Question about Divorce Decree

[auragirrl]

What is the name of your state? Hi! I am in the state of California. Here's my question. I was granted a divorce roughly 10 years ago. I found out about 4 years ago that the paperwork for the final divorce decree was never submitted, so it was never done. As I understood it, my ex was taking care of that. He remarried about 7 years ago. Also, as I understand it, he failed to be honest when getting his marriage license, stating that he had never been married before.When I found out he'd never submitted it, I informed him and asked him to aid me in completing the divorce papers. He said he was not interested in doing so.So, he is aware it was never completed. I recently picked up papers to file to finish it. I am a struggling single mother, I raise the kids myself. He pays court ordered child support,because he has no choice, but virtually has no relationship with the kids. He is a well off man. I was wondering if I should look into the matter. I'm not a greedy person, but if there is a way my kids and I could benefit from this, I'd sure like to find out. Also, I'm taking him back to court to ask that the visitation schedule be dropped, as it has not been followed in 2 and a half years.He's scheduled to take them on a basis more regular than most fathers, and for a total of about a month and a half in week long visits yearly, but only sees them about 1 evening a month. I would like to have sole custody, what are my chances I'll get it. the kids are 14 and 16

[MB123]

I remember someone telling me that when a child reaches something like 12 or 14 years old, they can legally choose who they want to be with. If that's the case, you just get them to choose you.

[majomom1]

Originally Posted by MB123

I remember someone telling me that when a child reaches something like 12 or 14 years old, they can legally choose who they want to be with. If that's the case, you just get them to choose you.

Someone told you wrong. MB you can't even manage the custody of dogs... so maybe you better leave the custody of children to those who know the laws, or can at least look them up and post accurate information.

[>Charlotte<]

This is the third person today who is yammering that "kids can choose" crap. Where are people getting this stuff???

[majomom1]

Originally Posted by auragirrl

What is the name of your state? Hi! I am in the state of California. Here's my question. I was granted a divorce roughly 10 years ago. I found out about 4 years ago that the paperwork for the final divorce decree was never submitted, so it was never done. As I understood it, my ex was taking care of that. He remarried about 7 years ago. Also, as I understand it, he failed to be honest when getting his marriage license, stating that he had never been married before.When I found out he'd never submitted it, I informed him and asked him to aid me in completing the divorce papers. He said he was not interested in doing so.So, he is aware it was never completed. I recently picked up papers to file to finish it. I am a struggling single mother, I raise the kids myself. He pays court ordered child support,because he has no choice, but virtually has no relationship with the kids. He is a well off man. I was wondering if I should look into the matter. I'm not a greedy person, but if there is a way my kids and I could benefit from this, I'd sure like to find out. Also, I'm taking him back to court to ask that the visitation schedule be dropped, as it has not been followed in 2 and a half years.He's scheduled to take them on a basis more regular than most fathers, and for a total of about a month and a half in week long visits yearly, but only sees them about 1 evening a month. I would like to have sole custody, what are my chances I'll get it. the kids are 14 and 16

If the divorce was "granted" I doubt you can change anything now, but other members with knowlege of the CA courts will be along and can confirm that.

It is unlikely that you can get 'sole' custody. I personally don't think it would be worth it to modify now. At least one of them may be 18 (or close) by the time it were all done. If he is not taking visitation, why go to the expense to change it?

The kids cannot choose until they are 18. The judge MAY consider their wishes, but a change will not be made based just on that. They live with you, so you would have to prove him unfit to take away visitation, and that is very difficult to do.

[auragirrl]

Actually, in Ca the kids get a say in visitation when they are 13. I want the visitation schedule dropped because A- he is not interested in taking them, and they are not interested in going with him,the schedule is only a headache for me. B- if he isn't going to spend his allotted time with them, I could sure use a raise in child support to supplement the added time with me and extreme expense of two teenage boys with bottomless pits for stomachs. As kids get older, the expenses get bigger.There are other reasons. When my son starts applying to college soon, I need the applications to show his realistic chances of his parents paying for college. His father has a very high income, and works in education. I KNOW local places that give out scholarships who would deny my son based on the idea that his father will pay for it. His father has no intention of doing so. In many aspects, it is best if I have sole custody, if not legal, then physical.

[auragirrl]

also...in my area. (Different counties in Ca do it differently). The mediators in my area put a lot of weight on recent past visitation. I have kept track of the visits the last several months. It was easy, cause it was so infrequent. and the last time we went to mediation, my ex made a complete fool of himself.

[auragirrl]

For those of you confused on kids being able to choose. Heres the deal. At least in my county. Kids , when they reach the age of 13 do get a say in who they live with. However, they are questioned at length about it by a mediator- to determine if the choice is for right, healthy reasons. If they want to live with a parent simply because that parent is more fun or lets them stay up late, then those wishes will be denied. My kids choose to not go for visits because they friends in our area, they are growing up and it is normal at the ages they are to not want to hang with your parents, however, the kids and I do things together on a regular basis. When they are with they're dad, he is too busy with his two little girls to have any time for them. He has had the choice to make them go with him, but he doesn't, cause he'd rather they weren't with him.

[auragirrl]

Excuse me...majomom1 is it??? Don't you think that was kinda rude? She was right, in some states( like I mentioned, mine)kids do get somewhat of a choice. However, it's not a question of getting them to choose you. My sister recently got custody of her kids when they told the court they wanted to live with dad, the psychologist determined dad had threated and/bribed them.

[NotClueless]

Originally Posted by auragirrl

Actually, in Ca the kids get a say in visitation when they are 13. I want the visitation schedule dropped because A- he is not interested in taking them, and they are not interested in going with him,the schedule is only a headache for me. B- if he isn't going to spend his allotted time with them, I could sure use a raise in child support to supplement the added time with me and extreme expense of two teenage boys with bottomless pits for stomachs. As kids get older, the expenses get bigger.There are other reasons. When my son starts applying to college soon, I need the applications to show his realistic chances of his parents paying for college. His father has a very high income, and works in education. I KNOW local places that give out scholarships who would deny my son based on the idea that his father will pay for it. His father has no intention of doing so. In many aspects, it is best if I have sole custody, if not legal, then physical.

Since you are dad are - well , not quite divorced - they will look at either yours (and spouse's) income OR your X's and his spouse's income. Know this one VERY well.

If it were me, I would ask, very sweetly, if he will participate in getting the divorce final. If NOT, you have every right to take the info to the prosecutor to have them file a bigamy charge. Given those options, he probably would be more inclined to help finalize a divorce.

[auragirrl]

I've already asked him. He knows the divorce was never finalized. He flatly refused to do anything about it.

[auragirrl]

and by the way....I don't have another spouse. Would I be considering taking legal action against him for bigamy if I were committing it as well? I learned my lesson, I'll never get married again. and yes, I know schools will look at all our incomes, that is a problem, as his father will not be paying a single dime towards his college education, and I can't afford for him to get turned down based on his fathers income. We don't benefit from his fathers income.

[IndyDad1on1]

Instead of filing for revoking of parenting time, file a modification of child support. If this has not been done in a while, I am sure his income has increased over the years.

Plus as you mentioned the expenses of the kids have grown as well as one about to go to college. I can't remember but does CA give parenting time credits for overnights/visitations? If they do and did in your case, you can have that set lowered thus increasing support.

Finally this will also bring the courts up to speed on what he is doing or not doing. You could ask for sole custody but as Majomom mentioned it probably won't be worth it except for maybe in regards to the 14yr old.

As for the bigamy, I do not know much about it. Filing a report with the prosecutor I would think you'd get your divorce finalized one way or another.

To clarify what some where trying to say about age of consent. There are no laws or statutes (that I have found) that say a child can choose which parent they wish to live with and at what age.

What is happening is that some judges / courts are listening to the wishes of the children starting around the age of 13. The older the child the more consideration a judge may take.

Based on the factors of a case and "The Best Interest of the Child" the judge will decided whether the child's wishes are in their best interest. But to say a child can choose at xx age is not entirely nor legally correct.

[Ohiogal]

Originally Posted by auragirrl

For those of you confused on kids being able to choose. Heres the deal. At least in my county. Kids , when they reach the age of 13 do get a say in who they live with. However, they are questioned at length about it by a mediator- to determine if the choice is for right, healthy reasons. If they want to live with a parent simply because that parent is more fun or lets them stay up late, then those wishes will be denied. My kids choose to not go for visits because they friends in our area, they are growing up and it is normal at the ages they are to not want to hang with your parents, however, the kids and I do things together on a regular basis. When they are with they're dad, he is too busy with his two little girls to have any time for them. He has had the choice to make them go with him, but he doesn't, cause he'd rather they weren't with him.

Here is the deal chickie, you are wrong. Unless you have a law degree don't even try that crap. Okay? They do not get to choose. Their wishes may be taken into consideration by the courts but they do NOT get to choose. You need to back off. And yes if you think this is rude oh well.

[Ohiogal]

Originally Posted by auragirrl

Excuse me...majomom1 is it??? Don't you think that was kinda rude? She was right, in some states( like I mentioned, mine)kids do get somewhat of a choice. However, it's not a question of getting them to choose you. My sister recently got custody of her kids when they told the court they wanted to live with dad, the psychologist determined dad had threated and/bribed them.

No she was not rude but if you want rude you are about to get it.
Children do NOT get to choose. Children's wishes MAY be taken into consideration depending on their maturity however they are NOT the deciding factor. A court may talk to the children. However the children do NOT get to choose. In your sister's case the fact that the psychologist determined that dad had threatened and bribed them held more weight than the wishes of the children. So why don't you learn the law and how it is applied BEFORE you start making wrong assertions due to your best friend's cousin's nephews situation okay?