Please Help 7 Year Divorce Still Ongoing!!!

[sirenamax]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? I live in California. My parents have been going through a nasty divorce for more than 7 years now. My dad wound up getting 50% of everything, 401K's & pension from my mom. The only thing is, is that she won't just split it up. She has a lawyer who had a firm do a QDRO to equally seperate everything, however supposedly my mother won't hand over the statements that go way back to the date of separation. She is trying to make this as difficult as possible. My father has no lawyer any more, it was just too expensive & he couldn't see himself spending all of what he was going to receive on lawyers fees. So at this point,my mom has fired her lawyer and wants another firm to redo the QDRO. Does anyone know what kind of recourse my father has at this point? Can this just go on forever? PLEASE HELP!!! Thanks so much!!!

[Bali Hai]

Originally Posted by sirenamax

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? I live in California. My parents have been going through a nasty divorce for more than 7 years now. My dad wound up getting 50% of everything, 401K's & pension from my mom. The only thing is, is that she won't just split it up. She has a lawyer who had a firm do a QDRO to equally seperate everything, however supposedly my mother won't hand over the statements that go way back to the date of separation. She is trying to make this as difficult as possible. My father has no lawyer any more, it was just too expensive & he couldn't see himself spending all of what he was going to receive on lawyers fees. So at this point,my mom has fired her lawyer and wants another firm to redo the QDRO. Does anyone know what kind of recourse my father has at this point? Can this just go on forever? PLEASE HELP!!! Thanks so much!!!

Sounds like she's stalling and waiting for your father to kick the bucket so she doesn't have to split anything with him. If your father pulled this crap on her, he would find himself in the crowbar hotel so fast it would make your head spin!!

Sounds like your father needs to take this to court and when he does, he should sit with his back against the wall!!

[sirenamax]

Yes we figured she was stalling, but my question is how long can she stall for? I mean the way I see it, figures are figures and no matter what she can't change the fact that she has to split half with him. She just doesn't like the idea, but then who would! The judge even awarded my dad interest on the money because she has taken so long. But it's just insane already! I mean how long can she really push this to go? Will judges allow this?

[mistoffolees]

Originally Posted by sirenamax

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? I live in California. My parents have been going through a nasty divorce for more than 7 years now. My dad wound up getting 50% of everything, 401K's & pension from my mom. The only thing is, is that she won't just split it up. She has a lawyer who had a firm do a QDRO to equally seperate everything, however supposedly my mother won't hand over the statements that go way back to the date of separation. She is trying to make this as difficult as possible. My father has no lawyer any more, it was just too expensive & he couldn't see himself spending all of what he was going to receive on lawyers fees. So at this point,my mom has fired her lawyer and wants another firm to redo the QDRO. Does anyone know what kind of recourse my father has at this point? Can this just go on forever? PLEASE HELP!!! Thanks so much!!!

If she was ordered by the court to turn over the documents and has not done so, he needs to file for her to be held in contempt.

If she has not yet received a court order, he needs to go to court to force her to turn over the documents.

The problem isn't going to go away on its own. He need to decide if he's going to let it go on forever or pay for an attorney to bring it to an end. If he chooses to let it go on forever, that's a choice he has made and which doesn't involve you.

[sirenamax]

My question - for anyone who can help is, how exactly do we file the paperwork? Is there templates for contempt paperwork that we can use? Then if she is held in contempt, what can be done to her? Jail? How does the judge really force her to fork over the paperwork to complete this split?

[tuffbrk]

Jail?! No. Your parents aren't going through a divorce for 7 years now. If there is a court order, signed by the judge, for a QDRO they are divorced.

The terms of the property settlement should outline the specific date to be used for purposes of QDRO analysis. Your mom may very well be correct in her statement and in her decision to retain a different party to complete the QDRO.

BTW - not all divorce attorney's prepare QDRO. For example, in my case, a financial analyst was assigned. Did your Dad pay his half of all costs assigned to him at the time of the divorce? Having a QDRO completed is not exactly free - does he have to pay 1/2 the cost and still owes Mom that money. Does he owe her any other monies that she's possibly holding this item up as a bargaining ticket?

Then again, you think they're still going through a nasty divorce so you probably should just have Dad post on here so that correct information is provided and the appropriate guidance given in response.

[sirenamax]

Ok well whatever, in my eyes this "divorce" has gone on way too long. I still see it as a divorce. Either way, my father has paid everthing he was ordered to pay. My mother is just being malicious about it. It should never have to take this long. Figures are figures, 2+2=4 right? I mean does she think that she's going to get some other kind of final figure from someone else? It's simple, take the amount that was there on the date of seperation from the statements and cut it in half! Why should it have to take this long? So does anyone know - once an order of contempt has been presented to the judge, what can happen?

[tuffbrk]

She'll get a slap on the wrist and the judge will order a new date by which she needs to have it completed.

Dad does know that he can request Mom pay his attorney's fees and it is likely she will be ordered to pay them if she is found to be in contempt?

Enjoy your weekend!

[sirenamax]

My dad doesn't have a lawyer, he just can't see paying for one any longer, and I agree. My mom just called him and left a nasty message saying that she is going to drag this out as long as she can. Can the judge still find her in contempt, she's being malicious now right?

[mistoffolees]

Originally Posted by sirenamax

My dad doesn't have a lawyer, he just can't see paying for one any longer, and I agree. My mom just called him and left a nasty message saying that she is going to drag this out as long as she can. Can the judge still find her in contempt, she's being malicious now right?

You've already gotten the answer to that question. It depends on the exact wording of the agreement. If she has been ordered to do something and has failed to do it in the allotted time, she is in contempt.

Your father has not resolved this in 7 years doing it on his own. As I see it, he can either pay an attorney to get it all resolved or he can continue to complain that it's not resolved because he's too cheap to hire an attorney for another 7 years. His choice.

[DealingWDrama]

Originally Posted by sirenamax

My dad doesn't have a lawyer, he just can't see paying for one any longer, and I agree. My mom just called him and left a nasty message saying that she is going to drag this out as long as she can. Can the judge still find her in contempt, she's being malicious now right?

I'm not a lawyer - but there is good advice I can give you and your dad ... When you give your full attention to a situation you are giving it strength. Bend like a willow tree ... try not to allow the situation to obsess you.