Separation NEED ADVICE

[guitarjeff]

Me and my wife of 16 years have decided to end our marriage and agreed on a 1 year separation pending a divorce. We also agreed that we would negotiate our assets without involving lawyers. I live in California. So far it is mutual agreement and friendly and we both are still living together. She has no job, I am working full time and have 2 kids. If I move out right now this would financually effect both of us, she has asked me it is Ok if I stay and continue paying the bills as normal. We both have been living in separate bedrooms in the house for a while allready and she has agreed that if I want to I could date other women. I made her sign and date a piece of paper with this agreement but I am not sure this will hold water, it is not even notorized. I need advice on what would be the best thing for me to do to protect me. I need advice on what separation paper work is required to make this legal.

Thanks for any advice, Jeff

 

[LdiJ]

Me and my wife of 16 years have decided to end our marriage and agreed on a 1 year separation pending a divorce. We also agreed that we would negotiate our assets without involving lawyers. I live in California. So far it is mutual agreement and friendly and we both are still living together. She has no job, I am working full time and have 2 kids. If I move out right now this would financually effect both of us, she has asked me it is Ok if I stay and continue paying the bills as normal. We both have been living in separate bedrooms in the house for a while allready and she has agreed that if I want to I could date other women. I made her sign and date a piece of paper with this agreement but I am not sure this will hold water, it is not even notorized. I need advice on what would be the best thing for me to do to protect me. I need advice on what separation paper work is required to make this legal.

Thanks for any advice, Jeff

Adultery really doesn't matter much in CA for either custody or financial purposes, so you really don't need to be too concerned about that. Obviously you are not going to bring women home with you, because that would be a recipe for disaster.

However, if you want a legal separation so that you get the financial settlements taken care of now, you can certainly file for one. That would be the main point of a legal separation...to establish when the marital community ended.

 

[mistoffolees]

Me and my wife of 16 years have decided to end our marriage and agreed on a 1 year separation pending a divorce. We also agreed that we would negotiate our assets without involving lawyers. I live in California. So far it is mutual agreement and friendly and we both are still living together. She has no job, I am working full time and have 2 kids. If I move out right now this would financually effect both of us, she has asked me it is Ok if I stay and continue paying the bills as normal. We both have been living in separate bedrooms in the house for a while allready and she has agreed that if I want to I could date other women. I made her sign and date a piece of paper with this agreement but I am not sure this will hold water, it is not even notorized. I need advice on what would be the best thing for me to do to protect me. I need advice on what separation paper work is required to make this legal.

Thanks for any advice, Jeff

There's a good self-help web site for CA:
California Courts: Self-Help Center: Families & Children: Divorce, Legal Separation & Annulment

One thing that concerns me - I don't believe you can date if you're only legally separated. In a legal separation, the marriage is still in effect, so you could be charged with adultery in that case (although adultery is not the big deal in CA divorce cases that it is in some states, it's still worth checking on the repurcussions). Also, if you're dating while in the same house with your 'separated' wife and the kids still live there, it's going to be confusing as heck for the kids. Dating while married is not generally a good idea and it's even worse if you're in the same house.

More good general information here (not specific to CA, so check your local laws):
Legal Separation Advice

There is the question of whether you can actually be legally separated and living in the same house. In some states, this is a no-no, but it appears to be OK in CA (at least according to one CA attorney):
Legal Separation - Divorce / Separation - Avvo.com