What my child wears

[jingled]

What is the name of your state? Washington

When my daughter visits her dad for his weekends, I send her over in "play clothes". Being six years old, these clothes are not designer clothes, they're clothes she can play in. They are old, sometimes they're a little small, but she likes them, she picks them out, she wears them at my house on the weekends.

The clothes are clean. The long sleeve shirts are sometimes too short in the sleeves. Some of the pants don't stay snapped, but are long enough. Sometimes the pants are old, and by the time she gets to their house, there is a tear in the knees (which wasn't there when she got dressed). Sometimes the shirts have paint stains on them (which is why they're "play clothes").

My ex has clothes for her at his house. She does not wear my clothes when she is there, at his insistence.

Two years ago the clothes weren't "girly" enough. Now, he and his new wife have decided that the clothes she wears to their house are not good enough. They are too old, they are too small, and these types of clothes are detrimental to my daughter's mental health.

This sounds like a ridiculous argument to me. However, I'm wondering if there is any merit to this, if there's anything they can do legally. Thanks in advance.

 

[gatorguy3]

I am on your husbands side of this issue currently.

I feel it is detrimental that my son have clothes that are his. My ex gets many hand-me-downs from her sitter. I have no problem with that but if they were too small, extremely warn, and the buttons on the clothing were not staying buttoned, I would have a fierce problem with them. Even if at play, the child needs to have clothing that fits.

The best example I have is when my son was first allowed to come visit me, he was equipped with a pair of cloth "training" underpants. He had been potty trained for well over a year and a half and, at the time, had not been having accidents. His mother told me "he picked them out and he likes wearing them" which is exactly what you stated in your comments.

I laughed at her and asked her who the adult was. My son may like them but he was beyond that stage and should not have been allowed to wear them anymore. So, I promptly threw them in the garbage the next time she sent the training pants with him.

Now, most recently, my son had been having "accidents" in his pants--stress, laziness or whatever, it was happening. So, one day shortly after he tells me that mom doesn't send him with any extra underwear and the sitter puts him in pink girl pullups. While I see on one hand this could be a way to make him stop having the accidents. On the other hand, I see it as demoralizing and bad for him. So, I bought many more packs of underwear and told her to send them with him to the sitter's.

I am not saying you are 100% wrong because I agree to some extent that a child (when playing) doesn't need fancy clothes however, if the clothes are too small and not staying buttoned, then, in todays whole scheme of things, it could be considered neglect--especially if he is giving you child support to take care of such things. Your ex could have a valid arguement.

Good luck with this.

 

[BelizeBreeze]

if there's anything they can do legally.

No "THEY" can't do a damn thing. HE, however, can buy her designer play clothes if he likes.

If he doesn't like, he can kiss your 'DONKEY'.

 

[HomeGuru]

Stay tuned for more responses.

 

[gatorguy3]

He can however, go to social services and file for neglect

Happens all the time.

 

[stealth2]

Is this really a hill worth dying on? When the kid goes to her Dad's, have her wear something you'd be comfortable taking her to the movies/supermarket/pizza parlor in. Having the kid pick what to wear is fine and good, but at least ask that it be presentable. I pretty much tell my kids that if they wouldn't wear it to school, they're not wearing it to Dad's (with the rare exception, such as when we had to catch a 7am flight & I had them go in the sweats they slept in).

 

[nextwife]

If I let my 7 year old always pick out her own outfits, she'd end up leaving the house at times "looking like a refugee" (as my husband puts it). I cannot leave it to her to always know what is appropriate, or looks right together. While she is often fine picking out her own outfits, I've also seen her put on some real doozies! I agree with dad that she should NOT be wearing stuff that the buttons pop open or that look like she was stretched on the rack. Goodwill has plenty of almost new 99 cent jeans if money is an issue.

 

[TNBSMommy]

I've also seen her put on some real doozies!

Nextwife, I have to add, when my son was your daughters age, my husband had, ONE TIME, to get the kids up and get them to school, b/c I had to be at work for a meeting early.. I am very particular about what they wear to school, and out in public, and up until last year(they were 9 and 10) got their clothes out myself, however, even though I wouldn't let them wear clothes they had outgrown, I wasn't very consistant about getting the old too-small clothes out of the closets... this particular day, I trusted my husband to get them up, dressed and out the door, I had laid clothes out for them, that afternoon, when the bus came, out came my 7 year old son with camoflage pants, about two inches too short, no socks and a funky yellow(I think) shirt. My husbands only response was, "I didn't see what you laid out for him, he went in his room and got dressed himself"... from that point on their closets have jeans, sweats(for sleeping), and decent tshirts, or long sleeve shirts, I suddenly got very consistant about making sure everything they own fits them.

To the OP, my kids don't wear school clothes to their dad's b/c they always, every single time come home in clothes I won't take them out in public in, and I can't make him understand I need those clothes for school, so they go in play clothes that aren't worn to school, or every once in a while, back in the clothes they wore home from his house, but if the clothes don't fit, they no longer have access to them.

 

[BelizeBreeze]

As a very wise, fine-looking old broad said previously...

"Is this really a hill worth dying on?"

 

[gatorguy3]

I have read several posts and that phrase is over used...the hill one that is.

 

[stealth2]

Don't read it, then. Fact is, too many people blow relatively minor issues up into huge ones. They'd be much better served actually considering whether a particular issue is really that important, or if it should just be allowed to slide. What the kid wears? Is not worth a trip to court over.

 

[gatorguy3]

I agree. The courts are flooded because of such moronic issues and it is only the children who pay in the end.

I like to always say it's like making mountains outta mole hills. Or is that hole mills. hmmmmmmmmn.

lol

Anyway, have a great day