What is my next legal step?

[niredlac]

What is the name of your state? NC

In NC you have to be separated for 1 year prior to divorce. My husband cheated on me and left me and my small son for another woman (who also happens to be married and she is his direct employee.)

He signed the separation agreement two weeks ago, I have sole custody and he has a set visitation schedule. In the past month, my soon to be ex has made rude and insensitive comments about his affair, never fails to tell me how much he didn't love me and so on to try to keep hurting me-- tonight he sent my son home with pictures of my son with his new girlfriend's kids. My son is 6, has started counseling and the separation is rough on him. I asked my husband to keep visitations civil and one on one, no emotional baggage, etc. He wants our son to be part of his new lover's life-- it has only been 1 month-- plus she is still married. I argued with him tonight and told him this was too soon and not healthy. He threatened that if I told her husband or his employer about the affair that he would sue me for custody and wouldn't be able to pay me the child support. He is threatening to sue me--but he is the one that had the affair, left us, signed over custody to me (Thank God) and is sleeping with his employee/ a married woman. I need to protect me and my son from this madness. I have him in therapy but legally, what do I need to do? I still have a year before the divorce is final! I can't keep fighting and being threatened like this every week, every visitation.

As a note, my ex has a history of depression, alcohol abuse, cutting, and erratic mood swings--- hence why I demanded sole custody. He originally agreed to sole custody because he didn't want his mental history brought up and the possibility of losing unsupervised visitations.

[Ohiogal]

What is the name of your state? NC

In NC you have to be separated for 1 year prior to divorce. My husband cheated on me and left me and my small son for another woman (who also happens to be married and she is his direct employee.)

He signed the separation agreement two weeks ago, I have sole custody and he has a set visitation schedule.

He signed the separation agreement. did the judge? If not you do not have a court order and you do NOT have sole custody. Who wrote the separation agreement?

In the past month, my soon to be ex has made rude and insensitive comments about his affair, never fails to tell me how much he didn't love me and so on to try to keep hurting me--

That is called divorce. It is part of what happens.

tonight he sent my son home with pictures of my son with his new girlfriend's kids.

It was pictures with other kids correct? NOT with the new girlfriend?

My son is 6, has started counseling and the separation is rough on him. I asked my husband to keep visitations civil and one on one, no emotional baggage, etc.

You have NO right to dictate that he keep visitation one on one. NONE. he can have whoever he wants around HIS son. Just as you can.

He wants our son to be part of his new lover's life-- it has only been 1 month-- plus she is still married.

Truthfully her marital status is NONE of YOUR business.

I argued with him tonight and told him this was too soon and not healthy. He threatened that if I told her husband or his employer about the affair that he would sue me for custody and wouldn't be able to pay me the child support. He is threatening to sue me--

Guess what -- he has a right to sue you for custody. He has a right to attempt to get custody of HIS son. This child is NOT your property nor yours alone. And never will be.

but he is the one that had the affair, left us, signed over custody to me (Thank God) and is sleeping with his employee/ a married woman.

Quite frankly the only thing that matters is he signed custody over to you and even that is not something that is PERMANENT. Custody is fluid. And if you are being dictatorial and trying to control your ex and what he does with his son on his time, he can get custody.

I need to protect me and my son from this madness. I have him in therapy but legally, what do I need to do? I still have a year before the divorce is final! I can't keep fighting and being threatened like this every week, every visitation.

Back off and let your son visit with his father. YOU can NOT control what your husband does with your/his son on his time. You need to realize that and go from there.

As a note, my ex has a history of depression, alcohol abuse, cutting, and erratic mood swings--- hence why I demanded sole custody.

And unless ANY OF THOSE caused danger to the child that is provable you have nothing. Unless he cut the child, legally endangered the child or did something else to put the child in harm's way you have nothing.

He originally agreed to sole custody because he didn't want his mental history brought up and the possibility of losing unsupervised visitations.

And how much of this was because you told him you do this or I will make sure you have supervised visits? And did he check with an attorney. Because if the answer to the first was yes you told him that and he did not have an attorney, he can attempt to get the agreement for custody overturned on the basis of coercion. CAN ATTEMPT. May not be successful but there would be an argument. Truthfully both you and your ex need to attend a parenting class to learn how to parent after a divorce. NEITHER of you are doing your child any good if you can't get along (and that does not mean dad does everything you demand).

[LdiJ]

I am going to give you a little bit different response.

I understand your concerns about him involving the child in his new relationship. I also agree with you that its too soon.

However, there is absolutely NOTHING that you can do about it, other than what you are already doing, and that is having your son in counseling to help him cope with the changes in his life.

Other than that, what will be healthiest for both you and your son, is to disengage from fighting with dad. Communicate with him on the basic necessities, and walk away from the rest. In the end, you will be a happier person.

[Ohiogal]

Originally Posted by LdiJ

I am going to give you a little bit different response.

I understand your concerns about him involving the child in his new relationship. I also agree with you that its too soon.

However, there is absolutely NOTHING that you can do about it, other than what you are already doing, and that is having your son in counseling to help him cope with the changes in his life.

Other than that, what will be healthiest for both you and your son, is to disengage from fighting with dad. Communicate with him on the basic necessities, and walk away from the rest. In the end, you will be a happier person.

Okay so you used less words but quite frankly that is what I was saying in my own way. So I agree with you 100%.

[niredlac]

I think my original post had too much emotion in it because of the recent spat--so let me repost my question.

He is threatening to sue me *if* his employer finds out about his adulterous affair with his employee. At first I was bitter that he cheated on me and left me for her--but now I don't care and I am better off without him. BUT, people talk ..MANY people know about him and his new lover. He has even told our 6 yr old son about it. So.. if his employer finds out, it won't be because of me--but he is still threatening to sue ME if they do. What should I do to protect myself?

[Ohiogal]

He can sue you for custody regardless. What you can do is be the best parent to your son that you can be and put him first and do not try to control your ex. What you can do is encourage and facilitate your son's relationship with his father and make sure that that relationship remains strong even though your son lives with you. What you can do is keep your son in counseling. What you can do is not worry about what dad does -- including suing you -- until he does so.