What are my options for filing a restraining order against my mother?

[inigomontonya]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?
California

Welcome, dear listeners.

I had recently turned eighteen back in early June of this year, and I have even more recently gotten a job out in L.A as an intern for a Indie movie company who had made, and is currently making the sequel to a nudist movie. These are people who I have met a year prior and have kept in contact with and I was also working with my closest friend who also serves as an intern/assistant to the director. When I first went out there to work, I called my parents and told them what I was doing and gave them my bosses phone numbers so that they wouldn't worry too much and so that I could keep in contact. My mother discovered that she strongly disapproves of and dislikes the lifestyle my bosses live, and she made up her mind that I didn't belong there and that she would do anything it takes to get me out. Over the course of the four weeks I worked there, she had given out their phone numbers to film school's in the area telling them that my bosses were interested in yours and such, she continuously called the private business phone they had exclaiming her worry and dissatisfaction with my life choices as an adult, and she would email them several times a day. One of those emails she sent to my female boss demanding that she tells me to get on the pill and see a OBGYN (just because my best friend is a guy) Which, that is not something my boss could ever tell me to do, so my mom sending that email was completely inappropriate and out of line. My bosses quickly lost patience with her (as I had warned them that they would) and they informed me that they have dealt with many crazy fans before and they will get a restraining order against her if she continues to give out their numbers. I told my mom this and warned her of what could come and she agreed that she'd stop giving out their numbers and calling so excessively. I warned my bosses that my mother is very manipulative and crazy and she is willing to go to great measures to get what she wants. (One case being: she was angry with my aunt and didn't want her around my sister or I so she called the police and told them she she was a drug addict [not true] and that she doesn't want my aunt near our house) I told my bosses that story to let them know that she means business. As time went on, her calls continued (even when I was back home for the weekend). Finally, my mom sent my boss an email saying that she does not want me working there and she will stop at nothing to get me out. My bosses, not being able to afford a liability and not needing the extra stress, sent me home because they did not trust my mother to not try and bring them or their industry down.

My mother feels no remorse for any of the trouble she caused and when I called her, angry and distraught, she said "Oh good! I'm glad you got fired, that is what is best for you."

This is only the most recent of schemes like this that she has pulled with me and I'm learning that she is going to try and control my life for as long as she lives. If I make a decision that he does not approve of, she will go to town trying to destroy whatever I manage to build. It's infuriating, depressing and unacceptable. So now, I need to know if I can file a restraining order against her making it so that she cannot contact me or my work, cannot visit me without my consent and that she cannot wedge herself into my life and do something like this again.

I apologize that this forum is rather long, but I feel like I got enough details in. I would be more than happy to answer any questions that come to mind, and I deeply appreciate any advice you guys can come up with.

Thank you again,
InigoMontonya

 

[Proserpina]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)?
California

Welcome, dear listeners.

I had recently turned eighteen back in early June of this year, and I have even more recently gotten a job out in L.A as an intern for a Indie movie company who had made, and is currently making the sequel to a nudist movie. These are people who I have met a year prior and have kept in contact with and I was also working with my closest friend who also serves as an intern/assistant to the director. When I first went out there to work, I called my parents and told them what I was doing and gave them my bosses phone numbers so that they wouldn't worry too much and so that I could keep in contact. My mother discovered that she strongly disapproves of and dislikes the lifestyle my bosses live, and she made up her mind that I didn't belong there and that she would do anything it takes to get me out. Over the course of the four weeks I worked there, she had given out their phone numbers to film school's in the area telling them that my bosses were interested in yours and such, she continuously called the private business phone they had exclaiming her worry and dissatisfaction with my life choices as an adult, and she would email them several times a day. One of those emails she sent to my female boss demanding that she tells me to get on the pill and see a OBGYN (just because my best friend is a guy) Which, that is not something my boss could ever tell me to do, so my mom sending that email was completely inappropriate and out of line. My bosses quickly lost patience with her (as I had warned them that they would) and they informed me that they have dealt with many crazy fans before and they will get a restraining order against her if she continues to give out their numbers. I told my mom this and warned her of what could come and she agreed that she'd stop giving out their numbers and calling so excessively. I warned my bosses that my mother is very manipulative and crazy and she is willing to go to great measures to get what she wants. (One case being: she was angry with my aunt and didn't want her around my sister or I so she called the police and told them she she was a drug addict [not true] and that she doesn't want my aunt near our house) I told my bosses that story to let them know that she means business. As time went on, her calls continued (even when I was back home for the weekend). Finally, my mom sent my boss an email saying that she does not want me working there and she will stop at nothing to get me out. My bosses, not being able to afford a liability and not needing the extra stress, sent me home because they did not trust my mother to not try and bring them or their industry down.

My mother feels no remorse for any of the trouble she caused and when I called her, angry and distraught, she said "Oh good! I'm glad you got fired, that is what is best for you."

This is only the most recent of schemes like this that she has pulled with me and I'm learning that she is going to try and control my life for as long as she lives. If I make a decision that he does not approve of, she will go to town trying to destroy whatever I manage to build. It's infuriating, depressing and unacceptable. So now, I need to know if I can file a restraining order against her making it so that she cannot contact me or my work, cannot visit me without my consent and that she cannot wedge herself into my life and do something like this again.

I apologize that this forum is rather long, but I feel like I got enough details in. I would be more than happy to answer any questions that come to mind, and I deeply appreciate any advice you guys can come up with.

Thank you again,
InigoMontonya

There is nothing preventing you from completely ignoring her existence. That's your recourse. Change your number, stop taking her calls. If your employer feels harassed, it's up to them to deal with it. She only knows where you work because you gave her the information, so stop doing that too.

Realistically a restraining order won't do much if a person is intent on trying to interfere with your life and that's when it's actually warranted.

 

[commentator]

This question was posted in a rather strange area for the subject, but in any case, what you need is a complete divorce from your mother if this is what you desire. You did not suddenly change into a person who deserves complete autonomy from your mother when you reached the age of eighteen. You must achieve total financial independence and emotional independence from her too. Only then can you possibly at some later date approach her and try to have any sort of mature relationship. In her eyes, you are still her little girl. And really, you'll look back someday and realize that though you may have thought you were a grown up at eighteen, you really will learn a lot in the next ten years.

But legally, the long and the short of it is, stop having contact with your mother, don't tell your mother your personal information, don't call her up and demand that she act respectful or that she apologize to your employers.

This work situation could be happening to you with a boyfriend or husband or anyone, as far as you having someone in your life calling your place of work and harassing you. There's no legal means you can control your mother's doing this except to keep her in the dark about who to call. I agree with her just a little tad somewhat, the nudist film situation sounded a bit skeevy to me too, and you probably do need to be on birth control, most 18 year old women out on their own in the world would find this a good idea, but this is a personal issue, not something you should ever be discussing with your employer, not even to explain how crazy your mother is.

However, you don't have to protect the whole "industry" and they certainly will not keep you around if there is any problem with you. It was legal for them to do it, and you need to find a new job, which doesn't involve your mother knowing where you work.

 

[inigomontonya]

There is nothing preventing you from completely ignoring her existence. That's your recourse. Change your number, stop taking her calls. If your employer feels harassed, it's up to them to deal with it. She only knows where you work because you gave her the information, so stop doing that too.

Realistically a restraining order won't do much if a person is intent on trying to interfere with your life and that's when it's actually warranted.

That is a generally sound plan; thank you. I'll see how that goes.

 

[inigomontonya]

This question was posted in a rather strange area for the subject, but in any case, what you need is a complete divorce from your mother if this is what you desire. You did not suddenly change into a person who deserves complete autonomy from your mother when you reached the age of eighteen. You must achieve total financial independence and emotional independence from her too. Only then can you possibly at some later date approach her and try to have any sort of mature relationship. In her eyes, you are still her little girl. And really, you'll look back someday and realize that though you may have thought you were a grown up at eighteen, you really will learn a lot in the next ten years.

But legally, the long and the short of it is, stop having contact with your mother, don't tell your mother your personal information, don't call her up and demand that she act respectful or that she apologize to your employers.

This work situation could be happening to you with a boyfriend or husband or anyone, as far as you having someone in your life calling your place of work and harassing you. There's no legal means you can control your mother's doing this except to keep her in the dark about who to call. I agree with her just a little tad somewhat, the nudist film situation sounded a bit skeevy to me too, and you probably do need to be on birth control, most 18 year old women out on their own in the world would find this a good idea, but this is a personal issue, not something you should ever be discussing with your employer, not even to explain how crazy your mother is.

However, you don't have to protect the whole "industry" and they certainly will not keep you around if there is any problem with you. It was legal for them to do it, and you need to find a new job, which doesn't involve your mother knowing where you work.

Thank you for your reply. Your suggestion of cutting communication with her and not telling her where I am is something I've already been doing sense the incident and I'll keep at it until it no longer seems necessary. Although we each grow a little day by day, I do not yet consider myself "all grown up" and do appreciate and take into account any advise my mom gives me. My original plea wasn't to complain about getting fired and express my anger towards it; I am completely fine with what happened and agree with my employers that is was the best decision to make at the time. The purpose of my original message was to explain that with all my mother has done to me, this being the latest of incidents, I feel like a restraining order is something definitely worth looking into; and having no experience with such a procedure, I was asking for advise or experience.

 

[single317dad]

Thank you for your reply. Your suggestion of cutting communication with her and not telling her where I am is something I've already been doing sense the incident and I'll keep at it until it no longer seems necessary. Although we each grow a little day by day, I do not yet consider myself "all grown up" and do appreciate and take into account any advise my mom gives me. My original plea wasn't to complain about getting fired and express my anger towards it; I am completely fine with what happened and agree with my employers that is was the best decision to make at the time. The purpose of my original message was to explain that with all my mother has done to me, this being the latest of incidents, I feel like a restraining order is something definitely worth looking into; and having no experience with such a procedure, I was asking for advise or experience.

What purpose will a restraining order serve if you, yourself, do not cut off all communications with her? The only possible result of that situation is your mother arrested and charged with violation of the order.

 

[anearthw]

. So now, I need to know if I can file a restraining order against her making it so that she cannot contact me or my work, cannot visit me without my consent and that she cannot wedge herself into my life and do something like this again.

Here's a problem: you are looking to the courts to referee your awkward mother/child relationship. The purpose of these orders are to protect people under real threat of harassment or violence. You're looking for a tit-for-tat piece of paper that allows you to dictate the type of involvement she can have. No, that is the purpose of therapy, not the courts.

There are some instances where peaceful contact is a provision, but that is more rare these days, and tend to involve substance abuse and spouses.