Questions regarding divorce in NJ

[Cathie123]

What is the name of your state? NJ
I have a few questions in regards to a divorce if anyone would be so kind enough to respond.
Here are some of the facts of my case:
*Married since 4/01.
*Have 1 child together, age of 4
*Husband is an alcolholic/drug addict and has not been employed for approx 3 - 4 years.
*I have been working at my job for over 15 years.
*Husband has not contributed anything to the home (ie..paid bills, mortgage, child support..Etc..)
*Owned a total of 3 homes together during the course of the marriage, 2 have been sold and we are now residing in the 3rd which was recently purchased as of June 2006.
*Husband is still living in the marital residence.
*No other assets

My questions are these:
*Is there anyway, either before or after he is served, that I can have him begin paying for anything in the home, such as 1/2 of my daughters day care expenses and/or the mortgage?
*Should he refuse to contribute to the expenses in the home, is there anyway to have him removed from the residence?
*Do I need to be concerned about having to pay him spousal support as the fact that he is not working? I barely make a living now, and my child would suffer greatly if this be the case.

Any response in reqards to my inquire would be greatly appreciated.

[Zephyr]

Originally Posted by Cathie123

What is the name of your state? NJ
I have a few questions in regards to a divorce if anyone would be so kind enough to respond.
Here are some of the facts of my case:
*Married since 4/01.
*Have 1 child together, age of 4
*Husband is an alcolholic/drug addict and has not been employed for approx 3 - 4 years.
*I have been working at my job for over 15 years.
*Husband has not contributed anything to the home (ie..paid bills, mortgage, child support..Etc..)
*Owned a total of 3 homes together during the course of the marriage, 2 have been sold and we are now residing in the 3rd which was recently purchased as of June 2006.
*Husband is still living in the marital residence.
*No other assets

My questions are these:
*Is there anyway, either before or after he is served, that I can have him begin paying for anything in the home, such as 1/2 of my daughters day care expenses and/or the mortgage?

you can include financial responsibilities in the temp order request...whether they will be granted or not is up to the judge


*Should he refuse to contribute to the expenses in the home, is there anyway to have him removed from the residence?

don't know

*Do I need to be concerned about having to pay him spousal support as the fact that he is not working? I barely make a living now, and my child would suffer greatly if this be the case.

maybe...you have been providing his total support for years

Any response in reqards to my inquire would be greatly appreciated.

hopefully someone familiar with your state will be along shortly

[Silverplum]

Originally Posted by Cathie123

What is the name of your state? NJ
I have a few questions in regards to a divorce if anyone would be so kind enough to respond.
Here are some of the facts of my case:
*Married since 4/01.
*Have 1 child together, age of 4
*Husband is an alcolholic/drug addict and has not been employed for approx 3 - 4 years.
*I have been working at my job for over 15 years.
*Husband has not contributed anything to the home (ie..paid bills, mortgage, child support..Etc..)
*Owned a total of 3 homes together during the course of the marriage, 2 have been sold and we are now residing in the 3rd which was recently purchased as of June 2006.
*Husband is still living in the marital residence.
*No other assets

My questions are these:
*Is there anyway, either before or after he is served, that I can have him begin paying for anything in the home, such as 1/2 of my daughters day care expenses and/or the mortgage?

How?
Considering your statements, bolded by me above, I don't see how. There's orders on paper, and then there are actual human beings getting over major addictions and finding productive jobs. Will that happen in one day, do you think?

Originally Posted by Cathie123

*Should he refuse to contribute to the expenses in the home, is there anyway to have him removed from the residence?

That's an NJ law thing, and I don't know. Shouldn't be too hard to google.

Originally Posted by Cathie123

*Do I need to be concerned about having to pay him spousal support as the fact that he is not working?

Temporary SS, yes, I'd be concerned if I were in your shoes.

Originally Posted by Cathie123

I barely make a living now, and my child would suffer greatly if this be the case.

You're the only wage earner. You're talking about removing one of the three members of the family. How then would you *barely* be making it? You would be paying less (or nothing) for: groceries, alcohol, drugs, water, electricity, clothing, medical, etc.

You're missing something here.

[Zephyr]

Originally Posted by Silverplum

How?
Considering your statements, bolded by me above, I don't see how. There's orders on paper, and then there are actual human beings getting over major addictions and finding productive jobs. Will that happen in one day, do you think?

That's an NJ law thing, and I don't know. Shouldn't be too hard to google.

Temporary SS, yes, I'd be concerned if I were in your shoes.

You're the only wage earner. You're talking about removing one of the three members of the family. How then would you *barely* be making it? You would be paying less (or nothing) for: groceries, alcohol, drugs, water, electricity, clothing, medical, etc.

You're missing something here.

maybe now she'll have to pay for day care? but if she wasn't paying day care before, that would mean she was leaving kiddo home with dad- regardless of his issues....which makes dad the primary caretaker.....

[Silverplum]

Originally Posted by Zephyr

maybe now she'll have to pay for day care? but if she wasn't paying day care before, that would mean she was leaving kiddo home with dad- regardless of his issues....which makes dad the primary caretaker.....

Indeed, a good catch, Z. Hmmm...many factors of interest here. That's possibly why OP says Dad has drug/alcohol issues, ya think?

[Cathie123]

I've solely paid for daycare since I went back to work (approx 1 month after maternity leave). My daughter has never been left home with him alone for any longer than an hour.

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

I've solely paid for daycare since I went back to work (approx 1 month after maternity leave). My daughter has never been left home with him alone for any longer than an hour.

I had to do the same thing. I paid dearly for that since I had to file MFS, so that I wasn't allowed to take child and dependent credit. Same situation, different drug of choice - one that I could PROVE.

[tuffbrk]

If I'm understanding you correctly, you meant if you were paying alimony you'd barely make it, true? Good luck to you.

1) Can you make him pay? You can file for pendente lite support, however there will be issues. Certainly a judge could impute income to him based upon what he earned 3 years ago. NJ looks at the past 3 years and averages that income (generally) in calculating income to impute (not always, depends on circumstances). However, due to his addiction - if it's been a medical issue and he's been seeking treatment as an outpatient he may be ordered to get a job and pay. Whether he does look for work or if anyone is willing to hire him is another story entirely. Many companies perform drug testing. So they may look at him as being voluntarily unemployed - or they may look at h im as being ill. Some of this is dependent upon what type of treatment he has obtained for his addiction.

2) NJ does not allow you to have your spouse removed from the marital premises. The financial burden will not matter since status quo has been established with your acceptance of the situation. Please understand that I'm not criticizing you. I realize it's most likely you attempting to honor the whole "in sickness" deal of the marriage contract. Since your last home was sold, presumably you're renting? In that case, when your lease is up simply move out.

3) Spousal Support - tricky, tricky. Status quo has been established, you've been supporting him, he's not working BUT it's only a 6 year marriage. It's possible that they'll grant rehabilitative alimony or a limited duration alimony until he gets on his feet again - discarding the drug issue, he has been out of the workforce for 3 years.

Does your spouse also want a divorce?

[Cathie123]

His addiction to pain pills has been both medically prescribed as well as him obtaining them from alternate sources. Our health insurance which I pay for through my employer has so far paid for his rehab on 3 seperate occassions. All 3 times he's never made it pass the 1st day.
Should the courts impute an income, and he doesn't pay or even bother looking for work, then what? Do they lock him in prison?

To answer the inquiry made regarding the martial residence, we own the home we are presently in. It was purchased 6 months ago. My name alone on the deed as well as the mortgage. Our last home was sold in June 2006 and we moved on the promise that he was to be getting a job from someone that he knew. Well, as we can now see, that deal fell through and he isn't working or contributing to anything. The only money that is still left is what was left of the proceeds of the last home we sold and my income, which as I stated prior, is barely able to pay for 1/2 of the mortgage, child care as I HAVE no choice but to work, and all of the other bills. I realize that I will have no choice but to sell my home, and we'll be taking a hit on that as well.

If you'll excuse my ignorance, but I'm still a little confused on the SS issue. If the unemployment is more or less a voluntary choice, then how could the courts consider this? Would they not also take into consideration what my pay is, and the fact that I will be supporting my daughter (on my own I'm quite certain).?

Yes, my spouse and I both agree on this divorce.

[Silverplum]

Originally Posted by Cathie123

Should the courts impute an income, and he doesn't pay or even bother looking for work, then what? Do they lock him in prison?

Aren't you just the cutest thing?

[Bali Hai]

Originally Posted by Cathie123

His addiction to pain pills has been both medically prescribed as well as him obtaining them from alternate sources. Our health insurance which I pay for through my employer has so far paid for his rehab on 3 seperate occassions. All 3 times he's never made it pass the 1st day.
Should the courts impute an income, and he doesn't pay or even bother looking for work, then what? Do they lock him in prison?

To answer the inquiry made regarding the martial residence, we own the home we are presently in. It was purchased 6 months ago. My name alone on the deed as well as the mortgage. Our last home was sold in June 2006 and we moved on the promise that he was to be getting a job from someone that he knew. Well, as we can now see, that deal fell through and he isn't working or contributing to anything. The only money that is still left is what was left of the proceeds of the last home we sold and my income, which as I stated prior, is barely able to pay for 1/2 of the mortgage, child care as I HAVE no choice but to work, and all of the other bills. I realize that I will have no choice but to sell my home, and we'll be taking a hit on that as well.

If you'll excuse my ignorance, but I'm still a little confused on the SS issue. If the unemployment is more or less a voluntary choice, then how could the courts consider this? Would they not also take into consideration what my pay is, and the fact that I will be supporting my daughter (on my own I'm quite certain).?

Yes, my spouse and I both agree on this divorce.

If the courts didn't award alimony because it was the voluntary choice of the spouse not to work, then 99% of the women getting alimony now wouldn't be getting it!!

I love how women think it's ok for a woman voluntarily not take a job and ok to collect alimony. But when a man does this, he's a lazy bum who doesn't deserve alimony because he SHOULD be working.

You enabled and approved his behavior, and you chose to sleep and have kids with this man. I hope you do better next time.

[Silverplum]

Originally Posted by Bali Hai

But when a man does this, he's a lazy bum who doesn't deserve alimony because he SHOULD be working.

Or in JAIL.

[Bali Hai]

Originally Posted by Silverplum

Or in JAIL.

Oh yeah, I forgot that one . Thanks Silver.

[tuffbrk]

Originally Posted by Cathie123

His addiction to pain pills has been both medically prescribed as well as him obtaining them from alternate sources. Our health insurance which I pay for through my employer has so far paid for his rehab on 3 seperate occassions. All 3 times he's never made it pass the 1st day.

So he can say: I was prescribed pain pills by my doctor and had no idea they were addictive. I've sought treatment at XX center on no less than 3 occasions in my desire to beat this addiction, that I developed simply because I trusted my doctor. I will beat it. I want to be a man that my daughter looks up to.

In other words -may make it appear to the court that he is involuntarily underemployed. In that case they won't impute. If his story doesn't play, and they impute, no - they won't lock him in prison. Not that it would help you financially even if they did.

To answer the inquiry made regarding the martial residence, we own the home we are presently in. It was purchased 6 months ago. My name alone on the deed as well as the mortgage.

Then you are stuck unless he voluntarily leaves or becomes abusive and an RO is requested and granted. Please keep in mind any allegations of abuse need to be proven and accusations should not be made lightly. They may further impede your Husband's ability to obtain employment in certain sectors.

Our last home was sold in June 2006 and we moved on the promise that he was to be getting a job from someone that he knew. Well, as we can now see, that deal fell through and he isn't working or contributing to anything. The only money that is still left is what was left of the proceeds of the last home we sold and my income, which as I stated prior, is barely able to pay for 1/2 of the mortgage, child care as I HAVE no choice but to work, and all of the other bills.

I hear you! Remember you are being responsible, honorable and worthy of your child's respect. Hold it close because no one thanks you for doing the right thing....
I realize that I will have no choice but to sell my home, and we'll be taking a hit on that as well.

If you'll excuse my ignorance, but I'm still a little confused on the SS issue. If the unemployment is more or less a voluntary choice, then how could the courts consider this?

In your eyes, it is voluntary, but in my response above, I made a case for it being involuntary. The court may, or may not, sympathize with your husband's "condition." Who will be more likely to prove their case? Just saying that he is a lazy, addictive person doesn't make it so. You would need to prove it. He can easily prove his desire and attempts to beat his addiction with insurance records.
Would they not also take into consideration what my pay is, and the fact that I will be supporting my daughter (on my own I'm quite certain).?

Sure. You'll need to complete, file and update throughout the divorce a document called the Case Info Statement. It shows what you make and how you spend it, with all fixed expenses, etc. In my case, when awarding alimony, they looked only at income, didn't bother to look at the fixed expenses. So think of that as your worst case scenario.

Yes, my spouse and I both agree on this divorce.

If you can come to terms somewhat on your own, the divorce will be less costly in the long run. There is mediation available in NJ. If you are able to reach agreement on most items, then mediation is worth a shot. The mediator will help you get past the issues you don't agree on, write the agreement and then you each have an attorney review it for legal accuracy, appropriate wording, etc. You'll save a lot.

On the other hand, for custody orders (parenting plan), let the court order both of you to parenting mediation - it's free.

[Cathie123]

Thank You Tuffbrk for your help. I'll just need to wait it out and see how this gets played out. Thanks again.