What does seperate room for child with his own furniture really mean?

[hotmaildiva]

What is the name of your state? Florida

My ex lives in Wisconsin. Last week we went to mediation and came to an agreement. My ex has a one bedroom apt and I requested that our 10 year old son have his own bedroom with his own furniture. And my ex agreed stating verbally to us on speaker phone that it would be easy to get a 2 bedroom apt. Papers state "Each party shall have seperate bedrooms for the child with his own furniture. Before any over nights occur." He gets first half of summer. So he immediately wants our son to fly to Wisconsin now and he isn't going to bother with the 2 bedroom apt. Now he states "I have a pull out in the living room and he can use the bedroom while he is here, so Cody will have his own room just like the papers state.". We have been seperated for over a year and he has a live in girlfriend...which is why I wanted seperate bedrooms. Now he claims that our son "does have a seperate room, because I'm sleeping on the pull out. You are in contempt if you don't send him to me." I don't want to be a b***h but this is not what neither the mediator nor I had in mind. Do I send him or not?

 

[LdiJ]

What is the name of your state? Florida

My ex lives in Wisconsin. Last week we went to mediation and came to an agreement. My ex has a one bedroom apt and I requested that our 10 year old son have his own bedroom with his own furniture. And my ex agreed stating verbally to us on speaker phone that it would be easy to get a 2 bedroom apt. Papers state "Each party shall have seperate bedrooms for the child with his own furniture. Before any over nights occur." He gets first half of summer. So he immediately wants our son to fly to Wisconsin now and he isn't going to bother with the 2 bedroom apt. Now he states "I have a pull out in the living room and he can use the bedroom while he is here, so Cody will have his own room just like the papers state.". We have been seperated for over a year and he has a live in girlfriend...which is why I wanted seperate bedrooms. Now he claims that our son "does have a seperate room, because I'm sleeping on the pull out. You are in contempt if you don't send him to me." I don't want to be a b***h but this is not what neither the mediator nor I had in mind. Do I send him or not?

You will find that most people here believe very strongly that separate bedrooms for children, during visitation, even extended visitation are not necessary. Personally I am kind of ambivalent about that, I don't feel strongly in either direction in general.

However, if your agreement states specifically that he is to have his own bedroom, with his own furniture, before overnight visits are to occur, then dad's proposal doesn't cut it.

Personally, if I was in a situation where the ex had a boyfriend or girlfriend sleeping over, I would prefer to have the child on the pullout, and the parent and friend behind closed doors.

 

[tuffbrk]

Personally, if I was in a situation where the ex had a boyfriend or girlfriend sleeping over, I would prefer to have the child on the pullout, and the parent and friend behind closed doors.

As would I. If I'm sleeping with someone, and my sons are in that household, I'd prefer to be behind closed doors whether I'm Mom or I'm the girlfriend of Dad! If it were my Ex - the same holds true. And I have a 20 and 14 yo who are well aware of what goes on behind closed doors!

Might not hurt to ask him if he'd consider "switching" - but of course that isn't what you and the mediator had in mind either. I appreciate the need for a child to feel as if they have their own "space" so maybe the room is his until 9:00 and then the room becomes Daddy's ...

Your choice.

 

[Shay-Pari'e]

Technically, being in Dad's room, is having his own room. I would however not let this be a hill you want to die on. I would suggest swapping the sleeping arraingments also. At 10 years old, what 10 year old is going to mind a pull out with a tv in front of him, and access to the kitchen? You need to give Dad time to get a different place.

Your son deserves time with both of you, and you should not use this as an excuse to keep him away from Dad.

 

[tuffbrk]

I agree. My 14 yo has his own room and bed. However, he generally prefers to sleep on the couch and usually does so!

 

[VeronicaLodge]

lol my 13 year old step son has his own room at our house and often sleeps on the couch downstairs with the dogs and the big tv!

 

[Silverplum]

His own room = A room that is for him

With his own furniture = Furniture, such as a bed, that is in the room, for him to use.

I disagree with LdiJ. You take your chances, but I call this *game* as you the loser.

 

[Shay-Pari'e]

His own room = A room that is for him

With his own furniture = Furniture, such as a bed, that is in the room, for him to use.

I disagree with LdiJ. You take your chances, but I call this *game* as you the loser.

Agree! Son will be the loser if she doesn't send him also. Heck, my daughter has her own master bedroom and still crashes in the theatre room on a couch.

 

[Ohiogal]

Send the child because dad is meeting the requirements of the order. You don't get approval over what room.

 

[mistoffolees]

What is the name of your state? Florida

My ex lives in Wisconsin. Last week we went to mediation and came to an agreement. My ex has a one bedroom apt and I requested that our 10 year old son have his own bedroom with his own furniture. And my ex agreed stating verbally to us on speaker phone that it would be easy to get a 2 bedroom apt. Papers state "Each party shall have seperate bedrooms for the child with his own furniture. Before any over nights occur." He gets first half of summer. So he immediately wants our son to fly to Wisconsin now and he isn't going to bother with the 2 bedroom apt. Now he states "I have a pull out in the living room and he can use the bedroom while he is here, so Cody will have his own room just like the papers state.". We have been seperated for over a year and he has a live in girlfriend...which is why I wanted seperate bedrooms. Now he claims that our son "does have a seperate room, because I'm sleeping on the pull out. You are in contempt if you don't send him to me." I don't want to be a b***h but this is not what neither the mediator nor I had in mind. Do I send him or not?

Send him. Technically, that meets the requirements, particularly if the father puts in a small dresser.

A number of people commented that it should be switched because the father might have overnight guests. If the agreement doesn't say no overnight guests when the kid is there, it should. IMHO, having overnight guests sleeping with Dad when the kid is there is wrong.

Assuming no overnight guests, I don't think it matters whether the kid has the living room or the bed room. I'd probably leave it the way it is. The idea is for the kid to have some privacy which he would have in the bedroom, but not in the living room. It's not a big deal one way or the other, though.

 

[Ohiogal]

Send him. Technically, that meets the requirements, particularly if the father puts in a small dresser.

A number of people commented that it should be switched because the father might have overnight guests. If the agreement doesn't say no overnight guests when the kid is there, it should. IMHO, having overnight guests sleeping with Dad when the kid is there is wrong.

Assuming no overnight guests, I don't think it matters whether the kid has the living room or the bed room. I'd probably leave it the way it is. The idea is for the kid to have some privacy which he would have in the bedroom, but not in the living room. It's not a big deal one way or the other, though.

He has a live in girlfriend. Your opinion though doesn't matter as legally unless the court order says NO overnight guests of the opposite sex, dad can have them. Mom can't stop them and at this point mom is NOT going to get that changed.

 

[mistoffolees]

He has a live in girlfriend. Your opinion though doesn't matter as legally unless the court order says NO overnight guests of the opposite sex, dad can have them. Mom can't stop them and at this point mom is NOT going to get that changed.

That is correct. Mother can't enforce it legally unless it's in the divorce decree.

However, as I said, IMHO (that's an opinion in case you missed it), EVERY divorce decree ought to order that the parents are not allowed to be sleeping with someone other than a spouse when the kid is in the house. Divorce is confusing enough for the kids without adding that complexity - and moral issues.

 

[nextwife]

I know someone who grew up one in of five families assigned to a Soviet Apartment, and he and his mom shared a bedroom - the kitchen was the "common area" shared by the five families.. He's a great guy. It's not the end of the world if a kid DOESN'T have their own bedroom, you know. My mom was one of eight kids their parents raised in a three bedroom flat during the depression (and she and a sis shared a bedroom with their brother). In the majority of the world an entire family shares one or two rooms, total.

Americans are spoiled and materialistic.

I certainly don't get why this is so important that one ever would consider depriving their child of their daddy time.

 

[Ohiogal]

That is correct. Mother can't enforce it legally unless it's in the divorce decree.

However, as I said, IMHO (that's an opinion in case you missed it), EVERY divorce decree ought to order that the parents are not allowed to be sleeping with someone other than a spouse when the kid is in the house. Divorce is confusing enough for the kids without adding that complexity - and moral issues.

I KNOW it was your opinion. Want to make sure that OP realizes that it is your opinion and it is not legally relevant.

EDITED TO ADD: It is not legally relevant because it is not based on what is in their court paperwork. Now if they were negotiating such a thing during a divorce, your opinion might be giving OP food for thought.

 

[xylene]

The child minding - surely you jest.

At 10 years old, what 10 year old is going to mind a pull out with a tv in front of him, and access to the kitchen?

A parent of a child with weight problems?

A parent of a developmentally disabled child who needs structured space and sleeping arrangements?

A parent who believes unsupervised TV is completely not appropriate....

I could go on.

"Each party shall have seperate bedrooms for the child with his own furniture. Before any over nights occur."

Bedroom, not room, not fold-a-couch. The plain meaning of the words.

Tough break for this cheapskate dad in his one-bedroom "Divorcee-Arms Lo-Rent Apartment"