Pastor seduced my wife into adulteress affair

[WayneAl]

What is the name of your state? North Carolina

On March 26, 2002, after eighteen years of marriage, my wife packed up herself and our 16 year old daughter and left our home. Two weeks later separation papers were signed. My wife’s leaving was a complete surprise to me, I had no idea she was considering leaving. I have recently found out the reason for her leaving. She was at the time and is having an adulteress affair with the Pastor of her church. He is Pastor and Elder of United Methodist Church. He is divorced from wife who committed adultery and has very angry and bitter feelings toward her. This affair both emotional and sexual began about two months prior to her leaving. She went to her Pastor for spiritual guidance and informal counseling regarding some marital difficulties we were experiencing and he took advantage of his position to seduce my wife to leave our home and into this adulteress affair. Is there any legal action that can be taken against this Pastor and possibly his superiors. Can I sue for Alienation of Affections or Criminal Conversation. I do know that within just a couple of days of her leaving they had sexual intercourse in an out of town hotel. When my wife went to this Pastor for guidance he was aware of her history of childhood sexual abuse and the associated emotional and psychological problems she has endured over the years. He knew without doubt that we were and are lawfully married. I do know that he was buying her gifts and lingerie before our separation that she was keeping elsewhere. I believe this Pastor used his position of authority as a Pastor and counselor to seduce my wife into this affair and separation in our marriage. All answers will be appreciated and I look forward to your answers. Thank you.

 

[ahutchGA]

Denomination?

What is the religious denomination here? That will determine what your next step would be.

While it's bad enough that your pastor engaged in adultrous actions with your wife, there would be additional repercussions if the pastor had taken a vow of poverty (Catholic) or was himself married (some Protestant denominations).

Call your local diocese or tribunal or whatever is head of your church. Explain the situation, and they will likely investigate, and then take appropriate action against the pastor, possibly even defrocking him.

However, I must say that while the pastor was definitely guilty of engaging in illicit sex, your wife is not blameless either. Sorry to be blunt, but it takes two. Even though she went to the pastor for spiritual guidance, she chose to continue the affair and also hide the evidence (clothes).

Please don't think that once the pastor is confronted by the law or religious authorities, that your wife will come running back, seeing the error of her ways.

That would be nice for your sake if it happened. But I wouldn't hold my breath.

Just my opinion.

Good luck to you.

 

[WayneAl]

First, thank you for your reply. I have already spoken with the pastors district superintendant and have filed a written formal complaint. They should be contacting the pastor sometime on Monday. The DS promised to keep me informed of all action.

Also, I know that this will not bring my wife running back. In fact expect the pastor to call her as soon as he hears from the DS and she is going to be very angry and hateful towards me. She has been afraid since I told her I knew and she thinks I am going to do something to ruin her life, although that is not my intention.

And you are right that it takes two. However, I believe my wife is a victim here. This pastor knew that she was raped and sodomized as a very young child and was physically and emotionally abused by her alcoholic and psycotic mother. My wifes scars run deep and the pastor knew this. He also knew that she has been in therapy for several years and is succeptable to authority figures as well as suffering from episodes of depression and unhappiness. This man should have know better. In fact I think he did know better and knew he could take advantage of the difficulties we were having. These difficulties were nothing that could not have been worked out if he had not taken advantage of the situation. Still, even if she had gone to him naked and begging, he should have known better, he is her pastor and she is a married congregant.

thanks again
Wayne

 

[WayneAl]

any other suggestions

 

[kat1963]

You live in a state that does allow for substantial damages for alienation of affections and criminal conversation. See a lawyer about taking him to court. I would. And I don't want to hear *oh just go on yadda, yadda* since this is fresh and new, I'd find it alot easier to deal with the grief on a tropical island provided by the minister. hehehe

KAT

 

[WayneAl]

thanks

 

[CombatTN88]

Thou shall not adultery

Your wife and pastor broke the law in The Ten Commandments (Thou Shall Not Adultery)

 

[cyana]

To "Combat"

No Duh, Combat! Your post is not very helpful to man who is obviously in a lot of pain. The previous posters are correct in what the pastor has done is reprehensible in the eyes of his church, and this pastor deserves to be defrocked. Even to have charges filed against him. True, it might not save his marriage.

 

[kat1963]

Ah heck, I hope he sues the man. Let her find out what it's like to be married to a BMW (broke man walking). That will teach those two cheaters... in this life anyway.

KAT

 

[cyana]

Best of Luck Wayne

Wayne, I do feel your pain. Best of luck whatever you decide. Should you need to vent your feelings "Ivillage" has various "Surviving Divorce" type groups. I looked up "Divorce Support Groups" on the 'net and this is the one I like the best. This group tries equally hard to give advice on saving marriages. They're are mostly women but men are always welcome. That board has been a "sanity" saver for me. If you want I can you the exact url.

 

[WayneAl]

thank you cyana for your response. I have made the decision to stand for my marriage. I have filed a formal written complaint with the pastors Bishop and they are investigating. I do know that the affair has stopped for now anyway. I am just praying for my wifes heart to be changed and that she will be willing to at least talk about reconciliation or to work on our marriage. I do know it will be a long difficult road but I believe with my personal relationship with Jesus will see us through this valley.

Again thank you.

Wayne

 

[Illinois Dad]

Okay, Mr. Flanders, tell you what to do. Go next door and say "hi-dilly-ho" to your neighbor Homer and ask him to go down to the Kwik-E-Mart with you. While there Apu can whip you up a slurpee and maybe you will run into Chief Wiggum who would be interested in some after hours work following Maude (Mrs. Flanders). Surely if Reverend Lovejoy is layin' some pipe the chief can get some pictures. With this evidence in hand, Mayor Quimby can declare the Reverend to be "Er, um, no damn good" and you can all go down to Moe's for a beer. Just ponder this while you are imbibing....

If Maude was fullfilled in her relationship (with Ned, not Jesus or anyone else) there would be no possiblity that she would have strayed. No one is EVER...and I mean EVER...lured away from a marriage in which they are receiving all they need. Your wife isn't the innocent victim here. If the two of you decide to give it another go, it is going to take some outside intervention...from a person with a MD, Psy after their name to sort all this out. Your personal relationship with Jesus is a wonderful thing and I am sure you find comfort in that...but this is a practical problem that requires practical solutions and a lot of hard work.

Good luck