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Spouse refuses to divorce me

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davexan

Junior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? WA

While I was stationed in WA, my spouse filed for a divorce and took my children to CA. This has been 2.5 years. I have been paying spousal and child support, along with medical and car payments. I have relocated to DE and really want to settle the divorce, but she refuses. She does not allow me to speak to my children, she tells me that I am obligated to pay her medical coverage after the divorce. I have very little money to live on, let alone get an attorney.. She has since had a heart attack. She continues to smoke and makes my oldest child tend to the younger ones. I have stated to a guardian ad litem that I would like to seek custody, but nothing has been done, as of yet. I have had two visits- one in 11/07 for 5 days, and one 7/08 for 2 weeks. While in WA, she had incurred debts in my name that are now jeopardizing my military career of 18 years. The debts are in arrears and on my credit report preventing me from obtaining loans to payoff my share of the debts. I'm seeking advice on how to end this divorce promptly. My spouse cannot work or take care of my kids physically and I am very concerned. HELP:(
 


mistoffolees

Senior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? WA

While I was stationed in WA, my spouse filed for a divorce and took my children to CA. This has been 2.5 years. I have been paying spousal and child support, along with medical and car payments. I have relocated to DE and really want to settle the divorce, but she refuses. She does not allow me to speak to my children, she tells me that I am obligated to pay her medical coverage after the divorce. I have very little money to live on, let alone get an attorney.. She has since had a heart attack. She continues to smoke and makes my oldest child tend to the younger ones. I have stated to a guardian ad litem that I would like to seek custody, but nothing has been done, as of yet. I have had two visits- one in 11/07 for 5 days, and one 7/08 for 2 weeks. While in WA, she had incurred debts in my name that are now jeopardizing my military career of 18 years. The debts are in arrears and on my credit report preventing me from obtaining loans to payoff my share of the debts. I'm seeking advice on how to end this divorce promptly. My spouse cannot work or take care of my kids physically and I am very concerned. HELP:(
You have to make a choice. Either you can continue to keep sending all your money to your stbx or you can use some of it to get an attorney.

A lot depends on what you've done so far. If you have temporary orders for custody, visitation, and support and she is not allowing you to see the kids, you need to file for contempt. If you don't have a temporary order, you need to file for visitation or custody immediately.

You need to be careful in making statements that are unsupportable. For example, you say your wife cannot take care of the kids, yet you've left the kids with her for 2.5 years. If she is truly incapable of taking care of them, you should have filed with CPS long ago. If she IS capable of taking care of them, you don't do yourself any good by saying she can't.

Frankly, this is obviously not going to go away on its own, so you need some help getting it done.
 

tuffbrk

Senior Member
You are paying court ordered car payments, child support, and alimony? Medical insurance? Medical costs above and beyond the insurance?

Why have you not proceeded with the divorce?!!
 

davexan

Junior Member
spouse refuses to divorce me

My spouse is unable to physically care for the kids as she has suffered medical illnesses. She has told me that she cannot work and caring for the kids is difficult. I suggested that seh and the kids move to DE so that she could still see them regularly and that I can care for them on a daily basis while she recovers and advances her education. She has not support system to speak of in CA- I am stationed in DE. I want my kids and a divorce. I am not trying to take them away from her. I want what is best for them. She hangs up on me everytime I try to discuss this. Her "free gratis" attorney wants me to agree to pay her support and insurance, plus payments on her car, in exchange for a divorce. I already pay $1400 a month in child support. I have proceeded with the divorce, which is in WA- I have flown out there 2 times to appear in court and she has been a no show, "because of illness". I have asked if she could appear by phone and it has been kicked back 2 times. It is very hard on me, my career, especially when I have been deployed to Iraq in the midst of it all. I want to get on with my life.
 

mistoffolees

Senior Member
My spouse is unable to physically care for the kids as she has suffered medical illnesses. She has told me that she cannot work and caring for the kids is difficult. .
Again, your position is not consistent.

If she can't care for the kids, you should contact CPS. If she can care for the kids, you should stop claiming that she can't.

If you insist that she is incapable of caring for the kids and you don't do anything about it, you're just as guilty of neglect as she is.
 

Farfalla

Member
tffbrk asked you some qustions which you have not answered. You cannot get good advice if you ignore serious questions.
 

davexan

Junior Member
As I have stated, I am active-duty military. There is a temporary court order, in which my pay is garnished to cover child support, alimony and a car payment. My military benefits cover insurance for both my children and spouse. My spouse is under the assumption that if she hangs on to this marriage for 2 more years (20 years service), then she will be automatically entitled to insurance for the duration of her life, as I am.

I have tried on numerous occasions to proceed with the divorce- this is when she does not show for court, with a request from her attorney. I am no law expert, nor can I afford one, but I am amazed that she can "hold me to this marriage, against my will".
 

davexan

Junior Member
When I speak of my spouse(EX), in regards to my children. My kids are ages 10, 12, 14 & 18. The oldest I had adopted early in the marriage. They do not require the amount of care that toddlers and pre-schoolers would, but do require guidance, comfort and someone that is able to have the stamina to provide for them. Their mother mostly sleeps, does not cook, clean or provide any sort of guidance or discipline. My oldest frequently runs away, two of the girls (14 & 18) have admitted cutting and my oldest son (12) has been in trouble with the law. My ex is more concerned with being their friend than being their mentor and parent.
 

mistoffolees

Senior Member
When I speak of my spouse(EX), in regards to my children. My kids are ages 10, 12, 14 & 18. The oldest I had adopted early in the marriage. They do not require the amount of care that toddlers and pre-schoolers would, but do require guidance, comfort and someone that is able to have the stamina to provide for them. Their mother mostly sleeps, does not cook, clean or provide any sort of guidance or discipline. My oldest frequently runs away, two of the girls (14 & 18) have admitted cutting and my oldest son (12) has been in trouble with the law. My ex is more concerned with being their friend than being their mentor and parent.
Little of that is indication that she's unable to take care of the kids in any legal sense.

The advice is still the same. You can continue to hope the problem goes away or you can pay for an attorney. Take your pick.

Hint: the attorney may well cost you far less than you're going to lose if you continue to sit on your hands.
 

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