What are my options for divorce and Custody.

[LongIslandm]

What is the name of your state? I am located is Suffolk County NY.

Basically, This has been going on for years. Wife and I have been not doing well. She is a good mother most of the time. She is from a broken family. More like a Jerry Springer show then a family. Normally she is ok but flips out and I can't take it anymore. My children are afraid when she is like this.

I know if I were to leave(with out kids) it would make it ten times worse. So my only option is to leave with the kids. I don't care about child support or any money coming from her. Don't need it and don't want it. We own a house that would have to be sold.

I am not saying she doesn't deserve to see her kids she does. But not on an everyday basis. Plus I am not seeing my kids(3 of them 7boy 5girl 1boy) every other weekend and two weeks out of there year. I love them way to much for that.

What do I have to do to win custody and if i were to leave now but continue paying does that hurt my chances? I don't have a lawyer. Thinking of going to retain one but don't want to lose any $$$ if I don't have a chance.

ANy help would be great.

thanks

[LdiJ]

Have you considered marriage counseling to see if some of the problems between the two of you....and with the kids.... could be helped?

Originally Posted by LongIslandm

What is the name of your state? I am located is Suffolk County NY.

Basically, This has been going on for years. Wife and I have been not doing well. She is a good mother most of the time. She is from a broken family. More like a Jerry Springer show then a family. Normally she is ok but flips out and I can't take it anymore. My children are afraid when she is like this.

I know if I were to leave(with out kids) it would make it ten times worse. So my only option is to leave with the kids. I don't care about child support or any money coming from her. Don't need it and don't want it. We own a house that would have to be sold.

I am not saying she doesn't deserve to see her kids she does. But not on an everyday basis. Plus I am not seeing my kids(3 of them 7boy 5girl 1boy) every other weekend and two weeks out of there year. I love them way to much for that.

What do I have to do to win custody and if i were to leave now but continue paying does that hurt my chances? I don't have a lawyer. Thinking of going to retain one but don't want to lose any $$$ if I don't have a chance.

ANy help would be great.

thanks

I am wondering if Mom has some undiagnosed mental disorders? (bi-polar comes to mind) I think getting help would be a much better idea than a divorce

[stealth2]

Originally Posted by LongIslandm

She is from a broken family. More like a Jerry Springer show then a family.

And of course this came as a complete shock to you after you were married, right?

[LongIslandm]

And of course this came as a complete shock to you after you were married, right

Well not a shock but thought it would get better.

As for getting help. My wife won't go. She did at one time and basically thought it was stupid cause the Dr. wanted alot of information about her childhood. As for the bipolar. I have researched it before but can't get her to go to a dr.

You can lead the horse to water.....

Its getting old to be honest. After an argument. It takes over an hour just to figure out what the hell the problem was. Usually something out of my control that I get blamed for.

Her mother is a nut, but you think you can change people. You can't. I learned that. See when my wife's family fights. Its all out no holds bar fighting. They do and say some really nasty stuff. True or not its hard to forgive people. I am sick of hearing "I had a bad day".

Not looking for a shoulder just advice legally. If I leave now and lose my kids then what the hell did I deal with this for so long. Might as well stick it out. If I can leave and win them, I know they will be better off. A home that doesn't fight, threaten get upset over spilled milk. If my wife won't get help in dealing with her problems then I have no choice. What do I have to do to win. That is my question. Maybe she needs a lawyers letter to go get help who knows.

[LdiJ]

Originally Posted by LongIslandm

Not looking for a shoulder just advice legally. If I leave now and lose my kids then what the hell did I deal with this for so long. Might as well stick it out. If I can leave and win them, I know they will be better off. A home that doesn't fight, threaten get upset over spilled milk. If my wife won't get help in dealing with her problems then I have no choice. What do I have to do to win. That is my question. Maybe she needs a lawyers letter to go get help who knows.

Leaving doesn't necessarily solve anything for your kids. It might...it might not. No one can guarantee who will get primary custody in a situation like yours....its tough even to make a reasonable prediction.

As you yourself have admitted she is mostly a good mother. Therefore she is going to get generous parenting time with the children even if you get primary custody. Therefore, its possible that the hostilities of the divorce could make things even WORSE for your kids. I am not saying that it will....just that's it possible.

So...think it through and make sure that you are making the right decision. Divorce isn't a magic solution...sometimes it makes things betters...sometimes it makes things worse.