Totally Screwed?

[LizaDoolittle2]

What is the name of your state?What is the name of your state?NJ

Hello, my husband and I have been married for 4 years. When we met, he and I were both sort of down and out, he had a small place and I didn't have anything but two kids. We got married and I moved in. He decided to make a career move that changed our lives. We bought a house. A year later he decided to refinance and the loan officer made note that my name was never put on the deed and that he had to make provisions to have my name added to the loan. I found it odd, but every time I would try to talk to my husband he would accuse me of plotting against him.

We bought the house for very cheap and now it is worth $250,000 times more than what we paid for it.

My husband never added me to any bank accounts and always kept his finances hidden. He paid most of the bills. I worked as well but didn't make nearly as much as he did. He never gave me money for anything and I struggled a lot yet he spent money on whatever he wanted. I was responsible for the house and the kids and working.

He has always said if I leave him I would get nothing because he bought the house w/ pre-marital funds. Be that as it may, I have a hard time believing he can put my children and I out on the street.

We have decided to get divorced. He offered to pay the rest of my car off and give me $4,000. I have a crappy part time job, 2 kids and no bank account. I told him that was impossible and unfair. He then agreed to give me $20,000 and sign the car over but I would have to pay it off. Once again, it's still not fair.

I am very scared. The cost of living in NJ is ridiculous. I have no education and barely any skills. I don't know what I am gonna do. Do I have any rights at all and am I entitled to more than he is offering or is he screwing me out of everything? We never signed a pre-nuptial agreement.

[seniorjudge]

Get a lawyer yesterday to protect your rights today.

[LizaDoolittle2]

I have a lawyer. I just want some "free advice" from other people who have dealt w/ this situation.

[LdiJ]

Originally Posted by LizaDoolittle2

I have a lawyer. I just want some "free advice" from other people who have dealt w/ this situation.

Its hard to guess without knowing the full details of your situation. However, I suspect that because the house was purchased during your marriage that you are going to be entitled to share in the equity of the home. However, your attorney is the best source for the answers to your questions.

What does your attorney say about this?

[rmet4nzkx]

Be sure to understand any marital settlement agreement before you sign as they may be enforced without being filed with the court. Your attorney ahould have explained to you the basic ruled for property distribution in your state. In an "equitable distribution state" state, like New Jersey, all property acquired during the marriage is "marital property" and all property is divided into marital property (which means it is both yours and your spouse's) and non-marital property ( which means the property belongs to either you or your spouse alone). In general the following rules apply which categorizing property into "marital" or "non-marital property":

1. If the asset or debt was acquired after the date you were married it is presumed to be a marital asset or debt.

2. A non-marital asset or debt is one that was acquired before the date of your marriage. It is also a non-marital asset if you acquired it through a gift or inheritance. Income from non-marital property is also considered non-marital property.

3. Even if an assets or debt was acquired by your spouse individually, it is considered to be a marital asset or debt, if acquired during the marriage. This includes rights in pension and profit-sharing plans.

In New Jersey, the basic rule is that all marital property is divided equally.

[LizaDoolittle2]

He gave me an agreement that just seems so damn shady. I don't wanna be spiteful or hurtful but I feel like something is not right. I read through it, it was titled as a property settlement, however, it states there was to be no legal divorce. So basically, he is divorcing me from having any right to the home but he wants to wait and see if we can reconcile before going through w/ an actual divorce. It's the have your cake and eat it too syndrome. He figures, he'll wait out the relationship to see if it works out or not but at no loss to him cuz if things don't pan out, then I wont be able to have rights. Our equity is low due to the amount of times he has refinanced. Five years from now, it would be a different story. He's blocking me from any monetary gain.

I would like to add that I had no education and was not in the work force when he met me nor do I have any formal education now and my job is part time low pay. I haven't had any schooling and I can not get anything more than a mediocre, minimum wage job. Wouldn't he be entitled to pay me some sort of alimony or pay for schooling or something? How do I go out there and raise two kids w/ nothing while he gets to sit back and live in the lap of luxury?

My lawyers says if we don't settle then we sell the house, pay off the mortgage and split the proceeds. That doesn't leave much. It might even be less than what he is offering. I am so confused.

[Kane]

I don't see why you think you're getting "screwed." You had no job, no education, and two kids when you married him. So you're not in any worse position now than you were then. In fact, if I'm reading your post right, it sounds like you're going to be 20k richer.

[sawyer]

Originally Posted by LizaDoolittle2

What is the name of your state?What is the name of your state?NJ

Hello, my husband and I have been married for 4 years. When we met, he and I were both sort of down and out, he had a small place and I didn't have anything but two kids. We got married and I moved in. He decided to make a career move that changed our lives. We bought a house. A year later he decided to refinance and the loan officer made note that my name was never put on the deed and that he had to make provisions to have my name added to the loan. I found it odd, but every time I would try to talk to my husband he would accuse me of plotting against him.

We bought the house for very cheap and now it is worth $250,000 times more than what we paid for it.

My husband never added me to any bank accounts and always kept his finances hidden. He paid most of the bills. I worked as well but didn't make nearly as much as he did. He never gave me money for anything and I struggled a lot yet he spent money on whatever he wanted. I was responsible for the house and the kids and working.

He has always said if I leave him I would get nothing because he bought the house w/ pre-marital funds. Be that as it may, I have a hard time believing he can put my children and I out on the street.

We have decided to get divorced. He offered to pay the rest of my car off and give me $4,000. I have a crappy part time job, 2 kids and no bank account. I told him that was impossible and unfair. He then agreed to give me $20,000 and sign the car over but I would have to pay it off. Once again, it's still not fair.

I am very scared. The cost of living in NJ is ridiculous. I have no education and barely any skills. I don't know what I am gonna do. Do I have any rights at all and am I entitled to more than he is offering or is he screwing me out of everything? We never signed a pre-nuptial agreement.

Did you have an agreement on your all finances before you got married if not it should have to be divided equally between the two

[LizaDoolittle2]

Originally Posted by sawyer

Did you have an agreement on your all finances before you got married if not it should have to be divided equally between the two

No, we had absolutely no agreement.

And to the person above. I am getting screwed!! We both had nothing when we got married and we bought the house together. And just because I didn't work full time, I still worked part time and contributed. I never spent money on myself, it always went toward food and house stuff and when we went out to eat, I always paid, etc.... I cleaned the house everyday and cooked dinner everyday. I did so much more than that and put up w/ more than that. I think I am entitled to more than $20k which btw, isn't jack crap in the tri-state area. I don't know if you have been to Jersey but it is very expensive here. You can't even touch a 3 bedroom house or condo for less than $285,000. $20k is nothing. It's not even a down payment. So I'm not $20k richer.

My husband knew I had no education and that I had two children when he married me. He is old enough to know that was a very serious decision. Just because now he wants to go be free and single and ditch the responsibility of an instant family does not give him the right to give me the short end of the stick.

I think I should at least be entitled to something more.

[badd2323]

Sounds to me like you should thank him for supporting you and your two children for the last four years, and move on. However, if the house was purchased while you were married you are probably entitled to half of the equity, but with all of the refi's it doesn't sound like there's much there. I just guess its hard for me to understand why you think you are "entitled" to so much. It seems to me that he has pretty much taken care of you financially for the last for years, you keep bring up the fact that you are not educated and can only get a minimum wage job, well.....get an education! You say that it is so expensive to live in New Jersey, where is it written that you have to live in New Jersey? As long as you go through life thinking someone owes you something or, its not fair, or I can't do anything because I don't have an education then you are pretty much going to have nothing all of your life, and your children are going to believe the same thing. I'm not trying to take away from the role you played in the marriage by cooking and cleaning and so on, those are important parts of a relationship. Do you think since you did those things for him while you were married that he is "entitled' to have you to continue doing them for him after you are divorced?

[Underthumb]

I would have to agree with the poster she is entitled to more, she shouldn't have to "thank" him for taking care of her and her children. He knew she had children when they married, if they both had nothing to start with then she contributed to "HIS" sucess! I am not a gold digger, but dag on he can't just leave her and her kids high and dry and I do believe you are getting screwed! Have you talked over alimony with you lawyer? What does he say? My husband couldn't even keep a dag on job when we first met, now he makes good money for our area and I am wondering if my kids( which are his too) and I are going to be evicted! It is not right!

[AHA]

Since OP is rich enough to have a lawyer, why is time being wasted on this when she is paying a dude to answer these questions???

[Kane]

Originally Posted by Underthumb

she contributed to "HIS" sucess!

How did she contribute to his success? Do you think he wouldn't have been able to succeed without her cooking?

[AHA]

Originally Posted by Kane

How did she contribute to his success? Do you think he wouldn't have been able to succeed without her cooking?

Maybe washing his shorts was a nasty duty**************

[Kane]

Originally Posted by AHA

Maybe washing his shorts was a nasty duty**************

Maybe.

Anyway, the time when the wife was responsible for cooking and cleaning ended 50 years ago. (At least according to my wife. )