Some advice

[java]

I live in California.
My husband and I have been married for 2 years. Suddenly he moved out of the house and took up his own apartment. There was nothing wrong in our relationship till he moved out but I could not understand why he had to move out and each time we met we would end up fighting over this issue - about why he needed to move out. His reasoning was he wanted to make our relationship stronger and we both were getting too dependant on each other and we should discover ourselves so that when we move back together we would have a better relationship. Since he moved out he has been seeing this other woman and each time I confront him on that he says they are just friends - I should not be threatened by her, etc. We have had major show downs over this issue. He keeps assuring me that we will get back together but he does not know when - he is trying to throw the ball into my court saying that I need to accept this situation and have the confidence that he will come back to me. In the meantime he is continuing to see this other woman and will not give up on that in spite of my insistence.

Can he suddenly spring me with a surprise saying that we lived separately for x amount of period and it is an automatic divorce ?
I have gone through immense emotional trauma over this issue.

Any advise/view points are appreciated.

 

[maryp]

Sweetheart, it's going to be difficult for anyone to tell you whether the living seperately law can be implemented as this changes from State to State and you haven't told us where you live.

Notwithstanding that, I think you need to look vary carefully at what you're trying to hold onto here. It pretty much sounds to me as if he wants his cake and eat it and this whole thing of wanting to make the "relationship stronger", "getting too dependent on each other" sounds like a cop-out, especially in view of the fact that he's seeing another woman - friends or not.

Personally, I would "discover" myself right out of the situation by giving him say 1 month to make his mind up. It is totally unfair to keep you dangling like this.

Best of luck to you and I hope that one of our legal contributors pops your way to give you the legal advice you seek.

 

[Grandma B]

He won't be springing an "automatic" divorce. He would have to file for dissolution of your marriage and you would receive notice of the filing.

You need to do some serious thinking about why you're taking this abuse from him. If he (or she) should decide their affair is over, would you really want him back? Surely you're worth more than he's giving.

In your position, I would be the one filing for dissolution, and I wouldn't give him a month to make a decision before doing so. I would "spring" it on him! CA is a community property state--maybe he's worried about the division of property in the event your marriage ends.

Gather up your pride and self esteem and get on with YOUR life!