Unfair Legal Systems and Double Standards

[Nolife]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? California

The spousal support calculation doesn’t consider child support for adult children even if they are in college, but the Federal Student Aid expects family contribution (EPC).

My soon to be ex is going to get 50% of the property, 50% of my 401k and plus spousal support for himself, and left 50% for me to share with two kids (18 and 16) almost without child support from him (less than two years of support for the youngest one). He got mad with the teenagers and refused to contribute any money for the kids’ college education from the settlement. Can I ask the court to make him to pay some of the settlement money for college cost? Many private colleges are expecting noncustodial parent financial contribution.

I have been killing myself to work two jobs to support the family since he quitted his job 9 years ago. I stressed out from my primary job and applied for a less pay and a little less stress job hoping this would motivated him to look for a job or apply for SS to help out. Well, things happened. He filed for divorce.

Can the legal system allow him to continue enslaving me to continue to work two jobs to support him instead supporting my “adult” kids to college? I am only working on one job right now because my health problem. Do I have to pay spousal support based on last year’s two jobs? If I get better and able to get back to the second job, can he ask for adjustment of spousal support? I have to tap in the equity line to pay bill right now. I am afraid the system might make me losing my house.

I got 3% increase in my hourly rate after he filed for divorce. Is the spousal support based on my income at the time he filed for divorce or at the time the divorce is final?

Please help! Any advice and/or suggestion are appreciated. I don’t know what I did end up in this mess. “No good deed goes without punished”. How can I get out this mess and have my life back?!

 

[stealth2]

People are not legally bound to support their adult "children", except in special circumstances - like an incapacitating disability, etc. Your children could do what so many others do - work their way through school.

<missed that he doesn't work>

 

[mistoffolees]

You can either spend all your time whining about injustice or you can spend your energy on improving your life.

The system is what it is. Whether it's fair or not is obviously a matter of opinion. Learn how the system works.

First, he won't necessarily get 50% of everything and won't necessarily get spousal support.

He will get 50% of MARITAL assets, but that's not unreasonable. You made a joint decision for him not to work. No one made you stay married to him, it was a choice you made. You made a decision to have kids - you need to support them.

He may or may not get spousal support, depending on circumstances. You can certainly ask the court to impute an income for him even if he's not working. But in no event are you going to be left with only half of your income.

College is a different situation. Colleges have a right to expect that parents will help pay for the education even if the parents are not required to by law. After all, the college is giving you their money in a financial aid package, they have every right to decide who gets it. If you don't get financial aid, then your kids will have to work while they're in school. It's not the end of the world - and a good chance for them to learn that the world doesn't owe them a living. Millions of people had to work to go to school - and no one owes them an education, certainly not a private school. If you're worried about losing your home, why the heck are you even considering a private school (unless the kids can find a way to pay for it themselves).

I get really tired of all the complaining about the system. What do you think is more fair - for you to keep all the assets and not pay spousal support? A few million women who stayed home to watch kids while their husbands worked in a high-paying career would disagree with that concept, too.

 

[cheesecake46580]

You could ask for a clause that requires you to pay 1\3 or the education expence\ him 1\3 and the child 1\3. You can ask that some of the 401 k money be set aside 4 that.

 

[mistoffolees]

You could ask for a clause that requires you to pay 1\3 or the education expence\ him 1\3 and the child 1\3. You can ask that some of the 401 k money be set aside 4 that.

Using 401K money to pay for education is generally not a good idea. After paying taxes and penalty, the value is greatly reduced.

More importantly, the 401K is intended for a different purpose - the owner's retirement. I would certainly not have wanted my parents to jeopardize their retirement to pay for my college. Far, far better for the child to simply pay for his/her own college. If the parents can afford to chip in, great, but it shouldn't be a requirement of the divorce court.

 

[Ohiogal]

You could ask for a clause that requires you to pay 1\3 or the education expence\ him 1\3 and the child 1\3. You can ask that some of the 401 k money be set aside 4 that.

And the court can deny that because quite frankly adult children get to pay for their own college.

 

[Nolife]

You can either spend all your time whining about injustice or you can spend your energy on improving your life.

The system is what it is. Whether it's fair or not is obviously a matter of opinion. Learn how the system works.

First, he won't necessarily get 50% of everything and won't necessarily get spousal support.

He will get 50% of MARITAL assets, but that's not unreasonable. You made a joint decision for him not to work. No one made you stay married to him, it was a choice you made. You made a decision to have kids - you need to support them.

He may or may not get spousal support, depending on circumstances. You can certainly ask the court to impute an income for him even if he's not working. But in no event are you going to be left with only half of your income.

College is a different situation. Colleges have a right to expect that parents will help pay for the education even if the parents are not required to by law. After all, the college is giving you their money in a financial aid package, they have every right to decide who gets it. If you don't get financial aid, then your kids will have to work while they're in school. It's not the end of the world - and a good chance for them to learn that the world doesn't owe them a living. Millions of people had to work to go to school - and no one owes them an education, certainly not a private school. If you're worried about losing your home, why the heck are you even considering a private school (unless the kids can find a way to pay for it themselves).

I get really tired of all the complaining about the system. What do you think is more fair - for you to keep all the assets and not pay spousal support? A few million women who stayed home to watch kids while their husbands worked in a high-paying career would disagree with that concept, too.

At this stage of life, it is hard for me to face all the facts and accept what the system offered me gracefully, but I will try my best. After all, I do need some wake up calls to get myself back to the right direction and learn to see the world in different angle. I was not going to response but I could not get it out of my head. Sorry if I offence you, I don’t mean to. I do appreciate your response and help.

I do understand that it was my choice and I have to accept the consequence. Yes, “No one made you stay married to him; it was a choice you made.” I stay married to him because I felt at the time that it was the best for my children and also, I don’t believe in leaving someone when he was out of job. It is like dropping a stone down the well after someone fell into it. I worked two jobs and let him went back to school and explored many other job opportunities. I did not make decision for him not to work, neither did he. But he lacked motivation to work on less pay jobs. Besides working two jobs, I am still cooks, take care my kids, and do the house chores … My situation is different than “A few million women who stayed home to watch kids while their husbands worked in a high-paying career…”.

The system is set up for protecting women in the above quoted situation. But the system is not perfect and has room for improvement.

I made decision to have kids and I am trying my best to support them. I live in bay area, the cost of living is a lot higher than many other places so thus the income. I don’t think that the financial aid package consider this. Because I worked two jobs, I squeezed myself into the so call “middle class”, the income is not high enough to pay bills in the bay area and is not low enough for my kids to qualify to the subsidized loans. My kids having been working since they turn 15. One of them is just accepted to one of the UC system. The cost is $30,284 per year and it is going to increase 30%. It is hard to study and work to pay the school at the same time. He is considering not going to college and go to work instead to save money to go to college later. It will really hurt for me to see this happen. Sometime the private schools are cheaper than the public school depending on the financial package. We have to consider all options. Sometime, it is better for a student to not have parents who could not help them and prevent them to get better financial package.

Thanks for your understanding and have a nice day!

 

[mistoffolees]

I made decision to have kids and I am trying my best to support them. I live in bay area, the cost of living is a lot higher than many other places so thus the income. I don’t think that the financial aid package consider this. Because I worked two jobs, I squeezed myself into the so call “middle class”, the income is not high enough to pay bills in the bay area and is not low enough for my kids to qualify to the subsidized loans. My kids having been working since they turn 15. One of them is just accepted to one of the UC system. The cost is $30,284 per year and it is going to increase 30%. It is hard to study and work to pay the school at the same time. He is considering not going to college and go to work instead to save money to go to college later. It will really hurt for me to see this happen. Sometime the private schools are cheaper than the public school depending on the financial package. We have to consider all options. Sometime, it is better for a student to not have parents who could not help them and prevent them to get better financial package.

None of that changes the facts. You are not obligated to pay for your kids' college in most states. If they can't afford school, then they can work. If that's too much trouble for them, they can quit school and work until they have enough money or go to a cheaper school.

No one is going to magically solve the problem. School is expensive. You can't afford it. Those are the cold, hard facts. The sooner your kids learn to deal with facts as they are (and not as you wish them to be), the better.