Please help me!

[justsolost]

I am from VA. My husband and I have been separated since last January. In Sept, full custody of our 3 children was given to me since he vanished without us knowing where he was. He is behind 10,000 in Child Support.

New Year's eve, while I was out on a date, he broke into my house got on my computer, and stole some pictures of me I had sent to the guy I have been seeing. He printed them and took them to my mothers. Then while he was on the computer he also got my email address list. This list had co-workers, professors, friends, and family on it. He sent an email to all of them being very deflamatory about me, and included the pictures he stole from my computer when he broke in.

They have put out a warrant on him for breaking and entering, and one for stalking (this isn't the only thing he has done). I have been also issued a protective order. When the email thing happened, and people started contacting me about it, I called the police again, but my officer is off until Sunday so the officer could only take notes. (My ex was imming me insulting me right when the officer was here even). The officer didn't know what sort of legalities are involved with him sending pics he stole. It isn't like he got them by recieving them from anyone. He actually physically was here and took them. Just like as if he had taken polaroids out of my dresser or something. Isn't him sending them out like that illegal?

Supposedly he is still in town so that scares me because no one knows where he is to serve the protective order so it isn't even valid yet.

ANY advice?

 

[I AM ALWAYS LIABLE]

My response:

I have one question . . .

You have Polaroids in your dresser ? Youza !

Okay, seriously, I know you said that these pictures and e-mail only existed on your computer. However, do you have evidence of breaking and entering, or is this your probable supposition ?

Realistically, and for all the police know at this point, is that you may have given him the pictures and all the e-mail addresses at some previous point. You'll need some extrinsic or intrinsic proof that the only way he could have gotten these documents was through unlawful means.

If that can't be proven, well . . .

IAAL

 

[justsolost]

Yes he has already been charged with breaking and entering. He even left a piece of paper by the computer with stuff written down on it that they compared to see that it was his handwriting. He also stole all the papers I had been keeping on his actions since our separation.

He printed the pictures at my house of of MY computer and took them to my mom's house at Midnight (Happy New Years mom). So the police have no doubt that he got them from when he broke in. As I said he was even imming me in front of an officer laughing about what he did.

He breaks in to my house...just takes stuff from my computer, and my paper files and records...then shows up at my mom's house with these pics. He did the email thing hours after I called the police about the break in. I wasn't expecting it! He did the email thing when he got back to NY because he knew he couldn't be touched there. Too much of a coincidence that this happens in that order! I NEVER gave him those pics!

 

[justsolost]

Today it just got worse!

My mother got a call from social services because he called them saying he feared for our kids thinking I was suicidal!

He stops at nothing! I was down at the court house getting a protective order...now does that sound suicidal?

 

[grandpabri]

I am assuming that the pictures show you in a manner that you didn't want your mother to see.

Umm, not to be snippy, but WHAT WERE YOU THINKING? sending those type of pictures to someone over the net.

Take the pictures off the computer. Delete the file. After, of course, you send copies to IAAL.

I know that you say you have a right to privacy and such, however that's not how it works in the real world.

My ex's BF posted those types of pictures over the net seeking additional sex partners. The judge was not amused.

 

[justsolost]

Hey,

I am an adult...what is the diff if I was sending those pics to my husband or a BF? What is the difference from people that have put polaroids of themselves in their husband's briefcases? it is fun! Don't lecture me on my morals! These were not taken by me sending them to the wrong person. They were STOLEN through someone breaking and entering! STOLEN! Get it?!!!!!!!

Don't lecture me on morals against a guy that has tormented me...broken in to my house...made false callse to SS...that abandoned his kids...hasn't been working for 5 months...is 10 grand behind in CS...was removed on a restraining order originally...is driving around in a jointly owned car that they are trying to repo...has warrants out on him...PULEEEEEEZE

And YES I do have the rights to privacy. If these pics got out due to me sending them to the wrong person...or due to someone hacking my computer...yes that would be my fault. But these were obtained soley by him physically breaking into my house and stealing them! Do not lecture me because I did not post these like your bf to get additional sex partners!

When I was 16 I found polaroids my mom had between her bf and her...this was way before the computer age...would you say the same thing if someone broke into her house back then and printed billboards with them?

And if you think these were nudes..you are wrong too...they weren't like that...just not something I wanted friends, family co-workers and professors seeing.

 

[grandpabri]

Look, I could not care less about your particular moral outlook on life. And what you do with your time, who you send pictures to, is your business.

However, you need to realize that when you are in the middle of a divorce, things get ugly. People do things that you never thought they would do. A good friend of mine told me that you never really know a person until you divorce them.

While you are in a divorce you need to be very careful what you do. I lived in LA for a while, and worked in Compton, but that does not mean I drove down to Florence and Normandie at midnight just to hang out.

Just like there are certain neighborhoods in your town you may not dirve through, certain things that you would not wear in certain places, and certain situations you would not put yourself in.

Be aware that your little bit of fun could cost you more than you know.

 

[justsolost]

My little bit of fun....

I am a single mom raising 3 children 2,4,6. I am going to college to get a degree to support my family. I have a B average am a computer science major. I go to my child's school to read to the class on a regular basis. I tuck my kids in at night, kiss their boo boos when they are hurt...sit with them in the hospital when they are sick. I have a co-op with the gov when I am not in school.

He is a dad that just one morning came by dropping off their stuff saying he was off! Then he vanished...until he popped up in NY saying he was going to Canada...didn't show up to the last custody date. Didn't even show...his lawyer asked to resign. He called his kids every once in a while but made a point to call me on a regular basis (always blocking his calls). He owes close to 10 grand in child support on record (he actually owes a month that is missed but what is the point?). Since July he has only seen them on xmas for a few hours. And no that is NOT my doing! I beg him to move back to the area to be in their lives because he needs them.

So how is my....after being separated since Jan...moving on with my life....so wrong?

We are legally separated. He was removed from the house due to what he did to me.

So what I did is wrong?

He calls to harrass and threaten me. He is following me stalking me.

He broke in...stole them...sent them to people...and I am being the one lectured?

ok

 

[will5673]

What is your problem anyway ?

Don't hold back, tell us how you really feel.

 

[justsolost]

LOL

Ok I deserve that! I am sorry but it just bothered me that my morals were being questioned when I am the one taking care of our children...and I am not the one with warrants out on me.

Sure maybe it wasn't wise, but it is done. What I was asking for is what should I do now?

What he did was wrong. Not only were my pics in the email but pics of my bf...who is now my ex bf from this.

So I did wrong...we are weeks away from my being able to file for divorce (in VA you have to be separated a year with kids). I have a feeling that is why this is all happening. So give me advice. Please

 

[will5673]

Can I see the polaroids ?

Seriously,

if there's a chance that he might come over, hook your trailer up to one of the pick-up trucks parked in your front yard and haul outa there !!!

 

[justsolost]

Such wit... implying that because I sent my bf pics I am cheap white trash now? I may not have much money right now, but no, I do not live in a trailer with a pick up and my trusty ol' hound dog Bud sitting outside. I live in a house and drive a minivan.(did I ruin your illusion?) And no, if I think he will come over, I will not run. I will dial 911.

This advice is getting better by the minute.

And there are no polaroids...that was an example. And since I am such cheap white trash you wouldn't want to see them if I had them.

 

[will5673]

I was just trying to inject a little humor into what seemed like a demoralizing situation for you. Remember, things are never as bad you think they are.

 

[justsolost]

No harm done

Thanks

 

[ccarter]

justsolost,

None of my business, but we live in America and I am entitled to voice my opinion so here goes.

First of all I think you totally overreacted to grandpabri's post. I did not see where he ever "questioned your morals or said what you did was wrong" I think he was simply stating, and good advice I might add, that it is NOT a good idea to send pics over the net that you would not want just anybody viewing.

You came on here and posted for advice, and while some of them may have tried to give advice along with their own little jokes, you surely set yourself up for that. Not that it matters, but since you have children I assume you ARE old enough to know how guys react when your talking about pictures taken of you and sent to your boyfriend. You didn't state in your first post that these were not explicit photos so you left it to their imaginations. I mean come on, and I say to you...PULEEEEEEEZE.

I also think it is terrible how your ex has behaved, but it looks like you have done all you can, and the damage is already done by him. And I don't think one person on here stuck up for what your ex did to you.

Best of luck.