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sue734

Junior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? MInnesota
My husband just told me he has not been emotionally attached to me since we got married. We have been married almost 4 years and have a 3 yr old and a 2 yr old . I have not worked since having our first child and am at a loss on what to do first. What services are available to me? Should I move to my parents in another part of the state or do I stay in our home? I don't know where to turn first. Can you please direct me.
 


LdiJ

Senior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? MInnesota
My husband just told me he has not been emotionally attached to me since we got married. We have been married almost 4 years and have a 3 yr old and a 2 yr old . I have not worked since having our first child and am at a loss on what to do first. What services are available to me? Should I move to my parents in another part of the state or do I stay in our home? I don't know where to turn first. Can you please direct me.
The first thing that you do, for now, is stay put. Get yourself an appointment with legal aid.
 

mistoffolees

Senior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? MInnesota
My husband just told me he has not been emotionally attached to me since we got married. We have been married almost 4 years and have a 3 yr old and a 2 yr old . I have not worked since having our first child and am at a loss on what to do first. What services are available to me? Should I move to my parents in another part of the state or do I stay in our home? I don't know where to turn first. Can you please direct me.
1. See an attorney to discuss your rights (the initial consultation may be free, depending on the attorney so ask)
2. Do not leave the state with the kids. You could find yourself in hot water and lose custody for that.
3. If you're not sure if the marriage is over, seek joint counseling. If you are sure the marriage is over, then focus on the kids. That means spending as much time with them as you can and ensuring that they're well taken care of (so as to not give ammunition for a custody battle). I wouldn't be too obvious about it or confrontational, though (it may be that he's not emotionally attached to the kids either and won't object to your getting custody unless you antagonize him). Just make sure you're not doing anything he can use against you.
Part of this includes making sure that you're supporting the needs of the kids to spend time with as many family members as possible on both sides. Don't interfere when (if?) your stbx wants to spend time with the kids.
You can consider short term vacations to visit family members, but you'll need to make it clear that it's nothing more than that. Even then, if things get nasty enough, he might try to use it against you. Better to have family members visit you.
This also means staying in your home if possible. If you leave and let him stay there with the kids, it may hurt you in the custody decision. You can't force him to leave, either. If you have concerns and want him out, then you have to go to court and ask the judge to order him to leave.
4. Get a job so that you're able to support yourself. You're not likely to get alimony after 4 years, other than perhaps a very limited temporary support while things are pending.
5. Not legal advice, but take care of yourself and build an emotional support network around yourself. You're going to need it.
6. Do not become involved with someone else until your divorce is final. It will only cause you pain.
 

sue734

Junior Member
Now what??

I have contacted legal aide and they are full for over a year and said that they couldn't take my case and to seek out a private lawyer. I don't know how I am to pay for this. Does anyone know of any other services?
Thanks!!
 

mistoffolees

Senior Member
I have contacted legal aide and they are full for over a year and said that they couldn't take my case and to seek out a private lawyer. I don't know how I am to pay for this. Does anyone know of any other services?
Thanks!!
Go see a private attorney. Your future (and that of your kids) is at stake.

Some attorneys make the initial consultation free. Even if it isn't free, it's probably worth it so you understand your options. Specifically ask if he can petition the court to have his expenses paid from marital assets so that you don't have to pay the money up front.
 

nextwife

Senior Member
I have contacted legal aide and they are full for over a year and said that they couldn't take my case and to seek out a private lawyer. I don't know how I am to pay for this. Does anyone know of any other services?
Thanks!!
Do you have any premarital seperate funds of your own?
 

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