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soon to be ex trying to prove me unfit

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ljd7492

Junior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? IL

I am in the process of a divorce in the state of IL. I had done illegal drugs a few times while i was in jamaica last summer and i agreed to do a hair follicle test in nov which came out positive. I redid one in Apr which was negative. My soon to be ex works 2nd shift and i am the only one who has ever taken him to the Dr, Dentist, counceling, does all his homework with him, gets him on the bus every morning, main contact that the school relys on when he is sick, gets in trouble etc. I at times like to go out and have a good time as does most adults but have never left my son alone, he is 8, always have a paid 20yr old babysitter when i have my adult time. My soon to be ex is saying that i am unfit and he will win custody because the fact i have done the illegal drug from time to time. I have held down a job for the past 10yrs with excellent attendance record and am the team manager for his hockey, and soccer team as well as i serve on the Hockey Board. Does he have a leg to stand on????? He is going to have someone go on the witness stand to say they saw me do drugs. I never said I didnt. Please help.What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?
 


LdiJ

Senior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? IL

I am in the process of a divorce in the state of IL. I had done illegal drugs a few times while i was in jamaica last summer and i agreed to do a hair follicle test in nov which came out positive. I redid one in Apr which was negative. My soon to be ex works 2nd shift and i am the only one who has ever taken him to the Dr, Dentist, counceling, does all his homework with him, gets him on the bus every morning, main contact that the school relys on when he is sick, gets in trouble etc. I at times like to go out and have a good time as does most adults but have never left my son alone, he is 8, always have a paid 20yr old babysitter when i have my adult time. My soon to be ex is saying that i am unfit and he will win custody because the fact i have done the illegal drug from time to time. I have held down a job for the past 10yrs with excellent attendance record and am the team manager for his hockey, and soccer team as well as i serve on the Hockey Board. Does he have a leg to stand on????? He is going to have someone go on the witness stand to say they saw me do drugs. I never said I didnt. Please help.What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?
If you are clean now, then simply respond to those accusations by offering to take a hair follicle test again.

The fact that dad works 2nd shift means that he flat out can't be there for the child. Therefore unless he can both prove that you do drugs (and the hair follicle test should cancel out any witness) AND that the child has been put in harm's way as a result, his odds of primary custody would not be strong.

You also need to stay clean.
 
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? IL

I am in the process of a divorce in the state of IL. I had done illegal drugs a few times while i was in jamaica last summer and i agreed to do a hair follicle test in nov which came out positive. I redid one in Apr which was negative. My soon to be ex works 2nd shift and i am the only one who has ever taken him to the Dr, Dentist, counceling, does all his homework with him, gets him on the bus every morning, main contact that the school relys on when he is sick, gets in trouble etc. I at times like to go out and have a good time as does most adults but have never left my son alone, he is 8, always have a paid 20yr old babysitter when i have my adult time. My soon to be ex is saying that i am unfit and he will win custody because the fact i have done the illegal drug from time to time. I have held down a job for the past 10yrs with excellent attendance record and am the team manager for his hockey, and soccer team as well as i serve on the Hockey Board. Does he have a leg to stand on????? He is going to have someone go on the witness stand to say they saw me do drugs. I never said I didnt. Please help.What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?
Has your STBX consulted with an attorney yet about "Sole" custody contests. Does he know that it is very expensive and will most likely involve appointing a child guardian and of course the dreaded 604.B evaluation. Sounds to me like he is just venting. If you are already routinely taking care of the child...and you haven't been arrested for child endangerment or reported to DCFS and had a negative home study result....he doesn't have much chance of getting a temporary order giving him sole custody pending the proceedings. That means upsetting the staus quo at some point in the future is much less likely. The child's interests will be tantamount..not his...and the child guardian's opinion is more important than any witnesses he comes up with. Now that you've already tested positive once...I agree with LdiJ...stay clean and take another if need be...but for everyone else I don't recommend taking any drug tests unless they are court ordered and both parties take them.
 

CourtClerk

Senior Member
The fact that dad works 2nd shift means that he flat out can't be there for the child.
Funny... growing up, my father worked second shift for a great part of my childhood, and took care of me just fine on his parenting time. In fact, one of my good friends is sole custodian and he works second shift. He's there for his daughter more than her mother is. So why is it that he "flat out can't be there for the child?"
 

Silverplum

Senior Member
Funny... growing up, my father worked second shift for a great part of my childhood, and took care of me just fine on his parenting time. In fact, one of my good friends is sole custodian and he works second shift. He's there for his daughter more than her mother is. So why is it that he "flat out can't be there for the child?"
My Dad, too. Adorable, wonderful, strong, delightful man. :):):):):)

Why the flat-out refusal of a Dad's abilities? It's that "Golden 'Tude," CC.
 

CourtClerk

Senior Member
My Dad, too. Adorable, wonderful, strong, delightful man. :):):):):)

Why the flat-out refusal of a Dad's abilities? It's that "Golden 'Tude," CC.
I figured the answer to my question would be because he has a penis...

I just thought of it. My sister works second shift. She'd be happy to know that because of that, she flat out can't be there for her kids (all 4 of them). The only problem is this. If she can't, no one can, because she's a single parent. I guess since she's a she, she figures it out. :rolleyes:
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
Funny... growing up, my father worked second shift for a great part of my childhood, and took care of me just fine on his parenting time. In fact, one of my good friends is sole custodian and he works second shift. He's there for his daughter more than her mother is. So why is it that he "flat out can't be there for the child?"
This child is school aged. Second shift starts at 3:00 or 4:00, just when the kids are getting out of school and ends at 11:00pm or midnight, after school aged kids have gone to bed. Therefore, except on weekends, and perhaps getting ready for school in the morning, he cannot be there for the child. The child would spend most of their awake, non-school time, with a babysitter.

We all know that unless the other parent is legally unfit, that there is little chance that a judge will give primary custody to a parent in that circumstance, when the other parent is available for the kids during that time.
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
I figured the answer to my question would be because he has a penis...

I just thought of it. My sister works second shift. She'd be happy to know that because of that, she flat out can't be there for her kids (all 4 of them). The only problem is this. If she can't, no one can, because she's a single parent. I guess since she's a she, she figures it out. :rolleyes:
CC, who cares for your sisters kids during second shift? If your sister's kids have a fit father, do you honestly think that he could not get primary custody if he is available during those hours?

Don't turn this into a male vs female thing. Don't mislead posters by doing that. The bottom line is that when kids are school aged, second shift is the worst shift that a parent can be on if they want primary custody, because the children will be spending most of their awake, non-school time, with a babysitter.
 

CourtClerk

Senior Member
CC, who cares for your sisters kids during second shift? If your sister's kids have a fit father, do you honestly think that he could not get primary custody if he is available during those hours?
My sister is a single parent of those 4 children, now ages 16, 10, 8 and 7. She's worked that job, second shift for 15 years. So in that time, she's managed to take care of those kids and make 3 more. The childrens' father is deceased.

It's called chid care Ld, the same thing I use working during the day. Doesn't make ME an unfit parent and for damn sure doesn't make her one. See, PARENTS realize jobs are secondary to their children, and I will walk my behind off of my job for my kid if I need to, as she will.

For a good part of many years of my son's life I worked 2 jobs, so I was essentially gone the ENTIRE time he was awake some days. Not the ideal situation, but it's a means to an end. I doubt you'd be saying the same thing if it were a mom we were talking about, there are a million zillion people in this world who work second shift, who are single parents, who have primary custody and do it just fine. I think doctors, police officers, nurses... you think all those people have spouses and/or don't have custody of their children?????
 

mistoffolees

Senior Member
My sister is a single parent of those 4 children, now ages 16, 10, 8 and 7. She's worked that job, second shift for 15 years. So in that time, she's managed to take care of those kids and make 3 more. The childrens' father is deceased.

It's called chid care Ld, the same thing I use working during the day. Doesn't make ME an unfit parent and for damn sure doesn't make her one. See, PARENTS realize jobs are secondary to their children, and I will walk my behind off of my job for my kid if I need to, as she will.

For a good part of many years of my son's life I worked 2 jobs, so I was essentially gone the ENTIRE time he was awake some days. Not the ideal situation, but it's a means to an end. I doubt you'd be saying the same thing if it were a mom we were talking about, there are a million zillion people in this world who work second shift, who are single parents, who have primary custody and do it just fine. I think doctors, police officers, nurses... you think all those people have spouses and/or don't have custody of their children?????
I guess it depends on whether you're looking at it from the parent's perspective or the children's perspective.

If one parent is unfit (or deceased), then obviously, the remaining parent has to take full responsibility. But in a situation where you have two equally fit, loving parents, it's hard to justify why it is better for the children to spend all of their time in day care rather than with a parent who loves them.

If you're talking about 50:50 and one parent uses child care heavily, I could still make the argument that it's better for the kids to have 50:50. But if the parent who has primary custody uses child care all the time while the other equally fit parent is readily available, I would argue that from the children's perspective, it's a mistake (not to mention very expensive).

That is premised on two equally fit, loving parents. If one parent is unfit, the situation is clearly different.
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
My sister is a single parent of those 4 children, now ages 16, 10, 8 and 7. She's worked that job, second shift for 15 years. So in that time, she's managed to take care of those kids and make 3 more. The childrens' father is deceased.

It's called chid care Ld, the same thing I use working during the day. Doesn't make ME an unfit parent and for damn sure doesn't make her one. See, PARENTS realize jobs are secondary to their children, and I will walk my behind off of my job for my kid if I need to, as she will.

For a good part of many years of my son's life I worked 2 jobs, so I was essentially gone the ENTIRE time he was awake some days. Not the ideal situation, but it's a means to an end. I doubt you'd be saying the same thing if it were a mom we were talking about, there are a million zillion people in this world who work second shift, who are single parents, who have primary custody and do it just fine. I think doctors, police officers, nurses... you think all those people have spouses and/or don't have custody of their children?????
In your sister's circumstance, its different. There is no other parent challenging custody.

I am talking about a case where there are two fit parents, and one of them is working second shift. In that instance, the one working second shift is NOT going to get primary custody of the children, because there is no reason for the children to be with a babysitter when they can be with a parent instead. Come on lets be real here.

I am talking about disputed custody cases, which is what this is. Don't turn it into fathers vs mothers or a general insult to parents who work second shift.
 

CourtClerk

Senior Member
In your sister's circumstance, its different. There is no other parent challenging custody.

I am talking about a case where there are two fit parents, and one of them is working second shift. In that instance, the one working second shift is NOT going to get primary custody of the children, because there is no reason for the children to be with a babysitter when they can be with a parent instead. Come on lets be real here.

I am talking about disputed custody cases, which is what this is. Don't turn it into fathers vs mothers or a general insult to parents who work second shift.
The man is recently deceased Ld... he was around to make the kids... then they separated, and the courts STILL gave her custody (in a disputed custody case). Eventually, you'll have to just face it. Those who work second shift and those who have penises are not automatically unfit parents, unable to care for their children.
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
The man is recently deceased Ld... he was around to make the kids... then they separated, and the courts STILL gave her custody (in a disputed custody case). Eventually, you'll have to just face it. Those who work second shift and those who have penises are not automatically unfit parents, unable to care for their children.
I am starting to get ticked off. You and I both know that in most disputed custody cases a parent working second shift is unlikely to get primary custody, if the other parent can be available to the children during the evenings.

I never once indicated or hinted that working second shift makes a parent unfit. It does however, make them unavailable to parent during the primary parenting weekday hours.

If I posted what I really think is going on in this thread, I would be being just as inappropriate as you are. So I will refrain from doing that.
 

mistoffolees

Senior Member
Eventually, you'll have to just face it. Those who work second shift and those who have penises are not automatically unfit parents, unable to care for their children.
Where did he say they were? What he said is that if you have two equally fit parents and one is home and the other working 2nd shift, that it's better for the kids to be with the parent rather than a sitter. I happen to agree.

There are, undoubtedly, cases where one parent is unfit. No one is suggesting that the kids should be put with them just because the CP works second shift. Maybe you should read what he wrote instead of making assumptions?
 

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