Who Gets What? Help, please!

[EmuMessenger]

What is the name of your state? TN

I just found thsi site today. Very cool!

Hello, my wife and I were married three and a half years ago. We have been separated for six months.

She had a nervous breakdown in February after I lost my job and the weight of the household was on her. Additionally, I also went off the deep end (undiagnosed) because that was the third job loss for me in three years. All lay-offs. I became somewhat of a loner in the house, doing nothing but looking for a job. FYI, I never hit or threatened to hit my wife. I would get back together today, if she wanted. One time, in PA when she got mad at me, she threatened to kill me. Not sure if that matters, but throwing it out there.

Anyway, we used to live in PA, in a house I had before we were married. We both had good careers before getting married.

Anyway, when we moved, she made a downpayment on our new marital house of $80,000, because my house in PA did not close until the next day. Within the first six months after we moved, I wrote her a check for $20,000 to give her a foundation in her account, then subsequently made a down payment on her car of $11,000. We also opened a joint checking account after we moved. I also paid a $6,000 visa bill she had after we moved.

After living with her parents for six months, of whom did not support her marriage and have told her any time she has felt bad about anything to come live with them and they will take care of her. (They were not in favor of our marriage, because I was not from the south like they were and I was/am not wealthy.) Sounds like sarcasm, but is the truth.

The minute she went to them to "get better" and let me work on myself, too, they told her to cut her losses and they will take care of her. I was left in the house with no job and a lot of pressure. She took our jointly acquired dog, too.

Long story short, she wants to file an uncontested divorce and sort out our "stuff" later. After we got married, all of my furniture was given to charity or thrown away, because I did not have the "nice" furniture. We used her pre-existing furniture. We did buy two new couches, a new mattress and a guest bed. Excluding the guest bed, I paid ENTIRELY for the couches and the mattress. Additionally, we purchased two refrigerators and a washer and dryer. I paid for the appliances, too. When we got separated, the joint checking account we opened, had $16,000 as a balance. Right before she left, she took $9,000 out to put in her individual account. From there, I took $3,000 out to pay a month's worth of bills. She then said that made her uncomfortable and took the remaining and closed the account.

Long story, still trying to be cut short, now she is saying under the divorce, that I have not yet been served with, she wants ALL of her $80,000 back and to split any remaining equity after the sale of the house and to split the furniture we purchased.

Of course, I look through different colored glasses, but to me, since the house was a marital asset/purchase, all of the equity should be split down the middle, regardless of down payment. Also, I have subsequently spent my money in savings trying to live through unemployment, job loss, etc.

Also, I feel since all of my furniture was thrown/given away, I should be entitled to the bed and couches I BOUGHT, or some kind of split on her pre-marital furniture and the furniture we bought together.

Lastly, I sadly miss our dog, too, where do I stand with him, since I have not seen him for six months.

Please provide some help/advice. Thanks.

Ask any questions you may have, if you want more detail.

Also, we have no kids and neither of us has contributed to a retirement account since we were married.

 

[djohnson]

It will be cheaper for you if you can work something out without fighting in court. Do not agree to later or she will have no reason to comply with anything. If you have proof of everything you put into it I don't think you will come out with nothing. I think a 50/50 split would be fair of what you both put into it after the marriage. I think you can give up on the dog. Tennessee isn't a community property state so keep that in mind. Also being from TN what I have seen a lot of lately if the court ordering to sell everything and the proceeds being split if an agreement couldn't be reached. It may depend on your area but that's happening a lot here.

 

[EmuMessenger]

Wow, thank you for the quick reply.

Are you in East or West TN?

Anyway, I did not plan to accept an uncontested divorce. To me, all that did was let her out of the marriage, then we would fight over the "stuff" we have.

When you say you have seen judges order the sale of everything, would you please elaborate on that?

At the end of the day, I do not care about "her" furniture, but I would like half of the equity, post sale and I would like the mattress and box spring we paid for, so I do not have to sleep on the floor where ever it is that I will live after the house is sold. This may be too much, but I would also hope to get the fridge, washer and dryer.

Out of curiosity, what happens with wedding bands? Not engagement rings, but wedding bands. Her band has an appraised value of about $13,000.

This is so upsetting and depressing, I cannot imagine.

You are not the first person to tell me to forget about the dog. That is also sad.

Has anyone else had a similar situation?

What if I cannot get two and a half year old credit card statements that show the Home Depot and Sears transactions in which I purchased the appliances mentioned earlier.

Thank you all, in advance for your help and time.

 

[Happy Trails]

How courts divide marital property

The rule in Tennessee is "equitable" division of marital property. This does not always mean "equal" division of property.

Tennessee courts look at many things to divide property fairly including:

1. length of the marriage;
2. the age, health, employability and needs of each partner;
3. the financial situation of each person;
4. whether either person will be the caregiver for any dependent children; and
5. the standard of living during the marriage.

Tennessee courts can say which spouse owns which marital property. "Marital property" means all property acquired by either then husband or the wife during the marriage. If doesn't matter whose name is on the title.

The following property is NOT marital property:

1. Property owned before marriage or property acquired in trade for property owned before the marriage or property acquired as a gift or on inheritance.
2. Property you and your spouse agree is not marital property. This agreement needs to be signed and witnessed.
3. Property acquired as a gift (except between spouses) or an inheritance.
4. Property acquired between the final separation date and the date of divorce.
5. Certain veteran's benefits.
6. Payment received from a claim awarded before the marriage or because of the separation.
None of these things is marital property. Each belongs to the person whose name is on the title.

Make sure you get all your receipts, papers in order and all evidence of what was yours prior to the marriage.

Then you are going to have to see an attorney to help sort it all out. Divorce and the dividing of marital property is to complex to get the answers you are seeking from this forum.

Above info. at this link:
http://www.povertylaw.org/legalresearch/hotline/tn/divorce-tn.htm

 

[EmuMessenger]

TN - Thanks for the reply.

I can try to dig up some old receipts. My biggest question is about the house.

If we get technical, was the house a "gift" when she made the down payment on a jointly titled house? She also has not contributed to the mortgage for several months.

She left the marital house six months ago, including leaving all of her furniture here. Are there any guidlelines regarding abandoning the marital property? If all of my furniture was given to charity, am I entitled to any of the furniture she already had?

Thank you.

I am also aware of the equitable distribution laws. They seem very vague to me.

 

[Happy Trails]

TN - Thanks for the reply.

I can try to dig up some old receipts. My biggest question is about the house.

If we get technical, was the house a "gift" when she made the down payment on a jointly titled house? She also has not contributed to the mortgage for several months.

She left the marital house six months ago, including leaving all of her furniture here. Are there any guidlelines regarding abandoning the marital property? If all of my furniture was given to charity, am I entitled to any of the furniture she already had?

Thank you.

I am also aware of the equitable distribution laws. They seem very vague to me.

I will try to respond to some of your questions, but I don't think you're going to like my opinion about the house.
It wasn't a gift, what I am getting out of what you have posted here is she had the money before your marriage or she sold a home that was hers before your marriage. (notice the word before)

About the mortgage, even though she hasn't contributed these last few months, she was carrying the load during your unemployment period. So it is really an issue the courts are going to have to work out.

The $80,000 she put down on the home possibly will be off-set with the $37,000 you gave her in return. (hope you have proof)

About the furniture, whatever was hers before the marriage is hers, and whatever was yours before is yours. (again notice the word before)

I haven't found anything about the abandonment issue. But I did read that if you were legally separated, the assets that you were to accumulate during that time would not be considered marital property. (#4 in previous post)

The law really isn't vague, it's just that divorces are messy. Each person should get back all of what they owned prior to marriage.
All assets (including the equity in the home) would be considered marital assets, (unless they are included in the list in previous post).

I can continue to speculate, but bottom line is you need an attorney who can review everything.

Have a Merry Christmas.

 

[djohnson]

I'll agree that you need an attorney. I disagree about the how the house may go however. Ofcourse there isn't a cut and dry answer and a lot will depend on your proof and how the it goes in court. But I want to point out that even if the money was her's before the marriage if it was titled later as joint property this can and has been used in TN courts to show 'gift'. It's a part of the comingleship of assets. That will be the cards you need to play. However do see an attorney to advise you.

 

[snodderly]

I'm in middle Tennessee. A neighbor of mine just went through divorce last year. This guy had put around $30,000 down on the marital home and he thought he would get it back because it was money he had earned before the marriage. Tenessee didn't agree, they looked at it as a "gift." The home was ordered sold and all equity left after your basic costs was split between the two.

She probably messed up when she didn't put into writing or come sort of contract that, the $80,000 would be paid back in case of divorce. Not very smart on her part.

You paid $13,000 for a wedding band?!?! She must be quite the little princess to warrent such a band. Too bad those Southern Princesses don't know the value of a vow over a wedding band.


Tennessee Divorce Grounds

The grounds for a Tennessee divorce are:

irreconcilable differences if

there has been no denial of this ground; or

the spouses submit a properly signed marital dissolution agreement [see below under Simplified or Special Divorce Procedures] or

this grounds for divorce is combined with a general fault-based grounds (grounds 3-16);

living separate and apart without cohabitation for 2 years when there are no minor children.

impotence;

adultery;

conviction of a felony and imprisonment;

alcoholism and/or drug addiction;

wife is pregnant by another at the time of marriage without husband's knowledge;

willful desertion for 1 year;

bigamy;

endangering the life of the spouse;

commission and/or conviction of an infamous crime;

refusing to move to Tennessee with a spouse and willfully absenting oneself from a new residence for 2 years;

cruel and inhumane treatment;

spouse has made life intolerable;

abandonment or kicking spouse out of the home and refusing to provide spousal support; and

 

[snodderly]

In a Tennessee divorce action, all marital property will be divided including:

any property acquired during the marriage by either spouse;

any increase in value of any property to which the spouses contributed tot the upkeep and appreciation; and

any retirement benefits, is divided by the court and after a consideration of the following factors:

the contribution of each spouse to the acquisition, preservation, appreciation, or dissipation of the marital property, including the contribution of each spouse as homemaker, wage-earner, or parent;

the value of each spouse's property;

the economic circumstances of each spouse at the time the division of property is to become effective;

the length of the marriage;

the age and health of the spouses;

the vocational skills of the spouses;

the liabilities and needs of each spouse and the opportunity of each for further acquisition of capital assets and income;

the federal income tax consequences of the court's division of the property;

the present and potential earning capability of each spouse;

the tangible and intangible contributions made by one spouse to the education, training, or increased earning power of the other spouse;

the relative ability of each party for the future acquisition of capital and income; and

any other factor necessary to do equity and justice between the spouses.

 

[EmuMessenger]

WOW! Thanks everyone for the replies.

She filed for an uncontested divorce (maritla dissolution) and said we can work out the "stuff" later. Of course, there is NO way I will sign anything until I know how I will stand in the end.

I would like to not go to court, if possible, since I understand the court for cases like this in my county has a two year backlog. Is that possible? TN seems to be a haven for divorce.

I have consulted an attorney, I just have not retained one. I asked my wife's attorney to spell out, in writing, how my wife wants to divide the property. I also understand about the pre-marital property. On the furniture side, 95% of my furniture was thrown away or given to charity, since she felt her furniture was better. That is why I wondered if I had any entitlement to her. Although, I am not so worried about her furniture.

The whole $80,000 down payment thing is what is frustrating. When my pre-marital house closed, the day after we bought the marital house, I got a check for $60,000ish. I easily could have given her $40,000 with cash to spare, but she did not ask for anything. As indicated earlier, I gave her a check for $20,000 so she still had some money.

This is so frustrating. BTW, in the letter I sent her attorney, the deadline I set for her to respond was today and I did not hear anything. I am planning to call my wife to tell her I sent the letter and got no response, to get things moving. Does everyone agree with calling to let her know about the letter and lack of response?

Again, she has filed for irreconcilable differences... My 30 days to sign the summons is up on 1/3/2005. I hope to have the information back from her attorney ASAP.

Thanks again, everyone! I wish I could buy everyone a cup of coffee!

 

[LdiJ]

WOW! Thanks everyone for the replies.

She filed for an uncontested divorce (maritla dissolution) and said we can work out the "stuff" later. Of course, there is NO way I will sign anything until I know how I will stand in the end.

I would like to not go to court, if possible, since I understand the court for cases like this in my county has a two year backlog. Is that possible? TN seems to be a haven for divorce.

I have consulted an attorney, I just have not retained one. I asked my wife's attorney to spell out, in writing, how my wife wants to divide the property. I also understand about the pre-marital property. On the furniture side, 95% of my furniture was thrown away or given to charity, since she felt her furniture was better. That is why I wondered if I had any entitlement to her. Although, I am not so worried about her furniture.

The whole $80,000 down payment thing is what is frustrating. When my pre-marital house closed, the day after we bought the marital house, I got a check for $60,000ish. I easily could have given her $40,000 with cash to spare, but she did not ask for anything. As indicated earlier, I gave her a check for $20,000 so she still had some money.

This is so frustrating. BTW, in the letter I sent her attorney, the deadline I set for her to respond was today and I did not hear anything. I am planning to call my wife to tell her I sent the letter and got no response, to get things moving. Does everyone agree with calling to let her know about the letter and lack of response?

Again, she has filed for irreconcilable differences... My 30 days to sign the summons is up on 1/3/2005. I hope to have the information back from her attorney ASAP.

Thanks again, everyone! I wish I could buy everyone a cup of coffee!

I really think that you have made a serious mistake in not retaining an attorney. I think that you need to do that immediately. There is simply too much money involved for you to risk handling this on your own.

 

[EmuMessenger]

I really think that you have made a serious mistake in not retaining an attorney. I think that you need to do that immediately. There is simply too much money involved for you to risk handling this on your own.

I have interviewed six attorneys and made a choice. I called the one I chose today to arrange the retainer, I just felt if my wife was in such a rush, she would spell out the terms so we can avoid making an attorney rich and avoid a courtroom hearing.

To my earlier questions.... Does anyone think I should contact my wife about the letter I sent her attorney?

Is it possible that the courtroom could have a two year backlog?

Thanks again.

 

[EmuMessenger]

TN - Well, here we are nearly two months later, my wife and I had worked out almost all the details and things were moving along well until today....

We had agreed on separation of property and she suggested that she would just pay me a lump sum and I would deed the house over to her. Her parents seem to be bank rolling this ordeal. Anyway, I agreed to look at an offer for a cash settlement to sign over the house, she agreed.... I got an offer that was not acceptable, because it ended saying I would get paid after the house sold and pay ALL of the expenses associated with selling the house. No good, obviously....

Today, my attorney received a fax saying they changed their mind and would like me to quit claim the house over to her and get nothing, sighting a short-term marriage and based on that, I should not be entitled to anything. We were married for 3.5 years.

On a side note, one of the injunctions my wife's legal team put in place stated no changes could be made to the marital property, health, life, auto insurance, etc. Two weeks ago, I received a cancellation notice for our auto insurance because the premium had not been paid. I immediately called the automated service, paid $550 to renew the policy. The next day, she removed me from the policy. Should she be penalized for that violation?

Lastly, her attorney says the house is my wife's separate property, yet she has not paid $.01 towards house since filing for divorce, and she also canceled the homeowner's policy, leaving it up to me to keep that going, too.

Obviously, we are not going to agree to this latest offer, but where does it end? I feel like she and her family are trying to bankrupt/bury me with legal bills.

Any constructive advice welcomed! Thank you in advance.

 

[djohnson]

Even though your marriage is a short term one, you do still have a claim on the house. It sounds like it's going to be a long fight. It may come down to lawyers and who has the money to keep paying them. Nothing is guaranteed. good luck.