's done. The judge doesn't seem to care. I don't think it's been pursued enough by my attorney.
The laptops are in HIS home bought with income during the marriage and therefore they are marital property. MOVE if you don't like it.

She told me to hire a separate attorney to handle that part if a lawsuit is to be filed stating it's not part of the divorce. Can a marital tort be filed?
For what?

I think he may have broken both federal and NJ wiretapping laws as well as invaded my privacy; breached attorney-client privilige and committed credit card fraud by obtaining information about my account.
Nope. He did nothing wrong. NJ is a one party state.

Can you please point me in the right direction? What kind of an attorney do I need?
What he is dong is not nice but it is NOT illegal. He didn't breach attorney client privilege because the only ones who can do that are YOU and the attorney.

I live in a prison now being completely controlled by him. He's out to destroy me financially which he has already pretty much done as well as emotionally.
Then why don't you move out? No one is forcing you to stay in the home. You can leave.

He removed his name from our joint credit cards or those in which he was an authorized user in an attempt to assign all of the debt to me. He then refused to pay my credit card bills for 4 months last summer.
Hmmm.. YOUR credit card bills and yet you expect him to pay your debt while you are cheating on him and NOT working. No wonder you were ordered to get a job.
He only started paying when he was ordered to by the judge.
But he is paying. Are you working?
Also during this hell, my mother suffered horribly and died from breast cancer and my grandmother, who was my mother's mother died 9 months before her.
Irrelevant.
My husband has been cruel, controlling and narcassistic.
Hmmm... and you have been lazy, adulterous and apparently not an agnel.

I can't live this way any longer. He refuses to leave.
Then you leave.

He said he'll take the house, the kids, the dog, our possessions, the remaining car and all I'l get is the debt. That is in ADDITION to everything he's done already.
the court will split things.

He MUST be held accountable for his actions. He threatened to drag out the custod eval and take our divorce to trial if I don't give him everything he wants.
He has every right to take the divorce to trial.
He won't stop and will always have me back in court when he doesn't get his way until both of my kids are adults. PLEASE tell me what kind of help I need and what can be done to stop him from mentally abusing me.
He is NOT mentally abusing you. No such crime.

What you need to do is get a job, get your own bank account, start earning a living. Quit hanging out with your boyfriend as that is going to hurt your chances of custody. And don't take your kids around him. Quite frankly you need to start accepting responsibility and accountability for YOUR actions or lack thereof. NO WHERE have you said that you have made mistakes or done things wrong that you have corrected. Instead you have posted as though the whole world is just against you -- playing the victim. That is on you.
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
If you don't have an attorney, you need to get one. While I don't disagree with the advice from Ohiogal, I do think that your husband is a bit "over the top" and its in your best interest to be properly represented.

I also disagree with Ohiogal about the laptop. People can have personal property even within a marriage, and I think a laptop qualifies as personal property. Take it to a computer store and get them to remove all of the stuff he put on it, and then keep the laptop with you at all times.
 

Ozark_Sophist

Senior Member
Your husband has committed several felonies in regard to intercepting and accessing your email accounts. If he uses the emails or anything he learned from reading the emails, file a criminal complaint. It doesn't matter who owned the computer. Emails are stored on servers (not belonging to either party).
 

Ohiogal

Queen Bee
Your husband has committed several felonies in regard to intercepting and accessing your email accounts. If he uses the emails or anything he learned from reading the emails, file a criminal complaint. It doesn't matter who owned the computer. Emails are stored on servers (not belonging to either party).
Actually not quite true. Because employers and others who own computers cannot be prosecuted for reading emails that are processed on their computers. Look at the number of employers who have fired employees because of personal emails that have been read and sent via those computers. This may very well be seen as the same thing. She can make a complaint but if she at one time gave him the passwords then he did nothing wrong.
 

Ohiogal

Queen Bee
If you don't have an attorney, you need to get one. While I don't disagree with the advice from Ohiogal, I do think that your husband is a bit "over the top" and its in your best interest to be properly represented.

I also disagree with Ohiogal about the laptop. People can have personal property even within a marriage, and I think a laptop qualifies as personal property. Take it to a computer store and get them to remove all of the stuff he put on it, and then keep the laptop with you at all times.
The laptop if bought with marital funds is MARITAL PROPERTY. If bought with separate funds then it could be separate property. But since she is not working then it most likely was bought with marital income -- hence marital property.
 

nextwife

Senior Member
The laptop if bought with marital funds is MARITAL PROPERTY. If bought with separate funds then it could be separate property. But since she is not working then it most likely was bought with marital income -- hence marital property.
Ohiogal, she COULD have acquired her laptop using the company stock/personal savings she acquired those years before she started staying home with kids. Then it would be seperate personal property.
 
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divorcee2be

Guest
Ohiogal well aren't you a nice person...NOT! Maybe YOU should live in a war zone then. You're one of those working women who hates stay at home moms, aren't you! First of all, it's MY house too! I will not leave my children! He's a control freak who thinks everything is his because he's worked all of these years. We AGREED that I would stay home to raise my kids. I gave up a luctrative career to do so. The laptops were NOT bought with HIS money. They were bought with MY money after the divorce was filed. They are not marital property. They are my personal property. My friend was NOT the reason for our divorce. I met him long after I told my husband that I wanted a divorce. He was warned that I would move on with my life even if he refused to leave the house. I committed no adultery. As for my email, it's on a yahoo server. He gained access to it long after I stopped using the jointly owned computer and ONLY used the laptops. My yahoo account and my adminiistrator account on my laptops are PASSWORD PROTECTED! He somehow got the password and broke into the account on my PERSONAL computers. NO email was ever stored on the laptops since it stays on Yahoo's servers, so don't even try to give me the crap that stored email on a hard drive is fair game. Attorney client privilege can be breached by someone other than the attorney or client. I assume you're an attorney. You wouldn't try to prosecute someone for gaining access to your email between you and a client? As for my credit card, it was a card in MY NAME ONLY with NO marital debt on it! He is not an authorized user or joint owner of the account. The debt that is on it is solely MINE. I never held him responsible for making payments on that account in any way. as for him destroying my credit, how would you feel is someone DELIBERATELY destroyed your credit? He took his names off of all of my accounts then stopped paying the bills in an attempt to destroy my credit and assign all of the debt to me. According to the credit card company, gaining access to my account in any way even just by obtaining something as simple as a balance when you're not authorized to do so is FRAUD! Don't you dare sit on your pulpit and judge me. As for my mother dying, I hope someone tries to take complete advantage of you when you're mourning the loss of the most significant person in your life. He has no right to treat me this way. I have taken responsibility for my mistakes, but it still gives him NO RIGHT to destroy me both financially and emotionally. If you agree with what he's doing, then you're perfect for him. just because we jointly agreed that I would stay home to raise OUR kids give him no right to try to take everything from me. He could care less if I lived on the street alone. I refuse to stoop to his level and invade his privacy like he's invaded mine. He's teaching such a nice lesson to our kids too...destroy the other parent at any cost. To blame me for his actions is like a rapist saying his victim asked for it because of the way she was dressed. I AM the victim of a control freak who walks the line of breaking the law. He's no angel...he just hasn't gotten caught yet. Maybe if I had rich parents I'd be able to have him followed and investigated too, but I'm not that type of person. I'm actually nice and still respect him as our children's father even though he doesn't deserve it.
 
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>Charlotte<

Lurker
Here's some really good advice for you. Seriously.

If you can't handle being talked to by people who aren't interested in patting you on the shoulder and telling you everything's going to be okay, and if you can't handle being told something you don't like or that hurts your feelings without the top of your head blowing off, you are going to get seriously screwed.

By your account you're going through a nasty divorce involving children, money, possible infidelity, and a vicious husband, and you can't respond to criticism like a mature adult? Your husband's attorney is going to have you for breakfast.
 
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divorcee2be

Guest
I'm not looking for sympathy from anyone especially from people who could care less and have no interest in my life. I wanted to find out if he was breaking any laws. I don't need to be spoken to like I'm the one who's wrong and the reason he's justified in what he's doing. As for your so-called infidelity, there is nothing in NJ that says you can't move on with your life and be involved with someone. You try staying in a marriage where your spouse doesn't have sex with you for 4 years and see if you wouldn't make the same decision. I didn't cheat on him in all of those years. I decided to divorce him, but there is no law that says I can't be involved with someone else before the divorce is final. People have true affairs all of the time and don't go through this kind of war. If you want to call it like you see it, then fine, but I will too. I shouldn't be put on trial simply because I post my circumstance and ask questions. You're all just a bunch of uptight lawyers who have no ethics or morals. Guess that's why you're divorce lawyers.
 

Fl_renter

Member
You're all just a bunch of uptight lawyers who have no ethics or morals. Guess that's why you're divorce lawyers.
Doh! Most of the people that post here aren't lawyers. You have gotten great advice though, you should listen to it.

You try staying in a marriage where your spouse doesn't have sex with you for 4 years and see if you wouldn't make the same decision. I didn't cheat on him in all of those years. I decided to divorce him, but there is no law that says I can't be involved with someone else before the divorce is final.
FYI, when you are married, having sex with someone else is adultry. This is true even if you've decided to get a divorce.
 

Ohiogal

Queen Bee
Maybe YOU should live in a war zone then.
You have options and choices.

You're one of those working women who hates stay at home moms, aren't you!
Nope. I don't hate stay at home moms. But you apparently can't afford to be a stay at home mom.

First of all, it's MY house too!
No one said it wasn't. But you are griping about a dozen different things.

I will not leave my children!
They are his children as well.

He's a control freak who thinks everything is his because he's worked all of these years. We AGREED that I would stay home to raise my kids. I gave up a luctrative career to do so.
And have you followed the court order to get a job? If you had a lucrative career then you should be able to get a job doing something now.
The laptops were NOT bought with HIS money. They were bought with MY money after the divorce was filed. They are not marital property. They are my personal property.
What money? Was it money earned during the marriage? I don't care if you bought them after the divorce was filed. YOu are still married and for all intents and purposes anything bought during a marriage with income earned during the marriage is marital property. That is a fact. It is up to a judge to determine separate property if it is disputed. So don't be too sure of yourself.

My friend was NOT the reason for our divorce. I met him long after I told my husband that I wanted a divorce. He was warned that I would move on with my life even if he refused to leave the house. I committed no adultery.
Never said he was the reaosn for the divorce. HOWEVER you moving on before the divorce is final is not a good thing and can very well be viewed as adultery. You knocking boots? Having sex? Because if you are then you are committing adultery.


As for my email, it's on a yahoo server. He gained access to it long after I stopped using the jointly owned computer and ONLY used the laptops. My yahoo account and my adminiistrator account on my laptops are PASSWORD PROTECTED! He somehow got the password and broke into the account on my PERSONAL computers.

Again, where did the money come from to buy the computers?

NO email was ever stored on the laptops since it stays on Yahoo's servers, so don't even try to give me the crap that stored email on a hard drive is fair game. Attorney client privilege can be breached by someone other than the attorney or client. I assume you're an attorney.
Attorney client privilege can be breached only by the attorney or client. NOT by someone else.
You wouldn't try to prosecute someone for gaining access to your email between you and a client?
And a third party gaining access to a company's computer is a totally different set of facts than your husband accessing your account because you never stated if you had ever allowed him access previously. Nor have you answered how the computers were paid for.


As for my credit card, it was a card in MY NAME ONLY with NO marital debt on it! He is not an authorized user or joint owner of the account. The debt that is on it is solely MINE.
Any debt that accrues during the marriage is considered marital debt. Of course you should take responsibility for it but legally it is considered marital debt.

I never held him responsible for making payments on that account in any way. as for him destroying my credit, how would you feel is someone DELIBERATELY destroyed your credit? He took his names off of all of my accounts then stopped paying the bills in an attempt to destroy my credit and assign all of the debt to me. According to the credit card company, gaining access to my account in any way even just by obtaining something as simple as a balance when you're not authorized to do so is FRAUD!
You better look again. You were married -- it may be very possible that he is entitled to that information because he is your spouse depending on the individual set of circumstances. And how did he deliberately destroy your client? Oh yeah. He refused to pay the credit card bills. He is allowed to do that. And I thought you said those were your accounts anyway. And not marital debt. But now you are crying? Or did you just have too many accounts?

Don't you dare sit on your pulpit and judge me.
Please look at the definition for pulpit. Would you like me to look it up for you?

As for my mother dying, I hope someone tries to take complete advantage of you when you're mourning the loss of the most significant person in your life.
And it is still irrelevant to the divorce proceedings.

I have taken responsibility for my mistakes, but it still gives him NO RIGHT to destroy me both financially and emotionally.
No you don't look like you have. And it is called divorce. It happens all the time in a divorce.

If you agree with what he's doing, then you're perfect for him. just because we jointly agreed that I would stay home to raise OUR kids give him no right to try to take everything from me.
YOU CHOSE not to work. YOU CHOSE to stay at home. NOw what is your excuse? Why aren't you working now?

He could care less if I lived on the street alone.
Why should he? He is supposed to care how you survive when you are cheating on him?

I refuse to stoop to his level and invade his privacy like he's invaded mine. He's teaching such a nice lesson to our kids too...destroy the other parent at any cost. To blame me for his actions is like a rapist saying his victim asked for it because of the way she was dressed. I AM the victim of a control freak who walks the line of breaking the law.
God you are playing a pity party. YOU ARE NOT A VICTIM. And comparing yourself to a rape victim is beyond low and crass. You are an adulterous, spoiled petulant woman. But not a victim. You wish you were a victim.

He's no angel...he just hasn't gotten caught yet. Maybe if I had rich parents I'd be able to have him followed and investigated too, but I'm not that type of person. I'm actually nice and still respect him as our children's father even though he doesn't deserve it.
I feel SO SORRY FOR YOU. You wonder why the judge has ruled against you? I answered that. But from your attitude I can more than understand it. Apparently it came through loud and clear. Have a very good day. :D
 
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nextwife

Senior Member
I met him long after I told my husband that I wanted a divorce. He was warned that I would move on with my life even if he refused to leave the house.
He has every right to refuse to leave. YOU are the one who wanted out - the house is half his, he's not obligated to leave his house and his kids because you want to leave the relationship!

You are free to leave- that does NOT require him to simply hand you what you want and keep supporting you.
 

Ohiogal

Queen Bee
I'm not looking for sympathy from anyone especially from people who could care less and have no interest in my life
You sure as hell seem to be looking for sympathy.

I wanted to find out if he was breaking any laws.
He may not have been. NJ is a one party state. He can record any conversation between him and another person without that other person knowing.

I don't need to be spoken to like I'm the one who's wrong and the reason he's justified in what he's doing. As for your so-called infidelity, there is nothing in NJ that says you can't move on with your life and be involved with someone.
It is not so-called. It is legal fact. If you have sex with someone before your divorce is FINAL then you are committing adultery. So technically there is something wrong with it. And in NJ it is enough that you will NOT get alimony:
The alimony statute provides “in all actions for divorce other than those where judgment is granted solely on the ground of separation the court may consider also the proofs made in establishing such ground in the determination of the amount of alimony or maintenance that is fit, reasonable and just.” N.J.S.A. 2A:34-23
And as for your whining about the computer emails the following comes in to consideration:
There are several questions you should ask yourself before searching through your spouse's e-mail account. Ask yourself the following:

(1) Do you share a password with your spouse (this would support implied consent);

(2) Does your spouse know that you have accessed his/her account in the past;

(3) Has your spouse consented to your use of his/her email account in the past; and

(4) Does your spouse have a reasonable expectation of privacy.

Sifting through your spouse's computer in pursuit of information related to financial fraud or deceit might provide you with justification.
If you are using a laptop which is marital property then he has done nothing wrong because you do NOT have a reasonable expectation of privacy. If you have every allowed him access to your account in the past then he is doing nothing wrong.

You try staying in a marriage where your spouse doesn't have sex with you for 4 years and see if you wouldn't make the same decision. I didn't cheat on him in all of those years. I decided to divorce him, but there is no law that says I can't be involved with someone else before the divorce is final.
Actually you could have done several different things. Bought a vibrator, divorced him three years ago before you met boyfriend, been completely divorced from him before getting with your new "friend".

People have true affairs all of the time and don't go through this kind of war. If you want to call it like you see it, then fine, but I will too. I shouldn't be put on trial simply because I post my circumstance and ask questions. You're all just a bunch of uptight lawyers who have no ethics or morals. Guess that's why you're divorce lawyers.
The more you speak the more you show your ignorance. You are blind to what is going on. Your husband has every right to attack your ability to parent, refuse to support you as you screw around with another man, and fight you on getting the house or other property. THAT is what a divorce is. YOU are not helping yourself.
 

>Charlotte<

Lurker
I don't need to be spoken to like I'm the one who's wrong and the reason he's justified in what he's doing...As for your so-called infidelity...there is no law that says I can't be involved with someone else before the divorce is final...If you want to call it like you see it, then fine, but I will too. I shouldn't be put on trial simply because I post my circumstance and ask questions. You're all just a bunch of uptight lawyers who have no ethics or morals.
What you need to understand is that most of what you're complaining about has absolutely no legal bearing on your divorce. Read that again. No legal bearing on your divorce. None. And you appear to be wasting a lot of time and energy focusing on things that don't matter, while ignoring things that do matter. And you know when you're going to realize she's right? When you get hammered in court and, when the room stops spinning, you're standing there wondering what the hell just happened.

Ohiogal probably wouldn't have much of a future writing Hallmark cards, but believe it or not, she's trying to help you. If she was trying to hurt you she'd be telling you what you want to hear: that you're right and he's wrong, and you should keep doing exactly what you're doing. You'd leave this forum smiling and thinking what nice people we all are, and then you'd get your ass handed to you by your husband's lawyer. Get past your hurt feelings and listen to what she's telling you, and you'll gain a lot of valuable ground. Or don't. Whatever. You're the only one here with anything to lose.

One other thing. If you're telling your lawyer the same story you're telling us, and he's not "being mean" to you, I'd be real concerned about that.
 
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