we both have someone we are seeing?

[Davis302]

What is the name of your state? Kansas

Ok so I am in the middle of a divorce and custody battle. He wanted an "openness" or "open marriage" when we were still together...I didn't go along with it while we were still together. He is now seeing a woman and I have started seeing a gentleman can he use the fact that I am seeing someone now against me in the divorce or in the custody? Can I use that he wanted an open relationship against him to gain some ground?

 

[Just Blue]

What is the name of your state? Kansas

Ok so I am in the middle of a divorce and custody battle. He wanted an "openness" or "open marriage" when we were still together...I didn't go along with it while we were still together. He is now seeing a woman and I have started seeing a gentleman can he use the fact that I am seeing someone now against me in the divorce or in the custody? Can I use that he wanted an open relationship against him to gain some ground?

Are you legally seperated??

 

[Davis302]

No I'm pretty sure not...I don't think so anyways.

 

[CJane]

You're committing adultery. He's committing adultery. It's a wash. Unless one of you is involving the kids.

You, as someone committing adultery, will not be able to use his desire for an open relationship against him.

 

[Davis302]

what do you mean unless one of us is involving the child?

 

[Davis302]

Even if neither one of us is sleeping with the people we are seeing it is still considered adultry?

 

[Just Blue]

Even if neither one of us is sleeping with the people we are seeing it is still considered adultry?

Yes....

 

[Davis302]

I'm sorry I know I don't know a whole lot I'm only 21 and I am so lost about all this legal stuff. But what did you mean about either of us involving the child?

 

[CJane]

what do you mean unless one of us is involving the child?

Has the child met or interacted with, or in any other way been exposed to either of these people?

And seriously, a judge is NOT going to believe neither of you are sleeping with these people. Just not gonna happen.

 

[Davis302]

Yes she has been involved on both sides in fact yesterday was one of his 2 days to have her (his "days off") and he sent her back to me early with his girlfriend bringing her to me. Of course he hasn't had time to have her hardly at all because of his job.

 

[Just Blue]

I'm sorry I know I don't know a whole lot I'm only 21 and I am so lost about all this legal stuff. But what did you mean about either of us involving the child?

What was meant was: If either of you are taking the kids on a date with your new bf/gf...or having bf/gf spend the night with the kids there....Keep the kids and your boyfriend seperate...at LEAST until you are LEGALLY separated. IMO I think the children should not meet your new bf till the divorce is final...

 

[CJane]

It is NOT in the best interests of the child to be exposed to this kind of thing, and it WILL weigh in court. Keep your kid out of your love life - at least until you're divorced. Morality IS considered in custody situations.

My advice, both legal and personal... end your marriage. sort out custody. get on your feet and figure out how to be a single parent. figure out how to stand on your own. THEN start dating. THEN, eventually, introduce that person to your child.

But slow the hell down. You're 21. You're not divorced yet. You have a small child. You don't have the time or the energy to survive a divorce and learning how to be a single mom AND dating. You might think you do. You might even think it's really unfair that you're not 'allowed' to have a life. And while that's absolutely true, it is what it is.

 

[Davis302]

Oh I see ok...Thank you for explaining

 

[Davis302]

I appreciate the advice

 

[CJane]

would him not keeping her the amount of time he is supposed to have her have any effect on the case?

Not really. There's no court order, so he's not 'supposed' to keep her at all... and honestly, he could refuse to return her to you AT ALL and it wouldn't have a huge bearing in court. Without a court order, it's too up in the air.

Or the fact that I send her with him and even if it is for one night she comes back with a diaper rash matter?

Not really. My son has had a diaper rash pretty much since birth. The only time his butt isn't red and irritated is when he's been naked for a few hours. It's worse in the summer, it's worse when he's had too much juice, it was bad if we switched formulas... it's diaper rash... and unless it's severe (bleeding sores), it's irrelevant.