Slander liable?

[EABP]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Texas.

I am in the process of an ugly divorce. My husband cheated on me numerous times starting two years into the marriage. I don't even want to explain my thinking as to why I stayed. Anyway, after finding out he cheated over and over I went to the doctor to get tested for everything. Never in my records does it show I was tested for HSV2 until I specifically requested to be tested a year ago last April. I was positive. I knew I had never cheated on my husband, but I had tons of proof he had, so I asked him over and over to get tested. My attorneys office chose to submit to the courts that he gave me this. A year and a half into it, my spouse finally got tested once and came up negative! Now my attorney is dropping me like a hot potatoe saying we can all be sued for slander, so my best bet is to give him whatever he wants. He is making ridiculous demands that have NO benefit to my kids and seem to be a tool for him to be vindictive. What are the chances that he could actually win a slander suit against me or my attorneys office? I had told my attorney when I found out I had this that the doctor had said I could have had this since before I ever met my husband, but they presumed he was guilty since he refused to get tested for so long. I wouldn't think the legal system is so backwards that with all the evidence of cheating I have on him, his inability to follow court orders, and the fact that he is living with a girlfriend in another state would allow us to go in front of a judge to have this divorce finalized in a fair manner. Isn't the threat of suing me and my attorneys office for slander a mockery since I did not throw it out there to hurt him, but rather to see what my own rights were? It was not an intentional lie or stretch to injure his reputation, but rather to seek the truth.What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

 

[Bali Hai]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Texas.

I am in the process of an ugly divorce. My husband cheated on me numerous times starting two years into the marriage. I don't even want to explain my thinking as to why I stayed.

The important thing here is that you STAYED!

Anyway, after finding out he cheated over and over I went to the doctor to get tested for everything. Never in my records does it show I was tested for HSV2 until I specifically requested to be tested a year ago last April. I was positive. I knew I had never cheated on my husband, but I had tons of proof he had, so I asked him over and over to get tested.

Was this request to be a bonus for you since you had "tons of proof" that he had cheated??

My attorneys office chose to submit to the courts that he gave me this.

I seriously doubt that your attorney submitted this to the court without your consent!

A year and a half into it, my spouse finally got tested once and came up negative! Now my attorney is dropping me like a hot potatoe saying we can all be sued for slander, so my best bet is to give him whatever he wants. He is making ridiculous demands that have NO benefit to my kids and seem to be a tool for him to be vindictive. What are the chances that he could actually win a slander suit against me or my attorneys office?

I hope his chances are good!

I had told my attorney when I found out I had this that the doctor had said I could have had this since before I ever met my husband, but they presumed he was guilty since he refused to get tested for so long. I wouldn't think the legal system is so backwards that with all the evidence of cheating I have on him, his inability to follow court orders, and the fact that he is living with a girlfriend in another state would allow us to go in front of a judge to have this divorce finalized in a fair manner. Isn't the threat of suing me and my attorneys office for slander a mockery since I did not throw it out there to hurt him, but rather to see what my own rights were? It was not an intentional lie or stretch to injure his reputation, but rather to seek the truth.What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?

A "truth" that you HOPED was true but in fact damaged your stbx's reputation!

I recommend that you follow your attorney's advice and give him whatever he wants.

 

[Ohiogal]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Texas.

I am in the process of an ugly divorce. My husband cheated on me numerous times starting two years into the marriage.

You were married how long?

I don't even want to explain my thinking as to why I stayed.

Well the court will want to know and it is relevant.

Anyway, after finding out he cheated over and over I went to the doctor to get tested for everything. Never in my records does it show I was tested for HSV2 until I specifically requested to be tested a year ago last April. I was positive.

Oh okay. So you have an STD.

I knew I had never cheated on my husband,

Prove it!

but I had tons of proof he had,

What type of proof?

so I asked him over and over to get tested.

He didn't have to.

My attorneys office chose to submit to the courts that he gave me this.

BULL. You told your attorney's office that he gave it to you because he cheated, you didn't, and that is the only way you got it. Right?

A year and a half into it, my spouse finally got tested once and came up negative! Now my attorney is dropping me like a hot potatoe saying we can all be sued for slander, so my best bet is to give him whatever he wants.

Your attorney has more protection than you do. You definitely can be sued for slander. Actually defamation per se. Look it up.

He is making ridiculous demands that have NO benefit to my kids and seem to be a tool for him to be vindictive.

Are the children HIS children? He doesn't have to care about YOUR children. They don't matter in the grand scheme of the divorce.

What are the chances that he could actually win a slander suit against me or my attorneys office?

Against you, pretty good.

I had told my attorney when I found out I had this that the doctor had said I could have had this since before I ever met my husband, but they presumed he was guilty since he refused to get tested for so long.

Bull. Prove it.

I wouldn't think the legal system is so backwards that with all the evidence of cheating I have on him, his inability to follow court orders, and the fact that he is living with a girlfriend in another state would allow us to go in front of a judge to have this divorce finalized in a fair manner.

And then he can also ask that you be penalized for lying to the courts and committing perjury. And therefore you would have to pay him compensation.

Isn't the threat of suing me and my attorneys office for slander a mockery since I did not throw it out there to hurt him, but rather to see what my own rights were?

No. And quite frankly that is an excuse. You didn't throw it out there that he gave you an STD to see what your rights were. You threw it out there because you wanted to make sure you got as much money and property as you possibly could. The fact that it is a lie didn't matter then to you. But guess what? It matters.

It was not an intentional lie or stretch to injure his reputation, but rather to seek the truth.

It was an intentional lie. You could have gotten the truth another way. Lying in search of the truth is bull. You also better be aware that you will be lucky to get another attorney depending on why yours has withdrawn. You have NO credibility. NONE. The court can dismiss ANYTHING you state as a falsehood.

You really need to seriously consider doing -- and I don't believe I am saying this -- what Bali said depending on what your husband is asking for.

 

[LdiJ]

Well, I think that the responses have been a little over the top.

What is it that your husband is demanding that seems "unfair" to you?

What is it that you want?

I think that slander would be pushing things in this case.

 

[quincy]

If you only told your attorney that your soon-to-be-ex-husband gave you an STD and this was only mentioned in court hearings or in court documents or in court-related matters, and you did not tell anyone outside of these court-related hearings that your soon-to-be-ex-husband gave you an STD, then your soon-to-be-ex-husband cannot sue you for slander and be successful.

Information revealed to an attorney or in court and in court-related matters are protected by "privilege" and cannot be used as the basis for any defamation action.

In addition, should a slander action actually make it to court, you can use "truth" as a defense, even if what you said turned out to be false, if you sincerely believed what you said was the truth when you said it. You can show that you had good reason to believe you got the STD from him (although, if you had sexual relations with anyone other than your husband between the time of your separation and the time of your testing, your defense is a LOT weaker).

One of the most difficult elements to prove in any defamation action is "fault." Your soon-to-be-ex-husband needs to show this "fault" in order to win any defamation action against you. Without proof that you said what you said with negligence and a belief that it was false when you said it, he would have a hard time winning any action against you.

Your soon-to-be-ex-husband would also need to prove that your STD comment alone damaged his reputation which, in a divorce action where infidelity can be shown, is difficult. He would need to show evidence of this reputational injury tied directly to the comments made by you (although in some states, as Ohiogal pointed out, falsely accusing someone of giving you an STD is defamation per se and presumes a certain amount of reputational injury).

Obviously if your soon-to-be-ex-husband does sue, and I believe this is unlikely due to the costs of a defamation action and the evidence he would need to present, you will want to consult with a defamation lawyer in your area. But I think, given what you have said here, that your soon-to-be-ex-husband would not be successful in either bringing or winning any defamation action against you.

 

[Bali Hai]

Well, I think that the responses have been a little over the top.

What is it that your husband is demanding that seems "unfair" to you?

What is it that you want?

I think that slander would be pushing things in this case.

Since the STD (HSV2) was aquired by OP BEFORE the marriage and her stbx doesn't have it, points to OP's infidelity. Another nail in her coffin.

The well pointed out fact that she has already lied to the court won't be overlooked by stbx.

What she thinks is fair or unfair, or what she wants, really doesn't matter.

 

[Ohiogal]

Quincy you are wrong about one thing -- and that is that he would need to prove that the STD alone damaged his reputation -- if she said this to anyone outside of court then there are issues as Texas is a defamation per se state which includes:

imputations of criminal conduct
allegations injurious to another in their trade, business, or profession
imputations of loathsome disease
imputations of unchastity in a woman

If it is any of the above -- an STD is number 3 -- all he has to prove is it was false and she said it and others believed it. Her attorney definitely believed it and who else did she talk to? While damages may NOT be extremely high he would still be entitled to token damages.

 

[EABP]

I stayed with him because I made a promise before God, family, and friends. I took that seriously. I knew two years into the marriage he cheated because his fling called and asked for him and then told me where they met and what they did. She was upset. He promised to never hurt me like that again. HSV2 must be specifically requested and is done through blood work; I went to the doctor and asked to be tested for everything. There is no HSV2 tests in any of my health records. I found out in February 2005 through phone records and receipts he left around the house, that he was cheating again. He left for Korea for a year and then came back and said we needed to work on our relationship. NO, I have NEVER cheated on my husband. According to the doctors I have spoken with, HSV2 can sometimes go for upwards of a decade or longer without being detected. I told my attorney I had this and we requested he get tested. We requested two discoveries; financial and medical. He did not answer either discovery even after 100 days of waiting. His test results came in the form of a Lt. Colonel's hand written note saying he has never seen any lesions or any sign of HSV2. Those were his "results". My attorney as of this morning is requesting an independent test off base. I would also like to add that the legal assistant is the one that dropped me like a hot potato. I spoke with my attorney this morning, and he seems unscathed by the new developments.
He had also been getting credit cards so he could purchase items for his lovers... I got the bills while he was in Korea. He left for his new station with the promise of coming back on a humanitarian since my mother is dying. I discovered pictures he left here of half naked women crawling all over him in his bed while in his underwear. I found out who the women were and called to find out if they had, indeed, slept with him. The answer was YES. He also left love notes to one woman in our home stating how he was so in love with her and as soon as they both divorced he would be hers forever. He isn't with her anymore. He also felt obliged to tell my 14yr old daughter that he was cheating and didn't want anything to do with any of us. There is a binder at the attorneys office of more "evidence". From pictures of him kissing other women, to more love notes to multiple different ladies. By the way, the women that admitted to sleeping with him were upset for the most part. I got three of them to send a letter to my attorneys office explaining their own personal experiences with my husband. Those ladies were under the impression he was single when they met. Since he has become involved with his current girlfriend, he has started to attempt being a dad again. I am actually seeing this as a positive move toward establishing a new relationship between the kids and him.
His requests that were ridiculous were that I give up my right to take him back to court later to up the child support, that I waive his back support (over $2000 past due), and that he get to file taxes on the kids every year. I would also like to add that he is telling anyone that will hold still long enough (IE, our friends), that I am lazy and just want his money without having to work. I work two jobs, take care of our children, and in my so-called spare time take care of my terminally ill mother; all this while attending college full time. I am proud to say I have less than one year left before I begin my graduate degree in educational child psychology.
Like I told my attorney, I never would have accused him of the HSV2 if I had ANY thought that ill actions on my part were possibly the cause. I have been faithful from day one. He has also been in contempt of court over orders given such as his girlfriend was not to be around the girls from 7pm to 7am during their visitation. She and her son were there for the last three days. He chased my oldest daughter into the bathroom because she told him she was upset with him for telling her about his cheating. She was so scared as he beat on the door and told her she would have to come out sooner or later and face him. There is so much more, but I won't completely get into this. I was simply asking what my rights are and if I could, indeed, be sued. If I can then so be it.
I stood by this mans side through good and bad, gave birth to his children, buried one child with him, and always took care of our home and family matters. I have nothing to be ashamed of, not even marrying him. I loved him dearly at one point, but accept that the marriage is over. I will not, however, sit back and be a victim; nor will I allow my children to be victimized.
Thank you all for your responses.
EABP

 

[quincy]

Ohiogal, you are right, and I think I was not real clear in my post. Yes, in Texas it would be defamation per se to falsely accuse someone of having an STD, and a certain amount of reputational injury would be presumed.

Defamation per se, however, only means that there is no need to PROVE reputational injury, which is otherwise necessary in a defamation action. It alone does not win a defamation action, especially when there is a good defense.

If the comments made were not privileged, and the soon-to-be-ex were to sue EABP for defamation, he would also not need to prove that the comments she made were false. In actions between private individuals, the plaintiff only needs to prove that the comments were, in fact, made. It is up to the defendant to prove that the comments were either privileged or true (substantially true, believed to be true), or opinion. The burden of proof, in other words, would be on EABP.

Because of the soon-to-be-ex's adultery, however, it would be logical for EABP to conclude that she acquired the STD from her soon-to-be-ex, if she did not have any sexual relations with anyone else during her marriage or between the time of separation and her testing for STDs.

It is possible to have HSV2 and not know it without being specifically tested for it, and it is not always communicable. It is likely, then, that EABP had the STD prior to marriage and her husband did not acquire it from her. The fact that she has an STD and he does not is certainly not proof that SHE was unfaithful. It only means that he did not acquire it. The test results ARE good for her defense, however, in stating that he had an STD, as it could be logically assumed by the test results that he did.

I think that the soon-to-be-ex would have a very difficult time winning any defamation action if, in fact, he decides to bring one (and I think the expense involved in bringing any action would be an additional deterrant).

Good luck, EABP.

 

[LdiJ]

His requests that were ridiculous were that I give up my right to take him back to court later to up the child support, that I waive his back support (over $2000 past due), and that he get to file taxes on the kids every year.

Well, I agree that these requests are ridiculous. I don't believe that you can give up your right to take him back to court for more child support in the future. I don't believe that a judge would sign off on that.

You might be permitted to waive back child support, but that's not a given either.

You should NEVER agree that he gets to claim the tax exemptions for the children very year. The tax exemptions should be split, in some fair manner, and his right to claim the children should be contingent on him being current with his child support payments.

 

[Bali Hai]

Ohiogal, you are right, and I think I was not real clear in my post. Yes, in Texas it would be defamation per se to falsely accuse someone of having an STD, and a certain amount of reputational injury would be presumed.

Defamation per se, however, only means that there is no need to PROVE reputational injury, which is otherwise necessary in a defamation action. It alone does not win a defamation action, especially when there is a good defense.

If the comments made were not privileged, and the soon-to-be-ex were to sue EABP for defamation, he would also not need to prove that the comments she made were false. In actions between private individuals, the plaintiff only needs to prove that the comments were, in fact, made. It is up to the defendant to prove that the comments were either privileged or true (substantially true, believed to be true), or opinion. The burden of proof, in other words, would be on EABP.

Because of the soon-to-be-ex's adultery, however, it would be logical for EABP to conclude that she acquired the STD from her soon-to-be-ex, if she did not have any sexual relations with anyone else during her marriage or between the time of separation and her testing for STDs.

It is possible to have HSV2 and not know it without being specifically tested for it, and it is not always communicable. It is likely, then, that EABP had the STD prior to marriage and her husband did not acquire it from her. The fact that she has an STD and he does not is certainly not proof that SHE was unfaithful. It only means that he did not acquire it. The test results ARE good for her defense, however, in stating that he had an STD, as it could be logically assumed by the test results that he did.

I think that the soon-to-be-ex would have a very difficult time winning any defamation action if, in fact, he decides to bring one (and I think the expense involved in bringing any action would be an additional deterrant).

Good luck, EABP.

Well, that is just as likely a presumption to tell the court as OP's telling the court that she aquired the STD from him through his ALLEGED adulterous affairs!

Lying on a bed in his underwear next to a half naked woman is not adultery.

 

[quincy]

My understanding, Bali Hai, is that EABP's husband admitted to having an affair (or two or three or four). That makes it not so much alleged as true (unless he and all of his women were lying - in other ways than on a bed in their underwear ).

But, hey, I was just passing through this section of the forum, thought I would muddy the waters a bit with my take on EABP's soon-to-be-ex's chances on bringing and/or winning any defamation action (and I still believe the chances are slim to none), and now I will wander off again.

 

[EABP]

I just wanted to add that I am ready for this to be done as much as he is. I think what would be fair and just would be to do every other year in taxes, make current child support, and all legal rights that both of us are entitled to. As far as the children are concerned, I truly wish the oldest had never been involved in any way, shape, or form. I currently have her in counseling with our pastor and all of the girls are in a divorce/separation program for children.
I actually hope he continues making an attempt to repair the damaged relationships between him and the two oldest girls in particular. I think it would be a shame for all of them to not make every effort. As for me, I accept there is no going back in time. I have been through about every emotion there is (as the girls have too) and am slowly finding peace within myself.
Thank you all for your very honest answers and thoughts!
EABP

 

[Bali Hai]

My understanding, Bali Hai, is that EABP's husband admitted to having an affair (or two or three or four). That makes it not so much alleged as true (unless he and all of his women were lying - in other ways than on a bed in their underwear ).

But, hey, I was just passing through this section of the forum, thought I would muddy the waters a bit with my take on EABP's soon-to-be-ex's chances on bringing and/or winning any defamation action (and I still believe the chances are slim to none), and now I will wander off again.

If he were to TELL the judge in open court that YES he had an affair, it would not be accepted as proof that adultery occurred. There must be PROOF!!

 

[LdiJ]

If he were to TELL the judge in open court that YES he had an affair, it would not be accepted as proof that adultery occurred. There must be PROOF!!

That is complete and total BS Bali, and you know it.