Right move or not?

[Ohiogal]

Originally Posted by mistoffolees

And be thankful she's not going to press charges. Have your attorney contact the DA to try to get the charges dropped. If she's not willing to testify, they don't have a case.

And watch what you do in the future.

Wrong Misty. They do have a case. They can subpoena her and force her to testify.

[mistoffolees]

Originally Posted by Ohiogal

Wrong Misty. They do have a case. They can subpoena her and force her to testify.

Yes, but if she 'doesn't remember' or says he didn't use any sigificant force or it was an accident, or whatever, their case is shot. It's hard to build an assault case when the only witness is not willing to testify. In theory, it can be done, but most DAs are not going to want to put any time into it.

I do recommend that he see an attorney though. First, because there's still a remote chance that they'd prosecute, anyway. Second, there's an even more real chance that she'd change her mind and decide to testify, after all - particularly if he does something that bothers her. Personally, I agree with the police officer, he should have filed charges against her for hitting him - that would strengthen his argument that he was acting in self-defense. But he's really going to have to get an attorney. The fact that charges have been filed against him could have serious repurcussions during the divorce.

[notdave]

Originally Posted by maryjo

<snipped>

I have been trained in how to defend myself from these behaviors. I go to a class at LEAST 4 times a year where we spend all day going over defense moves to protect us and them. Not only that, but my ex husband taught me Marine Corps hand to hand combat.

Never once....NOT ONE TIME....has my first gut instinct been to attack them, restrain them or even stop them from doing what they were going to do. I know that if I do, that hurts them and will probably end up hurting me even more. There was one time were I was directed to take a guy down to the floor. It took two of us to do it as he was out of his mind. It was one of the most horrible experiences of my life. After having to restrain him multiple times through the night to protect himself, as well as us, and him fighting us the whole time....he didnt have ONE mark on him.

Just wanted to point out that physical violence doesnt have to be the first go to reaction when someone attacks us. I want to give you the benefit of a doubt that its because you are a man but you seem more educated than that. The very first thing we are taught is to walk away if you can. And if you cant you do everything you can to keep them away from you or anyone else without actually touching them, restraining them, or hurting them.

If we can do it...so can you.
Please keep that in mind next time.

Maryjo,

Thank you very much for your response.

In my case, I was never trained to handle these situations and have never had anyone hitting me before. Now that I have gone through this experience, I am 100% confident that I will handle things differently (e.g. walking away). Also, the fear of getting hit in the jaw, may have had something to do with why my "gut" response was to restrain. Her initial hits did not do any damage, but had she continued to hit me, that may not have been the case. Either way, I understand and accept the fact that I overreacted and that I did not handle the situation in the best possible way.

Not that it matters, but for the sake of painting a clear picture; she is about 3 inches taller than I am and about 15 pounds heavier. At 5'7", I am fairly short and thin.

[notdave]

Originally Posted by mistoffolees

I do recommend that he see an attorney though.

I do have an attorney and at this point, my wife is planning to testify as a hostile witness for the prosecution. She is willing to state that she initiated the fight (which agrees with the police statement) and that I was acting in self defense. I am not sure how the prosecution will proceed in light of this. As far as I know, she does not have a planned meeting with them prior to the trial.

Of course, I need to make sure that I don't upset her between now and the trial. As mentioned, we are still living together and have managed to be civil towards each other since the altercation.