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talk to her??

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trooperr1

Junior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? louisiana

i was unfaithful to my wife and she knows it. she has retained an attorney but has said from the beginning of this she wants to forgive me and work it out. she wants to talk in person and air it all out. if i tell her everything can she use that against me in court? i would like to save my marriage but i'm nervous about giving her more ammo for the divorce. should i talk to her?
 


mistoffolees

Senior Member
Ask your attorney.

As far as what you tell her, she can use any of it. While it's hearsay, there are exceptions to exclusion of hearsay evidence. The fact that you are there may be enough to make it admissible. More importantly, she doesn't really need to testify to something - she can simply have her attorney ask you. Then you have the option of lying (which I wouldn't recommend - the penalties for perjury are severe) or telling the truth.

There is one factor to consider. In some states, if she knows of adultery and continues to live with you, she loses the ability to use that against you in divorce proceedings in the future. That doesn't always apply, though, so get an attorney and talk to them about your options and the repercussions.
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? louisiana

i was unfaithful to my wife and she knows it. she has retained an attorney but has said from the beginning of this she wants to forgive me and work it out. she wants to talk in person and air it all out. if i tell her everything can she use that against me in court? i would like to save my marriage but i'm nervous about giving her more ammo for the divorce. should i talk to her?
Honestly, this is a personal decision that you have to make based on how much you would like to try to save your marriage.

You may not be able to 100% protect yourself AND save your marriage. It certainly wouldn't hurt you to talk to an attorney first, before you air things out with your wife, but if you cannot do that rapidly, you may lose the opportunity to air things out with your wife.

The biggest thing that you need to find out, is how much does adultery really matter in Louisiana? In a large number of states, its basically pretty irrelevant anymore.
 

bean66

Junior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? louisiana

i was unfaithful to my wife and she knows it. she has retained an attorney but has said from the beginning of this she wants to forgive me and work it out. she wants to talk in person and air it all out. if i tell her everything can she use that against me in court? i would like to save my marriage but i'm nervous about giving her more ammo for the divorce. should i talk to her?
If she wants to work it out, why did she retain an attorney instead of a marriage counselor?
 

>Charlotte<

Lurker
If she wants to work it out, why did she retain an attorney instead of a marriage counselor?
Because she's smart. Divorce proceedings can always be stopped. If they're not able to reconcile and she decides to go ahead with the divorce, she'll already be well on her way to it's conclusion.
 

bean66

Junior Member
Because she's smart. Divorce proceedings can always be stopped. If they're not able to reconcile and she decides to go ahead with the divorce, she'll already be well on her way to it's conclusion.
Agreed she is smart. However, I disagree with you regarding reconciliation: Please explain to me how exactly does starting divorce proceedings show she is willing to reconcile?

The message is this to the OP. She is starting divorce proceedings and telling you she wants to reconcile this should send all sorts of warning sirens off. She is filling for divorce. I don't see this as an attempt to reconcile what so ever. Be smart as well, get an attorney of your own and be prepared.
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
Agreed she is smart. However, I disagree with you regarding reconciliation: Please explain to me how exactly does starting divorce proceedings show she is willing to reconcile?

The message is this to the OP. She is starting divorce proceedings and telling you she wants to reconcile this should send all sorts of warning sirens off. She is filling for divorce. I don't see this as an attempt to reconcile what so ever. Be smart as well, get an attorney of your own and be prepared.
And of course, being "smart" might also guarantee a divorce when there is a chance to reconcile.

Again, its a personal decision that only the OP can make.
 

mistoffolees

Senior Member
Agreed she is smart. However, I disagree with you regarding reconciliation: Please explain to me how exactly does starting divorce proceedings show she is willing to reconcile?

The message is this to the OP. She is starting divorce proceedings and telling you she wants to reconcile this should send all sorts of warning sirens off. She is filling for divorce. I don't see this as an attempt to reconcile what so ever. Be smart as well, get an attorney of your own and be prepared.
While I agree with you in general, there are exceptions. For example, in my case, I had dealt with an emotionally abusive wife for 12 years and she insisted that there was nothing wrong. I made a choice that I could continue to let us drift further apart or take action. There was no way to force her to address the issues without taking the step of filing for divorce. That at least got her into marriage counseling. In our case, it didn't work, but that doesn't mean it would never work.

Although I agree that your scenario is the most likely.
 

>Charlotte<

Lurker
Please explain to me how exactly does starting divorce proceedings show she is willing to reconcile?
He has six months to convince her the marriage can be saved, try counseling, or whatever it's going to take. If it can't be, perhaps she thinks it's prudent to be near the end of the process rather than having to start, at that point, at square one.

I agree that if she's filed for divorce, she probably wants a divorce. Or it might just be a power play to show him how serious she is. But I don't think calling an attorney after discovering a spouse has been unfaithful contradicts a willingness to reconcile. I'll bet the percentage of separations that don't end in divorce isn't all that uncommon.

Of course, not knowing Mrs. trooperr1, neither of us should be asserting to him what's in her head.
 

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