V
virtucad
Guest
i live and was maried in : new york state-suffolk county.
i have wanted to divorce my husband for years. we have been married for 7 years, and we have a 3 year old daughter as well.
in december of 2002, (3 days before christmas actually) my husband started the divorce process and filed against me (for constructive abandonment). we have had so many problems over the years, and we have been to marriage counseling as well several years ago. however, i hate him, don't love him, and want out of this marriage so very much.
even though i was happy to have the divorce process 'started', i would have preferred that i be the one who actually filed for divorce. actually, i mistakenly discussed divorcing him in novemeber 2002. why was it a mistake? because he filed for divorce against me, and now he seems to be able to drag it out forever hoping to wear me down emotionally. he is one sick person. he has always claimed he didn't want the divorce, yet he went ahead and filed for divorce against me just so he can 'control' everything...can you believe that!
it is now july 2003, and he is stalling and making things very difficult at home. he is trying to emotionally wear me down with mind games, etc. he is constantly using my daughter against me. he calls me names and tells me i am a bad mother because i want out of the marriage.
i want out so much. all of the years of emotional abuse and mind games finally caught up with me. however, no one (except my closest friends) believes what I have gone through with him over the years, and i understand it is very difficult to claim emotional abuse for divorce.
yes, i have a lawyer, and we have been proceeding with all of the standard procedures in the divorce. i have had one face-to-face meeting with my husband and his lawyer and myself and my lawyer.
that meeting was very uncomfortable and seemed to be a wast of time. it did, however, show my husband that I am serious.
but now...several weeks later, he is back to his old self...the emotional games have resumed, and I am no closer to my divorce.
there must be something i can do. we both agree to work together in raising my daughter. i have told my lawyer and my husband that 'joint legal custody' is the very least i would agree to. my husband always 'talks' one thing and 'acts' another. for example, he agrees to supply documentation that my lawyer requested, but does not do so...then gives me 'excuses'.
is he allowed to drag this on forever because 'he' filed for divorce? can't i do something to speed the process up as i am being so emotionally drained?
he constantly is trying to talk me into staying. i have repeatedly told him i don't love him...will never sleep with him...there is no future for us whatsoever.....over and over again. but he just doesn't seem to get it or accept it.
i have discussed this with my lawyer, but i would love some advice, tips, recommendations from someone outside of the situation. i want this marriage to be over. if he is continuously going to stall and delay the process, how can i get out? should i counter-sue him for divorce?
in addition, i still live in the same house with him (we own a house), and it is virtually impossible for me to cope with the emotional drain of his 'mind games'. i have a first 'court date' for july 23, but my lawyer is not very forthcoming in explaining what this 'court date' is for and what I can expect out of it.
is it a standard procedure? how will the judge view my situation? is it up to me to explain it to the judge? i do not want to fully rely on my attorney to do all of the explaining for me. is there anything I can do now that will help my position? can i prepare a written statement to give to the judge to explain what i want and why I do not want to stay married to hime anymore?
any help/advice/tips would be greatly appreciated.
thanks.
deborah.
i have wanted to divorce my husband for years. we have been married for 7 years, and we have a 3 year old daughter as well.
in december of 2002, (3 days before christmas actually) my husband started the divorce process and filed against me (for constructive abandonment). we have had so many problems over the years, and we have been to marriage counseling as well several years ago. however, i hate him, don't love him, and want out of this marriage so very much.
even though i was happy to have the divorce process 'started', i would have preferred that i be the one who actually filed for divorce. actually, i mistakenly discussed divorcing him in novemeber 2002. why was it a mistake? because he filed for divorce against me, and now he seems to be able to drag it out forever hoping to wear me down emotionally. he is one sick person. he has always claimed he didn't want the divorce, yet he went ahead and filed for divorce against me just so he can 'control' everything...can you believe that!
it is now july 2003, and he is stalling and making things very difficult at home. he is trying to emotionally wear me down with mind games, etc. he is constantly using my daughter against me. he calls me names and tells me i am a bad mother because i want out of the marriage.
i want out so much. all of the years of emotional abuse and mind games finally caught up with me. however, no one (except my closest friends) believes what I have gone through with him over the years, and i understand it is very difficult to claim emotional abuse for divorce.
yes, i have a lawyer, and we have been proceeding with all of the standard procedures in the divorce. i have had one face-to-face meeting with my husband and his lawyer and myself and my lawyer.
that meeting was very uncomfortable and seemed to be a wast of time. it did, however, show my husband that I am serious.
but now...several weeks later, he is back to his old self...the emotional games have resumed, and I am no closer to my divorce.
there must be something i can do. we both agree to work together in raising my daughter. i have told my lawyer and my husband that 'joint legal custody' is the very least i would agree to. my husband always 'talks' one thing and 'acts' another. for example, he agrees to supply documentation that my lawyer requested, but does not do so...then gives me 'excuses'.
is he allowed to drag this on forever because 'he' filed for divorce? can't i do something to speed the process up as i am being so emotionally drained?
he constantly is trying to talk me into staying. i have repeatedly told him i don't love him...will never sleep with him...there is no future for us whatsoever.....over and over again. but he just doesn't seem to get it or accept it.
i have discussed this with my lawyer, but i would love some advice, tips, recommendations from someone outside of the situation. i want this marriage to be over. if he is continuously going to stall and delay the process, how can i get out? should i counter-sue him for divorce?
in addition, i still live in the same house with him (we own a house), and it is virtually impossible for me to cope with the emotional drain of his 'mind games'. i have a first 'court date' for july 23, but my lawyer is not very forthcoming in explaining what this 'court date' is for and what I can expect out of it.
is it a standard procedure? how will the judge view my situation? is it up to me to explain it to the judge? i do not want to fully rely on my attorney to do all of the explaining for me. is there anything I can do now that will help my position? can i prepare a written statement to give to the judge to explain what i want and why I do not want to stay married to hime anymore?
any help/advice/tips would be greatly appreciated.
thanks.
deborah.
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