What to do?

[momneedshelp2]

What is the name of your state? Virginia

My husband and I are getting separated. He has a "friend" that he says he is not sleeping with. But I don't believe him. They spend a lot of time together. He even stays at one of her mom's houses. He says that she doesn't stay there as well. But of few times he has slipt up ans said that she was there but of course he says that they have seperate rooms. My question is in the state of Virginia do I have to prove that he is sleeping with her or just prove that the intent is there?

 

[stealth2]

Why are you even bothering? All proving adultery will do is keep him from getting alimony from you. So why not just file no-fault?

(and generally you have to actually prove that they are having intercourse.)

 

[momneedshelp2]

Why would he get alimony from me? He left me and our children!!!! I will get alimony from him!!! And isn't it better to prove that he did something horable!!

 

[stealth2]

That's exactly the point - he's not likely to get alimony so there's no benefit in proving adultery. All it's going to do is cost you a buttload of money, which you might be able to put to better use. Forget the vengeance aspect - it just isn't worth the cost.

 

[momneedshelp2]

Yeah maybe you are right. And I don't have the money to fight him!! My revenge will be with my boys. They hate his "friend". And my boys are all boys and they can be a hand full.

 

[stealth2]

My revenge will be with my boys. They hate his "friend". And my boys are all boys and they can be a hand full.

Wrong answer. Your boys should not be used this way and should be encouraged to accept the situation. Your "revenge" should be in moving on and building a good and fuul oife without him.

(edit) I would edit fuul oife to what it should say (full life) but it's too da*ned funny to get rid of!

 

[LdiJ]

Wrong answer. Your boys should not be used this way and should be encouraged to accept the situation. Your "revenge" should be in moving on and building a good and fuul oife without him.

What does fuul oife mean?

 

[stealth2]

What does fuul oife mean?

ROFLMAO! It means I was trying to do too many things at the same time as typing (really! I have not yet started on the nog!)! That is a funny one, tho! It should read full life! I was really only a few letters off!

 

[momneedshelp2]

stealth2- Thanks for your advice. It really does make since. And no I would never use my boys for revenge. But the oldest does hate her and his dad for what he is doing. But the oldest will not tell his dad this. I just wanted to tell you thanks a lot for the help. I don't think that I am going to fight him. I just want my husband back and this man he is right now is not my husband. Thanks again.

 

[stealth2]

The greatest gift you could give your son is to help him understand that sometimes people do stupid stuff. Even stuff that hurts others. Even Dads. Noone's perfect, and even though he's angry about what Dad's doing, hate is a very strong emotion. One he should be cautious with - because it can eat him up.

 

[momneedshelp2]

Hey I know. The problem is that I mself hate his Dad for what he is doing? Especially since his Dad has told me that in his heart he wants to come home and that he is still in love with me. But I also know that I need to get over the hate myself that I have towards my boys father and his "friend" so that I can help my boys get over theirs. I just want the hatred and the hurt to go away for me and my boys.

 

[stealth2]

Have you tried counseling? If nothing else, it would give you a good place to vent.

 

[momneedshelp2]

Once I do the separation agreement up (we are doing it ourselves, I have ordered the proper documents for VIrginia) Do I need to take it to the courts and file?