Too late now?

[Tunie]

I'll try to make this a succinct as possible.

I was married for 20 years, together for 23. I worked with my ex in his company (managed his office) for 19 years. Increased his company's income substantially. Got divorced 4 years ago due to his refusal to work on problems he had which he freely admitted he had but wouldn't really dedicate himself to solving. After trying everything, including counseling, we divorced, I realized I couldn't do it all myself and had tried for 9 years. The first thing the counselor said to us at our first session together, after meeting with us numerous times separately, was "You have done this woman a grave injustice." (!) We had met with him separately because ex had agreed to go to counseling but he wanted to go by himself first, then asked me to go and meet with the counselor. This was at the tail end of our relationship.

Anyhow, our PSA was pretty simple and despite our problems over all those years, I didn't want to gouge the guy. We agreed he could stay in our home for 6 months. After that, he was to try for sale by owner to sell it for 90 days. Then list it with a realtor to get it sold and divide the proceeds in 1/2. I also got some furniture, dishes, my clothes and some personal possessions. He was to pay my rent, car payment, car insurance and medical insurance premiums until the house sold. It was assumed that when the house sold, I would be fairly compensated for my 23 years.

He put the house up for sale by owner for 30 days, instead of 90 days, the day after the 6 month period he was to live in the house ended. After the 30 days, he then decided he was going to stay in it. I didn't want to throw him out of the house, so I agreed, because he said he would be selling it soon. After about a year, I was totally broke. I asked him when he was going to sell the house. I was still on the mortgage, still on the deed. He said he would get it appraised and pay me 1/2 of the equity and asked if I would sign off on the deed but he did not want to pay the costs to refinance to get me of the mortgage.

I agreed (good guy syndrome, which I am very good at) plus I was dead broke and struggling to pay my bills despite working full time. I signed off on the deed, stayed on the mortgage, he got the appraisal and paid me $15,000. which took him more than another year to get it all to me. He had also paid my rent, car insurance and medical premium insurance for 6 months ONLY.

He met someone and got remarried last October. No hard feelings here, I am happy for him that he found someone. I struggled for years feeling that I had hurt him badly even tho' the problems we had were his, as he admitted.

Ex bought another house while he still owned our house and his new wife had a house to sell as well. Both houses got listed, 6 months ago, with a realtor. It took 6 months for our house to sell and he told me he had to take money to closing. I don't know if his new wife's house is sold as of now and I don't really care. I do know that it was fully paid for.

I requested and received a copy of the mortgage release and a copy of the settlement statement. It does show that he supposedly had to pay $9,999.20 to close. It shows the price he got for the house ($22,500. less than the original listing price), the mortgage to be paid off and another item that looks like a $26,693. second mortgage to another company which I know nothing about. Because he had to pay at closing, I can assume he now believes he owes me nothing else and maybe he doesn't.

Now, of course, I feel like the biggest chump in the world. I basically got $1,000 a year for my 23 years and some clothes and little bit of furniture.

Since he paid me 1/2 of the equity a while back, does that erase any other obligation per our PSA? The PSA states sell the house, split the proceeds, not pay me the equity and then he gets to live in it for 4 years or until it was convenient for him to sell it.

Obviously, the intent of the agreement was sell the house, split the proceeds equally which, 4 years ago, probably would have been fair, which is what we were shooting for. Enough damage had been done, we didn't want it to be a horrible, nasty drawn out divorce. The PSA did not call for him to wait 3.5 years before selling the house.

The problem is is would the house have realized more profit if he had sold it, like our agreement was written, 3.5 years ago? He says houses just aren't selling for much in his area. As I said, it originally listed for $22,000 more than what it sold for. I feel like he was just trying to dump it because he had bought another house and had two mortgages to pay. I do know that the house appraised for much more than he sold it for, and the tax assessment is based on much more than he sold it for. If I subtract out what I believe is a second mortgage he put on the property (the $26,693.) and the $15,000. he paid me, he would haved ended up with about the same in his pocket. Because of the second mortgage he put on the house, he ended paying almost $10,000 at closing, which is not my problem. He's the one that put the second mortgage on there, no doubt to get some cash flow to pay for two, possibly three, mortgages. It was also his practice to borrow money from the company that gave him the $26,000 to pay any additional taxes owed at the end of each year for his company. He'd done this a number of times when we were married so this is a real possibility - that part of the figure was to pay taxes owed on his business.

Do I have a legal leg to stand here? I am thinking of pursuing him for the obligations he was to pay me for until the house sold. i.e rent, car insurance, car payment, medical insurance premiums. Since he made no effort but for 30 days to sell the house and continued to live in it for 3.5 years, never refinanced, bought another house while he still owed this one and ended up not realizing anything on the house because, I believe, he waited too long to sell it and probably overmortgaged it, should he still be responsible for the obligations he was supposed to have paid for me until the house sold? The PSA is very clear that he pays me for these obligations UNTIL THE HOUSE SOLD. But does my not pushing the issue on selling the house and letting him do whatever he wanted, pay me $15,000 almost 2 years ago because he wanted to stay in the house and I let him, absolve him from doing anything else for me?

These obligations would add up to over $42,000 over the last 3.5 years. I still do not want to put him in bankruptcy, I want to be fair but I truly feel my desire to do things in a equitable fashion really screwed me over because of the ways things actually transpired, instead of the way they should have. I would not ask him for the whole $42,000., I would probably deduct the $15,000 he DID pay me, and then cut that total in half. I need to be able to look at myself in the mirror but I also need to get what I feel I am entitled to. I dedicated myself to that relationship for almost 1/2 of my life and I can't get past feeling that he really screwed me.

Or do I chalk it up to being the good guy in all of this and consider it a lesson learned?

[Tunie]

got time to review my post and, perhaps, give me a clue?? I was divorced in Indiana, live in Michigan now. For some reason, it did not ask me for my state neither time I posted.... Thanks.

[HomeGuru]

Originally Posted by Tunie

got time to review my post and, perhaps, give me a clue?? I was divorced in Indiana, live in Michigan now. For some reason, it did not ask me for my state neither time I posted.... Thanks.

**A: the state question disappeared. I will look for it.

[snodderly]

Or do I chalk it up to being the good guy in all of this and consider it a lesson learned?

It is definitely a good lesson learned!! Have you spoken to an attorney about any of this? Did you do research and find out what houses in that area were selling for, per square foot at the time your house sold?

I don't want to be rude but have you done anything other than sit around and worry about what he isn't doing? Do something pro-active like speak to an attorney and stop being so nice when someone is screwing you over.

I'm living through basically the same thing you are. Been divorced 5 years, have an ex husband who thinks court ordered decrees do not apply to him, fighting like hell to get what is rightfully mine. I was a bit like you to begin with. I sat around wondering what I could do or if I should do anything. It takes away your power!! TALK TO AN ATTORNEY.
snodderly

[Tunie]

it IS a lesson learned, nice guys finish last. After 23 years knowing this guy, I felt that he wouldn't intentionally screw me over and I'm not positive he has. If things had gone the way of the PSA, he might have have realized more net proceeds as I have checked and comparable houses were selling for $10,000 to $25,000 more if he had sold it when he should have per the terms of the PSA but who ever knows. A person will only pay what they want to for a home and if the offers accepted for a lower price, it's accepted. I gave up my control over the situation which, believe me, I sincerely regret.

My stupidity for letting this go on as long as it did. Being a nice person CAN be a good thing but it, obviously, did me no good in this case.

I have made an appointment with an attorney to see if I have any recourse. Whether I do or I don't, either way I can put this to rest and either chalk it up to a lesson learned or get what I feel I worked for.

I am sure you know what this feels like and I appreciate your honesty. I feel better just knowing that someone else has gone thru something similar and is forging ahead to take control. I plan on doing the same, even if it is a little late in the game.

I posted here simply to get a feel for whether or not I was off my rocker and didn't have a leg to stand on or if I had a chance... Only an attorney can really tell me and I know that.

Thank you for your honest reply.

[VeronicaGia]

Is it worth it for a measly $6,000? You'll pay a lot more than that in attorney's fees alone. You agreed to a different deal. Time, IMHO, to move on and be thankful you're not married to him anymore.

[Tunie]

It's over $42,000, potentially, so yes, it might be worth it. And yes, I'm glad I'm not married to him anymore regardless of this situation. Did make an appointment with a lawyer just to see. If he/she says take a hike, I will but if not, I will pursue this since 23 years counts for something. Being a nice person got me into this mess, doesn't mean I have to be a doormat forever.