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What if I want to separate but my wife doesn't want to leave

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Sebaz

Junior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? North Carolina

Currently I rent a small townhouse and I pay as much money as my salary will allow me. In fact at the end of my lease in April I want to move to a smaller place because the current rent is just too much for me.

Recently the situation between my wife and I became overwhelming and I told her I wanted to get a divorce. Because I'm alone in this country (I'm a legal permanent resident and my family is in Argentina), I don't have my parents or other relatives' homes that I could move into, but my wife however, has her family here. She could move in with her mother, but her mother is not too happy about that.

Her mother told me that according to the law we can live the separation year in the same house but in different rooms, which actually we've been doing for years, because when she divorced her husband they lived in the same house but in different bedrooms, and when the guy filed for divorce, they just had to sign a form saying that they had lived separated albeit in the same house for fifteen months. This, however, was like two decades ago, so I don't know if you can still do that. Can anybody with good knowledge of North Carolina divorce law tell me if in fact you can do the separation year living in the same house but in different rooms? If anybody can give me a link to where the law is explained in this regard it would be especially helpful. I checked DivorceNet.com and there's something there but it doesn't really answer my question. (DivorceNet - Separation and Alimony)

Also, if the separation year cannot be spent in the same house, and her mother refuses to take her in, what are my choices? If I want her to leave, will the court make me pay for a second place for her to live? (which I couldn't afford anyway). One thing I couldn't do is just kick her out and leave her on the street, because although we don't work as a married couple, I do love her and I couldn't just leave her out to dry. But at the same time I want to know what my options are because it's clear to me that it's over.
 


LdiJ

Senior Member
What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? North Carolina

Currently I rent a small townhouse and I pay as much money as my salary will allow me. In fact at the end of my lease in April I want to move to a smaller place because the current rent is just too much for me.

Recently the situation between my wife and I became overwhelming and I told her I wanted to get a divorce. Because I'm alone in this country (I'm a legal permanent resident and my family is in Argentina), I don't have my parents or other relatives' homes that I could move into, but my wife however, has her family here. She could move in with her mother, but her mother is not too happy about that.

Her mother told me that according to the law we can live the separation year in the same house but in different rooms, which actually we've been doing for years, because when she divorced her husband they lived in the same house but in different bedrooms, and when the guy filed for divorce, they just had to sign a form saying that they had lived separated albeit in the same house for fifteen months. This, however, was like two decades ago, so I don't know if you can still do that. Can anybody with good knowledge of North Carolina divorce law tell me if in fact you can do the separation year living in the same house but in different rooms? If anybody can give me a link to where the law is explained in this regard it would be especially helpful. I checked DivorceNet.com and there's something there but it doesn't really answer my question. (DivorceNet - Separation and Alimony)

Also, if the separation year cannot be spent in the same house, and her mother refuses to take her in, what are my choices? If I want her to leave, will the court make me pay for a second place for her to live? (which I couldn't afford anyway). One thing I couldn't do is just kick her out and leave her on the street, because although we don't work as a married couple, I do love her and I couldn't just leave her out to dry. But at the same time I want to know what my options are because it's clear to me that it's over.
What you could do is simply hold out until April, don't renew your lease, and move into a new place on your own. Then she will be forced to find alternate living arrangements. You cannot kick her out of the marital residence, but you do not have to allow her to move with you.
 

Sebaz

Junior Member
What you could do is simply hold out until April, don't renew your lease, and move into a new place on your own. Then she will be forced to find alternate living arrangements. You cannot kick her out of the marital residence, but you do not have to allow her to move with you.
OK, but if I do that, couldn't she take me to court and have a judge force me to pay a place for her to rent and her expenses? I didn't mention this in my first post, but she doesn't work and has not worked in years. She claims to be disabled but in two years of fighting for disability she was denied time after time. However, I think that judges make the spouse that makes the most money give alimony to the other spouse, correct?
 

mistoffolees

Senior Member
OK, but if I do that, couldn't she take me to court and have a judge force me to pay a place for her to rent and her expenses? I didn't mention this in my first post, but she doesn't work and has not worked in years. She claims to be disabled but in two years of fighting for disability she was denied time after time. However, I think that judges make the spouse that makes the most money give alimony to the other spouse, correct?
The person with more money will often pay temporary support, but it is rarely enough to live on. She'll need to get a job or convince someone to pay her disability.

Depending on the length of the marriage, there may also be spousal support, but typically only for a marriage of 10 years or more.

In any event, move into your own place, don't give her the key, and then apply for divorce as soon as you can. Also check to see if any of the other grounds for divorce in NC apply.
 

Sebaz

Junior Member
In any event, move into your own place, don't give her the key, and then apply for divorce as soon as you can. Also check to see if any of the other grounds for divorce in NC apply.
Well, but I'll move at the beginning of May. I couldn't apply for divorce then, in any case it would have to be be one year after that which will make it the full year of living separated, right? Or does living in different bedrooms in the same house be considered as living separately? I will check again into the other grounds, but I did that the other day and I couldn't find anything.
 

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