Proving infidelity

[LdiJ]

In answer to an earlier comment, I just came upon this information yesterday.

My husband will argue that since he earned the money and it is his 401K, that the money is solely his. He will also argue that since I have been working for 8 years, that I should have created my own retirement fund. But at this point, it is the only retirement fund we have (and it's a significant savings - 300K+, much more than I would have been able to accrue at my income).

Well, your husband would be wrong and would fail in that argument. It simply does not work the way that he thinks it works. His income was marital property throughout the entire marriage and not his own personal, separate property.

 

[Proserpina]

I guess I am confused. If they were married for 29 years and truly are married to the right person, the one they cannot live without, one act of infidelity 15 years ago would be meaningless except for a discussion. What happened at year 29? Why divorce him? I am staying out of this thread purposely and suggest you discuss your feelings with clergy.

/fail

And irrelevant, at that.

 

[Proserpina]

In answer to an earlier comment, I just came upon this information yesterday.

<--- makes a difference

My husband will argue that since he earned the money and it is his 401K, that the money is solely his. He will also argue that since I have been working for 8 years, that I should have created my own retirement fund. But at this point, it is the only retirement fund we have (and it's a significant savings - 300K+, much more than I would have been able to accrue at my income).

He's in for some sticker shock, by the looks of things.

And a "speak to clergy" suggestion, is the worst no-comment comment I've seen in forever.

 

[Bali Hai]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Virginia I have compelling information that indicates my husband of 29 years was unfaithful 15 years ago. Can I petition the courts for a DNA test on a minor to prove the infidelity? Is there any benefit to me in the divorce process in Virginia if I can prove infidelity? I was a full time mother for 15 years and basically have no retirement savings because my husband made three times my income (after I re-entered the work force) and we planned on his 401K to be our retirement nest egg. What portion of that can I depend on? Our martial home is debt free and in both our names - can I depend on 50%? Thank you for any information you can provide.

Run with your "compelling information" and leave the kid alone.

 

[Bali Hai]

In answer to an earlier comment, I just came upon this information yesterday.

My husband will argue that since he earned the money and it is his 401K, that the money is solely his. He will also argue that since I have been working for 8 years, that I should have created my own retirement fund. But at this point, it is the only retirement fund we have (and it's a significant savings - 300K+, much more than I would have been able to accrue at my income).

Only a complete moron would try to argue that, and you were married to him for 29 years.

 

[OHRoadwarrior]

Perhaps you do not believe in the marriage vows you took to love, honor and cherish, in sickness and in health, for better or for worse, as long as you both shall live. OP apparently did at one time. Something interfered with that after 29 years. She is obviously hurting emotionally and striking out with trying to justify her action by an act of infidelity 15 years ago. At the heart of every divorce question is the question of what happened and why is the party preparing for divorce. The money part is just the finish, just like no lawsuit is about making sure it does not happen to anyone else. It is about money.

Maybe I believe in the vows I took and recognize she may be doing this because all her friends and counselors are telling her to do so, not because she wants to in her heart. As someone who had to live with a spouse who's friends and coworkers told her repeatedly to divorce me, at the same time I was doing everything I could mentally and physically for my family and her, including paying off the house we own, I see that side. In fact, when I became so disabled I could no longer work and my wife had lunch with my sisters, to see if they would take over care of my mother, they not only said to dump my mother, who I have cared for solely for years, one said she should divorce me and go find a husband who could afford to spend lots of money on her. I could go on with with how one took most of my fathers retirement money and left me and my wife to support him also and could only bother to show up at the hospital when he was on his death bed and never came to my home to see him. I suppose it was a last minute gesture to hope they received something if he had any money left.

The point here being this is not a normal 5 or 10 year marriage with a cash out at the end.

=Proserpina;3315155]/fail

And irrelevant, at that.

 

[Proserpina]

Perhaps you do not believe in the marriage vows you took to love, honor and cherish, in sickness and in health, for better or for worse, as long as you both shall live. OP apparently did at one time. Something interfered with that after 29 years. She is obviously hurting emotionally and striking out with trying to justify her action by an act of infidelity 15 years ago. At the heart of every divorce question is the question of what happened and why is the party preparing for divorce. The money part is just the finish, just like no lawsuit is about making sure it does not happen to anyone else. It is about money.

Maybe I believe in the vows I took and recognize she may be doing this because all her friends and counselors are telling her to do so, not because she wants to in her heart. As someone who had to live with a spouse who's friends and coworkers told her repeatedly to divorce me, at the same time I was doing everything I could mentally and physically for my family and her, including paying off the house we own, I see that side. In fact, when I became so disabled I could no longer work and my wife had lunch with my sisters, to see if they would take over care of my mother, they not only said to dump my mother, who I have cared for solely for years, one said she should divorce me and go find a husband who could afford to spend lots of money on her. I could go on with with how one took most of my fathers retirement money and left me and my wife to support him also and could only bother to show up at the hospital when he was on his death bed and never came to my home to see him. I suppose it was a last minute gesture to hope they received something if he had any money left.

The point here being this is not a normal 5 or 10 year marriage with a cash out at the end.

Hmmm. I suppose being supported while tinkering back and forth on the transplant list doesn't count.

Or nursing someone through CHF before their untimely death.

I'd be disappointed if I hadn't already seen your true colors over and over.

 

[OHRoadwarrior]

I know part of your story and admire it. I just think you forgot part of it because we are so used to answering these things in regard to 1 year, 5 year and 10 year marriages, we forget to consider those that made a lifelong commitment might be at a weak spot in their life and have a band wagon telling them to dump the old guy. Coming here for a second bandwagon is not always what they need to hear.

Hmmm. I suppose being supported while tinkering back and forth on the transplant list doesn't count.

Or nursing someone through CHF before their untimely death.

I'd be disappointed if I hadn't already seen your true colors over and over.

 

[Proserpina]

I know part of your story and admire it. I just think you forgot part of it because we are so used to answering these things in regard to 1 year, 5 year and 10 year marriages, we forget to consider those that made a lifelong commitment might be at a weak spot in their life and have a band wagon telling them to dump the old guy. Coming here for a second bandwagon is not always what they need to hear.

Let's take a look.

Perhaps you do not believe in the marriage vows you took to love, honor and cherish, in sickness and in health, for better or for worse, as long as you both shall live. OP apparently did at one time. Something interfered with that after 29 years. She is obviously hurting emotionally and striking out with trying to justify her action by an act of infidelity 15 years ago. At the heart of every divorce question is the question of what happened and why is the party preparing for divorce. The money part is just the finish, just like no lawsuit is about making sure it does not happen to anyone else. It is about money.

Did you forget the first part? Did you forget who you were answering? Did you forget that not one person on this thread has even loosely implied what you're suggesting?

Maybe I believe in the vows I took and recognize she may be doing this because all her friends and counselors are telling her to do so, not because she wants to in her heart.

As someone who had to live with a spouse who's friends and coworkers told her repeatedly to divorce me, at the same time I was doing everything I could mentally and physically for my family and her, including paying off the house we own, I see that side. In fact, when I became so disabled I could no longer work and my wife had lunch with my sisters, to see if they would take over care of my mother, they not only said to dump my mother, who I have cared for solely for years, one said she should divorce me and go find a husband who could afford to spend lots of money on her. I could go on with with how one took most of my fathers retirement money and left me and my wife to support him also and could only bother to show up at the hospital when he was on his death bed and never came to my home to see him. I suppose it was a last minute gesture to hope they received something if he had any money left.

Don't. Just don't. You're backpedaling.

 

[OHRoadwarrior]

What on Earth are you talking about. You seem to have deviated to your own world of thought.

 

[Just Blue]

What on Earth are you talking about. You seem to have deviated to your own world of thought.

No. Actually you are. Just stop.

 

[OHRoadwarrior]

CBG brought up the topic elsewhere. Though I believe everything I have said in the few threads that appear to have dissenting opinions, I was started on a medication last week that the trial for was terminated 2 years ago because the first pill I took set my nerves on fire. This time it is not as bad, but apparently it is affecting the way I come across in the way I post in addition to the way I feel.

No. Actually you are. Just stop.

 

[Just Blue]

CBG brought up the topic elsewhere. Though I believe everything I have said in the few threads that appear to have dissenting opinions, I was started on a medication last week that the trial for was terminated 2 years ago because the first pill I took set my nerves on fire. This time it is not as bad, but apparently it is affecting the way I come across in the way I post in addition to the way I feel.

It happens... I hope you feel better.