pysical custody

[gogoman]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? ca
i recieved a summons for divorce. it says i have thirty days to respond with my own summons .the person in the court office says i do not have to respond to it if i do not want to unless there is personal property in question, which there is very little. the only thing i want to know is about the child physical custody that my wife wants.she wants joint legal custody but full physical custody of my child . i want joint physical custody. what would be the steps to take in such a matter? the person in the court told me to file a order to show cause. what is this order and what will it do for me

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? ca
i recieved a summons for divorce. it says i have thirty days to respond with my own summons .the person in the court office says i do not have to respond to it if i do not want to unless there is personal property in question, which there is very little. the only thing i want to know is about the child physical custody that my wife wants.she wants joint legal custody but full physical custody of my child . i want joint physical custody. what would be the steps to take in such a matter? the person in the court told me to file a order to show cause. what is this order and what will it do for me

An order to show cause? That doesn't make a whole lot of sense. You are in CA and every county in CA has a self help center or family law facilitator at one of the county courthouses. If you cannot afford an attorney you need to avail yourself of their services.

 

[ariastar]

If you are in the same home as the children, do NOT leave unless ordered by the court. If you aren't, spend as much time with them as possible. Stepping out won't help your case.

Go to your local courthouse and ask to speak with the family law facilitator. Got that? Family law facilitator. There may be a wait as it's usually first-come-first-serve, but it's free, and you'll get a better starting point there than here.

Good luck. I hope you get that 50/50. Nice to hear about parents who want time divided evenly rather than going for it all. Children need both parents!

 

[mistoffolees]

I hope you get that 50/50. Nice to hear about parents who want time divided evenly rather than going for it all. Children need both parents!

This is a growing trend. I don't remember where I saw the figures, but the percentage of joint legal situations is increasing. In some states, it is actually the default and one party has to show cause for anything different.

It's not easy, though. It requires:
- parents to live close enough together that child's schedule is not disrupted. For example, both parents need to be able to conveniently get the child to activities and school.
- parents need to be able to work together. There will be problems that arise and if the parents are in constant battle mode, joint physical custody will be hard.
- parents need to be flexible. You're not always going to get your way. In a sole physical custody situation, the custodial parent will win most battles by default (fair or not). In a joint custody situation, you need to be able to talk. Both parents need to realize it's bout the kid(s), not the parents.
- ideally, the parenting plan needs to be very detailed. While the parents need to be flexible, the more things that are left to their judgment, the more likely there is to be conflict. However, this isn't universal. In a small number of cases (very small, in my experience), the parents don't need strict rules and can work everything out. Even in those cases, though, I feel that it's better to have everything worked out in advance - even if the parents agree to slight modifications later.

I wouldn't have it any other way, but it's not easy. Unless both parents put the kids first, it's going to be a HUGE challenge.

 

[LdiJ]

I am going to add something else here. I bring this up from time to time.

I have worked with alot of children in several different capacities, and they have tended to confide in me. There are quite a few children who do NOT like a 50/50 schedule. They like spending lots of time with both parents, but they hate having two homes. They hate having to switch every other week or every other day or whatever the switch is. It seems to get worse the older they get, and it seems to also get worse if there are new children in either home who do not have to switch.

If you think about it, its logical. I doubt that any one of us, as adults, would be happy switching homes every other week or whatever.

The family that I know that made it work the best, had both parents living in the same subdivision, so that everything except where the children slept at night, remained the same for the kids. They also allowed the kids free access, back and forth, to the other parent's home.

However, even with that family the kids, as teens, eventually got to the point where they insisted on having just one "home".