pouse wants "divorce" from parents.

[labrat247]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? MO

Without going into the long story, she's 33 years old, and wants to completely sever all parental rights against her parents and grandparents (lineage ad nauseum) Can this be done in Missouri? How would one approach this?

 

[Zigner]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? MO

Without going into the long story, she wants to sever parental rights against her parents. Can this be done in Missouri? How would one approach this?What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

When your pouse is 18, she can ignore her parents all she wants.

 

[labrat247]

Adults Severing Parental Rights

When your spouse is 18, she can ignore her parents all she wants.

This has nothing to do with "ignoring her parents": as noted in the post (but apparently not properly posted - now fixed with an edit), she is 33 and has not spoken to them in around 15 years. This is about commonlaw rights of the parents and grandparents - specifically, terminating them with complete finality. If necessary, I am willing to adopt her, if thats legal (after all, shes also my wife, which may run afoul of the incest laws, I'm not sure).

So, to start over, we have a 33 year old self sufficient woman who wants to completely sever all legal ties with her family. She specifically wants to terminate parental rights to avoid protracted battles over children and estate should we both die simultaneously. Although a will may help, it's no guarantee: severing parental rights ups the ante significantly (neither of us are willing to have children until the [admittedly remote] possibility that her highly abusive parents could have a role - *any* role - in the kids life. Ditto for the grandparents. And since the "grandparents rights" movement in the US has taken off and become a cottage industry, these are genuine concerns here.

 

[ecmst12]

Her parents are no longer her next of kin, you and the children are. She can write a living will and regular will to exclude her parents if she likes. An estate planning lawyer can help. Her parents do not have any parental rights to sever now that she is an adult. There is NO way to guaranty that her parents will not get the children in the event you both die; you can make your wishes known, but ultimately the court will decide. Children are not property and can't be willed to any particular person.

In all but a few states, grandparent's rights to visitation if the parents don't allow it is all but dead. They can TRY but very unlikely they will win and unless they have unlimited resources to spend on a lawyer, they won't even get as far as filing anything.

 

[LdiJ]

This has nothing to do with "ignoring her parents": as noted in the post (but apparently not properly posted - now fixed with an edit), she is 33 and has not spoken to them in around 15 years. This is about commonlaw rights of the parents and grandparents - specifically, terminating them with complete finality. If necessary, I am willing to adopt her, if thats legal (after all, shes also my wife, which may run afoul of the incest laws, I'm not sure).

So, to start over, we have a 33 year old self sufficient woman who wants to completely sever all legal ties with her family. She specifically wants to terminate parental rights to avoid protracted battles over children and estate should we both die simultaneously. Although a will may help, it's no guarantee: severing parental rights ups the ante significantly (neither of us are willing to have children until the [admittedly remote] possibility that her highly abusive parents could have a role - *any* role - in the kids life. Ditto for the grandparents. And since the "grandparents rights" movement in the US has taken off and become a cottage industry, these are genuine concerns here.

While I understand your genuine concerns, you honestly have less of a problem than you realize in some respects, and a greater problem in others.

One of the keys to grandparent visitation cases is an ongoing relationship with the children, therefore causing the children potential harm in having it severed.

If she has not had any contact with her family in 15 years, and makes sure that she has no future contact with them, then they would never have any standing to attempt to sue for grandparent visitation rights.

As far as something happening should both of you pass away at the same time, you also have some options there. If you set up a standby guardianship, with a relative that would have equal legal standing (ie a parent or sibling of yours) who does have an ongoing relationship with the children, it would be almost impossible for her family to challenge that guardianship.

There honestly is no legal method to absolutely insure that they could not come out of the woodwork after the death of both of you to attempt to make some claim regarding the children.

However, unless you are famous, or keep ties with other people who are in contact with them, its relatively easy to keep completely off their radar, so that they have no idea where she is or anything about her life.

 

[labrat247]

> One of the keys to grandparent visitation cases is an ongoing relationship
> with the children, therefore causing the children potential harm in having it
> severed.
>
> If she has not had any contact with her family in 15 years, and makes sure
> that she has no future contact with them, then they would never have any
> standing to attempt to sue for grandparent visitation rights.

She maintains close relationships with her brothers and sisters (who maintain close relationships with the parents), but has not said so much as "go away and die a slow painful death" to either parent in 15 years. The parents have both money, and a long history of vexatious behaviour (for example, when we were married and they decided I was "beneath her station', we were first followed by a PI for a few months, and then I was suddenly hit with a BS restraining order seeking to keep me away from my wife (yes, it was thrown out, and the judge was pretty pissed at the false allegations on the request, for example that she was living at home [untrue], that she was not competent [untrue], and that they had guardianship [untrue]...).

> As far as something happening should both of you pass away at the same
> time, you also have some options there. If you set up a standby
> guardianship, with a relative that would have equal legal standing (ie a
> parent or sibling of yours) who does have an ongoing relationship with the
> children, it would be almost impossible for her family to challenge that
> guardianship.

There are no surviving relatives on my side, and neither of us believes that her siblings, while good hearted people, are capable of raising a child to be anything other than an American Psycho (bates reborn).

Is it or isnt it possible to sever the familial relationship after reaching majority in Missouri? i know that "adult parent divorces" was all the rage about 20 years ago, but i dont know what ever became of it, nor can I figure out how such a cause would even be drawn up.

 

[mistoffolees]

Is it or isnt it possible to sever the familial relationship after reaching majority in Missouri? i know that "adult parent divorces" was all the rage about 20 years ago, but i dont know what ever became of it, nor can I figure out how such a cause would even be drawn up.

Not that I'm aware of, but feel free to contact a local attorney.

Your best best is to create a very strongly worded will that ensures that no money goes to them and also that you have selected someone different as the children's guardian. As for the financial parts, it's easy. Set up a trust to handle your assets on behalf of the children with someone else as trustee.

I found the following description as to the process:
"With respect to custody, while either parent is alive, there is typically a preference that custody of a child be with the parent. In the event of the death of one of the parents, the other surviving parent ordinarily has a preference in law for the custody of a child. When both parents are dead, ordinarily custody is preferred to go to a blood relative, providing a grandparent with a viable opportunity to show the court that it is better for the child to be in his/her custody as opposed to other blood relatives. Courts will consider the age, health, and financial ability of the grandparent(s) to support and care for a child."

Since there are brothers and sisters who you get along well with, you could recommend that you prefer guardianship with them. List a number of choices ("guardianship rests with Jim Bob Walton. In the event he can not serve, it rests with John Boy Walton. In the event he can not serve, Mary Jane Walton....etc"). That will improve your chances of getting what you wish. Since they are blood relatives, as well, there's no obvious reason for the court to override your wishes. I believe you can also go into detail on the reasons why you've chosen as you have, but my estate attorney told me that it wasn't a good idea.

The place you might get into trouble is choosing a non-relative as guardian. I don't know if the grandparents would be able to override your wishes, but their chances would be better if you choose a non-family member, but talk to a local attorney. You need to set up a will to handle your estate, anyway.

And, of course, you may well be obsessing over something that just doesn't matter. If you're both in your 30s, unless there's some immediate health concerns, the odds of both of you dying before the children are grown is very small (unless you both participate in very risky activities together).