Prenuptial advice - post marrital assets

[sophie9999]

My finace wants me to sign a prenup to protect his family's assets. I am fine with that. When it came however, it was much much more detailed than that. It tried to cover all aspects of the marriage. I have spoken to a lawyer and he has outlined all things that are potentially unfair and negotiated with my fiance. My fiances parents are both top divorce lawyers (and no doubt writing prenup) and he is an only child with a very good career - also a top lawyer. I am a primary school teacher, with not a great earning potential, and I want to have a family. He is fine with that. However there is something they want me to agree on and I dont think its fair and need advice. They want me to agree that our savings from salries will always stay in out own names - never joint asset. I can see problems in that if I want to look after kids and not work I will not have any money. He says he will look after me and pay for everything.He will pay most of mortgage and make isas for me. He is generous. But I feel I could ressent him if he is also making massive savings for himself and I have none.If I support him in his job and raise our family, surely i should have some entitlement to the thousands he is going to earn. Especially if after 20 years he leaves me and takes everything with him to the next woman. His mother has told me, why should I have any of his money? He will look after me. I just feel it is not an equal footing and I could hate him years down the line when I have to go asking for money.

 

[mistoffolees]

If you think it's unfair (and I would agree, but my opinion doesn't really matter), don't agree to it. It's not unreasonable for him to want to keep his family's money separate, but it IS unreasonable for him to expect you to say home and not work - and then not get anything from the marriage if you split up.

If he won't agree to a more reasonable pre-nup, you don't need him. Whatever you decide, make sure you have an attorney review any documents before you sign them.

 

[LdiJ]

If you think it's unfair (and I would agree, but my opinion doesn't really matter), don't agree to it. It's not unreasonable for him to want to keep his family's money separate, but it IS unreasonable for him to expect you to say home and not work - and then not get anything from the marriage if you split up.

If he won't agree to a more reasonable pre-nup, you don't need him. Whatever you decide, make sure you have an attorney review any documents before you sign them.

I will go one step further than this advice. This is a marriage you don't need and shouldn't want.

 

[DAD10]

I understand pre nup's- this post sounds more like a business arrangement
than a marriage.

 

[sophie9999]

thank you so much for your advice. I have lost 2 stone in weight in a month through stress. Its very hard when u r in the relationship and emotionally involved to see it objectively. The thing is we have never argued and are so happy, 5 years together, but when i have the option to either sign or break up...its one hell of a decision. Myfamily all want me to walk and if he loves me he will come after me. Why do you think he would put me through this? Should I have any entitlement to his money? I feel as if I am being penalised for being a teacher as if I was also a high powered business woman earning lots, im not sure if he would still insist on this. Do you think he wants to get married or is getting pushed into it? I am fine with the idea of a prenup but this sounds so complicated.I also always try to see both sides of the story. He says of course he would look after me and Im sure he would, but why then would he not share his salary. He says the reason is that he needs to use his income to pay for his other properties for mortgage if tenants are not in. Im fine with that. That is why I only suggested we shared any savings we made. Thank you so so much for your help. I really appreciate it.

 

[Proserpina]

thank you so much for your advice. I have lost 2 stone in weight in a month through stress. Its very hard when u r in the relationship and emotionally involved to see it objectively. The thing is we have never argued and are so happy, 5 years together, but when i have the option to either sign or break up...its one hell of a decision. Myfamily all want me to walk and if he loves me he will come after me. Why do you think he would put me through this? Should I have any entitlement to his money? I feel as if I am being penalised for being a teacher as if I was also a high powered business woman earning lots, im not sure if he would still insist on this. Do you think he wants to get married or is getting pushed into it? I am fine with the idea of a prenup but this sounds so complicated.I also always try to see both sides of the story. He says of course he would look after me and Im sure he would, but why then would he not share his salary. He says the reason is that he needs to use his income to pay for his other properties for mortgage if tenants are not in. Im fine with that. That is why I only suggested we shared any savings we made. Thank you so so much for your help. I really appreciate it.

You ARE in the US, right? Ok, I know the real answer to that question is "no". So, US law doesn't apply. You need to be looking at the laws in your country (that'd be UK, maybe?)

(honey if you've lost that much weight in one month, you need to see a doctor regardless)

 

[sophie9999]

Yes I do live in the uk but i am stranded in america due to volcano and by the time I go back I have to decide. Just needed some objective advice of the situation.

 

[tornado88]

It sounds to me like it is already bothering you, as well it should. I suspect it won't take 20 years for resentment to build. This is not legal advice, but NEVER would I sign that. Quite honeslty it sounds like this family only thinks in terms of money and not love. If he insists on you signing this prenup with that in it, he isn't going into this marraige with his heart in the right place. I agree with LDiJ, do not sign anything that you have not read and understand fully and your attorney has ok'd from every angle. Sounds like a family that could turn on you in a heart beat.

 

[DAD10]

28 lbs in one month. See a doctor sophie9999, I understand this is a legal site-but take care of yourself.
Best of Luck to you regardless of the outcome.

 

[tornado88]

I can see not having any rights to money/assets that were his before the marraige. What I don't understand is his wish to continue that after you are married. What is to happen to you and/or your children if you sign that and then he decides that for whatever reason he doesn't want to have to support you? You are in a world of hurt with no recourse that's what. Never, never, never.

 

[Proserpina]

Yes I do live in the uk but i am stranded in america due to volcano and by the time I go back I have to decide. Just needed some objective advice of the situation.

UK and US law are NOT the same animals - there are MASSIVE differences.

Now, why exactly are you stranded in the US?

 

[stealth2]

Now, why exactly are you stranded in the US?

Uuuuh... do you keep up with news? Volcanic ash still causing travel chaos - CNN.com

 

[nextwife]

Have whichever attorney you are using counter offer changes to the portions you can't live with. Contracts require negotiation.

 

[mistoffolees]

Have whichever attorney you are using counter offer changes to the portions you can't live with. Contracts require negotiation.

Absolutely, but as I reflect on it, I'm not sure I'd go there. I think I'd be looking for someone else.

Basically, you've got someone from a wealthy family who's marrying someone who doesn't earn much. He wants her to stay home and not work, take care of the kids, feed him, be his sex slave, wax his car, and whatever else he wants her to do. Then, when he gets tired of her, he wants to be able to dump her and leave her with nothing.

That's not just red flags showing off, that's July 4 fireworks (no offense to OP, who's a Brit). Perhaps British laws are different and a prenup is worthless, but even if that were true, do you really want to marry someone who's setting out to cheat you from the start?

Let me guess, he's middle aged and she's in her 20s, right?

 

[ShyCat]

Ask dear ol' fiance if he wants a wife or is merely trying to fill an open position for housekeeper/nanny/bedwarmer, room & board only, with possibility of a small allowance if you're a good girl. What a rotter.