Two questions about divorce?

[lm1]

I live in Illinois and have been pursuing my divorce for 18 months.
Question one is in regards to whether or not I am still legally married since we have "proven grounds" at a grounds hearing 10 months ago. My attorney says that I am sort of not married, but I am still unclear about this.

Question two is in regards to a law or some sort of protection for the person pursuing a divorce in relation to a time limit. The reason I ask is the my soon to be ex is telling me that every time I provide something, he and his attorney will ask for something else until I collapse under the stress and debt associated with all of thelegal fees. I am currently approaching 7,000 for fees and we have not even attempted to write up a settlement agreement.
I requested of my attorney to drop child support and settle as we are with the property as divided. He refused and is telling me I have to keep basically playing this game and providing what they want. The problem is that I just can't afford this and it is starting to emotionally and physically drain me at the same time.
We have four children the oldest being 12 and my soon to be ex is trying to dredge up anything that we keep him from paying support. Currently I receive 100 dollars per week, which he feels is an extreme amount. He currently earns 12 dollars an hour and does get overtime. He has a business on the side but claims no income from it. I have a very good job and took over the business we were in as a couple and the majority of the debt.
They are now pursuing criminal charges in regards to how I managed the business during the time he was still on a a partner.
They know and I know that I have not done anything illegal but they are still pursuing me anyway.
I just want this to be over and advice?

 

[dorenephilpot]

You cannot be "sort of not married." Either you misunderstood or your attorney misspoke.

If you ask for a final hearing date, then you can get it over with at that hearing.

Sounds like there has been plenty of opportunity for discovery to occur.

In Indiana, we can bifurcate -- grant the parties a divorce but deal with the children and property issues later. I don't usually like doing that, but it is an option available here.

If he's truly trying to stall the divorce, if you bifurcate and get a divorce in California, then the property and children issues will probably end up being settled rather quickly.

IAAL will most likely jump in and enlighten us on these issues.

 

[vrzirn]

Dorene-that is absolutely ludicrous!!! You suggest this poor lady, who is barely keeping it together financially and emotionally, pull up stakes and take up residence in California. I have been reading your wishy-washy, goody two shoes posts and you sound more like a 1st grade teacher than a first-rate attorney.
There are some major advantages to a bifurcated divorce even if you do not like them.
Im1-your attorney is correct in saying you are in the game and must see it through to the end. At some point it will end! Grit your teeth, hang on, hang tough, do not fall apart and get counseling through your health plan. Keep telling yourself you are a big, strong, girl. DO NOT talk to your husband. You have an attorney for that. Just take one step at a time and assemble your financial records.
I had a 4 year divorce and 3 1/2 of them spent on the Reserved issues. My ex did everything yours is doing and more than yours would ever think of; he was a PhD in Finance and knew all the tricks. He dragged me through countless audits, mediations, meetings, etc. hoping to wear me down. It did end- and he lost.
This was California!

 

[I AM ALWAYS LIABLE]

IAAL will most likely jump in and enlighten us on these issues.

My response:

Whoa !

I'm staying outa this one !

It appears that our good friend, Dorene, either misspoke regarding California law when our writer said she was in Illinois, or Dorene may have gotten this post confused with another thread. Only guessing at this point.

But, vrzirn, that wasn't nice when you said, "I have been reading your wishy-washy, goody two shoes posts and you sound more like a 1st grade teacher than a first-rate attorney."

I think, although I'm not sure, that Dorene just tripped up and made a mistake concerning the State names. Normally, I find Dorene's remarks and suggestions "right on the money", but it does appear here, in this instance, that there has been some confusion. I am hopeful that our illustrious Indiana attorney will respond and make any corrections that are adviseable.

IAAL

 

[vrzirn]

Illustrious: renowned or celebrated. Pretty fancy adjective. As for not being "nice", it is all in the perspective. What you think of me is none of my business.

 

[dorenephilpot]

OK, gang. IAAL figured out my flub-up.

I'm not suggesting she move. I did misspeak on the state name.

Mea culpa, mea culpa, mea culpa. 100 lashes with a wet noodle, please.

Substitute the word Illinois for the word California in my answer.

But my answer is the same, whether she lives in Illinois or California.

Vrzirn: I can understand you chastising me if you thought I was suggesting that she move to California. That would be ludicrous.

However, I really could have gone all day (all week even) without the personal attack.

Perhaps you're not aware of this fact that might change your assessment of the situation (then again, maybe not): The attorneys who spend time on these boards are actually donating their time and varying levels of expertise. (I personally spend about an hour a day.) No one is paying us to do this.

When people are donating their time to help others, it's generally considered good manners to respectfully disagree with the person, if you do find a point of contention, rather than attack them personally.

In any case, have a good weekend!

 

[memorandum]

Attack Mode

Vrzirn,

Since we are in attack mode here, let me weigh in with a casual observation or two of my own. First, what does your ex-husband's PhD in Finance have to do with anything? Here's what I think: I think you vicariously associate his accomplishments with your own. "He was smart, he was accomplished, he was respected... and since I married him, that says a lot about me, too." Don't fret, Vrzin, I run into women all the time that nonchalantly, but very deliberately, weave their ex-husband's careers into the conversation, so you have lots of company. Of course, the only thing more fun than telling the world that you married successfully is to tell the world that you divorced even more successfully. How did you put it? "He lost," I think you said. That has to be a terribly gratifying utterance. Good for you.

Apart from marrying your successful ex-husband and then successfully divorcing him, have you accomplished anything of your own accord worth noting? That is, apart from being a "victim" of a bad marriage.

 

[vrzirn]

vrzirn -MPH,PhD, M.D. I donate enough of my time on this board as well;usually on the medical issues. I might add that a successful divorce is an education unto itself.