Short duration lopsided Illinois marriage

[1970tallboy]

I have two questions: 1) how would you recommend finding a good divorce lawyer? And 2) roughly, what kind of property division should I be bracing myself for? Some details of my situation are below:

I have been living in an unconsummated marriage for the last 22 months (I am 38 and my wife is 32). Although I have been in counseling, my wife has chosen not to attend. My wife is happy with our situation and does not want to divorce. However, I have given up and have begun researching divorce and annulment laws in Illinois (an equitable distribution state). Unfortunately, annulment does not appear to even be a legal option after one year of marriage. However, I believe non-consummation of marriage does give me Christian grounds for leaving.

After we were married, my wife quit her job and moved into my home. Since marriage, she did work a few days (less than 10) in retail (minimum wage) but that has been it. She does have a teaching degree and received her initial license to teach while we were married. My wife probably had a net worth of $0 when we got married. She had a car (and still has it) and normal household belongings. However, she also had school debt of around $5K and credit card debt of around 2K.

I had significant assets prior to marriage including a 401K (~250K), house (~200K), truck (~25K), and tools (~25K) along with cash (~30k) along with normal household items. Since we have been married, I have used bonuses to finish paying off my house (~50K) that I received while married. I also installed a new furnace/ac/water heater and replaced our retaining wall system (~20K plus my own labor). The only other significant assets acquired after marriage are completion of wedding gifts (china, crystal…) and a 4K trailer I used for my retaining wall project. But given the nature of our relationship, we did not spend much on anything else. I am completely debt free at the moment. With the economy on the downturn, my bonuses have probably run out and my 401K is now worth less than 180K even though I have added ~25K to it since we were married.

During marriage, we split cooking evening meals, but we are mostly on our own other than that. For example, I did my own laundry; all yard-work, snow removal, home repairs, car repairs, etc. I have also paid for all living expenses (food, clothing, utilities, travel, insurance, etc) along with making payments for my wife’s debts. We continue to have separate checking accounts and I pay all bills with my personal account.

Other than jury duty, my experience with the court system is non-existent. Furthermore, it is not easy for me to understand how competing guidelines such as “duration of marriage” and “economic circumstances of each spouse” actually work in short duration economically lopsided marriage. Your advice would be appreciated.

 

[LdiJ]

I have two questions: 1) how would you recommend finding a good divorce lawyer? And 2) roughly, what kind of property division should I be bracing myself for? Some details of my situation are below:

I have been living in an unconsummated marriage for the last 22 months (I am 38 and my wife is 32). Although I have been in counseling, my wife has chosen not to attend. My wife is happy with our situation and does not want to divorce. However, I have given up and have begun researching divorce and annulment laws in Illinois (an equitable distribution state). Unfortunately, annulment does not appear to even be a legal option after one year of marriage. However, I believe non-consummation of marriage does give me Christian grounds for leaving.

After we were married, my wife quit her job and moved into my home. Since marriage, she did work a few days (less than 10) in retail (minimum wage) but that has been it. She does have a teaching degree and received her initial license to teach while we were married. My wife probably had a net worth of $0 when we got married. She had a car (and still has it) and normal household belongings. However, she also had school debt of around $5K and credit card debt of around 2K.

I had significant assets prior to marriage including a 401K (~250K), house (~200K), truck (~25K), and tools (~25K) along with cash (~30k) along with normal household items. Since we have been married, I have used bonuses to finish paying off my house (~50K) that I received while married. I also installed a new furnace/ac/water heater and replaced our retaining wall system (~20K plus my own labor). The only other significant assets acquired after marriage are completion of wedding gifts (china, crystal…) and a 4K trailer I used for my retaining wall project. But given the nature of our relationship, we did not spend much on anything else. I am completely debt free at the moment. With the economy on the downturn, my bonuses have probably run out and my 401K is now worth less than 180K even though I have added ~25K to it since we were married.

During marriage, we split cooking evening meals, but we are mostly on our own other than that. For example, I did my own laundry; all yard-work, snow removal, home repairs, car repairs, etc. I have also paid for all living expenses (food, clothing, utilities, travel, insurance, etc) along with making payments for my wife’s debts. We continue to have separate checking accounts and I pay all bills with my personal account.

Other than jury duty, my experience with the court system is non-existent. Furthermore, it is not easy for me to understand how competing guidelines such as “duration of marriage” and “economic circumstances of each spouse” actually work in short duration economically lopsided marriage. Your advice would be appreciated.

Technically, each of you would be entitled to a portion of all assets that accrued during the marriage, and be responsible for a portion of all debts that accrued during the marriage.

Normally the division is 50/50, but it can vary in some circumstances in an equitable distribution state.

It doesn't sound like there is much in the way of marital debts to worry about, but it does sound like there could be some significant marital assets. Please consult a local attorney. You have too much in the way of assets to handle this as a DIY project.

 

[1970tallboy]

Technically, each of you would be entitled to a portion of all assets that accrued during the marriage, and be responsible for a portion of all debts that accrued during the marriage.

Normally the division is 50/50, but it can vary in some circumstances in an equitable distribution state.

It doesn't sound like there is much in the way of marital debts to worry about, but it does sound like there could be some significant marital assets. Please consult a local attorney. You have too much in the way of assets to handle this as a DIY project.

Yes, I'm not prepared for this kind of DIY project. However, I was hoping to find a better process than searching the yellow pages for a lawyer. A 50/50 split is what I feared but that helps me prepare myself as I enter this process. Thank you.

 

[nextwife]

Unconsummated? Maybe he should look into annulment.

 

[mistoffolees]

Unconsummated? Maybe he should look into annulment.

Not very likely after nearly 2 years.

 

[IrishLady47]

Yes, I'm not prepared for this kind of DIY project. However, I was hoping to find a better process than searching the yellow pages for a lawyer. A 50/50 split is what I feared but that helps me prepare myself as I enter this process. Thank you.

50/50 of marital assets, that is assets accrued during the marriage. She is not entitled to half of all you own.

 

[nextwife]

50/50 of marital assets, that is assets accrued during the marriage. She is not entitled to half of all you own.

Exactly: 50% of what accrued during the 22 months ONLY.

 

[mistoffolees]

50/50 of marital assets, that is assets accrued during the marriage. She is not entitled to half of all you own.

However, OP needs to start gathering documentation so he can show what he had at the time the marriage took place.

And, for clarification, 'assets accrued' includes equity in the house. So if he paid the mortgage down by $50 K and the home price didn't change, the equity went up by $50 K and she's entitled to half of that.

 

[1970tallboy]

However, OP needs to start gathering documentation so he can show what he had at the time the marriage took place.

And, for clarification, 'assets accrued' includes equity in the house. So if he paid the mortgage down by $50 K and the home price didn't change, the equity went up by $50 K and she's entitled to half of that.

So "equitable distribution" in practice usually means 50/50? My contribution to the marriage and the short duration are really only minor factors?

 

[nextwife]

So "equitable distribution" in practice usually means 50/50? My contribution to the marriage and the short duration are really only minor factors?

50/50 pf MARITAL accrual, approximately. NOT of what you brought to the marriage.

 

[mistoffolees]

So "equitable distribution" in practice usually means 50/50? My contribution to the marriage and the short duration are really only minor factors?

Your contribution to the marriage is irrelevant as is the duration. You will get 1/2 of assets that accrued during the marriage regardless of whether you were the sole source of income or she was (or something in between).

As you've been told, what you brought to the marriage is yours alone, but you need to be able to document it.

 

[1970tallboy]

Your contribution to the marriage is irrelevant as is the duration. You will get 1/2 of assets that accrued during the marriage regardless of whether you were the sole source of income or she was (or something in between).

As you've been told, what you brought to the marriage is yours alone, but you need to be able to document it.

So much for non-consummation; for the first time since my wedding day, I feel like I'm in for a good screwing. My wife will be tickled when she finds out she can collect, once again, without lifting a finger.

 

[Proserpina]

So much for non-consummation; for the first time since my wedding day, I feel like I'm in for a good screwing. .

(please don't kill me for answering lol)

You have the kind of humor that will get you through anything in life. Not makin fun of you at all, but what you wrote was witty.