Surprise Divorce!

[humanteam]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? California

On Monday, November 24th, my wife served me with divorce papers in our rented home. (We pay rent to her uncle, who owns the home) We have lived here 19 years and have 2 sons, ages 15 and 11.

I have no job and no money. I am presently under a Doctor's care for a work injury. My wife wants me out of the house and wants custody of the children.

There is a mandatory mediation date set for December 12th. I am overwhelmed by this and not ready. Can I get an extension from the court? Who can I turn to for help?

 

[mistoffolees]

Get an attorney. You should be able to find one who will petition the court to be paid from marital assets if there are any.

Meanwhile, she can not force you to leave the house until the court says that you have to leave. Use that time to find a job or applying for disability if you're unable to work. Even if you are able to obtain alimony, you need to be able to support yourself.

 

[Ohiogal]

If you have a work injury are you receiving Workman's comp? If not, why not?

 

[humanteam]

Get an attorney. You should be able to find one who will petition the court to be paid from marital assets if there are any.

Meanwhile, she can not force you to leave the house until the court says that you have to leave. Use that time to find a job or applying for disability if you're unable to work. Even if you are able to obtain alimony, you need to be able to support yourself.

I am going to see both of my doctors today, the GP and the Surgeon, and let them determine my work status.

 

[humanteam]

If you have a work injury are you receiving Workman's comp? If not, why not?

Workman's Comp. payments stopped in June, but I am still classified as 'permanently disabled.' The case remains open until I sign off on medical which I am not ready to do until my surgically repaired shoulder can prove under work duress that I can return to my duties as a fitness instructor.

I didn't 'want' this divorce and it's going to get ugly. I care more about sons than anything.

 

[Ohiogal]

Workman's Comp. payments stopped in June, but I am still classified as 'permanently disabled.' The case remains open until I sign off on medical which I am not ready to do until my surgically repaired shoulder can prove under work duress that I can return to my duties as a fitness instructor.

I didn't 'want' this divorce and it's going to get ugly. I care more about sons than anything.

Well she needs a court order to get you out of the house. Who has been taking care of the kids when they are not in school for the last several months? Does your wife work? How many hours? Who goes to the children's school conferences/events? Sporting activities? Doctor's appointments?

 

[humanteam]

Well she needs a court order to get you out of the house. Who has been taking care of the kids when they are not in school for the last several months? Does your wife work? How many hours? Who goes to the children's school conferences/events? Sporting activities? Doctor's appointments?

She's trying for a court order. We have mediation on Dec. 12th and a court date for Jan. 6th and I don't have a lawyer.

I take care of my sons at home.

My wife works approximately 30 hours per week.

She came home today take my eldest son to the doctor because it's a control issue for her.

She is involved with my younger son's school.

We both go to events.

I take the boys to sporting events, and coach, and write the internet recap.

 

[humanteam]

Surprise Divorce Addendum

She's trying for a court order. We have mediation on Dec. 12th and a court date for Jan. 6th and I don't have a lawyer.

I take care of my sons at home.

My wife works approximately 30 hours per week.

She came home today take my eldest son to the doctor because it's a control issue for her.

She is involved with my younger son's school.

We both go to events.

I take the boys to sporting events, and coach, and write the internet recap.

At this point I have a lawyer friend checking into the status of the house.

But that is secondary.

Foremost is what will transpire with my sons and the allegations that I am not a good father.

At this point I am wondering if I should call her lawyer and ask for a continuance on the mediation date and the beginning of court as well.

Anyone have any advice?

Thanks.

 

[Ohiogal]

Her lawyer does NOT continue things -- if you want a continuance file a motion with the court to continue it.

 

[humanteam]

Her lawyer does NOT continue things -- if you want a continuance file a motion with the court to continue it.

When I talked with the court yesterday, that's what I was told.

If I want a continuance on this mediation date that they 'popped' on me for Dec. 12th, I am supposed to contact her lawyer today....

I'm off to the courthouse momentarily to delve into the depths of this disservice.

Maybe I will be enlightened today.

 

[CourtClerk]

When I talked with the court yesterday, that's what I was told.

If I want a continuance on this mediation date that they 'popped' on me for Dec. 12th, I am supposed to contact her lawyer today....

I'm off to the courthouse momentarily to delve into the depths of this disservice.

Maybe I will be enlightened today.

The courthouse is correct. In order to get a continuance this close to the mediation date, her attorney is going to have to stipulate to the continuance, therefore, he needs to contact the attorney.

However, I have no idea what you expect to get from the courthouse about the "depths of this disservice." There is no one at the courthouse who is going to give you very much information - and we (court employees) are not going to get personally involved in your divorce issues.

 

[humanteam]

Surprise Divorce Addendum

Reality dictates that I was correct.

I simply stated that the solicitor retained by my former spouse was out to gouge and this underhanded surprise caught me at the holidays after 19 years of cohabitation, 16 years of marriage and 15 years of raising 2 sons.

It's my fault for being a bad artist and painting an improper canvas that has been my life for that long.

I want to thank the judicial system in the state of California for stepping in and 'protecting' my family from me**************.

 

[LdiJ]

You have said some things within this thread that disturb me just a little.

Workman's Comp. payments stopped in June, but I am still classified as 'permanently disabled.' The case remains open until I sign off on medical which I am not ready to do until my surgically repaired shoulder can prove under work duress that I can return to my duties as a fitness instructor.

This seems to indicate that workman's comp no longer finds you disabled. However you continue to find yourself disabled. You do realize that even if you cannot return to work as a fitness instructor, that you will be expected to get a job and support yourself and your kids? You do realize that this could be a contributing factor as to why your wife wants a divorce?

I didn't 'want' this divorce and it's going to get ugly. I care more about sons than anything

I doesn't have to be "ugly". You have just as much control as she does in regards to whether or not it gets ugly. For your children's sake, I hope that you do what you can to avoid ugliness.

I take care of my sons at home.

My wife works approximately 30 hours per week.

She came home today take my eldest son to the doctor because it's a control issue for her.

She is involved with my younger son's school.

We both go to events.

Your children are 11 and 15 and in school, and your wife works 30 hours per week. Unless those hours are not daytime hours, you can't really claim that you take care of the kids at home.

I take the boys to sporting events, and coach, and write the internet recap.

If you can coach sports teams, its going to be difficult for you to claim that you cannot work, particularly if workman's comp says that you are no longer disabled.

You keep making statements that indicate that you feel that you are overwhelmed, being treated unfairly, being done a disservice, etc.

The reality of things is that whether or not you like it, you are going to get a divorce and often people feel the way that you do when a marriage fails. You need to wrap your head around that and start making plans for how you are going to live the rest of your life and support yourself and your children until they are grown. You can delay things by asking for continuances and things like that, but you are unlikely to delay them very far, and within a fairly short amount of time you are going to get ordered by the courts to leave the marital home.

One things that will have an effect on what will or will not happen is how much money your wife makes working 30 hours per week.

 

[humanteam]

You have said some things within this thread that disturb me just a little.



This seems to indicate that workman's comp no longer finds you disabled. However you continue to find yourself disabled. You do realize that even if you cannot return to work as a fitness instructor, that you will be expected to get a job and support yourself and your kids? You do realize that this could be a contributing factor as to why your wife wants a divorce?

I have been applying to at least 3 jobs per day via the Internet and the local newspaper for the past 6 weeks, since my previous engagement instructing the USMC in cage fighting. Presently, I make about 120.00 per week teaching MMA out of my garage. My wife wants a divorce because she is a CONTROL FREAK.



I doesn't have to be "ugly". You have just as much control as she does in regards to whether or not it gets ugly. For your children's sake, I hope that you do what you can to avoid ugliness.

She began the ugliness by throwing stones at my family in the papers. I have a thick skin, but I will not tolerate disparaging comments about my relatives. Besides, it was her father who molested her at age 9 and made her a frigid fat girl afraid of intimacy.



Your children are 11 and 15 and in school, and your wife works 30 hours per week. Unless those hours are not daytime hours, you can't really claim that you take care of the kids at home.

I answered this in response to someone asking me who took care of them all summer. They went to the gym with me where I was working and wrestled and boxed everyday.



If you can coach sports teams, its going to be difficult for you to claim that you cannot work, particularly if workman's comp says that you are no longer disabled.

I DID NOT say that I couldn't work. I look for work every day. My medical condition is a separate issue.

You keep making statements that indicate that you feel that you are overwhelmed, being treated unfairly, being done a disservice, etc.

I feel that I have been done a disservice by HER LAWYER and HER, dropping papers on me over the holidays and my birthday. (It was calculated)

The reality of things is that whether or not you like it, you are going to get a divorce and often people feel the way that you do when a marriage fails. You need to wrap your head around that and start making plans for how you are going to live the rest of your life and support yourself and your children until they are grown. You can delay things by asking for continuances and things like that, but you are unlikely to delay them very far, and within a fairly short amount of time you are going to get ordered by the courts to leave the marital home.

I was in court all day and it was disheartening. Again, I didn't ask for this, but I'm dealing with it. But the court system only wants to defend the lunatics who are violent and newsworthy.

One things that will have an effect on what will or will not happen is how much money your wife makes working 30 hours per week.

She grosses about 800 per week....

 

[LdiJ]

She grosses about 800 per week....

That's 41600.00 per year. That's barely a living wage in CA. I hope you are not hoping for alimony, because the money just isn't there for that, or for more than a token.

have been applying to at least 3 jobs per day via the Internet and the local newspaper for the past 6 weeks, since my previous engagement instructing the USMC in cage fighting. Presently, I make about 120.00 per week teaching MMA out of my garage. My wife wants a divorce because she is a CONTROL FREAK.

Its good that you are looking for work. However, the fact that you believe that the only reason your wife wants a divorce is because she is a control freak is very disturbing.

She began the ugliness by throwing stones at my family in the papers. I have a thick skin, but I will not tolerate disparaging comments about my relatives. Besides, it was her father who molested her at age 9 and made her a frigid fat girl afraid of intimacy.

I assume that you mean the divorce paperwork? Again, your attitude is disturbing...very disturbing. Its not healthy at all. You are accepting no responsibilty for this divorce, and a divorce is never about just one person.

I answered this in response to someone asking me who took care of them all summer. They went to the gym with me where I was working and wrestled and boxed everyday.

The fact that they went to work with you over the summer does not make you the primary caregiver. If you were working at a gym all summer then how can you claim that you are disabled? You said that workman's comp ended in June.

DID NOT say that I couldn't work. I look for work every day. My medical condition is a separate issue.

That was not the impression that you gave in your first post. You emphasized that you were disabled in your first post.

I feel that I have been done a disservice by HER LAWYER and HER, dropping papers on me over the holidays and my birthday. (It was calculated)

I understand how you feel about that. Its hurtful, however its not necessarily calculated or designed to be extra hurtful. Your wife may simply have reached the end of her rope.