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Paramour law Virginia HELP

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05accord

Junior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Virginia

Here is the situation.

Married July 2006. Separated since July 2008. No kids. The marriage was a nightmare from the beginning. She talked about divorcing several times. I told her I wanted a divorce at the beginning of June. She moved out, then moved back in at the end of June. I moved out July 11 2008.

In May, before everything went down, and in poor judgment, I began a relationship with a married woman, who was in an identical situation, except she has a 2 1/2 yr old son. The father never took interest in the child, or the wife for that matter, hit the mother in front of the child on one occasion, was more interested in drinking with his buddies, started fights, etc. She had been planning on leaving him for 2 yrs, and secured a job with the goal of making enough money to get out of there. She finally moved out July 11th as well.

We have had a relationship ever since the separations and I have a great relationship, although a limited and careful one, with the child. I am not around the child much, and we are not openly affectionate around him. As far as he knows I am just another friend, like the many friends of hers that he is around (co-workers, etc.). When I have spent the night at her place while the child was there, I always arrived after he was asleep, and left before he woke up. He goes down about 7:30 pm and gets up about 7 am. She lives 1 1/2 hours from me, so it is better for me to spend the night.

In VA, I have to wait 6 months to get a divorce, and she has to wait 1 yr because of the child. Now, all of a sudden, the father has done a 180, become a "boy scout," and taken a renewed interest in the life of the child. I have a feeling he is going to want to squeeze me out of the picture as far as the child is concerned.

Seeing as how I am the one who finally moved out in my marriage, and she is the one that left hers, and we had a relationship with each other before we actually moved out, which is adultery (yes there was a physical relationship), what should I be prepared for regarding how often I can be around the child? What is the law in VA regarding paramours and children?

I know the situation doesn't reflect well upon me or the mother, but it is what it is. Just want to know what to expect as far as the Virginia law is concerned if the father doesn't want me in the son's life. What can I expect before, and after the divorce? (hers and mine).

Any insight regarding the law in VA would be greatly appreciated.
 


05accord

Junior Member
One more thing

Also....

After our divorces, what will change with any paramour decree? What if we decide to live together, or get married? Would that change anything?

Thanks!
 

mistoffolees

Senior Member
You have absolutely no part of the child's life. The child's mother and father will have to decide what is in the child's best interest - with the help of the court, if necessary.

The best thing for you to do is to stay away when the child is there until they get it settled. At that point, custody will have been determined and she will be free to marry you if she wishes. That will have no impact on custody. The husband MAY ask the court to order no overnight unmarried guests while the child is in the house and the court often orders that on request. If that is the case, your amorous activities will be even more limited.

So let the mother and father decide what to do without your involvement. You're not a part of the discussion.

Oh, and the father is perfectly free to spend time with his son without your snide comments. For most people (and certainly most courts) a father taking an interest in his child is a good thing. Your allegations are not particularly helpful and could be construed as an attempt to keep the father from seeing his child. It's his child, not yours, and, legally, none of your business.
 

cyjeff

Senior Member
I agree 100%.

If anyone is trying to squeeze their way into the child's life, it is you.

If I was dad, I would be doing everything I could to keep you away from my child.... since you seem to be staking a claim.

Even if you and mom marry, you are a legal stranger to the child up to and unless the father signs over fatherhood to you.

Until that time, I have as much say in the child's life and well being as you do.
 

05accord

Junior Member
thank you

Thank you guys for your replies, I did not mean for any of my comments to come off as snide. I'm not trying to get involved in the decision, the mother just wants to know what to expect so I'm trying to find as many answers as I can. I'm not sure how to properly word everything, so I apologize if anything came off as snide, or sounded like I think I have rights in this. I'm just trying to find answers, that's all.

I don't blame the father at all. I would expect any father to do the same thing. I don't have any intentions of fighting it, because I understand I have no rights to. The mother very much wants me to be a part of the child's life but she also understands that it will probably be very limited.

I guess my basic question was just regarding the law in Virginia, if there were precedents for this that I could look to, so I can let the mother know what she should expect, and what we can expect for our relationship.

And I'll just say this - I'm glad he wants to be a part of the child's life now. Very glad.

If the mother wants to me to at least be able to be around him some, does that carry any weight? We'll get used to the overnight thing.

Again, I'm not trying to be involved in the decision, but these are answers the mother had asked me to try to find if I could. She is researching as well.

Thank you for your responses.
 

cyjeff

Senior Member
Thank you guys for your replies, I did not mean for any of my comments to come off as snide. I'm not trying to get involved in the decision, the mother just wants to know what to expect so I'm trying to find as many answers as I can. I'm not sure how to properly word everything, so I apologize if anything came off as snide, or sounded like I think I have rights in this. I'm just trying to find answers, that's all.

I don't blame the father at all. I would expect any father to do the same thing. I don't have any intentions of fighting it, because I understand I have no rights to. The mother very much wants me to be a part of the child's life but she also understands that it will probably be very limited.

I guess my basic question was just regarding the law in Virginia, if there were precedents for this that I could look to, so I can let the mother know what she should expect, and what we can expect for our relationship.

And I'll just say this - I'm glad he wants to be a part of the child's life now. Very glad.

If the mother wants to me to at least be able to be around him some, does that carry any weight? We'll get used to the overnight thing.

Again, I'm not trying to be involved in the decision, but these are answers the mother had asked me to try to find if I could. She is researching as well.

Thank you for your responses.
Great. Then direct her to the site and we will be glad to help.
 

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