Why divulge affair during divorce?

[MeJoe]

What is the name of your state (only U.S. law)? GA

I truly regret having a 2 month affair about 3 years ago. We were discreet and my wife does not know. My wife and I, after 10 long years, are finally heading to divorce. We have children and I am active in their lives, attend PTA, coach the swim team, etc. The children will live with her. We might have a chance at a cooperative divorce. But, I just found out that the discovery process practically guarantees a question about extramarital bed partners. There are times to own up, have integrity, be honest, but when divorcing with children, this news would truly wreck any cooperation we have now and potentially for years to come. I regret my behavior immensely, I was lonely and made a serious mistake. But I don't want to create more strife than necessary for us and for the children. I have read advice to not withhold information from my attorney. However, he obviously cannot ethically go along with my deception in a legal setting. We were very discreet, only a close friend and a counselor know about it. Why should I divulge the affair at this point to my own attorney or during discovery? I know I risk perjury if the other side can supply proof. But I believe that if I answer "no" to the question, that will be that. What to do? I hate that I'm in this situation. If you are ever tempted to have a affair, don't. It's not worth the stress.

 

[Farfalla]

So you don't know for a fact that you will be asked about this, right?

who besides the other woman know of this affair?

 

[MeJoe]

From interviewing an lawyer the question will appear in 3 out of 4 questionnaires. He said lawyers also tend to ask the question of their client during initial interview. I have a friend and a counselor who knows. She had been suspicious at one point a couple years ago but nothing came of it.

 

[Perky]

If you're still in the interviewing stage, why not ask the next lawyer if your situation applies to the discovery question? I'm not familiar with the process, but I'm sure you should be completely honest with your lawyer. Perhaps the question relates to adultery leading to the breakdown of the marriage, which may or may not be the case here.

BTW -- If you're using your home computer to post these questions, you are already vulnerable to being found out.

 

[MeJoe]

TY, I have asked. If the other side asks I got to address it. If I understood correctly I can go nolo on the question which acknowledges something took place but provides no details. At the least it might protect another family from the fallout. Yes she is/was married too. But nolo might annoy certain judges, and enrage my wife by leaving too many unanswered questions. Georgia law states that a spouse does not have to pay alimony if been unfaithful. I have a good job. I would not even consider seeking alimony. At that point it would be my lawyer's job to point out there's nothing to gain in attempting to discover more. But they can if they want. It's a mess that I never ever predicted. I am careful about which computer I use.