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Questions about separation in North Carolina

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Sebaz

Junior Member
I have a few questions for lawyers practicing in North Carolina, and more specifically in Raleigh.

1) I know that in this state you are supposed to be separated for a full year before you can file for divorce, but I also remember reading somewhere that there are certain cases in which the law can waive that requirement. Can somebody tell me which cases are those?

2) If the wife doesn't work and the husband does, but he makes only enough money to pay for one residence, and added to that, the husband doesn't have any family that he can live with, but the wife does, what does the law in NC say about that? What happens if the wife doesn't want to go live with her family but expects the husband to pay for her place as well as his? Does the law say that the husband is supposed to pay for two residences during the year of separation?

3) I read something about a "separation agreement". Is this a document that has to be redacted by a lawyer, or can it be done by the couple themselves? In either case, does it need to be filed at some local district office?

4) During the year the couple is separated, is the husband supposed to pay for the wife's expenses, and if so, is there a maximum amount of money the law allows? Is that figure based on a percentage of the husband's salary, or is it a set amount?

Thanks
 


mistoffolees

Senior Member
I have a few questions for lawyers practicing in North Carolina, and more specifically in Raleigh.

1) I know that in this state you are supposed to be separated for a full year before you can file for divorce, but I also remember reading somewhere that there are certain cases in which the law can waive that requirement. Can somebody tell me which cases are those?

2) If the wife doesn't work and the husband does, but he makes only enough money to pay for one residence, and added to that, the husband doesn't have any family that he can live with, but the wife does, what does the law in NC say about that? What happens if the wife doesn't want to go live with her family but expects the husband to pay for her place as well as his? Does the law say that the husband is supposed to pay for two residences during the year of separation?

3) I read something about a "separation agreement". Is this a document that has to be redacted by a lawyer, or can it be done by the couple themselves? In either case, does it need to be filed at some local district office?

4) During the year the couple is separated, is the husband supposed to pay for the wife's expenses, and if so, is there a maximum amount of money the law allows? Is that figure based on a percentage of the husband's salary, or is it a set amount?

Thanks
1. Living apart for a year is one of the grounds for divorce. There are others:
DivorceNet - North Carolina Grounds for Divorce

2. Wife needs to get a job. Once they separate, she is responsible for her own expenses. She MAY be able to get the court to order temporary support if they file for divorce, but he is not going to have to support her indefinitely, and even temporary support is probably not going to cover all her expenses.

3. Anyone can prepare a separation agreement, although it is best if it is prepared by a good attorney and reviewed by the other person's attorney. In any event, the agreement isn't really worth anything until it is signed by the judge. The easiest and least expensive way to do it is for the two people to jointly decide on everything, draft a document, and submit it to the court for approval. The more they choose to fight over details, the more expensive and time consuming the entire process will be.

4. Once they separate, the wife needs to support herself.
 

Just Blue

Senior Member
I have a few questions for lawyers practicing in North Carolina, and more specifically in Raleigh.

1) I know that in this state you are supposed to be separated for a full year before you can file for divorce, but I also remember reading somewhere that there are certain cases in which the law can waive that requirement. Can somebody tell me which cases are those?

2) If the wife doesn't work and the husband does, but he makes only enough money to pay for one residence, and added to that, the husband doesn't have any family that he can live with, but the wife does, what does the law in NC say about that? What happens if the wife doesn't want to go live with her family but expects the husband to pay for her place as well as his? Does the law say that the husband is supposed to pay for two residences during the year of separation?

3) I read something about a "separation agreement". Is this a document that has to be redacted by a lawyer, or can it be done by the couple themselves? In either case, does it need to be filed at some local district office?

4) During the year the couple is separated, is the husband supposed to pay for the wife's expenses, and if so, is there a maximum amount of money the law allows? Is that figure based on a percentage of the husband's salary, or is it a set amount?

Thanks

How long were you married? Is the wife disabled? A stay-at-home-mother? WHY doesn't she work?

WHO are you??
 

Sebaz

Junior Member
1. Living apart for a year is one of the grounds for divorce. There are others:
DivorceNet - North Carolina Grounds for Divorce

2. Wife needs to get a job. Once they separate, she is responsible for her own expenses. She MAY be able to get the court to order temporary support if they file for divorce, but he is not going to have to support her indefinitely, and even temporary support is probably not going to cover all her expenses.

3. Anyone can prepare a separation agreement, although it is best if it is prepared by a good attorney and reviewed by the other person's attorney. In any event, the agreement isn't really worth anything until it is signed by the judge. The easiest and least expensive way to do it is for the two people to jointly decide on everything, draft a document, and submit it to the court for approval. The more they choose to fight over details, the more expensive and time consuming the entire process will be.

4. Once they separate, the wife needs to support herself.
Thanks for your reply. The link gave me an error, but I'll try to find it myself in that website.

About question 2, I have a followup question. My wife alleges that she is disabled, and while she may have some health problems that may prevent her from having a full time job, she has been denied disability for several years, even though she had a lawyer for the last three years (one that doesn't charge her anything unless she actually starts getting disability checks). The fact is, if she wanted to get a job that wasn't physically demanding she could do it, but she also suffers from heavy depression, so she sleeps most of the time and when she's up all she does is watch TV. I don't mean to tell the world my drama here, but can the judge maybe take pity on her for being a bit disabled and order me to support her through the year of separation? Or would she still be responsible for herself?

And this brings to mind another question: What happens if the wife refuses to leave the house, a house for which I pay rent and am the only tenant in the contract? What are my choices if she tells me that she won't leave?

And a followup to question 3. You mention that "it is best if it is prepared by a good attorney and reviewed by the other person's attorney". Since I barely make money to pay rent and expenses and I pretty much live paycheck to paycheck, which doesn't leave any money for attorneys, can this be done without hiring an attorney? For example, if she agrees on the separation terms and we redact the separation agreement ourselves, is that admissible by the law in NC?

Thanks again for your replies
 

Sebaz

Junior Member
How long were you married? Is the wife disabled? A stay-at-home-mother? WHY doesn't she work?

WHO are you??
We were married for almost five years. She claims to be disabled, although it's evident to me and her family that most of her problems are really mental, not to say that she doesn't suffer from some physical ones, mostly back pain, but she is not really disabled to the point of missing a limb or not being able to walk. It's just that she would need a job with no physical strain, such as an office job. She's been trying to get disability for years and was denied time after time, even though she got herself a lawyer that only would collect if he won her case. Most of the reason why she doesn't work is that she is heavily depressed, even though she's been in treatment for several years. Fact is, if I we had never met she should've gotten off her ass and work for a living.

She's a stay-at-home wife, but we don't have any children. We also don't have any property, she has a nice car that was given to her as a gift from her grandfather and I have a very old car that's probably not worth $1,000, so the divorce shouldn't be complicated in terms of having to sell property to give the other person half of it, because we don't have anything that can be sold. I have some electronics that I bought over the years, but as far as I know, that's the kind of small valuables that the judge leaves up to the couple to divide, right?
 

Sebaz

Junior Member
Sorry to bump up this thread, but events from the past few days led me to tell my wife that our marriage was over, so I could really use some more legal advice on the questions posted above.

Thanks
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
We were married for almost five years. She claims to be disabled, although it's evident to me and her family that most of her problems are really mental, not to say that she doesn't suffer from some physical ones, mostly back pain, but she is not really disabled to the point of missing a limb or not being able to walk. It's just that she would need a job with no physical strain, such as an office job. She's been trying to get disability for years and was denied time after time, even though she got herself a lawyer that only would collect if he won her case. Most of the reason why she doesn't work is that she is heavily depressed, even though she's been in treatment for several years. Fact is, if I we had never met she should've gotten off her ass and work for a living.

She's a stay-at-home wife, but we don't have any children. We also don't have any property, she has a nice car that was given to her as a gift from her grandfather and I have a very old car that's probably not worth $1,000, so the divorce shouldn't be complicated in terms of having to sell property to give the other person half of it, because we don't have anything that can be sold. I have some electronics that I bought over the years, but as far as I know, that's the kind of small valuables that the judge leaves up to the couple to divide, right?
Mental health issues can be considered disabilities as well as physical issues, nor does someone have to lose a limb or be unable to walk to be considered disabled. However, if she has been denied SS disability benefits she probably would not be considered legally disabled. Since you have a short term marriage, your worst case scenario as far as alimony is concerned would be no more than a couple of years

Marital assets do not just include physical assets. They also include any monetary assets that accrued during the marriage. That would include retirement accounts, savings accounts, stocks, bonds etc.

You are correct that typically household items, such as electronics are normally divided by the parties, but judges can even end up having to make decisions about those items if the parties cannot agree.

Yes, parties can make their own separation agreement, however the key to that is "agreement".
 

mistoffolees

Senior Member
Sorry to bump up this thread, but events from the past few days led me to tell my wife that our marriage was over, so I could really use some more legal advice on the questions posted above.
Contact an attorney. Your situation is going to be complex and a good attorney will make a big difference.
 

Sebaz

Junior Member
Contact an attorney. Your situation is going to be complex and a good attorney will make a big difference.
I definitely would if I could afford an attorney, but I simply don't have any money to afford one. Why do you think my situation is going to be complex? I mean, as I said, we don't have any real estate property, and her car is far more valuable than mine, but I don't have any intention of touching it at all, and even if I did, her grandfather has a lien on it since 2001 when he bought it for her as a gift. Then I have an HDTV that by now is probably not worth $600, a computer, and some other electronics. As for monetary assets such as those named by the previous poster, such as retirement accounts, savings accounts, stocks, bonds, etc, of that I only have a savings account in my name with $100 on it. No, it's not a typo, one hundred dollars. So if she wants half of that, she can have it, but we don't have any other type of monetary assets.

The only thing that is of real value to me are my electronics, which are rather inexpensive, but I worked very hard for them, so if she wants to take any of that away from me, then we'll have a problem. She has her own computer, TV set, a DVD recorder that I gave to her, and a few more things, and I just hope that she will take her things and not expect me to give her any of my things, but what are my resources if she does? Let's say she decides that she wants to take my HDTV with her when she moves out, and I say she can't, can she get some kind of court order? Even worse, what if she decides that she wants my computer because it's faster than hers? Can she find a way to take it away from me?
 

mistoffolees

Senior Member
I definitely would if I could afford an attorney, but I simply don't have any money to afford one. Why do you think my situation is going to be complex? I mean, as I said, we don't have any real estate property, and her car is far more valuable than mine, but I don't have any intention of touching it at all, and even if I did, her grandfather has a lien on it since 2001 when he bought it for her as a gift. Then I have an HDTV that by now is probably not worth $600, a computer, and some other electronics. As for monetary assets such as those named by the previous poster, such as retirement accounts, savings accounts, stocks, bonds, etc, of that I only have a savings account in my name with $100 on it. No, it's not a typo, one hundred dollars. So if she wants half of that, she can have it, but we don't have any other type of monetary assets.

The only thing that is of real value to me are my electronics, which are rather inexpensive, but I worked very hard for them, so if she wants to take any of that away from me, then we'll have a problem. She has her own computer, TV set, a DVD recorder that I gave to her, and a few more things, and I just hope that she will take her things and not expect me to give her any of my things, but what are my resources if she does? Let's say she decides that she wants to take my HDTV with her when she moves out, and I say she can't, can she get some kind of court order? Even worse, what if she decides that she wants my computer because it's faster than hers? Can she find a way to take it away from me?
First, your situation is complex because you're divorcing someone who claims to be disabled. That will affect whether you pay alimony and, if so, how much. I would definitely consult with someone because you want to know what your downside risk is before making any decisions. An initial decision is often free.

People come here all the time complaining that they can't afford an attorney - and then come back a few years later complaining that they got a bad settlement which cost them many times what the attorney's fees would have cost. It's like the old oil commercial: "pay me now or pay me later".

As for the possessions, that's simple in theory, complex in practice. In theory, you each get to keep something that's solely yours (an inheritance, for example). Then, you add up the value of everything that's marital property and you each get half. The complexity is that splitting things can be as smooth or as acrimonious as the two of you want it to be.

The problem is that people end up so attached to individual items that they'll spend many times more than the item is worth in order to get it. Take your HDTV. You can buy a decent HDTV for $1,000. The old one will be valued at current market value (something along the lines of garage sale prices, so perhaps $100 or so). If you both decide that you want it, you could spend hours of attorney time fighting over it - and spend many, many times what it's worth.
 

Sebaz

Junior Member
First, your situation is complex because you're divorcing someone who claims to be disabled. That will affect whether you pay alimony and, if so, how much. I would definitely consult with someone because you want to know what your downside risk is before making any decisions. An initial decision is often free.
You mean initial consultation with the lawyer, right? So you talk about alimony, which leads me to another question. Am I supposed to pay her alimony during the separation year, or only what the judge sets as alimony when the divorce comes? I know you mentioned in an earlier post that she is responsible for her own expenses, but I want to double check on this, because at most I could give her one or two hundred dollars a month, and pay for our cell phones and car insurance, but that's about it. Can she get some kind of court order to force me to give her alimony during the separation year?

People come here all the time complaining that they can't afford an attorney - and then come back a few years later complaining that they got a bad settlement which cost them many times what the attorney's fees would have cost. It's like the old oil commercial: "pay me now or pay me later".
I understand, and I agree, but I simply don't have any money. I make barely enough to make ends meet, and at most I can save $50 a month, so how could I pay hundreds of dollars to an attorney? The money is just not there.
 

mistoffolees

Senior Member
You mean initial consultation with the lawyer, right? So you talk about alimony, which leads me to another question. Am I supposed to pay her alimony during the separation year, or only what the judge sets as alimony when the divorce comes? I know you mentioned in an earlier post that she is responsible for her own expenses, but I want to double check on this, because at most I could give her one or two hundred dollars a month, and pay for our cell phones and car insurance, but that's about it. Can she get some kind of court order to force me to give her alimony during the separation year?



I understand, and I agree, but I simply don't have any money. I make barely enough to make ends meet, and at most I can save $50 a month, so how could I pay hundreds of dollars to an attorney? The money is just not there.
You pay whatever the court orders. If it orders temporary support (support while the divorce is pending), you pay that. If it orders spousal support after the divorce, you pay that. Until there's an order in place, you don't have to give her anything. But if she asks for temporary support, it may well be awarded, particularly if your income is significantly greater than hers.

People say that all the time, but that doesn't make it true. There are countless ways to get the money for an attorney:
- Sell personal belongings
- Borrow the money
- Work a second job
- Reduce your expenditures (if you smoke, it's a good time to quit)

Or, you can find reduced rates for attorneys by asking. Some will work out payment plans. Some will work pro bono. If you're near a law school, you may be able to get the help of a student through the law school. And so on.

It's up to you. Weigh the options - consider how much you have to lose vs the cost of an attorney. If you can work things out amicably with your stbx, then it may not be horrendously expensive. Spend a little time on these boards, though, to see how much it can cost to NOT have an attorney.
 

TinkerBelleLuvr

Senior Member
You stated that you are renting. How long before the lease is up? Is it an option to move when it is up? At that point, you individually move into less expense digs.
 

Sebaz

Junior Member
You pay whatever the court orders. If it orders temporary support (support while the divorce is pending), you pay that. If it orders spousal support after the divorce, you pay that. Until there's an order in place, you don't have to give her anything. But if she asks for temporary support, it may well be awarded, particularly if your income is significantly greater than hers.
Would it be a good idea to offer her a small amount of money, say $100 every two weeks, since chances are she will be staying with her mother? Would that be something that eventually would make me look better in court, or would it be a stupid thing to do?

People say that all the time, but that doesn't make it true. There are countless ways to get the money for an attorney:
- Sell personal belongings
- Borrow the money
- Work a second job
- Reduce your expenditures (if you smoke, it's a good time to quit)
Well, some people may say they don't have anything but they still own a nice house, a $10,000 car, some jewelry, maybe some stocks. I don't have any of that. My car is probably less than $1000, and my electronics are not top of the line, and if I sell them I wouldn't get much. Other than that, I don't have anything else. As for borrowing the money, I already owe money to credit cards which I'm paying religiously month after month, but borrowing more money is not a choice because simply I couldn't give it back.

The other two might be worth considering, but my full time job is mentally and physically stressful enough for me and I'm not exactly too young too withstand working from 8:30 AM to let's say 9 or 10 PM. I may have to do it if the judge leaves me no choice, but are judges usually so cold as to say I must give her an amount of alimony that is beyond the possibilities of my current salary?
 
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Sebaz

Junior Member
You stated that you are renting. How long before the lease is up? Is it an option to move when it is up? At that point, you individually move into less expense digs.
That would be an option if we were living in a place I'm paying $1100 a month for. I'm paying $645, and at $322.5 a month, you won't find a place where your life won't be in danger most of the time. And I'm paying as much as I can afford, in fact whether we were separating or not, I was going to move out at the end of my lease (April) to a less expensive place. If I had to pay one place for each of us, all my salary would allow would be a very cheap place and there would be nothing left for food, gas, bills, etc.
 

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