Separation advice needed

[Hurting]

What is the name of your state?What is the name of your state?New York

My wife just this week told me she wants me to move out of our house at least for a while. I was devastated. There are no other lovers. I have never been abusive. She's not in love with me anymore and from a mutual friend, maybe never was. He says she wants out.

I now realize that I have taken her for granted and have been lacking in many ways. I am prepared to change anything I can. I asked for a chance to show her I can be different. I offered to go to marriage counseling. She doesn't want to do either.

Bottom line: Our house is jointly owned. For the sake of our child, I realize she is better off staying in our house. My friends say if you move out, you almost for sure are going to be divorced.

Even though I don't want to move out, my wife wants me to. Am I putting myself in jepodary legally if I do move out?

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state?What is the name of your state?New York

My wife just this week told me she wants me to move out of our house at least for a while. I was devastated. There are no other lovers. I have never been abusive. She's not in love with me anymore and from a mutual friend, maybe never was. He says she wants out.

I now realize that I have taken her for granted and have been lacking in many ways. I am prepared to change anything I can. I asked for a chance to show her I can be different. I offered to go to marriage counseling. She doesn't want to do either.

Bottom line: Our house is jointly owned. For the sake of our child, I realize she is better off staying in our house. My friends say if you move out, you almost for sure are going to be divorced.

Even though I don't want to move out, my wife wants me to. Am I putting myself in jepodary legally if I do move out?

You are going to be entitled to half of the equity in the home whether you ultimately move out or she does. You moving out would have no effect on the end result of any property settlement.

Once she files for a legal separation one of you will get ordered to move out.

You can't stop her from getting a divorce if that is what she wants....you can slow the process down, but you can't stop it.

If you keep things as amicable as possible, the two of you should be able to work out a good parenting agreement.....and in the end, you will spend a lot less money on legal fees. If you keep things amicable, its also possible that she might eventually change her mind.

 

[kimberlywrites]

I know this has gotta hurt. But I can tell you she won't change her mind no matter what you do. It came as a surprise to you, but she likely has been thinking about this for months, if not years. I know, because that's how it was for me. My stbx offered to change, offered counseling - I didn't want any of it. It was simply too late.
My advice - if you can be amicable it will be the best for your child. Don't do anything rash legally just to try to get back at your wife. Think of your child.
Moving out will not affect what is legally yours in terms of any house equity. If you file for divorce, she will have to buy out your half if she wants to stay in the house.

 

[Bali Hai]

I know this has gotta hurt. But I can tell you she won't change her mind no matter what you do. It came as a surprise to you, but she likely has been thinking about this for months, if not years. I know, because that's how it was for me. My stbx offered to change, offered counseling - I didn't want any of it. It was simply too late.
My advice - if you can be amicable it will be the best for your child. *Don't do anything rash legally just to try to get back at your wife. Think of your child.
Moving out will not affect what is legally yours in terms of any house equity. If you file for divorce, she will have to buy out your half if she wants to stay in the house.

* Just do it legally.

 

[BeenAround]

Putting aside the legal issue, which have already been answered, I hope you do not choose to move out because you will most likely loose the contents of the house (unless you create an inventory catalogue right now).

Try splitting the house in 2 areas - his side and her side, and honor the border.

And start devoting your time to your children, if not to your wife. And let her be the one to move out if she wants to. I'm sure you, too, can live happily with your children in this house without her, if push comes to shove. Why do you assume they are better off with your wife only? Give it a shot. Good luck.

 

[Kane]

I don't doubt that his moving out will have little effect on the property settlement.

But won't it make a difference in terms of custody?

In other words, won't he lose any chance of being the pri**** caregiver, if he moves out, and leaves the children there with her?

If so, he needs to take that into consideration, before he moves out.

 

[Hurting]

Thanks all

I've been given a 1 month lets see period. My wife told me I can change different things and the way I act and it still might not matter.-as Kimberlywrites said. This 1 month may be to appease both of our set of friends who are giving her the message of not being fair.

We both love our daughter dearly. I think my wife feels bad when she sees our daughter hug me or talk about our planned February vacation. I'm going to keep trying. I'm praying for a miracle.

 

[Kane]

Hurting, this is not legal advice, so please ignore it if it's unwanted. But you need to stop thinking everything's up to her. It's your house, and your daughter too.

Also, in my (admittedly limited) experience, women tend to respect (and like) men who stand up for themselves, more than men who don't.

 

[kimberlywrites]

Not legal advice, but IMHO - stand up for yourself. do not let her walk all over you and treat you this way. If things are not good in the marriage, she has to be willing to change as well. The onus should NOT be only on you. It takes two to get married and it takes two to ruin it.

 

[kimberlywrites]

One More Thing

If you separate or divorce, be sure to ask for (or rather, demand) 50 percent time with your child if you can manage it. In my situation, seeing how close my two kids are with their dad was guilt-inducing but not enough I guess to keep my marriage together. We have a 50-50 arrangement so he gets lots of time with his kids, which was his main concern once he accepted his relationship with me was over. You deserve the same, since it sounds like you are a dedicated and involved father.

 

[Hurting]

Thanks again

My original question was about my general legal situation which was answered. My overwhelming focus now is to try to keep our marriage together.

Regarding time with my child, that's trickier. My job requires long hours which is one of the reasons for my wife's unhappiness. I can modify that to a degree.