relocation dilema

[mygirlsrsweet]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Florida

My girls are 11 & 12. I live in a county that ranks 66th out of 72 in terms of school districts. I have always intended to move my girls before they have to enter any of the D or F high schools they are slated to go to. In full disclosure, I have been separated from my 2nd husband for 1 & 1/2 years. A year ago I started dating a boyfriend from 20yrs ago and we are now in a very promising relationship-both thouroughly in love. I have been unemployed for 2yrs(actively looking for 1yr). My boyfriend lives in a school district that ranks 7th out of the 72, with all of the high and middle schools rated A. He has been able to find 3 likely jobs for me w/i 2 days of leisurely searching. I want to move there with my girls prior to the school year starting and their father is against the move because of his visitation. I understand his concern completely and sympathize, but I have to put my girls education first and foremost. In saying that I would like to clarify that I would continue his every other weekend visits (hoping that he could meet me 1/2 way) and I am willing to work with the other holidays such as Spring Break, which he does not have now. The move is 150miles north and 2hrs 15min. I have bought laptops with webcams so they can talk daily-face to face. I am not trying to be selfish, but I want to move my girls. (also to note: he has been in the arrears for 5 yrs and has been non-compliant with CSE for 13 months, knowing I am in financial trouble-living off the sale of my house while looking for a job)What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?
My question is regarding the realistic potential to relocate the girls. Is it going to be a difficult fight? I have supporting documentation on all of the county by county comparisions showing significant improvement-crime stats, school grades, etc

 

[Ohiogal]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Florida

My girls are 11 & 12. I live in a county that ranks 66th out of 72 in terms of school districts. I have always intended to move my girls before they have to enter any of the D or F high schools they are slated to go to. In full disclosure, I have been separated from my 2nd husband for 1 & 1/2 years. A year ago I started dating a boyfriend from 20yrs ago and we are now in a very promising relationship-both thouroughly in love. I have been unemployed for 2yrs(actively looking for 1yr). My boyfriend lives in a school district that ranks 7th out of the 72, with all of the high and middle schools rated A. He has been able to find 3 likely jobs for me w/i 2 days of leisurely searching. I want to move there with my girls prior to the school year starting and their father is against the move because of his visitation. I understand his concern completely and sympathize, but I have to put my girls education first and foremost. In saying that I would like to clarify that I would continue his every other weekend visits (hoping that he could meet me 1/2 way) and I am willing to work with the other holidays such as Spring Break, which he does not have now. The move is 150miles north and 2hrs 15min. I have bought laptops with webcams so they can talk daily-face to face. I am not trying to be selfish, but I want to move my girls. (also to note: he has been in the arrears for 5 yrs and has been non-compliant with CSE for 13 months, knowing I am in financial trouble-living off the sale of my house while looking for a job)What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

He could still try to raise a ruckus and delay moving HIS girls. The children are not just YOUR (singular) children. They are also his. How often does he visit? Why should he have to do ANY driving? Do you actually HAVE a job up there yet or do you just think you will get a job?

 

[mygirlsrsweet]

let me please start off by saying that not all women are vindictive or malicious. I have no ill will or malicious intent here. I am only trying to give my (our if that pleases you) girls a good start on their future and that means a great education.

Yes indeed the girls are his as well. The "my" isn't meant in a snyde way-even their father calls them mine (as in mom's). It's just the way we have come to call them. And their father and I are not at war. Parents can't parent properly if they are tainted by negative thoughts. Even now we talk pleasantly-we are not in a battle. We simply are not on the same page and will work it out through the proper channels. I just wanted an opinion to see where others thoughts stand in regards to my thoughts.

On paper he has the girls on Wed overnight-he actually sees them from 4:15-8or9 and on paper he has the girls every other weekend with one Sun overnight a month-he does not exercise this overnight either. He is absent from school conferences, orientations, events,field trips, etc as well as anything medical. He does not know (by choice) who the doctor is, dentist, etc. He is more present in their lives when he does not have a girlfriend and tends to skip Wed visits when he does. (only noted as an observation, for legal understanding-again, not malice)

 

[mygirlsrsweet]

sorry, I forgot to address the job issue...I do not have a job offer yet since I do not know (nor will I presume) the outcome of the petition or judges wishes. This makes it difficult to secure a position. That being said, my boyfriend has lots of contacts as the previous Chamber of Commerce President. The 3 potential positions were a result of these contacts and are quite promising. On the same token, I don't currently have a job where I live now but I am living with my girls on our own. The proceeds of the sale of my house will not last forever and once gone,so is any savings I could have for the girls or any emergency related to them. This move would be an economic improvement, though the education aspect is more important to me. I have covered the environment having literally 1/2 the crime, the school district being an A for 8 consecutive years and an improvement in the economic situation..the one thing I didn't mention was that the house itself is an upgrade from the current (which isn't deficient in any way).

I wasn't mandating (that isn't how I operate-nor do the courts) that he drive the way there. I was merely making a comment that I would appreciate him driving 60 miles of the 150. I understand the courts position on the travel and the custodial parent having the majority of the burden. I can credit his arrears for the travel expenses, which helps him and then I will drive the other 90 miles. I'm not asking for a round trip ticket-I'm offering to go 150% farther than where I am asking him to go. Which with the CS credit, is fair.

 

[LdiJ]

sorry, I forgot to address the job issue...I do not have a job offer yet since I do not know (nor will I presume) the outcome of the petition or judges wishes. This makes it difficult to secure a position. That being said, my boyfriend has lots of contacts as the previous Chamber of Commerce President. The 3 potential positions were a result of these contacts and are quite promising. On the same token, I don't currently have a job where I live now but I am living with my girls on our own. The proceeds of the sale of my house will not last forever and once gone,so is any savings I could have for the girls or any emergency related to them. This move would be an economic improvement, though the education aspect is more important to me. I have covered the environment having literally 1/2 the crime, the school district being an A for 8 consecutive years and an improvement in the economic situation..the one thing I didn't mention was that the house itself is an upgrade from the current (which isn't deficient in any way).

I wasn't mandating (that isn't how I operate-nor do the courts) that he drive the way there. I was merely making a comment that I would appreciate him driving 60 miles of the 150. I understand the courts position on the travel and the custodial parent having the majority of the burden. I can credit his arrears for the travel expenses, which helps him and then I will drive the other 90 miles. I'm not asking for a round trip ticket-I'm offering to go 150% farther than where I am asking him to go. Which with the CS credit, is fair.

You have a viable shot at getting to relocate, because dad can still have every other weekend and you are offering other time, webcams etc. However, its still going to be up to the judge and it is by no means a guaranteed win. Be prepared to handle it if you are ordered to provide ALL the transportaton.

 

[Ohiogal]

let me please start off by saying that not all women are vindictive or malicious. I have no ill will or malicious intent here. I am only trying to give my (our if that pleases you) girls a good start on their future and that means a great education.

Yes indeed the girls are his as well. The "my" isn't meant in a snyde way-even their father calls them mine (as in mom's). It's just the way we have come to call them. And their father and I are not at war. Parents can't parent properly if they are tainted by negative thoughts. Even now we talk pleasantly-we are not in a battle. We simply are not on the same page and will work it out through the proper channels. I just wanted an opinion to see where others thoughts stand in regards to my thoughts.

On paper he has the girls on Wed overnight-he actually sees them from 4:15-8or9 and on paper he has the girls every other weekend with one Sun overnight a month-he does not exercise this overnight either. He is absent from school conferences, orientations, events,field trips, etc as well as anything medical. He does not know (by choice) who the doctor is, dentist, etc. He is more present in their lives when he does not have a girlfriend and tends to skip Wed visits when he does. (only noted as an observation, for legal understanding-again, not malice)

He could still try to raise a ruckus. It is possible that he could delay you from moving with his children.

 

[Ohiogal]

sorry, I forgot to address the job issue...I do not have a job offer yet since I do not know (nor will I presume) the outcome of the petition or judges wishes. This makes it difficult to secure a position. That being said, my boyfriend has lots of contacts as the previous Chamber of Commerce President. The 3 potential positions were a result of these contacts and are quite promising. On the same token, I don't currently have a job where I live now but I am living with my girls on our own. The proceeds of the sale of my house will not last forever and once gone,so is any savings I could have for the girls or any emergency related to them. This move would be an economic improvement, though the education aspect is more important to me. I have covered the environment having literally 1/2 the crime, the school district being an A for 8 consecutive years and an improvement in the economic situation..the one thing I didn't mention was that the house itself is an upgrade from the current (which isn't deficient in any way).

I wasn't mandating (that isn't how I operate-nor do the courts) that he drive the way there. I was merely making a comment that I would appreciate him driving 60 miles of the 150. I understand the courts position on the travel and the custodial parent having the majority of the burden. I can credit his arrears for the travel expenses, which helps him and then I will drive the other 90 miles. I'm not asking for a round trip ticket-I'm offering to go 150% farther than where I am asking him to go. Which with the CS credit, is fair.

So basically what it comes down to is your boyfriend lives there AND you want to move so you are coming up with reasons to justify moving to boyfriend. If you had not met boyfriend the schools wouldn't matter.

 

[Ohiogal]

You have a viable shot at getting to relocate, because dad can still have every other weekend and you are offering other time, webcams etc. However, its still going to be up to the judge and it is by no means a guaranteed win. Be prepared to handle it if you are ordered to provide ALL the transportaton.

I agree but her reasoning still seems to be all about the boyfriend with the schools and other things as attempts to justify her moving with the children to boyfriend's house/town/whatever.

OP what happens if you break up with boyfriend?

 

[mygirlsrsweet]

my intent has always been to move the girls to a different educational environment, all this has done has been to enable me to do it a year earlier than I had planned. According to my research this is the "better" age to move them. That is not to say that any age is great, but some developmental ages are more detrimental, such as teenage years when bonds are starting to strengthen-with friends.

As I stated, I live on my own with my girls now and I would have no problem doing that there either. This is not going to be a move up there to be with boyfriend and if it doesn't work out then I uproot them again. He is not, as you imply, the sole reason for us to move. Perhaps it expedited it, but it was going to happen within the next year. I have lived in my area since 1981, so obviously I don't move on a whim. I am prepared to move up there with the girls and live alone if that is what I am asked- In my visiting the area so frequently to see my boyfriend I have found that the schools are exceptional- there is no comparing high schools of a D or F quality (and they are all D's & F's in my area) to all A high schools.

If I hadn't gotten back with my boyfriend ( who went away to college the first time around-no bad break up,etc) then I STILL would have moved the girls to a better school district. (that wasn't yelling, purely emphasis)

 

[mygirlsrsweet]

Maybe what I am not understanding from the equation is..Why can't Motherhood and Womanhood coincide at the same time without criticism. I have always been a woman, I became a mother, I will Always be a loving mother. I have not resigned being a woman. So long as it is still in the girls best interest-which clearly it is (environmental, educational, economical), why is it an issue that sounds as if I am putting them behind another? I have a 2 inch stack of research. This was thought out very well and had the schools, the area, the economics not been better, then I would not have thought to move there with them. I am not asking out of sarcasm, but in earnest..

 

[Just Blue]

Maybe what I am not understanding from the equation is..Why can't Motherhood and Womanhood coincide at the same time without criticism. I have always been a woman, I became a mother, I will Always be a loving mother. I have not resigned being a woman. So long as it is still in the girls best interest-which clearly it is (environmental, educational, economical), why is it an issue that sounds as if I am putting them behind another? I have a 2 inch stack of research. This was thought out very well and had the schools, the area, the economics not been better, then I would not have thought to move there with them. I am not asking out of sarcasm, but in earnest..

When you become a mother or a father your personal desires come second to the best interest of your children. The most important relationship the children have is with their parents. I personally find it "strange" that you would expose your pre/pubescent girls to a LEGALLY adulterous relationship. When you have impressionable children it is really best to completely/LEGALLY end one relationship before starting another. Especially when it is their father and you are still his LEGAL wife. You seem very concerned, justifiably, about their academic education but not so much about their moral education.

 

[mygirlsrsweet]

in what area did I state that i was married to their father? We have been divorced since they were 2 & 3. They are not being exposed to a morally deficient mother. And mothers should always look out for their children first, I wholeheartedly agree. My children do come first. This move will provide them with a 100-150% (documented) upgrade in their lives, all around, without cutting into their visitation with their father.

 

[mygirlsrsweet]

I apologize, the first paragraph should state that I have been divorced for 1 1/2 years-separated for 2 & 1/2.-

 

[Ohiogal]

I apologize, the first paragraph should state that I have been divorced for 1 1/2 years-separated for 2 & 1/2.-

So your husband was NOT your children's father? Because you stated:

in what area did I state that i was married to their father? We have been divorced since they were 2 & 3.

It is still adultery if you are separated from your HUSBAND:

I apologize, the first paragraph should state that I have been divorced for 1 1/2 years-separated for 2 & 1/2.-

and

I have been separated from my 2nd husband for 1 & 1/2 years.

So your first husband is the girls' father? Okay you confused us when you through an extra guy in there.

Here is the thing -- the COURT is going to want to know why you want to move the children from their father if dad objects to the move. And the big thing seems to be BOYFRIEND. You don't have a job there. You don't have anything there at this point but your boyfriend and the hopes of getting a job.You have been unemployed for two years and apparently the job is not the most important thing OR you would have found one. You were willingly unemployed for one of those years. How have you been supporting your children in that time period?

 

[mygirlsrsweet]

I have been supporting the girls through their stepdad. I was unemployed due to a car accident-I had spinal surgery before the accident and it set me back in recovery. Because of this I could not continue to work. Then things in my marriage went sour due to some indiscretions(on his part) and he moved out. He agreed to pay for living until I found a job and/or we sold the house. He felt that it was his fault that the marriage went bad and this was his way to make up for it. He has helped me to look for a job where I live for almost a year and a half-to no avail. I have submitted 100's of applications. Unfortunately, the area has an extremely high unemployment rate as the population has increased by 20% each of the previous 4 years, leaving jobs scarce. I have many friends doing the same for me, as I have been doing lots of searching and footwork myself. There are jobs in my area, however, they are night shift or afternoon shift positions. I do need a job, but not at the expense of time with my girls, which would entail all of their waking hours when school is factored in. In the meantime I was able to sell my house (yes, it was mine-not shared property) and fortunate enough to have a small pot of money. I am not sure how others handle it, but I have three employers telling me that I can have a job-yes one is confirmed, but it is difficult when I go to them and say that I cannot give them a start date because I have no clue how long these matters take to resolve. That takes the absolute status to a different level.