Things are going from simple to messy

My wife of almost a year now left me in April. Reason: I was overbearing, insensitive, belittling, and criticizing and in her words emotionally abusive. She left to maintain her sanity. I have come full circle with myself through counseling, support from family and friends, and through spiritual fulfillment to accept responsibility for the loss of love. A month after the separation she decided to consult a lawyer for a no-fault divorce. She isn't open to a friendship and working on our relationship. I found the reason being she is emotionally involved with another man. She has stonewalled me to hide the truth. She is currently on a 11 day vacation with him, plans on moving in with him, and who knows what else. I found all this out while she was away. She does not know that I know, and I will give her every opportunity to be honest with me. Has she added fault to this pending divorce by her actions? I have made it my mission to fight for my marriage even though she is trying to destroy it, and am willing to show her forgiveness is the strongest act of love. Any suggestions?

[I AM ALWAYS LIABLE]

My response:

Yeah. Back off !

Since you and she were separated, it's none of your business what she does, or doesn't do, in her private life.

Your wanting to "get her back", when she's already told you that she doesn't even want to be friends with you, is just a continuation of your past modus operandi - - which is very telling in your statement, "I have made it my mission to fight for my marriage."

You haven't learned anything.

IAAL

I agree with you and have been backing off for over a month. What leaves me hanging in the balance is the promise that we will clean up the relationship to be at least friends. At times she still tells me she loves me and cares for me. She has every right to her privacy, but she has made me feel guilty for distrusting her relationship with her co-worker, by comparing my relations with my female friends to her relationship with him, which obviously isn't the case. The truth came to me, I did not seek it out. My mission to save my marriage starts with my own recovery from what has happened, and that is the stage I am in right now. The stage for us to reconcile is far down the road, but there are hundreds of steps in between and will take them one by one, not skipping any. If this leads to a path in which I find salvation with another, then I will accept that everything has happened for a reason. Thank you for your words.

[I AM ALWAYS LIABLE]

My response:

You said:

"She isn't open to a friendship and working on our relationship."

Then you say :

"If this leads to a path in which I find salvation with another, then I will accept that everything has happened for a reason."

Translation:

"I won't leave my wife alone, and will continue to badger her until she gives up, until such time as I find a replacement."


Part of your "salvation" is to listen to her, and accept what she says, and believe what she says. She doesn't want you. Move on.

Like I said:

"You haven't learned anything."

But, this thread is turning into an Ann Landers type thread, and has nothing to do with law. Therefore, this will be my last response.

Just get some mental health assistance.

IAAL