Very confusing situation.

[Confuzzeled]

What is the name of your state? Arkansas
I am married and my wife and I have mutually decided on a divorce, that's about as clear as it can get.
The confusing part is this, my wife has a mental illness that incapacitates her from time to time. and right now is one of those times. In the midst of this her sisters have filed for Gaurdianship, over her as a person and her estate. The problem is that her estate is my estate since we are married. We are in complete agreement about who is to get what and such. I envisioned us having as peaceful a divorce as could ever be. For once we actually agree on something, the end.
I don't really want to get involved in the guardianship proceedings but I have to because our "estates" are intertwined. What I want to do is allow the guardianship to proceed but protect myself as well. I spoke with a local attorney and she made it about as clear as mud. The only assett we have from the marriage is our home and a few other possesions. The concerns I have are, if her sisters actually get this, can they stop me from getting a divorce? Can they make me pay some form of spousal support? Can they fight for the house, which we have agreed she can't afford and since we only bought it 2 years ago and financed 100% we have virtually no equity in?
I want to do what is right and not get caught up in the drama that her family usually has interlaced through out. The attorney I spoke with today said that since I was her husband I could file a petition for guardianship and that would be granted unless they could show some form of abuse by me agianst her. They can't do that but I also don't believe I should be appointed her guardian when I plan on divorcing her, it just aint right to me.
While I do believe she needs someone to help her at this time, she will not be incapacitated forever. In fact this is all likely not to happen at all cause when she recovers from her current episode there will not be any grounds. Which brings up another point, they did not petition for temporary gaurdianship, they petitioned for permanent gaurdianship.
If anyone has information that could help, please let me know.
I don't hate my wife, it's quite the opposite, I love her. We have spoken at great length and we both realize that we made a huge mistake in getting married. We moved to fast, got caught up in the relationship and didn't have a clue who the other one was. We got married and quickly realized that we are completely incompatible as husband and wife. We don't have any kids together, and have fought constantly for almost 5 years now. She is a wonderful person who I admire dearly and have worlds of respect for, we just can't function as a couple. I want to do right by her and not get caught up in all of this at the same time.
I plan on contacting the attorney that her sisters have retained and telling him my situation. I am going to tell him, if they would be willing to ammend the petition so that it excludes any marital assetts from her "estate" they will be in charge of I will not file a petetion to stop this. I furthur intend to tell him that if she fights this guardianship I will testify on her behalf to stop it. Cause I believe that she needs the help now but not all the time and I think they should only be seeking temporary guardianship, not permanent. I am also going to offer to help pay the attorney fees for her son to fight this as well, he is 18 and has as much right to be involved in this as me or anyone else.

I sure hope someone can help me with this.

Thanks

Confuzzled.

 

[LdiJ]

Its good that you don't feel it would be right for you to have guardianship since you plan to divorce her, because I am quite certain a judge would not give it to you.

I am also sure that their intent in the guardianship, is to protect your wife in the divorce....to make sure that she is treated fairly.

I don't think that you have anything to worry about as far as the house is concerned, since there is no equity, but you will have to refinance the house to take her off the mortgage.....however, despite the fact that your marriage has been fairly short term, alimony could be an issue. If her mental illness disables her enough that she needs a guardian, a judge may feel that she is entitled to some alimony.

Is she working or has she been working? What is her mental illness? Is she under a doctor's care?

 

[Bali Hai]

Its good that you don't feel it would be right for you to have guardianship since you plan to divorce her, because I am quite certain a judge would not give it to you.

I am also sure that their intent in the guardianship, is to protect your wife in the divorce....to make sure that she is treated fairly.

I don't think that you have anything to worry about as far as the house is concerned, since there is no equity, but you will have to refinance the house to take her off the mortgage.....however, despite the fact that your marriage has been fairly short term, alimony could be an issue. If her mental illness disables her enough that she needs a guardian, a judge may feel that she is entitled to some alimony.

Is she working or has she been working? What is her mental illness? Is she under a doctor's care?

Fairly short term marriage or SHORT TERM??

Your rationale here is that if the marriage lasted one day, the judge may FEEL that alimony is in order??

If she needs alimony, let the GUARDIANS pay it!!

 

[LdiJ]

Fairly short term marriage or SHORT TERM??

Your rationale here is that if the marriage lasted one day, the judge may FEEL that alimony is in order??

If she needs alimony, let the GUARDIANS pay it!!

Fairly short term marriage (5 years). Bali, the bottom line, legally, is that if someone is disabled enough to need a guardian, then a judge could very well view that person as disabled enough to be entitled to some alimony. You can rant and rave all you like about the unfairness of that...but its legal reality.

This poster is interested in legal advice...this person is not necessarily interested in your rants and raves about the evils of alimony.

 

[TinkerBelleLuvr]

The OP didn't actually say how long they were married ... just that they have fought for 5 years. So, how long have you been married?

 

[Bali Hai]

Fairly short term marriage (5 years). Bali, the bottom line, legally, is that if someone is disabled enough to need a guardian, then a judge could very well view that person as disabled enough to be entitled to some alimony. You can rant and rave all you like about the unfairness of that...but its legal reality.

This poster is interested in legal advice...this person is not necessarily interested in your rants and raves about the evils of alimony.

The poster may be interested that LEGALLY he has the right to CONTEST any alimony agreement, and, APPEAL any judges award of alimony. That is also "legal reality".

 

[Dandy Don]

The divorce the guardianship are two separate proceedings that have no relationship to the other.

Since there will be no downside or cost to you in the guardianship, please be a gentleman and do not fight it. Since they want to take care of this lady, kindly and agreeably step aside so that they can do so. You have no concern about what is listed in the guardianship proceeding if truly in fact there are not much of any assets.

Your divorce attorney can tell you what you will be paying in alimony, most likely based on your current salary. Since neither you or your wife owns the home, it will not be considered as an asset.

Please delete your posting from the WILLS & TRUST/PROBATE & PERSONAL REPRESENTATIVES BOARD since it truly does not belong there.

DANDY DON IN OKLAHOMA ([email protected])

 

[Confuzzeled]

Thanks for your replies. Here's a few answers to the questions all have posted up.

Yes we have been married for a little over 5 years, and she suffers from Bipolar Disorder.

As far as work, she is disabled and started drawing disability in our second year of marriage. She will be better off financially after we divorce than she was prior to the marriage. This means alimony is highly unlikely according to what the attorney said.

As far as her sisters intentions, I now them way to well to think they are looking after her intrest. They are looking out for themselves only, she is but a mere pawn in their petty game of control that has been fought daily for the 6 plus years I have known them.

Here's what I have done so far. I retained an attorney to write my response to the petition and let the court know that while I do not believe their is grounds for the petition that I would not oppose it so long as the assets of our marriage, which we have already agreed upon the division of, would not be considered part of her estate for the purppose of the gaurdianship petition.

Next I contacted another attorney on her behalf to find out what the fee would be for them to represent her in this petition. And I am going to pay for her attorney to represent her in the guardianship hearing.

The real twisted part here is that she has been living with her mom and most likely will not be welcomed back home if she fights the guardianship.

As far as the divorce and guardianship hearing being totaly seperate, yes they are. But if her sisters are appointed guardianship, they will have the ability to contest the divorce, and they already let it be known they would.

When I contacted them and told them that we had already agreed upon the seperation of assets. I furthr explained that I would delay any proceedings of the divorce unitl Susans wishes are able to be determined after her current episode. I said the petiton needs to exclude our marital assets, they laughed and said, "no it don't, get a lawyer". Then they hung up the phone, it is real clear to me that they think we have some money or that they will be able to force an estate sell and split all the proceeds thereof.

Her families dynamics are very twisted, they fight for control on everything. If my wife wanted to take her mom out for lunch just to visit, her sisters would freak out wondering what was going on. They push her to go to a local hospital that my wife hates because they are to busy and won't drive 45 minutes to the hospital she prefers. Every time she was in the hospital she preferred, they never went and visited. Yet as I write this she is in this local hospital that she hates, becuase they pushed for it and her mother left Friday and is away until Wednesday at a casino with her sisters. My wife is the youngest of 5 kids and she is facing this alone. My wife called tonight and she is finally making sense and coming back to herself. She told me she signed the paperwork where I could come up tomorrow. She told me she had no clothes and no one brought her any. She said her sisters told her that she didn't need any more clothes, I am taking her some in the morning. How sick is that, she has to call her husband, whom she is getting a divorce from, to bring her clothes so she can feel a bit of normalcy.

I truly wish our marriage could have worked cause my heart really goes out to her. She will be manipulated and controlled by her family until she cracks and has an episode, repeatedly, I have seen it for 5 years. There is a lot more twisted stuff but not appropriate for a public board, even if it is anonymous.

As far as the Mortgage, it is in my name only, she has no obligation on the morgage at all. We have seperate bank accounts and everything, kind of a necessity when dealing with bipolar disorder.

Sorry for the long post but maybe it will shed a little light on the situation.

Thanks

 

[Confuzzeled]

Is she under a doctor's care?

Missed this one, yes she is and has been under the care of a psychiatrist since before we were ever married.

 

[Confuzzeled]

As far as alimony, I am not opposed to it as long as it is temporary, reasonble, and her sisters have no control of it. I have been giving her support since we seperated, like I said from the beginning, I want to do right by my wife. I am not divorcing her because of some horrible secret or anything, we simply don't agree on anything about how we should run or home or what goals we should have. If we could live seperate, we get along great. But with her illness, I need to seek the divorce for my protection, because her sisters may one day actually win guardianship of her. Couple that with the constant barrage of accusations by an over bearing family trying to control every aspect of her life, and well you see, I simply can't function in this environment. It has been detrimental to my health, and I want my kids removed from their lives so as not to have to worry about what the next holiday debacle will be like. I would love to be the night in shinning armor and save her from her family, the truth is she just isn't ready to be saved from them. So in the intrest of self preservation and because I have two children that depend on me, I am attempting to bow out gracefully and hopefully reduce some of her stress. And again, there are other factors that would not be apropriate to discuss on a public forum.

Thanks for all the input, please keep it coming, it does help.

Confuzzeled

 

[Confuzzeled]

Please delete your posting from the WILLS & TRUST/PROBATE & PERSONAL REPRESENTATIVES BOARD since it truly does not belong there.

DANDY DON IN OKLAHOMA ([email protected])

Done, well I need more characters.

 

[LdiJ]

As far as alimony, I am not opposed to it as long as it is temporary, reasonble, and her sisters have no control of it. I have been giving her support since we seperated, like I said from the beginning, I want to do right by my wife. I am not divorcing her because of some horrible secret or anything, we simply don't agree on anything about how we should run or home or what goals we should have. If we could live seperate, we get along great. But with her illness, I need to seek the divorce for my protection, because her sisters may one day actually win guardianship of her. Couple that with the constant barrage of accusations by an over bearing family trying to control every aspect of her life, and well you see, I simply can't function in this environment. It has been detrimental to my health, and I want my kids removed from their lives so as not to have to worry about what the next holiday debacle will be like. I would love to be the night in shinning armor and save her from her family, the truth is she just isn't ready to be saved from them. So in the intrest of self preservation and because I have two children that depend on me, I am attempting to bow out gracefully and hopefully reduce some of her stress. And again, there are other factors that would not be apropriate to discuss on a public forum.

Thanks for all the input, please keep it coming, it does help.

Confuzzeled

I assume that the children are not hers? If they are, this is going to be more complicated than you think.

Bipolar disorder is something that can be controlled by medication. If she is under a doctor's care, and taking her meds, she shouldn't need a guardian and really shouldn't be having episodes either. I think its wise that you are planning to assist her with an attorney for the guardianship case. She has the right to be properly represented.

You also need to protect your own financial interests. You stated that you are the only one on the mortgage but what about the deed? Are you the only one on the deed as well?
If so, then you really don't need to worry about the guardianship effecting your assets (except the fact that they can contest the divorce) as they won't be able to touch assets that are in your name only, unless those assets or a portion of them are turned over to your wife, by the court, as part of the divorce.

 

[Confuzzeled]

I assume that the children are not hers? If they are, this is going to be more complicated than you think.

Bipolar disorder is something that can be controlled by medication. If she is under a doctor's care, and taking her meds, she shouldn't need a guardian and really shouldn't be having episodes either. I think its wise that you are planning to assist her with an attorney for the guardianship case. She has the right to be properly represented.

You also need to protect your own financial interests. You stated that you are the only one on the mortgage but what about the deed? Are you the only one on the deed as well?
If so, then you really don't need to worry about the guardianship effecting your assets (except the fact that they can contest the divorce) as they won't be able to touch assets that are in your name only, unless those assets or a portion of them are turned over to your wife, by the court, as part of the divorce.

Your assumption is correct, we have no children together.

And medication helps control the symtoms of bipolar, it does not eliminate them, nor does it stop every episode.

The deed of the house is in both our names. It wouldn't matter whose name it was in, in Arkansas a home acquired during the marriage by either party is considered "joint property" and must be addressed in a divorce.
The problem is that my wife will likely be manipulated into not opposing the guardiaship. Her family will push her into it just like they have pushed her into things constantly her whole life. If that happens, it doesn't matter what we agreed on, because she will not have the legal ability to enter into any legal contract.