Stay at Home Mom getting divorced - no one able to help

[Karis]

I'm posting this for a friend of mine, she is afraid that her husband will find the link on the computer. Everything is in her words though.

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? Ohio

My husband demanded a divorce on 4/25 out of the blue. He claims that I do not look after our two children well enough. He states that the marriage is "broken" and "cannot be fixed". He made no mention of this prior at any other time in our marriage. He went to an out of state wedding on the 16th and wasn't going to be back until the 20th. When he came home he was completely different. He was very quiet, sullen, when i asked him repeatedly what was the matter he brushed me off stating he was tired from work or he wasn't feeling well. On the 24th after work he was supposed to drop off the rent to his parents and come back home. He stayed there for over two hours. I called him twice asking if everything was ok and when he would be home.

From his parents telling me, he apparently just sat there and was staring off and making idle conversation. When he demanded a divorce the following day he claims that the child safety plugs for outlets that one of them was on the floor and both children were playing with it. This is not true because I had our son in his crib so he wouldn't wander while I was going up and down the stairs with laundry and getting the children bottles of milk. After he declared he wants the divorce he also stated he wants full custody of both children. I was in complete shock and didn't know what to do. He then took both children and left the house. He apparently called off work and instead called his mother asking to bring both kids to the house. My mother-in-law, worried that something was wrong asked if I was ok. He told her yes she was at the house and asked to bring the kids over to their house. She allowed it and then left her work to drive home and find out what had actually happened.

That is when he told her. I'm completely at a loss. We don't smoke, do drugs or drink a lot. He claims he's been thinking this for a year and that if things don't change for him he will divorce me. He's threatened to get full custody of the kids only to later on state he's worked out what would be joint custody. He's also said that when this divorce settles there'll be little if any money anyone has to pay to the other person in regards to any kind of child or spousal support. He's demanded multiple time for me to write down everything in the house that I want and give it to him. I am not signing anything out and giving it to him. He's also threatened to call the police if I take the car without giving him a notice ahead of time of where I'm going and how long I'm going to be there and who I'll be with.

Both the full custody, car, also stating he wants full residential custody each time he's come back to me the next few days either changing his mind or disregarding the threats he made prior. I work part time to only supplement the income so we can get by and cover all our children's needs. In January of this year I donated my car to Volunteers of America because it wasn't running at the time and I thought we can do with just one car as seeing I stay home 5 days with the children and he goes to work with the car. The children are taken care of on Sundays while he works and he only watches them one true day which are Mondays. He claims that he does a better job of looking after their needs than I do the remaining 5 days. I do the cooking (I've never seen him cook anything besides macaroni and cheese), cleaning, I bathe, feed, change them. I am bilingual and I'm also teaching the children from birth and trying to educate them in both languages.

I cannot get a lawyer or anyone to represent me. With my paycheck after my half of the rent and health insurance being taken out I have less than $100 to last until my next paycheck. This would mean I have gas to put in the car for when I go to and from work, diapers, wipes, and some kind of food. I get paid only twice a month. I cannot get legal representation through work because it requires you to sign up and that is once a year at the beginning of the year. Other lawyers cannot help because they don't practice law in my county. I've contacted both the Legal Aid Society and the Bar Association both of which who cannot help me because they're over their maximum cases they're allowed to work. There are lawyers who can help but I need to fork over thousands of dollars as a retainer upfront and a filing fee. I don't understand how my husband was able to retain a lawyer and have these documents produced unless he had money stashed away somewhere or his parents are paying for this. He still lives under the same roof as me although he sleeps on the couch downstairs. His behavior is erratic where he could be almost pleasant now to being completely passively cruel and sarcasm and disdain dripping from each word.

I was served with the summons on 6/12 and I've been trying to find someone to help represent me and am unable. I'm terrified if I fill this out on my own and mess up his lawyer will find some way to fulfill his wishes and have him get full custody of the children not to mention (if I understand this correctly) the document also states he demands I pay for the entire divorce. They've also frozen our tax return, so I can't access that either, that and the stimulus. In the documentation it also says I cannot make any banking transactions or buy things that are out of the ordinary. That I don't have access to spending it on things I was planning to do with it.

Our son just turned 1 this year and our daughter will be 3 in the summer.

If I understand correctly the summons needs to be submitted in 28 days. I'm now at the end of the rope and it is due soon. If I can get any help on this I'd appreciate it. Thanks.

Sorry it's so long, I just wanted to be able to give you guys a good background to go on.

Again, thank you for any help you are willing to give me.

-Karis

 

[Silverplum]

I sent a message to the Ohio attorney that volunteers here. She'll check out this thread, I'm sure.

 

[Karis]

I sent a message to the Ohio attorney that volunteers here. She'll check out this thread, I'm sure.

Thank you!!

-Karis

 

[mistoffolees]

See an attorney. While she claims she can't afford it, she can't really afford not to if she values her kids. While it would be nice to believe that everyone gets an equal chance, if he has an attorney and she doesn't, she could get clobbered.

Now, how to afford it is the question. First, some attorneys will give an initial consultation free of charge. Call around.

Then, the next step may be for the attorney to petition the court to allow legal expenses to be paid from marital assets (or, in some cases, for him to pay). If that happens, she's not going to have to pay the expenses out of her own paycheck.

It's going to be important to get the filing entered ASAP. If she delays, he may be able to hide or squander marital assets which are half hers.

I would take the threats about custody seriously and make sure that she's not doing anything stupid (no drugs, no men in the house, etc). It might even be worthwhile to stop drinking entirely, although that might be a bit extreme. He can claim all he wants that she's an unfit mother, but he has to prove it to the satisfaction of the court, so don't give him any ammo. Lots of people claim that their stbx is unfit, a lot fewer actually prove it.

 

[Ohiogal]

From his parents telling me, he apparently just sat there and was staring off and making idle conversation. When he demanded a divorce the following day he claims that the child safety plugs for outlets that one of them was on the floor and both children were playing with it.

A plug was removed? NOT a big deal.

This is not true because I had our son in his crib so he wouldn't wander while I was going up and down the stairs with laundry and getting the children bottles of milk. After he declared he wants the divorce he also stated he wants full custody of both children. I was in complete shock and didn't know what to do. He then took both children and left the house.

The children have been gone how long?

He apparently called off work and instead called his mother asking to bring both kids to the house. My mother-in-law, worried that something was wrong asked if I was ok. He told her yes she was at the house and asked to bring the kids over to their house. She allowed it and then left her work to drive home and find out what had actually happened.

And why didn't you go pick up your children?

That is when he told her. I'm completely at a loss. We don't smoke, do drugs or drink a lot. He claims he's been thinking this for a year and that if things don't change for him he will divorce me. He's threatened to get full custody of the kids only to later on state he's worked out what would be joint custody.

How has HE worked out what would be joint custody? Have you gone to mediation?

He's also said that when this divorce settles there'll be little if any money anyone has to pay to the other person in regards to any kind of child or spousal support.

Really? Child support happens regardless. Spousal support is a bit different and depends on a lot of things: How long have you been married? What are the differences in income? What other property exists?

Where are both of you living now? Do you own a house? Cars? Any bank accounts? Whole life insurance? Retirement?

He's demanded multiple time for me to write down everything in the house that I want and give it to him. I am not signing anything out and giving it to him. He's also threatened to call the police if I take the car without giving him a notice ahead of time of where I'm going and how long I'm going to be there and who I'll be with.

He can't call the police. The car is marital property and he would BE NAILED by the court for doing such a stupid thing. Has there been a temporary orders hearing?

Both the full custody, car, also stating he wants full residential custody each time he's come back to me the next few days either changing his mind or disregarding the threats he made prior.

Ohio has a presumption of joint custody.

I work part time to only supplement the income so we can get by and cover all our children's needs. In January of this year I donated my car to Volunteers of America because it wasn't running at the time and I thought we can do with just one car as seeing I stay home 5 days with the children and he goes to work with the car. The children are taken care of on Sundays while he works and he only watches them one true day which are Mondays. He claims that he does a better job of looking after their needs than I do the remaining 5 days. I do the cooking (I've never seen him cook anything besides macaroni and cheese), cleaning, I bathe, feed, change them. I am bilingual and I'm also teaching the children from birth and trying to educate them in both languages.

And what is your income? Where are the children currently? What are you doing now since he left in April?

I cannot get a lawyer or anyone to represent me. With my paycheck after my half of the rent and health insurance being taken out I have less than $100 to last until my next paycheck.

Your half of the rent? Where are you living? With who? Where are the children? Where is your husband?

This would mean I have gas to put in the car for when I go to and from work, diapers, wipes, and some kind of food. I get paid only twice a month. I cannot get legal representation through work because it requires you to sign up and that is once a year at the beginning of the year. Other lawyers cannot help because they don't practice law in my county.

What county?

I've contacted both the Legal Aid Society and the Bar Association both of which who cannot help me because they're over their maximum cases they're allowed to work.

The Bar Association normally does not take ANY cases. They make referrals.

There are lawyers who can help but I need to fork over thousands of dollars as a retainer upfront and a filing fee. I don't understand how my husband was able to retain a lawyer and have these documents produced unless he had money stashed away somewhere or his parents are paying for this. He still lives under the same roof as me although he sleeps on the couch downstairs.

Really? Okay then why are you paying HALF the rent?

His behavior is erratic where he could be almost pleasant now to being completely passively cruel and sarcasm and disdain dripping from each word.

Has he ever threatened you? The children?

I was served with the summons on 6/12 and I've been trying to find someone to help represent me and am unable. I'm terrified if I fill this out on my own and mess up his lawyer will find some way to fulfill his wishes and have him get full custody of the children not to mention (if I understand this correctly) the document also states he demands I pay for the entire divorce.

He can DEMAND anything. Doesn't mean he will get it.

They've also frozen our tax return, so I can't access that either, that and the stimulus.

Who has frozen it?

In the documentation it also says I cannot make any banking transactions or buy things that are out of the ordinary. That I don't have access to spending it on things I was planning to do with it.

Like what? Sounds like a standard restraining order?

Our son just turned 1 this year and our daughter will be 3 in the summer.

Okay.

If I understand correctly the summons needs to be submitted in 28 days.

The answer needs submitted but you may have longer. It is possible.

I'm now at the end of the rope and it is due soon. If I can get any help on this I'd appreciate it. Thanks.

Sorry it's so long, I just wanted to be able to give you guys a good background to go on.

Again, thank you for any help you are willing to give me.

Breathe. And answer the following:
What county? What is he asking for? Are there any temporary orders?

 

[Silverplum]

Breathe. And answer the following:
What county? What is he asking for? Are there any temporary orders?

Thanks for responding, OG!

 

[Ohiogal]

Thanks for responding, OG!

I need a heck of a lot more information.. But I will say this -- no divorce is going to happen if they are in the same home.

 

[Karis]

A plug was removed? NOT a big deal.

Yeah, he was all upset and yelling at me that I don't watch the children properly.

The children have been gone how long?

The children were gone from about Friday at noon (which is their nap-time), until Sunday evening. The only reason they came back was because my Father-In-Law insisted that the kids need some normalcy in their lives.

And why didn't you go pick up your children?

I didn't go pick up the children, because my husband had taken the only car.

How has HE worked out what would be joint custody? Have you gone to mediation?

He hasn't told me what his plan was for joint custody and he refused after pleading with him a week straight to go to counseling, think things through, or to reconsider what he really wants.

Really? Child support happens regardless. Spousal support is a bit different and depends on a lot of things: How long have you been married? What are the differences in income? What other property exists?

I met him in 2001. We moved in together in 2003. We got married in 2005 in January and had our first child that year as well. We moved down to Delaware, Ohio at his parents suggestion that they can help us and would like us to be closer to them. I work part time 20 hours a week which is 2-10 hour shifts. He works retail at 38 hours a week and regardless that his company gave a pay cut to all employees he still insists on working there and get a lower per hour pay and whatever commision he is able to make in sales.

Where are both of you living now? Do you own a house? Cars? Any bank accounts? Whole life insurance? Retirement?

Other than the car which is in his sole name I have no major assets. Only things of any value might be a used computer he gave to me and a television. I have no stocks or bonds, I do know he is going to get an inheritance that has matured from a deceased relative. As for the amount I do not know but from his side of the family I bet it will be a significant amount.

We have a rental agreement with his parents so we do not own this home. There is a joint checking account between us, I know he had an individual account somewhere but I do not know the status of that if it's empty or if he overdrew the account. I have my own individual checking and savings account for when I changed jobs to make more money and be able to stay at home longer with the children. Through work I set up a 401K which still has very little money in it, I have health insurance for all 4 of us coming out of my paycheck which includes vision and dental, I also have through work life insurance for as long as I work there.

He can't call the police. The car is marital property and he would BE NAILED by the court for doing such a stupid thing. Has there been a temporary orders hearing?

I'm not sure what a temporary orders hearing is. Does it have to do with the paperwork I got from a person that delivered it to me? I have this Summons that has his signature, a case number, orders for me to submit all the information that they request, a demand to answer for all the questions, to turn over all financial information, that I cannot remove or change names on insurances, that I cannot alter banking and financial accounts and make drastic spending or expendetures that would not be consistent with my normal everyday spending.

And what is your income? Where are the children currently? What are you doing now since he left in April?

He reluctantly brought the children back and he sleeps downstairs and spends most of the day downstairs unless he comes up to get a shower which he just comes into the bedroom to go over to the other side. I stay at home with the kids for 5 days while he goes to work and comes back and stays downstairs. One of the two days I work the children are at his parents house being looked after at which they come home in the evening just before I get off work. The children stay at home with him the following day I go to work. I have no family in this area and outside of any internet friends I have left I don't talk to anyone else. I stay at home, I don't invite people over for the safety of the children. My base salary with shift differential of 10% as of June 1, 2008 is $14,520.00 a year.

What county?

Delaware County, in Delaware, Ohio

Really? Okay then why are you paying HALF the rent?

Before it used to be where he would make the majority of the deposit of the monthly rent and I would put in a portion. I'd be the one to go to the store and buy all the groceries and other household necessities. Because I'm paying my half of the rent I have a very limited amount of funds I am able to use to get groceries and other household necessities. I've gone to buying the most generic, on sale, or clearance items as possible, unfortunately there's no extreme discount stores I know of that are a few hours away (like Marcs and Big Lots) and I barely have enough gas money now with the increase of how much gas costs even now to be able to afford to drive anywhere except to and from work twice a week and once a week to the grocery store. As for helping out with what I can't take care of RE: groceries, the only things he buys are not at all healthy or adequate for the children. Bologna and cans of tuna and ordering pizza every week and eating fast food is completely wasteful and unhealthy for the children and him. I have not once seen him make anything other than mac and cheese, I have not seen him ever get fresh or frozen or canned fruits and vegetables.

Has he ever threatened you? The children?

He has threatened to call the police on me and at the same time he gathered a pile of socks the children were playing with while I was working on the laundry and it was the first time he ever threw anything deliberately at me, overhanded, full force. I know it's just socks but I told him never ever do that again. He has never threatened the children with anything. Infact he's been showing more attention to them and letting them get away with behavior I do not approve of.

Who has frozen it?

I myself have not had a chance to see the tax return and stimulus, I believe he's either holding them or are being held by someone. The documents from what I understand means that I cannot make any unusual expenses

Like what? Sounds like a standard restraining order?

There is a restraining order on me that says I cannot take, alter, destroy, do anything to any property or finances, not allowed to move any property, not allowed to alter the insurances which is a sizeable chunk of income, and that I am not allowed to directly or indirectly harass, physical or other abusive violence, threaten, annoy, interfere, or do any harm, I also cannot take the children with me from the jurisdiction of this court so this means I can't even take the kids to see my parents that live a few hours away or my brother in another state.

Breathe. And answer the following:
What county? What is he asking for? Are there any temporary orders?

I'm trying not to freak out but I keep breaking down and crying. I don't come from even remotely a moderately well off family so even my parents can't help financially.

So, I'm in Delaware County in Delaware, Ohio. And this is verbatim what is demanded: "WHEREFORE, Plaintiff demands that he be awarded: an absolute Decree of Legal Divorce from the Defendant; an equitable division of property and debts of the marriage pursuant to their agreement; an award of the Plaintiff's separate property; an allocation of parental rights and responsibilities designating Plaintiff as the residential parent and legal custodian of the minor children of the parties by temporary and final order; child support and allocation of debts and expenses by temporary and final order; attorney fees and expenses of this action; and all other such relief as this Court deems to be just and equitable."

Not to mention that right before I got this packet of papers he insisted I take him off the health insurance saying he'll get his own from work... also when the doorbell rang and I tried to see who was at the door the person was off to the side where I wouldn't be able to see from out the window or peephole. I opened the door and didn't unlock the storm door. I asked what he wanted and he said I had court papers. When I opened the door he ripped off the cover sheet that I saw had a photo of me pasted in the middle of the sheet and he gave the papers to me and walked off. I didn't even see where the he had parked.

I guess these are the temporary orders that I have in my hands. I can't take the kids out to see my parents or my brother if I wanted to according to what I understand on the documents.

I also suspect he was cheating on me when he was at the out of state wedding which I found out his ex-fiance before he met me was there. But that's heresay and speculation I know. But it makes no sense why he'd demand this out of the blue. He changed when he came back so something had to have happened and I don't believe this was planned out by him a year ago


I hope these are the answers you need, if you need more info, feel free to ask. And thank you for taking the time to help.

-Karis

 

[LdiJ]

Yeah, he was all upset and yelling at me that I don't watch the children properly.



The children were gone from about Friday at noon (which is their nap-time), until Sunday evening. The only reason they came back was because my Father-In-Law insisted that the kids need some normalcy in their lives.




I didn't go pick up the children, because my husband had taken the only car.





He hasn't told me what his plan was for joint custody and he refused after pleading with him a week straight to go to counseling, think things through, or to reconsider what he really wants.




I met him in 2001. We moved in together in 2003. We got married in 2005 in January and had our first child that year as well. We moved down to Delaware, Ohio at his parents suggestion that they can help us and would like us to be closer to them. I work part time 20 hours a week which is 2-10 hour shifts. He works retail at 38 hours a week and regardless that his company gave a pay cut to all employees he still insists on working there and get a lower per hour pay and whatever commision he is able to make in sales.




Other than the car which is in his sole name I have no major assets. Only things of any value might be a used computer he gave to me and a television. I have no stocks or bonds, I do know he is going to get an inheritance that has matured from a deceased relative. As for the amount I do not know but from his side of the family I bet it will be a significant amount.

We have a rental agreement with his parents so we do not own this home. There is a joint checking account between us, I know he had an individual account somewhere but I do not know the status of that if it's empty or if he overdrew the account. I have my own individual checking and savings account for when I changed jobs to make more money and be able to stay at home longer with the children. Through work I set up a 401K which still has very little money in it, I have health insurance for all 4 of us coming out of my paycheck which includes vision and dental, I also have through work life insurance for as long as I work there.



I'm not sure what a temporary orders hearing is. Does it have to do with the paperwork I got from a person that delivered it to me? I have this Summons that has his signature, a case number, orders for me to submit all the information that they request, a demand to answer for all the questions, to turn over all financial information, that I cannot remove or change names on insurances, that I cannot alter banking and financial accounts and make drastic spending or expendetures that would not be consistent with my normal everyday spending.





He reluctantly brought the children back and he sleeps downstairs and spends most of the day downstairs unless he comes up to get a shower which he just comes into the bedroom to go over to the other side. I stay at home with the kids for 5 days while he goes to work and comes back and stays downstairs. One of the two days I work the children are at his parents house being looked after at which they come home in the evening just before I get off work. The children stay at home with him the following day I go to work. I have no family in this area and outside of any internet friends I have left I don't talk to anyone else. I stay at home, I don't invite people over for the safety of the children. My base salary with shift differential of 10% as of June 1, 2008 is $14,520.00 a year.


Delaware County, in Delaware, Ohio




Before it used to be where he would make the majority of the deposit of the monthly rent and I would put in a portion. I'd be the one to go to the store and buy all the groceries and other household necessities. Because I'm paying my half of the rent I have a very limited amount of funds I am able to use to get groceries and other household necessities. I've gone to buying the most generic, on sale, or clearance items as possible, unfortunately there's no extreme discount stores I know of that are a few hours away (like Marcs and Big Lots) and I barely have enough gas money now with the increase of how much gas costs even now to be able to afford to drive anywhere except to and from work twice a week and once a week to the grocery store. As for helping out with what I can't take care of RE: groceries, the only things he buys are not at all healthy or adequate for the children. Bologna and cans of tuna and ordering pizza every week and eating fast food is completely wasteful and unhealthy for the children and him. I have not once seen him make anything other than mac and cheese, I have not seen him ever get fresh or frozen or canned fruits and vegetables.



He has threatened to call the police on me and at the same time he gathered a pile of socks the children were playing with while I was working on the laundry and it was the first time he ever threw anything deliberately at me, overhanded, full force. I know it's just socks but I told him never ever do that again. He has never threatened the children with anything. Infact he's been showing more attention to them and letting them get away with behavior I do not approve of.




I myself have not had a chance to see the tax return and stimulus, I believe he's either holding them or are being held by someone. The documents from what I understand means that I cannot make any unusual expenses



There is a restraining order on me that says I cannot take, alter, destroy, do anything to any property or finances, not allowed to move any property, not allowed to alter the insurances which is a sizeable chunk of income, and that I am not allowed to directly or indirectly harass, physical or other abusive violence, threaten, annoy, interfere, or do any harm, I also cannot take the children with me from the jurisdiction of this court so this means I can't even take the kids to see my parents that live a few hours away or my brother in another state.



I'm trying not to freak out but I keep breaking down and crying. I don't come from even remotely a moderately well off family so even my parents can't help financially.

So, I'm in Delaware County in Delaware, Ohio. And this is verbatim what is demanded: "WHEREFORE, Plaintiff demands that he be awarded: an absolute Decree of Legal Divorce from the Defendant; an equitable division of property and debts of the marriage pursuant to their agreement; an award of the Plaintiff's separate property; an allocation of parental rights and responsibilities designating Plaintiff as the residential parent and legal custodian of the minor children of the parties by temporary and final order; child support and allocation of debts and expenses by temporary and final order; attorney fees and expenses of this action; and all other such relief as this Court deems to be just and equitable."

Not to mention that right before I got this packet of papers he insisted I take him off the health insurance saying he'll get his own from work... also when the doorbell rang and I tried to see who was at the door the person was off to the side where I wouldn't be able to see from out the window or peephole. I opened the door and didn't unlock the storm door. I asked what he wanted and he said I had court papers. When I opened the door he ripped off the cover sheet that I saw had a photo of me pasted in the middle of the sheet and he gave the papers to me and walked off. I didn't even see where the he had parked.

I guess these are the temporary orders that I have in my hands. I can't take the kids out to see my parents or my brother if I wanted to according to what I understand on the documents.

I also suspect he was cheating on me when he was at the out of state wedding which I found out his ex-fiance before he met me was there. But that's heresay and speculation I know. But it makes no sense why he'd demand this out of the blue. He changed when he came back so something had to have happened and I don't believe this was planned out by him a year ago


I hope these are the answers you need, if you need more info, feel free to ask. And thank you for taking the time to help.

-Karis

I am pretty positive that they are not temporary orders, but rather are what he is asking the judge to give him. They don't have a judge's signature do they?

You need to officially respond to those papers or there is a chance that he could get what he wants by default.

Stop paying the rent. Pay only for you and the children's basic needs, and try to find an attorney who would be willing to help you.

 

[Karis]

I am pretty positive that they are not temporary orders, but rather are what he is asking the judge to give him. They don't have a judge's signature do they?

No, just Delaware County Clerks of Court Office signiture.

I
Stop paying the rent. Pay only for you and the children's basic needs, and try to find an attorney who would be willing to help you.

Am I allowed to just stop paying the rent? Can't he throw me out if I stop?

-Karis

 

[LdiJ]

No, just Delaware County Clerks of Court Office signiture.



Am I allowed to just stop paying the rent? Can't he throw me out if I stop?

-Karis

Nope, its the marital residence. Only the judge could order you to move out. However, he might try to bully you into moving out, but if that happens, call the cops.

 

[mistoffolees]

I am pretty positive that they are not temporary orders, but rather are what he is asking the judge to give him. They don't have a judge's signature do they?

Careful. Some of the items sound like default orders after a divorce is filed. For example, once the divorce is filed, you're automatically prevented from hiding assets, selling property, etc other than normal day to day living expenses and a few exceptions (legal fees in my state, but it may be different in other locations).

OP needs to read the paperwork carefully and understand it. It may be a valid court order.

 

[LdiJ]

Careful. Some of the items sound like default orders after a divorce is filed. For example, once the divorce is filed, you're automatically prevented from hiding assets, selling property, etc other than normal day to day living expenses and a few exceptions (legal fees in my state, but it may be different in other locations).

OP needs to read the paperwork carefully and understand it. It may be a valid court order.

I agree that some of it sounds like standard default stuff, but we already know that its not a court order, because it doesn't have a judges signature. Yes, I am sure that she is restrained from hiding assets, selling property etc, and from relocating the children out of the community.

However she is NOT required to pay the rent nor restrained from hiring an attorney.

 

[Ohiogal]

I know some attorneys in Delaware Ohio. Now BREATHE. That is the first thing.

There is a restraining order on me that says I cannot take, alter, destroy, do anything to any property or finances, not allowed to move any property, not allowed to alter the insurances which is a sizeable chunk of income, and that I am not allowed to directly or indirectly harass, physical or other abusive violence, threaten, annoy, interfere, or do any harm, I also cannot take the children with me from the jurisdiction of this court so this means I can't even take the kids to see my parents that live a few hours away or my brother in another state.

Okay that is a general restraining order. Who says you can't go visit? YOU CANNOT MOVE THE CHILDREN to another jurisdiction without permission of the court. You can go see family.

I'm trying not to freak out but I keep breaking down and crying. I don't come from even remotely a moderately well off family so even my parents can't help financially.

Quit freaking out. Crying is normal. Most of my clients are crying and freaked when they come see me. By the end they are no longer crying and are strong. YOU can also be strong. Do NOT let him dictate and do not believe a word out of his mouth.

So, I'm in Delaware County in Delaware, Ohio. And this is verbatim what is demanded: "WHEREFORE, Plaintiff demands that he be awarded: an absolute Decree of Legal Divorce from the Defendant; an equitable division of property and debts of the marriage pursuant to their agreement; an award of the Plaintiff's separate property; an allocation of parental rights and responsibilities designating Plaintiff as the residential parent and legal custodian of the minor children of the parties by temporary and final order; child support and allocation of debts and expenses by temporary and final order; attorney fees and expenses of this action; and all other such relief as this Court deems to be just and equitable."

So he is asking for that. Ask for a million dollars in your response. Let me break it down for you even further:

WHEREFORE, Plaintiff demands that he be awarded:

First thing first, does he have an attorney? If so the attorney is an arrogant SOB who sees nothing wrong with telling the court -- proper way to Defendant prays that the Court award her:

an absolute Decree of Legal Divorce from the Defendant;

an absolute Decree of Legal divorce from the Plaintiff -- what this means is you will NO LONGER forever and ever be legally bound by marriage to him.
He isn't worth it anyway.

an equitable division of property and debts of the marriage pursuant to their agreement;

Equitable division -- what agreement? Did you have a prenup? If not then there is no agreement. Unless you signed a separation agreement. If not then he is an idiot. And again I ask, who is the arrogant SOB who is the attorney on this case?

an award of the Plaintiff's separate property;

What is he claiming as his separate property? Because if it was bought during the marriage with income it is NOT separate property.

an allocation of parental rights and responsibilities designating Plaintiff as the residential parent and legal custodian of the minor children of the parties by temporary and final order;

Normal request. Won't happen though since you are the primary caretaker of these children. DO NOT leave the house and leave the children there. He is Requesting TEMPORARY ORDERS however he has squat per this paper. You need to request a temporary orders hearing. More on that later.

child support and allocation of debts and expenses by temporary and final order;

Before the court does that he will have to move out. I am not seeing where he asked for sole possession of the house.

attorney fees and expenses of this action;

Ask for it back. Does he HAVE an attorney?

and all other such relief as this Court deems to be just and equitable."

Which is a catch all that is usually put in.

Not to mention that right before I got this packet of papers he insisted I take him off the health insurance saying he'll get his own from work...

DO NOT do that. That would be a violation of the restraining order.

also when the doorbell rang and I tried to see who was at the door the person was off to the side where I wouldn't be able to see from out the window or peephole. I opened the door and didn't unlock the storm door. I asked what he wanted and he said I had court papers. When I opened the door he ripped off the cover sheet that I saw had a photo of me pasted in the middle of the sheet and he gave the papers to me and walked off. I didn't even see where the he had parked.

Doesn't matter. You were served.

I guess these are the temporary orders that I have in my hands. I can't take the kids out to see my parents or my brother if I wanted to according to what I understand on the documents.

You are not understanding correctly. You have REQUESTS in your hand with a mandatory restraining order.

I also suspect he was cheating on me when he was at the out of state wedding which I found out his ex-fiance before he met me was there. But that's heresay and speculation I know.

And quite frankly it doesn't matter. Ohio wants to declare divorce on either incompatibility (unless either party denies) or living separate and apart for more than a year (which you aren't). So on what grounds is he asking for a divorce?

But it makes no sense why he'd demand this out of the blue. He changed when he came back so something had to have happened and I don't believe this was planned out by him a year ago

Who cares? Quite frankly get him out of your life though realize you are stuck with each other for the sake of the children and for their lives.

As for the other things -- don't pay rent -- he can support you while you are living there if you need to get other things.

3103.03 Married persons' obligations of support.
(A) Each married person must support the person’s self and spouse out of the person’s property or by the person’s labor. If a married person is unable to do so, the spouse of the married person must assist in the support so far as the spouse is able. The biological or adoptive parent of a minor child must support the parent’s minor children out of the parent’s property or by the parent’s labor.

Open your own checking account -- NOT the joint one. Use your money to pay for an attorney. You can open a personal account but be aware that it is STILL considered marital property.


Read these:

http://www.co.delaware.oh.us/clerk/faq.asp#domestic

http://www.co.delaware.oh.us/clerk/forms.asp
Go to domestic relations forms. You will need to fill out most if not all. Read them. Don't panic.

Also:
http://codes.ohio.gov/orc/31
concentrate on the codes for children. There are 16 items that go into custody determinations. Read them carefully.

Take some time and breathe. If you have more questions come back here. YOU CAN do this!