Requesting my obligations be terminated

What is the name of your state?:( :(
Guidance in Maine for termination of Parental rights??


OK...usually its big news when a kid wants to have their parents rights terminated for a variety of legitimate reasons. Im in a unique situation in that Im considering having my parental rights terminated because of a very draining, demoralizing series of events involving my daughter, her mother, and their family. Below is a letter sent to an attorney in the hopes I can get some clear guidance on what my best course of action is. I'm fed up, and don't know where to turn.

"Below is an email I sent to an attorney, but I felt I should post this here as well, not only because I need to know if I'm doing the right or wrong thing, but I hope to god there is someone else out there who might have been in this situation before, and can only pray there is a right answer for what I'm going through.

I have two separate child support obligations, one to my 14 year old daughter in Maine, and another to my 6 yr old daughter in Massachussetts. The issue I am writing about revolves around my 14 year old.

I was divorced in April of 1992. At the time I was represented by _______________, formerly of the
_______________ law firm. The divorce and post divorce proceedings have been marred by a history of sloppy administrative work, numerous mediation hearings, post divorce ammendments, etc. etc. In fact, all of the times I thought the divorce amendments were to be filed and acted on, I discovered later this wasnt the case. The last post divorce modification on file at ___________ is from 1997.

Anyway, to the meat of the matter:

I was accused, along with my then second wife, in January 1997, of sexually abusing my daughter, then 7 years old.
I have documentation provided by various counselors and a court appointed guardian ad litem regarding the incidents. Over the years my relationship with my ex wife in this situation has been horrible; I've been accused of
being physically abusive and constantly beating my ex wife and child, sexually assaulting my daughter, had my visitation changed or rescheduled at the convenience of her mother; I've had medical bills not forwarded to my attention that at times went to collections, to the point I had to withhold my ex-wife's child support to ensure she paid her portion of the court ordered percentage she was responsible for - this was done to prevent my credit from being ruined or have future bills go to collections.

I have admitted then, and still do today, that the way I reacted to my ex wife, and responded in situations where I let my temper rule was not the best way to deal with things. Yes, I was verbally abusive, and physically threatening. On two different occasions I did grab at my ex wife, but never ever did i punch, kick, or hit her. My point in saying this is not to minimize the effects of my poor behaviour; I screwed up reacting that way, and regret it. But it's haunted me from day one because every
time something happens between my ex and I that involves my daughter, that always comes back, and its always thrown at me as if I did those things every single day, and thats just not true.

I believed then, and do today, the reason the allegations came to light was to prevent me from having any kind of visitation with my daughter after I received my transfer orders in January 1997. I felt my ex wife's mother exhibited an extraordinary amount of emotional control over my ex wife throughout her life and over the course of our marriage, which led to numerous problems between us and compounded others. The timing of the alegations couldn't have been more suspect.

Despite all attempts after the allegations to try and resolve the origination of them and get to the truth, I became severely frustrated and angry to the point I wanted no more communications with my ex wife, other then to establish that I was to get all the medical bills sent to me, and opted to just pay the child support in order to keep the peace.

Over the years, I kept in contact with my daughter through the traditional cards and letters routine, sending birthday presents, xmas presents, etc. etc. over the holidays, always including my phone number and address, and also letting ___________ know of the progress of my wife's pregnancy as we awaited the arrival of our daughter. ________ reached out to me and contacted me in September of 2002 after not seeing or hearing from her or her family in over 5 years. We tried to work on our father-daughter
relationship in this time, but things have severely deteriorated. It's been a yo-yo ride at best. At times, we had gotten along, at other times I would be subject to numerous verbal threats, accusations, foul language, anger, hate, yelling and screaming.

And, to top things off, I am once again being accused of sexually abusing her from the first accusation, this time by my daughter herself. The accusations she speaks of are based on the hearsay she has been fed from her family, and this is devastating me.

My daughter is engaged in psychologically damaging behaviour (cutting, suicide attempts through overdosing on pills, engaging in sexually promiscuous behavior), and has indicated through a series of online journal entries she used to have that she wants nothing but my physical death to occur, and has even indicated how it could happen. She is also involved in the legal system, having been charged and found guilty of assaulting her mother with a knife, and causing bodily harm (she suffered a fractured finger and dislocated shoulder as a result - the incident occured in June 2003). Since then she has been back and forth in
court for probation violations, extensions, and demonstrated a blatant disregard for her responsibility to adhere to the probation terms.

My relationship with her mother concerning ____________'s well being is filled with numerous examples of me not being informed of my daughter's medical well being----often times my ex would take her to the emergency room for many non-life threatening situations, and then not tell me until after the fact, or when I would get a lump stack of medical bills over a 6 month period, with a request from her to pay my share or pay certain bills because she covered others that I didn't know about. I returned in April from a Carribean deployment after I was informed my daughter was admitted to a psychiatric hospital for threatening
her mother. Shortly afterwards I received a stack of medical bills for doctor visits that I had no knowledge of, amounting to the tune of over $14,000.

I continue to steadfastly deny any of the allegation she, or anyone else in her family, have continued to trump up against me. It's been a horrible ride of the last 15 years to have to put up with this kind of treatment, and I've often refused to give up, because I always felt the truth would come out, and I didnt want to feel I was abandoning my daughter. But now, I'm at my wit's end.

My daughter continues to lash at me, treat me with foul mouthed rhetoric and make statements wishing for my death. She has been seen by numerous counselors over the years, many whom have either not been given the chance to really get to the root of the problem, or who have been frustrated by her lack of cooperation, as well as her mother's lack of cooperation.

I don't know what to do or where to turn anymore. I strongly feel if this is the way I am going to be treated then there is no point in my involvement in her life anymore, including from any legal standpoint. I really hate to come to this conclusion, but feel for the best interests of myself, my wife, and my daughter, my safety and theirs needs to come first; I see no point in being involved in a person's life and being responsible for their well being when I am not wanted. I also don't feel if I am not
going to be consulted on issues surrounding my daughter's health and well being, that I shouldn't be forced into paying something I was not consulted on in the first place.

I apologize again for the length of this post--I would greatly appreciate any guidance or advice anyone could provide me, as I am looking for some form of resolution to this situation very soon.

[Grace_Adler]

People are going to tell you you're doing the wrong thing, and a variety of other things but I kind of know what you are going through.

The thing is, you can't terminate your rights unless the bio mother agrees to this and in many states, maybe all, the other parent has to be the one to file for the termination. Some states require an adoption take place in order for the termination to occur, some don't. Some states, I think, may require you to pay support even after a termination but I don't know if your state is one of them.

Some people will tell you how hard it is to get a tpr etc and in some states it is but I know about 4 or 5 people in different states who had absolutely no problem doing it what so ever as long as it was on the grounds based on that state's statutes, i.e. No support for X amount of time or no contact for X amount of time, etc.

You need to try to research your state laws on TPR's and writing down questions and asking a family law attorney is the best place to start or go to your state's legislative website and try to research them.