VA
Husband left me after stating that we had wanted to leave after 2nd year of marriage.We were married 25 years. He waited until the children were graduated and then stayed approx 7 more years, because he said he didn't want to hurt me. I am 56 years old.
I have been in therapy and am finally to the point where I have accepted what will be. I have posted before and stated that he doesn't want a divorce, that he wants to live in one place and me in another and our only dealings with each other would be business. We have rental property and another service oriented business. He says that he will continue to pay all that he had paid in the past and that I will continue to do my part and that at retirement, everything will be paid for and then we can enjoy the profits. And that when we are gone, the children will reap the benefits of us not having gone through a divorce and split things up.
I have seen a lawyer. I took her all of our financial info for the last two tax years...I am guessing she has a forensic accountant trying to figure things out for me/her. He doesn't know I have seen lawyer. I know that this might be mean, but if he stayed for 23 years and wanted to leave and didn't tell me, why should I tell him this?
I love him dearly and probably would take him back in a heartbeat, if I could be guaranteed that he would work on the problems from his end, but he has insisted since he left that he likes being single. He plans on getting a girlfriend down the line and says that maybe It would be in my best interests to find a man.
I think he already has someone. He spent the night with her on the night before Easter and I went up and caught him.
I have friends who are really pushing me to pour on the sex and try to win him back. They won't let up about this is the way to win him back. I do not want to do anything that might interfere with the divorce even though I have considered trying this.
My question is...We do not have a legal separation. It was a mutual agreement, his leaving. He put out some feelers and he is interested, but insists that it will change nothing as far as him coming back. If we were to get together, would this violate this "unofficial separation" or would it set me back the two months I have towards a divorce?
I refuse to live the rest of my life on his terms, staying separate but being with other people. For me it is either be together as husband and wife or not. So, do we try to work things out now?
I am so darned confused, because I do not want to do anything that will jeopardize my relationship with my lawyer. And am moving cautiously...
I guess another question would be, is this an unusual scenario?
Husband left me after stating that we had wanted to leave after 2nd year of marriage.We were married 25 years. He waited until the children were graduated and then stayed approx 7 more years, because he said he didn't want to hurt me. I am 56 years old.
I have been in therapy and am finally to the point where I have accepted what will be. I have posted before and stated that he doesn't want a divorce, that he wants to live in one place and me in another and our only dealings with each other would be business. We have rental property and another service oriented business. He says that he will continue to pay all that he had paid in the past and that I will continue to do my part and that at retirement, everything will be paid for and then we can enjoy the profits. And that when we are gone, the children will reap the benefits of us not having gone through a divorce and split things up.
I have seen a lawyer. I took her all of our financial info for the last two tax years...I am guessing she has a forensic accountant trying to figure things out for me/her. He doesn't know I have seen lawyer. I know that this might be mean, but if he stayed for 23 years and wanted to leave and didn't tell me, why should I tell him this?
I love him dearly and probably would take him back in a heartbeat, if I could be guaranteed that he would work on the problems from his end, but he has insisted since he left that he likes being single. He plans on getting a girlfriend down the line and says that maybe It would be in my best interests to find a man.
I think he already has someone. He spent the night with her on the night before Easter and I went up and caught him.
I have friends who are really pushing me to pour on the sex and try to win him back. They won't let up about this is the way to win him back. I do not want to do anything that might interfere with the divorce even though I have considered trying this.
My question is...We do not have a legal separation. It was a mutual agreement, his leaving. He put out some feelers and he is interested, but insists that it will change nothing as far as him coming back. If we were to get together, would this violate this "unofficial separation" or would it set me back the two months I have towards a divorce?
I refuse to live the rest of my life on his terms, staying separate but being with other people. For me it is either be together as husband and wife or not. So, do we try to work things out now?
I am so darned confused, because I do not want to do anything that will jeopardize my relationship with my lawyer. And am moving cautiously...
I guess another question would be, is this an unusual scenario?