A slew of questions

[Lynara]

What is the name of your state? Texas

My husband and I have been married since November of 1991.

1) The marriage produced two children born to us (ages 8 and 13) and the legal adoption of my first child (age 17 soon to be 18) to him as well. I have no desire to separate the children from him but do feel it would be in their best interest that I remain the primary guardian.

Q: Are there varying degrees of custody other than the every other weekend/ every Wednesday night that would allow him more time with the children but still adopt the idea that primary guardianship remain with myself?


2) I've been a stay at home mother since 1992/93. We both believe it was the right decision to remain at home but it's left me penniless/without skill.

Q) Where do I turn to for financial aid for the divorce and temporary financial aid for the children and myself?

3) There have been a handful of pyhsical incidents over the years. One incident was significant enough to hospitalize me. Each incident went undocumented and none witnessed by others. When questioned by hospital staff, I lied.

Q: Can complaint be issued with no evident proof? If it can, does it generally have bearing on judicial decision making?

4) My husband uses drugs on occasion and frequently drives/arrives home drunk.

Q: What possible ways might there be to document this given no source of income? Also, assuming I can show proof, is it possible to demand periodic drug/alcohol testing being he will have partial custody of the children?

5) My husband is emotionally suffocating.

Q) How does a person establish proof on the matter without having witness other than the children whom I would prefer to not involve in the dispute where possible?

6) I've begun a diary to assist in documenting the various unhealthy acts.

Q: Can that sort of thing be submitted into evidence or would it be considered hearsay (sp)?

[ceara19]

Originally Posted by Lynara

What is the name of your state? Texas

My husband and I have been married since November of 1991.

1) The marriage produced two children born to us (ages 8 and 13) and the legal adoption of my first child (age 17 soon to be 18) to him as well. I have no desire to separate the children from him but do feel it would be in their best interest that I remain the primary guardian.

Q: Are there varying degrees of custody other than the every other weekend/ every Wednesday night that would allow him more time with the children but still adopt the idea that primary guardianship remain with myself?

If the 2 of you can come to an agreement on your own, it would most likely be approved by the judge. If you can't, there are many factors that the judge will consider when deciding custody and visitation. Keep in mind, Texas is a JOINT custody state. This doesn't mean that each parent will have the children 50% of the time though. Based on the information you have given, there is no reason for the judge to give you sole custody. However, it is likely that you would be the "Managing Conservator" (Custodial Parent) and dad the "Possessory Conservator" (non-custodial parent), with each of you having equal legal rights when it comes to making decisions concerning the children.

2) I've been a stay at home mother since 1992/93. We both believe it was the right decision to remain at home but it's left me penniless/without skill.

Q) Where do I turn to for financial aid for the divorce and temporary financial aid for the children and myself?

The fact that you have been a SAHM will give you an advantage where custody is concerned.

As far as financial assistance for the divorce, you can check with legal aid in your county, but there is almost ALWAYS a very long waiting list. You could file pro se (without an attorney), sign an affidavit of indigence (to have the filing fees waived) and request a short date for a hearing to consider temporary orders. You would ask for temporary custody, child support and spousal support.

With 3 children, child support would be 30% of the paying parents net resources, 25% for 2. Child support in Texas ends at 18 years of age or if the child is still in secondary school (high school) up to age 19.

Spousal support is UP TO 25% of the paying spouses net resources. However, the total deductions cannot come to more than 50%.

Spousal support can be ordered to continue after the divorce is final. Since you have been a SAHM and you have been married for more then 10 years, it is possible that the judge may order spousal support to continue for a short amount of time after the divorce is final.

3) There have been a handful of pyhsical incidents over the years. One incident was significant enough to hospitalize me. Each incident went undocumented and none witnessed by others. When questioned by hospital staff, I lied.

Q: Can complaint be issued with no evident proof? If it can, does it generally have bearing on judicial decision making?

If you are asking if you could file a complaint NOW, based on past incidents, it would be possible to do so under certain circumstances. But, it is a very bad idea. The fact that you are going through a divorce will only make it appear as if you are making the entire story up to gain an advantage in court. Same goes for bringing the incidents up in family court, during the divorce. Since there are no police records, the judge would likely discount your claims.

4) My husband uses drugs on occasion and frequently drives/arrives home drunk.

Q: What possible ways might there be to document this given no source of income? Also, assuming I can show proof, is it possible to demand periodic drug/alcohol testing being he will have partial custody of the children?

Unless he has a documented criminal history involving drugs and/or alcohol, it is only your word against his. Hiring a PI would be out of the question if you have no income. You could ASK that he be evaluated for drug/alcohol problems. But if you have nothing to base your concerns on (ie-LEGAL PROOF) chances are slim that it would be granted.

5) My husband is emotionally suffocating.

Q) How does a person establish proof on the matter without having witness other than the children whom I would prefer to not involve in the dispute where possible?

PROOF would be witness testimony or a confession from him.

6) I've begun a diary to assist in documenting the various unhealthy acts.

Q: Can that sort of thing be submitted into evidence or would it be considered hearsay (sp)?

It certainly doesn't hurt to keep a journal, however, without supporting evidence, it is doubtful that this would be entered into evidence.

[Lynara]

I can't thank you enough for your response. There's a lot of work ahead of us yet and the information you've given will help us to to better decide our next step.

[ceara19]

Originally Posted by Lynara

I can't thank you enough for your response. There's a lot of work ahead of us yet and the information you've given will help us to to better decide our next step.

[URL="http://www.ilrg.com/forms/divorce-mc/us/tx"]Here[/URL] is an example of a petition for divorce, in case you decide to file prose.

[staceychuck]

If you don't have the money for a PI or an attorney and you would like to prove your soon to be ex's discretions, get a tape recorder. A hand held one that you could keep in your pocket or have laying behind a picture frame, just something small. That way, you have him as your witness....why would you need anyone else? He, himself would be his own incriminating witness. They are not expensive, and my husband recorded his ex wife and now he has custody of his children. We caught her in a bold face lie in court with the tape recorder....that was priceless. I'm not saying it will fix everything, but it will hold up and help out alot. Hope this helps.

[ceara19]

Originally Posted by staceychuck

If you don't have the money for a PI or an attorney and you would like to prove your soon to be ex's discretions, get a tape recorder. A hand held one that you could keep in your pocket or have laying behind a picture frame, just something small. That way, you have him as your witness....why would you need anyone else? He, himself would be his own incriminating witness. They are not expensive, and my husband recorded his ex wife and now he has custody of his children. We caught her in a bold face lie in court with the tape recorder....that was priceless. I'm not saying it will fix everything, but it will hold up and help out alot. Hope this helps.

If she can't afford a lawyer or a PI, she won't be able to hire an expert to authenticate the tape when dad's attorney objects.

[staceychuck]

That's true...we didn't have that problem but every lawyer and every case is different. It couldn't hurt to try. You can't unring a bell....

[LdiJ]

I would like to add that your older child probably won't be a part of the custody orders. Odds are that by the time the divorce is finalized your older child will be 18, and a legal adult. Dad may have to pay child support until age 19 or graduation from high school, but a judge won't be able to make custody/parenting time orders regarding a legal adult.

I would like to reiterate that the two of you can agree to any timeshare that you like. However if you add one more evening a week to the standard schedule, then that is virtually 1/2 of the children's non-school, awake time. If the children return to you later on Sunday evening (say and hour or so before bedtime) then its literally 1/2 of the children's non-school, awake time.

[ceara19]

Originally Posted by staceychuck

That's true...we didn't have that problem but every lawyer and every case is different. It couldn't hurt to try. You can't unring a bell....

As far as the OP's "concerns" about dad's addiction problems, I speak from experience. She can say whatever she wants in court. The judge might even believe her. But, without PROOF, dad won't be "punished" by reducing his time with the kids.

With my ex, the DUI and PI (public intoxication) criminal records weren't enough. I had to show PROOF that he was STILL doing the things I accused him of at the time of the final hearing. Even then, this one issue, in and of itself, would not have been enough to place restrictions on him for visitation because he had never gotten a DUI or even been caught drinking in the PRESENCE of the children. What he did in the children's absence, had no effect on them. The biggest thing that worked against him is the fact that he made no real attempt to have any type of contact with the children for the 2 years between the separation and the final hearing.

Unless the OP has proof, it's best to leave that door closed for the time being. You can bet that if she starts making accusations, he will too. Then it becomes a great big expensive legal mess.

[Bali Hai]

Originally Posted by ceara19

As far as the OP's "concerns" about dad's addiction problems, I speak from experience. She can say whatever she wants in court. The judge might even believe her. But, without PROOF, dad won't be "punished" by reducing his time with the kids.

With my ex, the DUI and PI (public intoxication) criminal records weren't enough. I had to show PROOF that he was STILL doing the things I accused him of at the time of the final hearing. Even then, this one issue, in and of itself, would not have been enough to place restrictions on him for visitation because he had never gotten a DUI or even been caught drinking in the PRESENCE of the children. What he did in the children's absence, had no effect on them. The biggest thing that worked against him is the fact that he made no real attempt to have any type of contact with the children for the 2 years between the separation and the final hearing.

Unless the OP has proof, it's best to leave that door closed for the time being. You can bet that if she starts making accusations, he will too. Then it becomes a great big expensive legal mess.

Since when should OP worry about that?? The judge will just make him pay the legal expenses anyway.

[ceara19]

Originally Posted by Bali Hai

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Since when should OP worry about that?? The judge will just make him pay the legal expenses anyway.

Don't bet on it! I PROVED my accusations beyond a shadow of a doubt and my ex even admitted, IN COURT, that he was intentionally trying to drag out the divorce long enough to "break" me financially and I wasn't awarded a penny for legal fees. (Fortunately, I knew that even if he was ordered to reimburse me, I'd never see the money, so I wasn't really that disappointed.)

Even if a judge did order the husband to pay her legal fees, she would still need to pay the attorney up front. I don't know of any lawyers in Texas that take any type of Family Court cases on contingency.