Questions regarding settlement

[Boogie9IGN]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? California

Hey fellas,

So my parents are getting divorced and my dad enlisted a lawyer as a 'mediator' of sorts. He kind of sets down the settlements but doesn't represent any particular side, and in the case that my parents do decide to go to court, he cannot being enlisted as either side's counsel.

So my parents have a meeting with him next week and he sent my mom this email. She doesn't really understand what is being asked/said so I was wondering if someone could help me simplify it for her:

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1. The home. What is your plan? I understand that DAD probably wants to keep MOM and THE KIDS in the house for the near future, but for how long? Looks like there is about $250,000 in equity (at least for the present time). You have several options, depending on what your goals are.
a. you can defer sale conditioned on specified event, by time, or both
b. cross purchase the other's interest
c. sign over to the other subject to offsetting interest in another asset (like the deferred comp $).

2. City of Lazytown Pension: This is straightforward: QDRO (this is the acronym for the method to legally preserve the non participant's interest ) it now so that MOM gets her interest paid directly to her from now on.


3. Deferred Comp: Must be dealt with the same as the pension.

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So essentially we'd like someone to explain all those options to us, as we don't really understand them well and we'd like to know before the meeting so my dad can't try any funny business.

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? California

Hey fellas,

So my parents are getting divorced and my dad enlisted a lawyer as a 'mediator' of sorts. He kind of sets down the settlements but doesn't represent any particular side, and in the case that my parents do decide to go to court, he cannot being enlisted as either side's counsel.

So my parents have a meeting with him next week and he sent my mom this email. She doesn't really understand what is being asked/said so I was wondering if someone could help me simplify it for her:

---

1. The home. What is your plan? I understand that DAD probably wants to keep MOM and THE KIDS in the house for the near future, but for how long? Looks like there is about $250,000 in equity (at least for the present time). You have several options, depending on what your goals are.
a. you can defer sale conditioned on specified event, by time, or both
b. cross purchase the other's interest
c. sign over to the other subject to offsetting interest in another asset (like the deferred comp $).

2. City of Lazytown Pension: This is straightforward: QDRO (this is the acronym for the method to legally preserve the non participant's interest ) it now so that MOM gets her interest paid directly to her from now on.


3. Deferred Comp: Must be dealt with the same as the pension.

---

So essentially we'd like someone to explain all those options to us, as we don't really understand them well and we'd like to know before the meeting so my dad can't try any funny business.

Your mom needs an attorney....plain and simple.

 

[Boogie9IGN]

Well the mediator was agreed on by both my parents, and he has sent these questions to my father as well. The format is that they both figure out their answers and bring them to the meeting where he tries to arrive at some of agreement between the two. English is not my mom's first language though, so she gets intimidated by these sorts of questions. She'd like to just have a sort of general idea as to what the questions mean and what answers she'd like to give, rather than have to come up with something on the spot at the meeting.

Regarding consulting a lawyer, I believe she's already asked some of her legal contacts but she can't right out and go to a firm. As she's explained it to me, any formal consultation with a lawyer results in the mediator having to be excused and my parents heading to court.

 

[LdiJ]

Basically its like this:

They have assets, and they have debts.

They are each entitled to 1/2 of the assets, and each responsible for 1/2 of the debts.

The mediator is asking them how they want to divide things...who gets what.

Assets don't have to have each one divided exactly in half. For example, your mom could take the full 250k equity in the house, if she can exchange it for 250k worth of equity in something else. (like the pension or deferred compensation). That of course would be assuming that your mother will be able to afford the house after the divorce.

If your mother wants alimony, that is something that she needs to be prepared to ask for as well.

 

[nextwife]

If your mother wants alimony, that is something that she needs to be prepared to ask for as well.

That's a sexist answer. Why Mother?

Where does he state that mom earns less than dad? Why do you only reference MOm as being the one who may be entitled to alimony? Just because mom is not financially savvy, doesn't mean she may not be successful or talented in other areas, and earning a comparable or better income than dad? Nowadays, many moman earn as much or more than their spouses- gender should be irrelevant..

 

[LdiJ]

That's a sexist answer. Why Mother?

Where does he state that mom earns less than dad? Why do you only reference MOm as being the one who may be entitled to alimony? Just because mom is not financially savvy, doesn't mean she may not be successful or talented in other areas, and earning a comparable or better income than dad? Nowadays, many moman earn as much or more than their spouses- gender should be irrelevant..

I made a possibly inaccurate assumption that since her english was limited, that it wasn't likely that she was working, or wasn't working much. I also made the assumption that a long term marriage was involved, considering that the OP is their son.

 

[Silverplum]

I thought "we" generally don't help children involve themselves in their parents' divorce problems.

 

[LdiJ]

I thought "we" generally don't help children involve themselves in their parents' divorce problems.

I never signed on for that "rule". When the admin puts it in the TOS then I will consider myself bound to that rule.

 

[nextwife]

I made a possibly inaccurate assumption that since her english was limited, that it wasn't likely that she was working, or wasn't working much. I also made the assumption that a long term marriage was involved, considering that the OP is their son.

Lots of people have long term marriages - that doesn't necessarilly mean anyone is entitled to alimony! Our best friends have a 35 year marriage, and IF they split, there would be NO basis for alimony. A long term marriage alone is not sufficient reason for alimony, else every MAN who had a long term marriage would therefore be entitled to alimony. She can't have a long term marriage unless he also has a long term marriage.

My FIL was very uneducated, barely spoke English, and no clue about how banking and credit worked, yet earned a very good living for himself, including an investment real estate portfolio- all purchased w/cash. Poor language skills, for example, don't automatically preclude one from earning a decent living

 

[LdiJ]

Lots of people have long term marriages - that doesn't necessarilly mean anyone is entitled to alimony! Our best friends have a 35 year marriage, and IF they split, there would be NO basis for alimony. A long term marriage alone is not sufficient reason for alimony, else every MAN who had a long term marriage would therefore be entitled to alimony. She can't have a long term marriage unless he also has a long term marriage.

My FIL was very uneducated, barely spoke English, and no clue about how banking and credit worked, yet earned a very good living for himself, including an investment real estate portfolio- all purchased w/cash. Poor language skills, for example, don't automatically preclude one from earning a decent living

Nexie...get over it.

My impression was that she either did not work or did not work much, that, combined with a long term marriage is where the potential for alimony would lie.

If she worked and made plenty of her own money, then it would be irrelevant whether or not the marriage was long term.

 

[Zephyr]

How about this- if either parent wishes to be granted spousal support they need to make sure to ask for it...

jeez, answer the questions, split hairs privately

 

[mistoffolees]

So my parents have a meeting with him next week and he sent my mom this email. She doesn't really understand what is being asked/said so I was wondering if someone could help me simplify it for her:

---

1. The home. What is your plan? I understand that DAD probably wants to keep MOM and THE KIDS in the house for the near future, but for how long? Looks like there is about $250,000 in equity (at least for the present time). You have several options, depending on what your goals are.
a. you can defer sale conditioned on specified event, by time, or both
b. cross purchase the other's interest
c. sign over to the other subject to offsetting interest in another asset (like the deferred comp $).

2. City of Lazytown Pension: This is straightforward: QDRO (this is the acronym for the method to legally preserve the non participant's interest ) it now so that MOM gets her interest paid directly to her from now on.


3. Deferred Comp: Must be dealt with the same as the pension.

---

I agree with Ldij. There's enough money at stake here that your mother needs an attorney- particularly if she doesn't understand these basic questions. I will give you an explanation, but please encourage her to get her own attorney since the mediator can not represent either party.

1. The home has significant equity (value less the mortgage). What does Mom plan to do with it? Is she going to stay there or sell it?
a. She can set terms on how the home would be sold. For example, she could insist that the home be sold but only if the price is over $500,000 (or any other number). Or she could ask that the house be sold but only after a 6 month waiting period to give the kids time to adjust. Keep in mind that she needs to be able to afford the house with her own income, assets, alimony (if applicable) and child support if she plans to stay.
b. The home equity is $250 K-which would be half for Mom and half for Dad. If Mom wants to stay there, she will need to give Dad $125 K in her share of other assets. Is she willing to do so? If not, the house needs to be sold.
c. essentially same answer as b.

2. She can't just take her half of the pension fund since pension funds are regulated by law and distributions are limited. To get around that, the pension provider's obligation can be split so that instead of owing Dad $xxx per month on retirement, they give both Mom and Dad a percentage of the pension when it becomes due. This is done via QDRO (Qualified Domestic Relations Order). She needs to decide whether she wants to trade the pension against home equity or what she wants to do with it. The pension will be paid directly to Mom and Dad in their proper share rather than paying it all to Dad and expecting him to pay Mom her share.

3. Deferred Comp plans are handled like Pension and will need a QDRO to properly handle the money.

Please have Mom get an attorney to protect her interest.

 

[Boogie9IGN]

Sorry if I wasn't clear on everything. My mom does not work and we have been living off my dad's retirement checks ($5k a month) for about a year now since he left us. Funny enough, today would've been their 24 year anniversary, so her friends took her out to dinner.

Thank you so much for all the replies, they've been EXTREMELY helpful. I'll go explain everything to her as best I can and also make sure to stress the need for an attorney.

 

[nextwife]

Sorry if I wasn't clear on everything. My mom does not work and we have been living off my dad's retirement checks ($5k a month) for about a year now since he left us. Funny enough, today would've been their 24 year anniversary, so her friends took her out to dinner.

Thank you so much for all the replies, they've been EXTREMELY helpful. I'll go explain everything to her as best I can and also make sure to stress the need for an attorney.

How old are you? How old are the "kids"?

Mom has had a net income of 5k a month all to herself, not shared with dad?? That's 60,000 a year before she even lifts a finger to work even part time!

 

[Boogie9IGN]

How old are you? How old are the "kids"?

Mom has had a net income of 5k a month all to herself, not shared with dad?? That's 60,000 a year before she even lifts a finger to work even part time!

I'm 20, my sister is 17. While the 5k seems like a lot, we do live smack dab in Silicon Valley and the cost here is very high. On top of that, my dad left my mom to pay all the bills, including his high CC bills from his new girlfriend. All told, the bills (inlcuding credit, loans, mortgages, etc.) are in the high 4k every month, leaving very little to pay for groceries and school.