A truly unique set of problems - Maine

[mainemama]

I live in Maine. I have a newly filed divorce on my hands and a minor child age 7 that is not biologically related to me.

Here's a breakdown of what's happened. Child age seven is my husband's biological grandchild. He has sole permanent guardianship of the child due to biological parent's inability to care for the child (past use of drugs, abandonment, etc...) We have equally cared for the child as parents since the age of 2 weeks and legally since I believe about 5 months.

Child refers to me as "Mommy." Child knows biological mother and knows me as her "Mommy that takes care of him/her."

Husband left the child in my sole care and moved an hour away. Currently, child lives with me during the week and most vacations. Child spends every other weekend with Husband and every other weekend with biological mother. Child has attended school in my district and I provide all care and necessities. Husband contributes $200 a month towards care.

Husband first promised to add me as an equal permanent guardian PRIOR to filing for divorce. Now has filed with no mention of the child in the paperwork. Obviously I am extremely worried, if I sign now I have no leverage to ask for guardianship later. Parent de facto status is very rare in Maine and with no biological ties, even rarer.

What are my options here? Can we stipulate in the divorce papers he will proceed to add me as a guardian? Can we seek guardianship at the same time and eliminate the need to have one set of papers signed before the others?

We both seem to want an amicable divorce and since he cheated on me and moved directly into another woman's home, that's rare in itself. I just want to make sure no one is being sneaky and things proceed in a way that no one feels as if something is being held over their head.

Any advice is appreciated. I have limited time to answer the papers. Thank you!!

 

[mistoffolees]

Frankly, I wouldn't be doing this via a free online forum if I were you. You should really see an attorney to see about obtaining some guardianship rights.

Part of the hold-up may be that he's trying to avoid or lessen child support. If you're not a guardian, he is not likely to be held responsible for child support payments to you.

I would NOT sign divorce papers which do not cover all the areas which concern you.

 

[Ohiogal]

I live in Maine. I have a newly filed divorce on my hands and a minor child age 7 that is not biologically related to me.

Here's a breakdown of what's happened. Child age seven is my husband's biological grandchild. He has sole permanent guardianship of the child due to biological parent's inability to care for the child (past use of drugs, abandonment, etc...) We have equally cared for the child as parents since the age of 2 weeks and legally since I believe about 5 months.

Your husband is the SOLE custodian of the child and the sole guardian. The divorce court has NO jursidiction over this child due to the nature of the case. Any guardianship would HAVE to go through the court granted hubby guardianship and the parents of the child would have to be served.

Child refers to me as "Mommy." Child knows biological mother and knows me as her "Mommy that takes care of him/her."

You are not the child's mommy.

Husband left the child in my sole care and moved an hour away. Currently, child lives with me during the week and most vacations. Child spends every other weekend with Husband and every other weekend with biological mother. Child has attended school in my district and I provide all care and necessities. Husband contributes $200 a month towards care.

Okay.

Husband first promised to add me as an equal permanent guardian PRIOR to filing for divorce.

That is a promise he cannot keep. The court would have to award you guardianship in a hearing with hubby, and the children's parents.

Now has filed with no mention of the child in the paperwork. Obviously I am extremely worried, if I sign now I have no leverage to ask for guardianship later. Parent de facto status is very rare in Maine and with no biological ties, even rarer.

The child SHOULD NOT be in the divorce paperwork.

What are my options here? Can we stipulate in the divorce papers he will proceed to add me as a guardian? Can we seek guardianship at the same time and eliminate the need to have one set of papers signed before the others?

No you cannot stipulate in the divorce papers that he will add you as a guardian. That takes a different case and service to the PARENTS of the children. If he does so then the parents can fight to get their child back due to the change in circumstance. He remains the sole guardian or risks losing guardianship completely.

We both seem to want an amicable divorce and since he cheated on me and moved directly into another woman's home, that's rare in itself. I just want to make sure no one is being sneaky and things proceed in a way that no one feels as if something is being held over their head.

You have NO standing for guardianship. You are related to this child ONLY be marriage and not by blood. You have no rights to this child nor any rights to make demands regarding this child.

Any advice is appreciated. I have limited time to answer the papers. Thank you!!

Well the child should not be mentioned in the papers. End of story. So answer them. But the guardianship of the child is NOT a factor or consideration in your divorce.

 

[Ronin]

As clearly stated above, the divorce is separate from the custody matter.

The custody issues will have to be resolved between the child's parents and your ex. But mostly between the childs parents if your ex is unwilling to retain possession of the child. If they wish to include you that is entirely up to them. If there is a possibility that neither of them is willing to be the primary custodian for the child, and they would consider granting you some limited form of guardianship, it is entirely up to them.

Given your circumstances, you really need to discuss these matters with a family law attorney. If there is a possibility of you even being remotely considered for guardianship, the attorney should be able to address this matter and handle it appropriately. If you do not tread lightly and very carefully on this, you may very soon be out of the picture on caring for the child.

However, given that almost all divorce proceedings get ugly at some point, I would not hold my breath expecting something like this will end as you would like it to.

 

[Ohiogal]

Frankly, I wouldn't be doing this via a free online forum if I were you. You should really see an attorney to see about obtaining some guardianship rights.

Part of the hold-up may be that he's trying to avoid or lessen child support. If you're not a guardian, he is not likely to be held responsible for child support payments to you.

I would NOT sign divorce papers which do not cover all the areas which concern you.

The divorce papers cannot cover guardianship of the child for various reasons. Hence, your information is not correct. Sorry Misty. I know you want to help but you were wrong in this case.

 

[nextwife]

Frankly, I wouldn't be doing this via a free online forum if I were you. You should really see an attorney to see about obtaining some guardianship rights.

Part of the hold-up may be that he's trying to avoid or lessen child support. If you're not a guardian, he is not likely to be held responsible for child support payments to you.

I would NOT sign divorce papers which do not cover all the areas which concern you.

What child support? This is his GRANDCHILD. He cannot be ordered to pay CS to someone else for the care of this child. ( I am presuming none of the parents is a minor, due to the age of the child.)

 

[mistoffolees]

The divorce papers cannot cover guardianship of the child for various reasons. Hence, your information is not correct. Sorry Misty. I know you want to help but you were wrong in this case.

I saw your response after I wrote mine and realized that the divorce papers can not cover guardianship of the child in this case.

However, I think my advice was still good:

1. She needs to see an attorney to see if there's anything she can do to protect her relationship with the child - even if it requires getting her stbx to give her some role.

2. As a general rule, I would not voluntarily sign divorce papers which I either don't understand or don't agree with until talking with an attorney.

 

[Ohiogal]

I saw your response after I wrote mine and realized that the divorce papers can not cover guardianship of the child in this case.

However, I think my advice was still good:

1. She needs to see an attorney to see if there's anything she can do to protect her relationship with the child - even if it requires getting her stbx to give her some role.

2. As a general rule, I would not voluntarily sign divorce papers which I either don't understand or don't agree with until talking with an attorney.

She has no standing for anything with this child. Her STBX can do nothing. She would have sue her STBX, AND the parents of the children. As for two you are correct.

 

[mistoffolees]

She has no standing for anything with this child. Her STBX can do nothing. She would have sue her STBX, AND the parents of the children.

STBX apparently doesn't want to have custody and abandoned the child to her care and the parents were found to be unfit. I would not rule out the stbx transferring guardianship to her.

If nothing else, she can apply to the court to be the child's foster parent since the parents and grandfather abandoned him, although, as you've pointed out, that can't take place in the divorce court.

It might take a lot of time and stretch the legal boundaries a bit, but I wouldn't be so sure she can't have SOME role in the child's life.

 

[Ohiogal]

STBX apparently doesn't want to have custody and abandoned the child to her care and the parents were found to be unfit. I would not rule out the stbx transferring guardianship to her.

Wrong. The parents were found to be unsuitable. If they were found to be unfit there rights would have been TERMINATED. The STBX cannot legally just transfer guardianship to her. It would require a hearing and service of the parents. If the parents have corrected the reasons why they were deemed unsuitable they can regain custody of their child due to the change in circumstances. And I do not see where the child was ABANDONED.

If nothing else, she can apply to the court to be the child's foster parent since the parents and grandfather abandoned him, although, as you've pointed out, that can't take place in the divorce court.

She cannot apply to be the child's foster parent. That is something that is determined by CSB/CPS or whatever they call it there.Foster parents require specialized training and the child is placed with the foster family by children's services.

It might take a lot of time and stretch the legal boundaries a bit, but I wouldn't be so sure she can't have SOME role in the child's life.

it will definitely NOT happen quickly or in divorce court and quite frankly if the legal guardian and parents DO NOT WANT her in the child's life it won't happen.

 

[mistoffolees]

it will definitely NOT happen quickly or in divorce court and quite frankly if the legal guardian and parents DO NOT WANT her in the child's life it won't happen.

But that's the point - the grandfather who is apparently the child's guardian DOES want her in the child's life - which is why he abandoned the child there.

It's not a divorce issue - it's a child welfare issue. And when you have unfit parents and a grandparent/guardian who abandons the child, it's not unreasonable for the only stable adult in the child's life to ask for some role in the child's life. It's not guaranteed and it won't be easy, but that's her best bet - through the child welfare agencies and courts.

 

[Ohiogal]

But that's the point - the grandfather who is apparently the child's guardian DOES want her in the child's life - which is why he abandoned the child there.

I understand what you are saying HOWEVER the grandfather did NOT abandon the child -- not legally. Also, what grandpa wants doesn't matter if the parents and court disagree. That is important.

It's not a divorce issue - it's a child welfare issue. And when you have unfit parents and a grandparent/guardian who abandons the child, it's not unreasonable for the only stable adult in the child's life to ask for some role in the child's life. It's not guaranteed and it won't be easy, but that's her best bet - through the child welfare agencies and courts.

The parents are NOT unfit however. They were UNSUITABLE at the time of the original disposition in which grandpa got guardianship. However things have changed and you do not know the situation of the parents at this point in time (though the child's mother spends every other weekend with the child per OP).

This woman is NOT biologically related. She has misled the child and basically acted irresponsibly by allowing this child to call her mom. She is most likely NOT going to have an easy or inexpensive time getting court ordered TIME with the child let alone any guardianship/custody. And if definitely will NOT happen in divorce court. And she is NOT that stable when she has done things to this child by having the child call her mommy when she is not and she is divorcing the child's guardian. That doesn't make her legally ANYTHING to this child.
She is the caregiver at this point but the child is in school near her residence. Grandpa is around and sees the child every other weekend -- alternating weekends the child spends with mom. When the school year ends I can see a LOT of things changing. Grandpa has NOT abandoned the child. Grandpa it can be argued has allowed the child to remain in the child's school until the end of the school year.

I understand what you are saying however I respectfully disagree. This woman is not going to have a good chance at all.

 

[Zigner]

But that's the point - the grandfather who is apparently the child's guardian DOES want her in the child's life - which is why he abandoned the child there.

It's not a divorce issue - it's a child welfare issue. And when you have unfit parents and a grandparent/guardian who abandons the child, it's not unreasonable for the only stable adult in the child's life to ask for some role in the child's life. It's not guaranteed and it won't be easy, but that's her best bet - through the child welfare agencies and courts.

I'd like to point out that we have no information that the OP is a "stable" person in the child's life....