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Protecting assets once I file

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LiteWait

Junior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? CT

I am planning to file on my wife ASAP. She has opened a bank account in her own name and a safety deposit box (this one she thinks I don't know about). A few months back she ATM'd $400 amounts several times and hid the money in our closet while she was having an affair, she had also been taking ATM cashback ($200) at the local grocery store. When I caught her she stopped and the affair ended 7 weeks ago. However, now I see she has been taking cashback on our discover card ($20-25) again that she thought she was sneaking and also been taking an normal cash as well as rebate checks and things and must be putting them there as well. Clearly, she has been detached and debating divorce (as have I) and granted we are probably talking about $2000 or so, but I want to protect her from just trying to keep doing this.

I know I am within my right to just start shutting down accounts (I am the breadwinner), but I'd rather just file. What can I do when I file to stop her from moving money. Hard to believe a woman I married for 20 years can stoop this low just because (I guess) she feels like she is going to get screwed in the divorce (sure like I am not as likely to get screwed!)

Thanks.
 


LdiJ

Senior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? CT

I am planning to file on my wife ASAP. She has opened a bank account in her own name and a safety deposit box (this one she thinks I don't know about). A few months back she ATM'd $400 amounts several times and hid the money in our closet while she was having an affair, she had also been taking ATM cashback ($200) at the local grocery store. When I caught her she stopped and the affair ended 7 weeks ago. However, now I see she has been taking cashback on our discover card ($20-25) again that she thought she was sneaking and also been taking an normal cash as well as rebate checks and things and must be putting them there as well. Clearly, she has been detached and debating divorce (as have I) and granted we are probably talking about $2000 or so, but I want to protect her from just trying to keep doing this.

I know I am within my right to just start shutting down accounts (I am the breadwinner), but I'd rather just file. What can I do when I file to stop her from moving money. Hard to believe a woman I married for 20 years can stoop this low just because (I guess) she feels like she is going to get screwed in the divorce (sure like I am not as likely to get screwed!)

Thanks.
She is attempting to have some money under her own control, to start off. She does not want to file and then be destitute until you are ordered to start splitting assets. Since you know how much money she has taken (be sure of your numbers) she will have to be accountable for that money in the divorce.

Why not just sit down and discuss things with her, and then divide the liquid cash in half and then file?
 

mistoffolees

Senior Member
I know I am within my right to just start shutting down accounts (I am the breadwinner), but I'd rather just file. What can I do when I file to stop her from moving money. Hard to believe a woman I married for 20 years can stoop this low just because (I guess) she feels like she is going to get screwed in the divorce (sure like I am not as likely to get screwed!)
Sounds like she's got plenty of reason to be concerned:
- You feel that since you're the breadwinner, you can close any accounts you want without discussing it with her
- You're upset about her taking even $20-25 in cash back (lots of people like to have a small amount of cash with them when they're shopping)
- You're convinced that someone is going to get screwed in the divorce - and you're determined that it won't be you, even if you have to make sure it's her
- You're following her every move

While taking substantial amounts of money out without permission is a problem, she's clearly concerned that she's going to starve because you plan to file for divorce and leave her out in the cold - which doesn't seem like an irrational fear. I agree with Ldij. You need to follow a process where you BOTH are protected (she IS entitled to 1/2 of marital assets, after all). Filing for divorce and splitting the liquid cash might be a start, but providing for temporary support is also likely to be a part of it (if you don't do it, the court will).
 

LiteWait

Junior Member
Folks, a lot of assumptions here. Because I am the breadwinner doesn't mean anything. I'll fight for my 1/2 and joint custody with the children (whom I've raised as closely as she has). Fair is fair, who in this marriage has been deceiving who? She had an affair right in front of my face for 6 months, started sneaking money into her own account (I never in 20 years said anything about what she spent money on -- on the other hand she'd constantly give me a hard time about picking up a soda at a convenience store). We've shared OUR money for 20 years, at one point she move $20k into that account and said she needed $12k for retainer, $3k for laywer consults and $5k to bring in all kinds of experts to take me to the cleaners. Again, who is trying to screw who here? I am sad and a bit bitter but I just want to move on. Just because I am the breadwinner doesn't mean I think I leave her in poverty, I know I have alimony to pay, and 1/2 our assets fine.

My main question was what can I do when I file for divorce so our assets stay put (she can keep spending $500/month at Victoria Secret like she always has)? Unless you are saying I should just roll over and let her do anything she pleases :-(

Furthermore, up until this point she has been at the point of filing just like I have. I think she just wants to string things along till she gets good and ready to move on without making any effort (which I AM willing to do) to get back into the marriage.
 
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mistoffolees

Senior Member
My main question was what can I do when I file for divorce so our assets stay put (she can keep spending $500/month at Victoria Secret like she always has)?
You're now asking a different question. What she can do after divorce is different than what she can do while you're married (although there is often a 'look-back' period where she could get in trouble for hiding significant assets within some months BEFORE the divorce is filed, $2 K isn't likely to get much attention from the court given that that's only 4 months of lingerie expense so you must be talking about significant income and assets).

AFTER YOU FILE FOR DIVORCE, neither of you can hide assets or dissipate marital assets. At the time you file, there will be a default order on what you can do with the assets.

Frankly, if she has been spending $500 per month on Victoria's Secret for your entire marriage, then that will be considered a normal expense. The most likely solution is that you will do the following:
1. File for divorce
2. Close all joint accounts and divide the cash assets 50:50 and give her half. Make sure you can document this thoroughly.
3. Propose a reasonable temporary support level to the court and provide her with that much money every month
4. Close all credit card accounts and get a new one in your own name.

I would suggest that you get with an attorney to deal with that.
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
Folks, a lot of assumptions here. Because I am the breadwinner doesn't mean anything. I'll fight for my 1/2 and joint custody with the children (whom I've raised as closely as she has). Fair is fair, who in this marriage has been deceiving who? She had an affair right in front of my face for 6 months, started sneaking money into her own account (I never in 20 years said anything about what she spent money on -- on the other hand she'd constantly give me a hard time about picking up a soda at a convenience store). We've shared OUR money for 20 years, at one point she move $20k into that account and said she needed $12k for retainer, $3k for laywer consults and $5k to bring in all kinds of experts to take me to the cleaners. Again, who is trying to screw who here? I am sad and a bit bitter but I just want to move on. Just because I am the breadwinner doesn't mean I think I leave her in poverty, I know I have alimony to pay, and 1/2 our assets fine.

My main question was what can I do when I file for divorce so our assets stay put (she can keep spending $500/month at Victoria Secret like she always has)? Unless you are saying I should just roll over and let her do anything she pleases :-(

Furthermore, up until this point she has been at the point of filing just like I have. I think she just wants to string things along till she gets good and ready to move on without making any effort (which I AM willing to do) to get back into the marriage.
Again, she will have to account for any marital assets she has in her sole possession...or that she dissipates with unreasonable spending.
 

Zigner

Senior Member, Non-Attorney
Dissipation can even come into play prior to the divorce, if it can be proven, for example, that she is spending marital cash on her affair.
That may be true...but if she's spending it on clothing...nope.
 

Bali Hai

Senior Member
Folks, a lot of assumptions here. Because I am the breadwinner doesn't mean anything. I'll fight for my 1/2 and joint custody with the children (whom I've raised as closely as she has). Fair is fair, who in this marriage has been deceiving who? She had an affair right in front of my face for 6 months, started sneaking money into her own account (I never in 20 years said anything about what she spent money on -- on the other hand she'd constantly give me a hard time about picking up a soda at a convenience store). We've shared OUR money for 20 years, at one point she move $20k into that account and said she needed $12k for retainer, $3k for laywer consults and $5k to bring in all kinds of experts to take me to the cleaners. Again, who is trying to screw who here? I am sad and a bit bitter but I just want to move on. Just because I am the breadwinner doesn't mean I think I leave her in poverty, I know I have alimony to pay, and 1/2 our assets fine.

My main question was what can I do when I file for divorce so our assets stay put (she can keep spending $500/month at Victoria Secret like she always has)? Unless you are saying I should just roll over and let her do anything she pleases :-(

Furthermore, up until this point she has been at the point of filing just like I have. I think she just wants to string things along till she gets good and ready to move on without making any effort (which I AM willing to do) to get back into the marriage.
Don't take the critics here to heart OP.

You are the husband and it's going to be your fault no matter what the circumstances, here on this site AND in court.

Personally, I wouldn't offer any temporary support until ordered to do so.

Let the judge decide if she doesn't get temporary support she's going to starve!:rolleyes::rolleyes:
 

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