are separation agreements still valid?

[singleinNC]

What is the name of your state? North Carolina
I am a single female, never married. My question concerns my fiance and how his situation may affect us financially and legally. My fiance has been divorced since 2004 and was legally separated prior to that since 2000. His ex-wife initiated the entire divorce and therefore was the first to move on and the first to have a relationship. However, she is currently single and we have been dating for 3 years. I have a good amicable relationship w/the kids (ages 10 and 15) and I do not treat them as though I am their mother. The ex-wife/mother is irate that we have been dating this long and constantly thinks the worst of me and my intentions. My job recently transferred me out of the state but across the holidays I spent some time at my fiance's home - in the guest bedroom of course, as the children took turns staying there as well. The ex-wife/mother went ballistic when she found out, stating that she could "sue" because the separation agreement stated terms of their personal conduct, specifically no overnight guests of the opposite sex with the children present. Are those terms still in effect or are they null and void since the divorce is final and those terms were not included in the divorce? Please advise!!!!What is the name of your state?

[seniorjudge]

Q: Are those terms still in effect or are they null and void since the divorce is final and those terms were not included in the divorce?

A: The general rule is that all agreements are merged into the judgment of the lawsuit. If that judgment, for instance, incorporated the separation agreement into the judgment, then the agreement is still alive.

[singleinNC]

could this be altered in some way? could this part of the agreement be changed? also, what kind of legal ramifications could come from breaking this aspect of the agreement?

[seniorjudge]

could this be altered in some way? could this part of the agreement be changed? also, what kind of legal ramifications could come from breaking this aspect of the agreement?

Whether the judgment could be modified may also be in the judgment.

Obviously, there would be one huge court battle regardless of what the judgment says.

[ceara19]

The only times I have ever seen a "no overnight guests" stipulation changed is when BOTH parties agree to it or it can be PROVEN that the party that objects to the change has that particular rule themselves.

In the end, it will probably be less expensive to stay at a hotel when the kids are with him, until you are married, then to try and revisit the matter in court.

[BelizeBreeze]

What is the name of your state? North Carolina
I am a single female, never married. My question concerns my fiance and how his situation may affect us financially and legally. My fiance has been divorced since 2004 and was legally separated prior to that since 2000. His ex-wife initiated the entire divorce and therefore was the first to move on and the first to have a relationship. However, she is currently single and we have been dating for 3 years. I have a good amicable relationship w/the kids (ages 10 and 15) and I do not treat them as though I am their mother. The ex-wife/mother is irate that we have been dating this long and constantly thinks the worst of me and my intentions. My job recently transferred me out of the state but across the holidays I spent some time at my fiance's home - in the guest bedroom of course, as the children took turns staying there as well. The ex-wife/mother went ballistic when she found out, stating that she could "sue" because the separation agreement stated terms of their personal conduct, specifically no overnight guests of the opposite sex with the children present. Are those terms still in effect or are they null and void since the divorce is final and those terms were not included in the divorce? Please advise!!!!What is the name of your state?

Your fiance is and has been in continual violation of the current order and if he continues ticking off the ex, she can file separate motions for contempt on each and every night he has allowed you to spend the night with the children in the home.

Both of you keep it in your pants until the kids are gone

[singleinNC]

Trust me - you can bet your bottom dollar that all pants were securely closed! Seriously, my fiance was unaware that this order was included with the divorce settlement. Because of the posts here, he will now meet with his attorney to go over the settlement and see if it was indeed included and if so, we will make accomodations to stay within the legal guidelines. It is amazing to me how much havoc an ex-spouse can cause, especially when they initiated the dissolution of the marriage. Realistically, this may have to eventually go to court in an attempt to change the agreement.

[ceara19]

this may have to eventually go to court in an attempt to change the agreement.

He would be wasting his time, money and effort if he tries to have the order modified so that he can have overnight guests. The only way to change it is prove that she was also violating this particular stipulation. As far as the court is concerned, he can get married if he wants to have a member of the opposite sex sleep over.

[BelizeBreeze]

Trust me - you can bet your bottom dollar that all pants were securely closed! Seriously, my fiance was unaware that this order was included with the divorce settlement. Because of the posts here, he will now meet with his attorney to go over the settlement and see if it was indeed included and if so, we will make accomodations to stay within the legal guidelines. It is amazing to me how much havoc an ex-spouse can cause, especially when they initiated the dissolution of the marriage. Realistically, this may have to eventually go to court in an attempt to change the agreement.

Then your fiance is not too bright. As for the havoc, what do you think you and him sleeping together while not married and children in the home wreaks?

[singleinNC]

Obviously, you did not read the first post I made. We were not sleeping together. There are 5 bedrooms in this house and I was sleeping downstairs in the guest room while he and his children were upstairs in their bedrooms. There was nothing like that going on.

[BelizeBreeze]

Obviously, you did not read the first post I made. We were not sleeping together. There are 5 bedrooms in this house and I was sleeping downstairs in the guest room while he and his children were upstairs in their bedrooms. There was nothing like that going on.

and your point is? It doesn't matter. The conditions of the order and Plain English and straighforward. You can wiggle all you want, but it's that simple. Move your ass out of the home when the children are there or marry the loser.

[singleinNC]

I'm officially ending this thread. I appreciate the professional advice of senior judge and others. I do not appreciate the comments posted by BelizeBreeze as they are totally unwarranted. My fiance is THE ONLY parent who meets w/the childrens' teachers to make sure they are performing well in school. He organizes the extra-curricular activities that they participate in and he is the one who follows up on major projects. He and his mother are the ones who give the kids birthday parties (not the mother) and he is the only one in the past 6 years that has taken vacation time off just to spend w/his kids and has taken them on educational trips (minus me) during this vacation time. He coaches their baseball teams and buys all their equipment but he is the loser? No, I would say that the mother, who makes substantially more money is the bigger loser, if I were to resort to name calling. She loves and cares for her children but is not proactive in their lives - unless there is something she can gain. This is not said from the perspective of his new flame. These are also observations made by her own friends and family. I only came on this forum to seek information - not moral guidance.

[BelizeBreeze]

I'm officially ending this thread. I appreciate the professional advice of senior judge and others. I do not appreciate the comments posted by BelizeBreeze as they are totally unwarranted. My fiance is THE ONLY parent who meets w/the childrens' teachers to make sure they are performing well in school. He organizes the extra-curricular activities that they participate in and he is the one who follows up on major projects. He and his mother are the ones who give the kids birthday parties (not the mother) and he is the only one in the past 6 years that has taken vacation time off just to spend w/his kids and has taken them on educational trips (minus me) during this vacation time. He coaches their baseball teams and buys all their equipment but he is the loser? No, I would say that the mother, who makes substantially more money is the bigger loser, if I were to resort to name calling. She loves and cares for her children but is not proactive in their lives - unless there is something she can gain. This is not said from the perspective of his new flame. These are also observations made by her own friends and family. I only came on this forum to seek information - not moral guidance.

You are seriously in need of a 'come-to-jesus' with HIS attorney.

[singleinNC]

why do you say that?

[BelizeBreeze]

why do you say that?

Because of your attitude. You continue to recognize that what you THINK doesn't matter. That non-cohabitation means just that...no cohabitating while the children are in residence. By your actions and attitude, you are placing your fiance in the position of answering to the court for each and every night you are in residence while he has the children. And, as I said before, each and every night you are there is a separate and distinct violation of the order.

it's time to put the attitude in check and realize that until he goes to court and gets a judge to decide this issue, you are doing nothing but weakening his chance to state a defensible position.

Besides, you are not a party to the divorce and therefore have no legal rights or opinion in the matter.

I don't expect you to understand the legal aspects of your refusal to follow the order, but perhaps HIS attorney can knock some sense into you, or him and then he you.